Recovered Bulimics?
111YoYo111
Posts: 213 Member
I am putting out a call for help. My son (24) returned home a few weeks ago a full blown bulimic. He says it started a year and a half ago. He is consuming enough for a family of 4 then just purging all of it. I don't know what to do. I took him to the doctor, I took him to a counsellor. My question is what should I do? Don't let him eat? The only treatment centre in Canada is in Manitoba and only treats women. He has lost 110 lbs at the worst. 139 lbs at 5'10" and still not happy with that. It is grossly thin for him as he's built like his father (dead) who was a linebacker. Any advice from those who have dealt with this would be appreciated.
And for the usual snide, insensitive, arrogant forum posters please stay out of my thread.
And for the usual snide, insensitive, arrogant forum posters please stay out of my thread.
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111YoYo111 wrote: »I am putting out a call for help. My son (24) returned home a few weeks ago a full blown bulimic. He says it started a year and a half ago. He is consuming enough for a family of 4 then just purging all of it. I don't know what to do. I took him to the doctor, I took him to a counsellor. My question is what should I do? Don't let him eat? The only treatment centre in Canada is in Manitoba and only treats women. He has lost 110 lbs at the worst. 139 lbs at 5'10" and still not happy with that. It is grossly thin for him as he's built like his father (dead) who was a linebacker. Any advice from those who have dealt with this would be appreciated.
And for the usual snide, insensitive, arrogant forum posters please stay out of my thread. [
Kind of mean and unnecessary, especially since you are asking for help. People are you usually very sensitive about this issue.
Can you call the treatment centre and see if they have a recommendation? They should know where you can find resources. Or maybe this will convince them to open their doors to men - who, unfortunately, too often struggle with ED in silence because of the stigma that it's a "girl's disease."
What did the counselor say? Did the counselor specialize in ED?
A trip to the doctor, or one trip to a counselor, isn't going to cut it. Recovery from this disease takes time and therapy (by a professional who really understands it).0 -
does your son want to recover?0
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I would ask the counselor he's seeing what the best course of action would be.0
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111YoYo111 wrote: »I am putting out a call for help. My son (24) returned home a few weeks ago a full blown bulimic. He says it started a year and a half ago. He is consuming enough for a family of 4 then just purging all of it. I don't know what to do. I took him to the doctor, I took him to a counsellor. My question is what should I do? Don't let him eat? The only treatment centre in Canada is in Manitoba and only treats women. He has lost 110 lbs at the worst. 139 lbs at 5'10" and still not happy with that. It is grossly thin for him as he's built like his father (dead) who was a linebacker. Any advice from those who have dealt with this would be appreciated.
And for the usual snide, insensitive, arrogant forum posters please stay out of my thread. [
Kind of mean and unnecessary, especially since you are asking for help. People are you usually very sensitive about this issue.
Can you call the treatment centre and see if they have a recommendation? They should know where you can find resources. Or maybe this will convince them to open their doors to men - who, unfortunately, too often struggle with ED in silence because of the stigma that it's a "girl's disease."
What did the counselor say? Did the counselor specialize in ED?
A trip to the doctor, or one trip to a counselor, isn't going to cut it. Recovery from this disease takes time and therapy (by a professional who really understands it).
We live in a small, remote community definitely no specialized treatment here. He is going to continue with counselling once a week but my question is what can I do?0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »does your son want to recover?
He admits that he is going about weight loss the wrong way but will not admit that he is too thin already. He still wants to lose more.0 -
Talk to a counselor that specializes in eating disorder treatment. It may take seeing a few different ones to find one that fits so don't get discouraged if it takes some time.
Like TavistockToad said, does he want to recover? You can put him into a recovery center or force him to see a therapist, but without him really grasping how unhealthy his purging and current weight is and without him actually wanting to recover, it's going to be an uphill battle.0 -
Thank you to everyone who responds.
I would dearly love to hear from anyone who has been through this and come out the other side. What helped you? Was there a turning point and what was it?0 -
111YoYo111 wrote: »111YoYo111 wrote: »I am putting out a call for help. My son (24) returned home a few weeks ago a full blown bulimic. He says it started a year and a half ago. He is consuming enough for a family of 4 then just purging all of it. I don't know what to do. I took him to the doctor, I took him to a counsellor. My question is what should I do? Don't let him eat? The only treatment centre in Canada is in Manitoba and only treats women. He has lost 110 lbs at the worst. 139 lbs at 5'10" and still not happy with that. It is grossly thin for him as he's built like his father (dead) who was a linebacker. Any advice from those who have dealt with this would be appreciated.
