'Afraid' of the gym - need help overcoming
PositivelyFlawed
Posts: 316 Member
I know I'll get a lot of don't make excuses, just do it, who cares what people think and maybe I am making an excuse and i tried to just do it (ended up sitting in the parking lot too afraid to go in and then left) and I do care what people think.
I joined a gym last weekend and planned to get started on Monday, but haven't gone even once since. I get this overwhelming anxiety just thinking about going and being judged. I am working out a bit at home, but I really WANT to go to the gym to do some lifting.
Would love to hear anyone else who faced and overcame something similar or any advice (or maybe i need a healthy dose of brutal honesty).
Back in 2012 when I lost 50 lbs I was a regular and loyal gym goer (different gym) and i don't remember having a hard time getting going. I'm in worse shape now than I was then and i often went with a friend. This tme around I can't find a gym buddy.
I joined a gym last weekend and planned to get started on Monday, but haven't gone even once since. I get this overwhelming anxiety just thinking about going and being judged. I am working out a bit at home, but I really WANT to go to the gym to do some lifting.
Would love to hear anyone else who faced and overcame something similar or any advice (or maybe i need a healthy dose of brutal honesty).
Back in 2012 when I lost 50 lbs I was a regular and loyal gym goer (different gym) and i don't remember having a hard time getting going. I'm in worse shape now than I was then and i often went with a friend. This tme around I can't find a gym buddy.
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I have this problem regularly. I attend classes now where everyone does the same thing at the same time, no one judging just all mucking in doing the same routine, I find that helps and people tend to make conversation with you a lot more in classes than at the gym, helps me feel more at ease
Hope this has helped a bit x0 -
I feel the same as you when it comes to lifting and the gym, everyone else seems to know what they're doing and I really don't want to be in the way! So now I attend classes at my gym, I've been with a friend and I've been alone, it's still a room full of people getting it wrong with you so you don't have to feel alone. I'm starting to build a rapport with a couple of the trainers, even smiled and said hi to a couple of regulars I recognise when entering the class. When I'm more comfortable there I'll probably ask a trainer for a PT session, or even just a programme made for me - not so much for the info on what do to (I can get that all here) but so that I have someone with me to teach me where to go, what etiquette there is, how to do it properly and I'm not alone, I'll be with a trainer so I might just look like I belong there. Plus, if I had an appointment or class booked, cancelling them is harder than just not showing up and letting only myself down.
hope that helps!0 -
Oh and don't let anyone push you into going, will just make your anxiety worse x0
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I too just joined in late Dec. and I felt exactly like you but like the above poster I joined the classes and feel way more at ease and that I belong......0
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You're not alone in feeling this way! I've found that usually people are supportive and encouraging when they interact at my gym, rather than judgy. Doing a group class like the others have said is a great way to connect with some gym buddies.
Have you seen this inspiring video? It might at least make you smile, and encourage you to be proud to be at the gym no matter what! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aN7lt0CYwHg0 -
Hey, this is a copy/paste of a reply I made to another thread last week about unexpected results of weight loss. But it fits here, because i was like this too. So, here goes:
So, here's one that didn't really occur to me until early this week:
Community
When I first started going to the gym 8 or 9 months ago, I was uncomfortable. Worried I would make a fool of myself doing something, or someone would be a dick and I wouldn't want to go back. I did a couple classes, then I ventured into the cardio room, then I ventured into the small weight room. THEN, I decided I wanted to really lift and started working with a trainer. I'll work with her for a week or two, then do it on my own for a while. During the holidays, I spent a lot of time out of town. As soon as I got back to the gym, several people asked if I was ok, they hadn't seen me around. Then asked how my holidays were.
What was even better was a couple of weeks ago when I was lifting on my own and just knew these two guys in the weight room were watching me. (And, in my mind, judging.) It turned out they were. Since the trainer wasn't with me I was probably taking it a little lighter on my bench. Once of them walked over and said, "You can do more than that. I've seen it. I'll spot you, let's go."
At this point, when I went in on the holiday Monday, the guys working the desk had a game going where they made a list and bets of the people they each thought would come in on the holiday. I made both their lists. As they said, Yeah, we knew YOU would be here.
I have a whole extra set of friends now!0 -
Everyone will say (because its true) people arent interested in you, theyare too focused on doing their own thing i.e the worry and anxiety in your own head is a needless one.
You have done it before and once you get accustomed to the new gym, then it gets easier. You are there for the same reason as others.
Why no hire a PT for a few sessions to show you the ropes?
Alternatively have what you want to do worked out already and go in with a plan to follow. So many people I see wandering around aimlessly or just sat with their mobiles. Having a plan ensures you use your time well and makes you feel like you know what you are doing.
