Going Home -Advice Needed!

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toriilana
toriilana Posts: 44 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm going home this Thursday and I'm excited to see my family but I'm doing really well with my healthy eating. My mum tends to cook meals that are very high in calories (tends to be processed food and such). I in general don't tend to enjoy the food when I return home but know that in the past when I've offered to buy my own meals/ cook for the family, my mum takes this offensively.

I want to continue healthy eating so I'm presuming I'll have to do my best to accommodate with whatever food there is and just eat less if it isn't the healthiest. I've told mum in advance that I'm trying to lose weight but I haven't visible lost much yet (my face is slightly thinner) and mum doesn't realise what you can't see inside is the bit I'm concentrating on making right and that the weight will come off gradually (she's a quick diet sort of person who'd rather drop 20lbs in a month or whatever).

Last time I went home there was absolutely no vegetables (which was gutting) so I can't even ask to bulk up my portions with salad. I'm tempted to buy salad of my own but don't want to offend...

Basically just need some advice right now! :P

Replies

  • kasaz
    kasaz Posts: 274 Member
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    I hate to say it, but I think if you're old enough to live away from home, you're old enough to decide what you need to eat. Maybe it's time to teach Mom a few things too. Take some things, like salad and veggies you could eat cold to help fill you up. I don't see why your Mom would get upset with that. Otherwise you are just using her poor eating habits as an excuse. It really is okay to eat healthy.
  • Christi102012
    Christi102012 Posts: 87 Member
    edited January 2015
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    What if you offer to cook with her? Show her some healthy recipes you enjoy. If you pose it as a shared/bonding experience rather than taking over the kitchen maybe she'll react better. Otherwise you'll just have to control your portions. Good Luck!
  • toriilana
    toriilana Posts: 44 Member
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    This is the first time I've gone home since healthy eating but even before I used to not like the food. I'm not big on some of the meals she makes or rather heats and have always eaten very little but in turn that's also not that good for me either because then I'd feel hungrier throughout the day :(

    I think I will take home some salad and pick up some vegetables. It's a good idea to cook with her because then maybe that'd be better. I have offered to cook meals in the past and she always says that I'm the guest so shouldn't worry about it but I like cooking, I find going home very awkward because I'm independent now. I think that's more what my mum finds bothering than me wanting to cook - that she no longer cooks for me as I'm no longer just her little girl!
  • TimothyFish
    TimothyFish Posts: 4,925 Member
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    I'm of the opinion that, when you go visit someone, the proper thing is to eat what they set before you. You can control your portion sizes, but eat what they fix.
  • toriilana
    toriilana Posts: 44 Member
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    My mum is of the same opinion TimothyFish which is why it can be difficult sometimes. Especially when I've only properly started to look after my body recently (this is about the second week) and so I don't want to have loads of food I'm avoiding and then fall of the wagon. I know I need confidence in myself and I've managed so far to go out to a restaurant and get a take-out (both for birthday occasions) WITHOUT going over my calories allowance. Even still some high calorie food isn't always as filling and so I might find that I'm hungry - but won't have enough calories left and stuff (that's my main fear) I'm back for 3 days.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,039 Member
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    I don't say a word when I visit family, we tend to pass dishes or fix our own plates. It's pretty easy to not starchy fillers at a family dinner. Just put your fork or spoon down, drink water, do a lot of talking and cut tiny teeny bites of food and eat slow. Also, if you are only home for a long weekend, try to stand as much as possible. I use the excuse the airplane ride through my back out all the time. Or I sat too long in traffic. I walk around with a glass of water nonstop. Don't eat finger food, only something you have to cut upon a plate. There is a thousand nice things I have learned to say in addition to "no thank you" that allows your family not to focus on what you are or not eating. I am 56 years old and I don't like making my 85 year old mom worry about me and my appetite.
  • Susieq_1994
    Susieq_1994 Posts: 5,361 Member
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    Honestly, I would think it depends on how often you go home to see your family. My family lives in a different country, and I see them maybe twice a year. The food that's available there is pretty much the same as what you mentioned... Everything out of a box or a can and not a vegetable in sight!

    Since I see them so rarely... I just eat what's available. My mom loves taking us out to eat when we visit, so we (my husband and I) end up eating at a lot of her favorite restaurants, too. I DO buy veggies and make salad, and I offer to cook "something special" for the whole family at least once while I'm there, and make something that's healthier/lower calorie/yummier because it's fresh.

    But if you go every weekend, for example.. You'd have to find some sort of workaround. As others said, move around a lot, eat small portions, and if your mom does get really offended when you cook/buy your own food, then maybe run out to a restaurant for a quick salad to fill you up, then go back home? That's obviously a little extreme, but I'm all for not offending my parents when I see them rarely; I want the visit to go smoothly! :)
  • CarrieCans
    CarrieCans Posts: 381 Member
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    There's 2 sides to this one. I believe it is polite to take what is offered (you control how much) and be cordial about it. BUT you are at an age where you have to start being assertive and not let people bring you down, especially not your own family. This could be a good time for you to do both.

    Buy a bag of salad if that's what you want (or veggies etc) and add them to the family meal (not just your own). If you family is offended, that is an opportunity to explain to them that you are growing up and making healthy choices and that they should be supportive of you doing something positive. They don't have to eat the salad but you want to. They should be proud of your effort to make your life better.

    Bringing a gift to add to the dinner isn't rude. No one said it had to be wine, cheese or dessert. Time with family shouldn't be dreaded. Compromise.
  • Clawsal
    Clawsal Posts: 255 Member
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    For me visiting your family is different from visiting other people. While visiting other people you need to be polite and take what is given. However, your close family is supposed to support you in whatever you chose to do. So if you choose to lose weight, they should make things easier, not more difficult!

    I am currently visiting with my parents while dieting. Sometimes I cook my own meal, sometimes we find a middle ground and all eat the same thing. I just told them what my goals were and how I was going about achieving them and that was it.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    You're 21, eat what you want.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    You're 21, eat what you want.

    Yep! Just watch your portion sizes and stay within your calories.

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