And for the usual snide, insensitive, arrogant forum posters please stay out of my thread. [
Kind of mean and unnecessary, especially since you are asking for help. People are you usually very sensitive about this issue.
Can you call the treatment centre and see if they have a recommendation? They should know where you can find resources. Or maybe this will convince them to open their doors to men - who, unfortunately, too often struggle with ED in silence because of the stigma that it's a "girl's disease."
What did the counselor say? Did the counselor specialize in ED?
A trip to the doctor, or one trip to a counselor, isn't going to cut it. Recovery from this disease takes time and therapy (by a professional who really understands it).
We live in a small, remote community definitely no specialized treatment here. He is going to continue with counselling once a week but my question is what can I do?
What you can do is really very limited. My suggestion would be to read up on the disease and learn as much about as you can so that you can have patience with it.
Having been through it and come out on the other side, I'm afraid to say that, for me, I had to want to change. I hit a wall where I was so sick and so miserable, I knew that if I didn't do something I was going to die or ruin my life. Once I committed to myself that I wanted something different, I made changes. Until that moment happened, there's nothing anyone could have said to me to make it better.
I didn't have access to therapy at the time, although I wish I did. I was committed though. I studied the disease. I wanted to know exactly what was going on with me. And then from there it was just taking it day by day. I started talking about it with other people, too, which helped.
Again, I would call that centre and see if they have any suggestions for you. We have this here in the states - I don't know if it stretches to Canada, but the site would still be useful: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
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For me, the desire to no longer be crazy and ëxist in a place of awful emotions was my final kick in the pants. but it took a long time to get there and no matter how much i tried before it didn't stick. and to be honest, my next relapse is still just a stone throw away. He needs to desire it for reasons that have nothing to do with anyone but him. don't give up on him.0
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I can't probably give you the best advice, as when I had EDNOS (and was purging just not the extent of your son's purging. Also not as long) I honestly wish my parents pushed more with me getting help. They basically left it up to me to get into a clinic, and did not push me with therapy/treatment so I quit. Which I think caused it to be more prolonged and I never really properly dealt with any of my issues.
But eventually I did stop purging, mostly because I was scared my teeth were going to all fall out of my head. One of my back molars cracked because of the wear on my teeth from purging. That woke me up. After that I made a very conscious effort to stop. Another thing is to make sure you stay with the person after they eat. Often people purge in private, and some people will not if someone is near or watching. For me, I would only purge when I thought no one would notice. Also my parents knew for a long time, but never said anything and it felt like my little secret, so as soon as they knew and if I knew we would have to talk about it, I decreased how often I would0 -
I was bulimic for 4 years but I am clean for 2.....I don't know what to tell you,the reasons could be many for him being in this condition,he might have some emotional problems or he might be self conscious,but what I can tell you is that restricting him from food won't help it would make him hide to eat,feel more guilty and purge again and the worst is that he would be more scared to tell you because he feels weak,stupid or guilty.I love to eat and when we used to seat on the tabel for dinner my father was always looking how much was I eating and when i wanted to eat more he used to say "Didn't you eat enough?".So I was hiding because I didn't wanted him to count my every bite (not that I blame him,I know that he wanted to help,I am just telling you my story).First of all you need to talk to your son to see what is the problem,my parents used to stuff me with pills and made me talk to therapists(I was even in mental hospital) but that didn't help.Maybe it was that I finaly realised that I don't want to do it anymore and make them sad,upset,angry.Maybe you can help him by being patient,not to pushy,supportive,maybe he needs to find a hobby that can keep him away from this thoughts,but pills won't help they will only make him addicted.He should find something that he is good at and concentrate in it.111YoYo111 wrote: »I am putting out a call for help. My son (24) returned home a few weeks ago a full blown bulimic. He says it started a year and a half ago. He is consuming enough for a family of 4 then just purging all of it. I don't know what to do. I took him to the doctor, I took him to a counsellor. My question is what should I do? Don't let him eat? The only treatment centre in Canada is in Manitoba and only treats women. He has lost 110 lbs at the worst. 139 lbs at 5'10" and still not happy with that. It is grossly thin for him as he's built like his father (dead) who was a linebacker. Any advice from those who have dealt with this would be appreciated.