It is a case of just oing, and if you have to just do a class or something else so you get used to the atmosphere. Keep it short and then gradually increase as you build up confidence.0 -
When I first started, I was going to the Aqua classes, and was ashamed to put a swimsuit on. Silly me..there are soooo many shapes, sizes, weights, and ages there that I fit right in! Most importantly, EVERYONE is so absorbed in themselves and their fitness, they don't notice others(at least I don't). I have since started working with a personal trainer in addition to the pool....that was hard too cause I first thought I was too old and too fat. But you know what? Everyone is there for the same reason...to move their bodies and get fit in one way or another.0
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Believe me you are not the only one to think in this way. Even me , just forget about what others might just think what happens once you start going regularly.. u r gonna become slim.. just remember this and be happy All is well0
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As a guy, I feel very much the same way. My wife lifts weights a lot, having worked with a trainer for a year+. I lifted with her a couple of weeks ago and felt completely insecure and slightly embarrassed. I really didn't know what I was doing and I added weight to whatever she did just to look like I was stronger. (She's very strong, especially in her legs.) So this ended up not going too well for me.
Bench pressing was similar. Guys next to me had big stacks of weights on their bars, I'd guess 175 pounds and up and here I am maybe 100-120 and the bar is teetering all over the place.
I'm a bigger guy and actually pretty strong, but my body just wasn't used to the weights. I've read that it's the micro-control (or something like that) that helps with balancing and steadying the weights, which I lack. I can fire off a ton of push-ups, but the bench press wrecked me.
Anyhow, my point is I think a lot of people, including guys, feel intimidated. I'm not sure what the answer is other than to remember everyone starts somewhere. If people judge, so be it. This is a journey for me (weight loss) and I have to do it for myself. Other people's judgment (even if imagined on our part) is one of those stigmas we have to overcome.
Best of luck to you and I hope you find your comfort and confidence to get in a groove.0 -
I can find it intimidating sometimes walking into the gym, particularly going past the weight lifting section all the lads there lifting their weights, I feel like you I'm being judged as they all turn when the door opens but in hindsight I can see it is human nature to turn when a door opens or someone walks by, we are curious by nature. Anyway I take a deep breath move quickly over to the machines. I find if I have my headphones on and music playing as I walk in it helps, I am distracted focusing on the song I am listening to. I know not always easy but it might help.
In our gym they have staff on the floor and if not I will go to the front desk and ask if there is a staff member available to show me around or how to use the machines which sometimes helps me distract my attention from those around me.
Would also recommend what other posters have said do a class everyone else is in the same boat as you. After a few weeks you get see who the regulars are I try strike up a conversation something as simple "as this is tough".
Apart from that try and go at a time when the gym is not as busy?
Most importantly don't beat yourself up for feeling anxious it will only make you feel worse, if gets really bad maybe go talk to someone about it. Might be something deeper underlining it.
Wish you all the best!
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The first step is always the hardest. I worked at a gym for 7 years and always encountered people who were afraid. I always told them that if they could make it inside and talk to someone at the front desk just to get them in there that it would help because they start seeing familiar faces. We also offered a free orientation that showed the new member how to use machines or a time for any questions they have. If that's offered, use it! have them show you how to get started. Sometimes you have to pay for this, but if it's worth it to you to get over your anxiety and get started, do it! Personal training works wonders, but I'm also in the opinion that you can do it on your own. Do a lot of research about beginning programs to work out. Cardio machines are a pretty basic place to start. I find it really helps if the machines have TV's, just because I can take my headphones and focus on that rather than people watching and worrying.
I'm really wrapped up in body image and what people think of me when I work out, but I try to use that to fuel my motivation. I am there for myself to make myself better.
Good Luck! You can do it!0 -
Don't look at all the young in shape people who have been working out for years. Look at all the people like me, middle age, out of shape, tired but happy to be there because we know its the right thing for us to do. The truth is "you belong" there too. Step out of your comfort zone, its not that bad. Show up, stay a little while and learn some new things. After a few visits, it will feel like home.0
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As an addition: I have never once had anyone say anything rude or anything negative to me at the gym. And when I started some of the stuff I do now, I know I made some mistakes. My gym is a free one provided by the town I live in so we definitely get all kinds of people! While everybody isn't necessarily interacting (gotta get our moves on), they are definitely supportive and will help if they see its needed or if its asked for.0
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One thing that might help is to call the gym and ask when their lifting area is the least busy. I noticed at my gym that some times of day, the cardio area is packed, lifting area completely empty, vice versa, or sometimes the gym is just completely empty (my favorite time!). It might be easier to walk in there if there aren't a lot of people there, even if it's not the most convenient time for you. Maybe you an employee to show you where the squat rack is (even if you can clearly see it-sometimes it's hard to find the pins or pad), or the cleaning spray, or something, anything, just to WALK you over there and help orient you the first time, and you won't feel totally alone. Have a notebook with your workout written down to keep you on track. Make a plan, have a mission. Even if it's a silly one. This is just to get over your initial fear. After you go a couple of times, you will probably feel comfortable enough to go anytime, regardless of how many people are there (ok I always avoid the SUPER crowded times) and get on a nice workable schedule.
