Please help me find myself again :'(

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sarahrachel90
sarahrachel90 Posts: 49 Member
in Motivation and Support
It was October. My first ever binge. I stuffed everything in, anything i could. It was my friend's birthday party. From morning until night i stuffed my face. I felt sick, so so sick. My muscles ached. My head ached. Then, it happened again soon. And almost every weekend I would binge. Over the Christmas holidays I gained 6 FREAKING POUNDS because I let myself binge every day!!!!! I feel SO guilty. So i became plant-based, which ended in a binge. Then i got stomach flu and ended up binging while I had that (call me crazy). I keep telling myself "It's okay, we'll get through this" but HOW?! I don't want to gain anymore weight. I don't want to have to binge just because it's Saturday. I don't want to have to miss work because I binged and my muscles ache and my soul hurts. And I don't want to have to ever look in the mirror with all the 24 pounds back on my body laughing at me as a failure. I don't want that. And right now, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of food, and how it seems to control me. I'm sick of attempting to purge because of how physically sick I feel. I'm just so tired of this. Please help me stop. I know I can, I have faith, but I just need some support right now. I can't stop crying. i feel like I've lost myself. I need to lose these last 10 pounds. I was good for Sunday, Monday, tuesday and wednesday and then i binged - making myself sick and unable to go to work yesterday. So i binged today as well, because, "It's the weekend" and now I feel like such a *kitten* head. I'm sorry for my winging but I am terrified. I do not want to end up with BED, not at all. I need to get out of this while I can. Please help me, anyone?! Thank you so much <3

Replies

  • krysmuree
    krysmuree Posts: 326 Member
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    We are all here to support you, lovely, but you have to want to stop and you have to commit to stopping. You should also seek professional help if you can; it sounds like something may be triggering you to feel the need to binge. :( If you don't address the issue, you could just be sweeping it under the rug and that's definitely not key.

  • sarahrachel90
    sarahrachel90 Posts: 49 Member
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    KrissyMuree wrote: »
    We are all here to support you, lovely, but you have to want to stop and you have to commit to stopping. You should also seek professional help if you can; it sounds like something may be triggering you to feel the need to binge. :( If you don't address the issue, you could just be sweeping it under the rug and that's definitely not key.

    Thank you. When i was first binging i had just moved country, to stay with my Father. We fought a lot and I ended up back in the UK. I felt like a failure, I felt emotional and my family made comments about my body - like that i was looking 'skinny' which i really wasn't, they're just all overweight. I don't know what happened. I went down the wrong path and now that path has become a maze. But I seriously want to stop. And I am going to do everything I can to commit to stopping. I really needed that answer :)

  • krysmuree
    krysmuree Posts: 326 Member
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    We've all had our obstacles and we can all overcome them. :) You're not a failure! Just because something doesn't work out doesn't make you a failure, not at all. You just have to pick yourself up and keep on trying! This is a journey, which means it has its ups and downs and it's okay to fall down once in a while! As long as you dust yourself off and keep on going. Try to assess what is causing you to binge. What triggers it? Certain thoughts? Talking to certain people? Memories? Music? A number of things can trigger us and make it easy to stuff our emotions with food, but food can never fill that void.

    Try to figure out what that trigger is and focus on finding a new way to cope. A productive way! Write down your feelings until your hand is ready to fall off. Find a calming hobby to take up when it gets rough - I love to knit, as boring as it sounds, and it helps so much with my anxiety. Same with exercise. When you feel the need to binge, step back and ask yourself why. Do you really want that extra piece of pizza? Are you actually hungry? Drink a big glass of water and go for a walk. If you still want it, have one piece, step away and take a long, hot bath. Relax and listen to some of your favorite music. Do some cardio. Try to turn that negative into a positive.

    You have it in you to stop. :) I know you do. You just need to channel those emotions elsewhere. Food is never the answer. <3 And if it goes deeper than that, if something is truly troubling you that you need to work through, don't be afraid to get some help from a professional.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    Sounds boring. What krissy says is you at least need to understand the binge and why it happens. You are finding some way to ignore the link between what you claim you want and your actions.

    Are you logging your food? Weighing it? Care to open your diary? What sort of deficit are you running and how many calories? Sometimes people who are too aggressive break becayse they are being unrealistic. Dont have your details so cant comment.

    Completely agree that the next stage is to commit. In your case once you ahve thought it through then I would recommit with baby steps and getting back to doing things that make sense. Set your deficit correctly and make sure your diet is balanced and sustainable. You should have in place another strategy for the time you are next tempted to binge, non food ones, talking to a friend, having a bath, going for a walk, drink some water etc. You ahve to be mindful of when its happening and deter yourself from falling into the binge.

    Tbh 6lbs isnt a lot, its not 6 stone, so chill and know that with a bit of reorganising and commitment you can get rind of that weight. Dont get it out of perspective.

    Good luck.
  • slolife14
    slolife14 Posts: 22 Member
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    I hear you! just know everyday is a stuggle. Start where you are and make small changes. If today your bindging and want to eat 10 cupcakes eat 9 1/2. Hey that's a small step and believe it or not that's a achievement. Don't beat your self up for eatting 9 1/2 in the contrary boost yourself up for having the straight to stop. If the thought of exercising is exhauting just by thinking about it. Get up and walk to your mail box, or clean something in your house, take the dog a bath. Just do something anything to make a small change. Remember nothing stays the same therefore you may binge for a week straight then all of a sudden be on your A game doing everything right. Find a fun sport. I found Pickleball yes funny name but it burns 500 calories a hour and players ages range from 5 to 95 and they have it everywhere. It's fun and addicting and the pounds melt right off. 17 pounds since I started in March and my binge eatting, and carb eatting and stubborness. Bottom line make one time change every single day. And this to shall pass. I have faith. Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself. Tips. Metamucil or chia Seeds in your water expands in your stomach and fills you up. Best tip my DR ever gave me
  • Surreal2You
    Surreal2You Posts: 16 Member
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    Make sure to drink plenty of water and also make sure to eat high fibrous fruits and vegetables. Start a fitness regimen or at least set some goals. Make sure to avoid processed foods and beverages such as especially those with sugars and high sodium. In addition go out and travel places that will help you clear your mind and destress. Possibly examples would be going to the watch the waves at the beach, or hiking for scenery. Hope this helps!
  • smittybobitty917
    smittybobitty917 Posts: 19 Member
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    Hitting the reset button every once in a while is a normal process. I'm on try #3 myself. Will third time be the charm? I think so.

    It's all about choices. You have to make the first choice to get started. After that, each day is fill with choices as you have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You'll make more choices as you decide to exercise or not. You'll even choose if you stick with it. If you continue to make the right choices, you will reach your goal.

    I've found over the last few weeks it helps to discuss my goals with friends and coworkers. They know my intentions and now are far less likely to tempt me into backsliding. They keep asking me how it's going, so now I have outside pressure to keep myself accountable.

    Also check out your profile pic. There's a lot of wisdom in that quote about change.
  • sarahrachel90
    sarahrachel90 Posts: 49 Member
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    I seriously think it had many emotional factors. I just had a big heart-to-heart with my Mom (i have social anxiety & mild depression) because I've been holding in feelings and have felt lonely for so long. I finally don't feel alone any more. Even though I still feel sick from my binge I'm not going to do anything about it, and just drink a lot a LLOOOTTT of water now. I let myself go, I paid the price for that and now I have to stop this before I lose all control. Thank you so much for all of your support! I'm going to post anytime I feel like binging so that you can all stop me haha!! Wow this feels weird :)

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