And for the usual snide, insensitive, arrogant forum posters please stay out of my thread.
Bottom line: Don't restrict him,don't be impatient,don't make him feel guilty,help him find something that can make him happy (like hobby,job).BTW snacks,fast foods etc. would make him feel more guilty,so it is better to help him learn how to cook if he can't0 -
I am a recovered bulimic. Unfortunately it's challenging to help anyone with this sort of thing because being overbearing is going to push them away. If you can get him in touch with a nutritionist that he trusts and a counselor that he can talk to about WHY he's doing this you might be safer. I would also recommend him living at home with you if that's possible. Having someone prepare the food for him and to make certain that he is eating his exact portions no more no less. He should be fine, but this has to come with support from you and not anger and frustration because that will just make him feel like it's more of a hassle to get better. I dealt with bulimia for 10 years and even as a recovered bulimic it's still hard. This disease doesn't go away completely ever but you can manage it and regain control over your compulsions.0
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The fact that he told you is HUGE because there's something inside of him that wants to be better0
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Thank you so much everyone. It is so heartening to know there are so many of you who have recovered. I know I'm not dealing with it well as I am reacting with anger and frustration. It is only masking the fear I have for him I know that. But almost $1,000 of food in 2 weeks and the cupboards are bare! And I find it all in the toilet bowl numerous times a day. I am just at my wits end. Thank you for listening.0
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Recovered-ish EDNOS-including-bulimia here. I still have problems with feeling too full or having a super emotional day, but I'm a hell of a lot better now than I used to be. My thoughts of him not acknowledging that he's too thin is that there's something he feels very out of control of, and getting his body down to whatever magical number he's striving for is how he feels he has some control in his life. Binging and purging is a symptom. You have to fix what's wrong before that will start to ease up. Hopefully counseling will help him with that, and if you can afford it you might want to send him more than once a week. It sounds like he's in a dangerous place and needs extra care.
I'd maybe recommend buying just the food you need, and perhaps go to the store every day for it so the pantries stay bare. If there's nothing in the house for him to binge on, he'll have to obtain it himself, and that can get expensive and inconvenient fast. But it could also bring on some ugly fights - check in with his counselor about doing something like that.
Most of all, love him. It's hard to see someone hurting themselves, and it's hard to have to bear so much of that burden, but if he feels like he's losing the people who love him that's one more thing he's not in control of. I'm sorry you both are dealing with this. I hope for all the best for you.0 -
Have you considered if there are treatment centers in the northern U.S.? I wish you and your son strength and the best.0
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I wanted to leave this here, as it has links to resources outside the US:
http://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources0 -
crystalflame wrote: »Recovered-ish EDNOS-including-bulimia here. I still have problems with feeling too full or having a super emotional day, but I'm a hell of a lot better now than I used to be. My thoughts of him not acknowledging that he's too thin is that there's something he feels very out of control of, and getting his body down to whatever magical number he's striving for is how he feels he has some control in his life. Binging and purging is a symptom. You have to fix what's wrong before that will start to ease up. Hopefully counseling will help him with that, and if you can afford it you might want to send him more than once a week. It sounds like he's in a dangerous place and needs extra care.
I'd maybe recommend buying just the food you need, and perhaps go to the store every day for it so the pantries stay bare. If there's nothing in the house for him to binge on, he'll have to obtain it himself, and that can get expensive and inconvenient fast. But it could also bring on some ugly fights - check in with his counselor about doing something like that.
Most of all, love him. It's hard to see someone hurting themselves, and it's hard to have to bear so much of that burden, but if he feels like he's losing the people who love him that's one more thing he's not in control of. I'm sorry you both are dealing with this. I hope for all the best for you.
Thank you so much. Mental health counselling is covered in Canada but also in very high demand so once a week is all we get. I'd have him there every day if I could. Yes it's the fights with everything like that I'm trying. "This is YOUR cupboard" only eat what's in it etc. I tried doing a plan of eating for him too. Nothing is working. Thanks for your kind words.0 -
moonmistmm wrote: »Have you considered if there are treatment centers in the northern U.S.? I wish you and your son strength and the best.
I'm afraid he can't go to America.0 -
I wanted to leave this here, as it has links to resources outside the US:
http://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources
Thank you.0 -
As someone who has had a variety of issues EDNOS and otherwise, there's not much you can do to help him unless he wants the help. You can be there for him, and love him, and support him, but pushing too hard made things worse for me, and could for your son as well.
Having him do once a week counseling is fantastic if it's all you can get because it's better than nothing. The resources included above are also great. Maybe see if the counselor knows of any web based groups that have people he could talk to and interact with? Again I'd ask the counselor first because it's not always best to talk to other people in recovery, it all depends on individual cases.
I didn't get better until I was ready to on my own, and the pushing my mother did to help me ended up hurting me worse than if she had backed off a bit. It's a hard line to find, the line between too much and not enough. He's an adult as well and has to make many of the steps on his own.
But again, it varies person to person. Another commenter above wished their parents pushed more, I wished my parents backed off. It's so hard as loved ones to deal with. Do the best you can and that's all you can do.0 -
First of all: I'm so sorry your son has developed this illness. I've had a combination of bulimia and anorexia myself and it's terrible not just for who has it, but for everyone close to that person too. I gather from your story that he has at least admitted he has bulimia, which helps when it comes to finding treatment. Does he want to recover? I know he still wants to go down in weight, but the two can - up to a certain level - be wanted at the same time.
Either way, first off I think it's hugely important for him to indeed get treatment, even if that means having to travel up and down (but then I come from a country where the furthest possible drive is about 3 hours and we have plenty of treatment centers here). It is difficult to help someone with this illness yourself. I used to overeat and throw up when I felt out of control or had nothing on my hands, so try to have meals together sat at the table and it may help to keep busy during the day too.
I think one important thing to keep in mind is that bulimia, or any eating disorder, is almost always an effect, not a cause. Often it has to do with experiencing a lack of control over one's life. Do you know if he is experiencing big amounts of stress or has had to deal with a major event? Personally, I developed my ED when my mum was dying of cancer. Now I struggle with it most when I am feeling overwhelmed by university work or when I feel like I have failed at something I should have been able to do.
It's hard, but try not to be angry, impatient or irritated with him. He probably already feels guilty - deep down - for what he is putting you through, even if he won't say it. If he doesn't now, he will later. See if he is open to talk. Try to find the underlying reasons that led him to develop bulimia. When is he most likely to binge and purge? Let him know you're there for him in anyway he may need, when he needs it. And try to find him the help he needs.0 -
Thanks Kim0
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I haven't read any of the above comments because I don't have that much time. Sorry! However I use to be both bulimic & anorexic. I'd purge then go days without eating then binge then purge again. My parents made me go to counseling but I will tell you this unless he wants help for it he isn't gonna stop... That sounds hopeless but, it's true. Maybe try showing him how his eating disorders are negatively effecting you not just him. My mothers and fathers tears are what got me to stop.. That's not to say I don't think about it still now that I have gained all my weight back but I'm trying to lose weight the healthy way this time. I truly wish you and your son the best of luck.0
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I have suffered with eating disorders all my life. Somehow at one point you feel recovered and the demons start crawling back! My demons are slowly creeping back and I hate it!! I don't want to be in that phase anymore...help!0
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I hope you're able to find the help you need.0
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Recovered bulimic of twelve years.
I recovered when I took the steps and built the confidence to feel A )control over my life and B ) worthy of being nourished. Counseling and a lot of it will hopefully help him with that.
I would highly recommend you cutting way back on your food. Cut the cookies and junk food, especially. Junk = binge.
Please don't be angry. He doesn't mean to hurt you or eat all your food. He doesn't see what you see in the mirror, beyond that he doesn't feel worthy of taking up anymore space than he already does.
Another suggestion: please start a journal between you two. Write your honest, but NON hurtful or aggressive thoughts. Express love and support. Congratulate him on any small accomplishments. Hold off on focusing on his appearance, frightening as it may be. Open up healthy dialogue about emotions. You're his mother, his pentacle of life, his nurturer. Your opinion matters. Your love and pride, your kindness means the world to him.
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Also, while you're trying to help, but taking control of his food situation, you are taking the last thing he likely feels control over. How has he responded to this?0
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