You could also just hop out of your car, jump on a treadmill or something and scope out the lift area until you feel brave enough (or its empty enough) to go over there. I did that when I first started lifting. It's a little weird but I'm extremely shy and it helped me when I was new to a gym.
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I had this problem, and still do sometimes. Here is what helps me:
1. I pray. Perhaps this sounds silly, but it really helps. I have to ask myself why I am feeling anxiety over a room fool of gym equipment and people who are in there using those machines. Usually it is because I get too caught up in worrying what others think about me, and have to remember that it is really only important what God thinks of me. I believe He supports me taking care of myself physically (although that is not the priority.)
2. Earbuds and music- I am much more into my workouts and less about what is going on around me when I have Daft Punk's Harder Better Faster Stronger being pumped into my ears0 -
Honestly, the only way to overcome the anxiety is to just suck it up and go. Once you realize that most people are focused on their own workouts, it will be much easier.0
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The timing suggestion is a good one. The peak time at my gym tends to be 4-8pm.
One other point I didnt mention is that many gyms will be full of resolutioners and that will mean many others will be in there for the first time or anxious about what people think. Im always surprised how ordinary most people are in the gym.0 -
im sorry but this is an issue that the only way it's going to resolve it's entering the place with your WTF are u looking at me i'm paying the same fee that you face. and the more you go the more comfortable you are going to get.
come on! lets be real you can have the bikini body and people will judge you anyway! and you know what? most of the time people don't single effing care about other people in the gym and they are focus on them self. don't EVER let anything/anyone especially your own mind to intimidate you.
you wanna know my story? when i started to go to the gym last October i was 298 lbs yess you hear me , and by far i was the most fat person in it no matter what time of the day i would go and yet I'm still going almost 40 lbs less and you know what happened? yes i'm by far still the most unfit fat person but somehow i've gain their respect! people stare at me like wait what! how is this almost 300 pounds girl do a whole hour in that cardio machine
so please give it a try!0 -
The only thing I fear is accidentally breaking the equipment because I don't know how to use anything commercial grade, so it's extremely intimidating. Also since I've never been to a gym, I don't know how to navigate that world & I hate asking for help. It seems that people believe that at my age (34), I should already have been to one; at some point in my life & therefore should know all about it. Plus since I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, when I am at my worst; just the walk across the parking lot/at times is the workout. Most people don't go, just to workout for 10 Minutes; which is all I can do sometimes. So I bought exercise equipment instead but everything I desire, isn't affordable. Plus there's also a gym in my area, for only $10.00 a month; I'd be able to be weighed, measured & counseled about nutrition but the best perk is also having access to the services of a personal trainer, for an hour; once a month & at no additional cost. Although I know that I'd never ever be able to work with a personal trainer, for the entire hour; plus I believe that they'd try to push me over my limit. Some trainers don't seem to understand, that the "if there's a will, there's a way" saying; is a myth & with my luck (actually lack of it), that's the type of trainer; that they'd assign to me.0
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It helped me at first to go with my husband. For me, it's not necessarily the gym itself, I just don't like going to new places on my own. I have a lot of social anxiety and always worry that I won't know what to do. It's really stupid, but I feel better having someone I know with me.
After the first few times, I felt more comfortable with the "protocol" of attending the gym (knowing how to check in, where the locker room is, etc). Now I go by myself most of the time.
However, the more you go, the more you realize that no one else is paying attention to you. Unless you are doing something incredibly ridiculous (like moving around the furniture or being "that" old guy who doesn't like to wear anything under his shorts and lets the goods hang out), no one is paying attention to you. People are focused on doing their own thing. I guess if you're using the piece of equipment that they want to use, they might look at you, but they're probably thinking more about what their next set is supposed to be.0 -
I was a gym goer in my early 20s...even then with my 5'2 115lb frame I was still scared/anxious to even enter (I knew I had no clue what I was doing)...let's just say I'm a lot heavier today but I've realized it isn't just the gym that intimidates me...it's being judged anywhere in public. So I try to take deep breaths in the parking lot and then slowly push past it. I did find that chatting with the workers helped put me at ease. I know I can ask them questions and they have probably heard it all before0
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Thank you for all the support and ecnouragement. I seriously was thinking I was a minority in feeling this way, but it looks all to common.0
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1 - anytime I've had to switch gyms, that has come with some anxiety...and I'm in shape, but it takes awhile to get used to something new...like the first day of school. You aren't going to get over it until you get in there...and to that end, it may be that particular gym isn't for you. I went to a gym a couple of years ago that me and my family really enjoyed but it was just too much of a commute just to workout so we had to make a switch...I went through 3 more gyms before I found one I was comfortable in.
2 - most people are way to busy getting their fitness on to be "judging" anyone. I'm largely unaware of what anyone is doing unless they're doing something really cool that I wish I could do.
3 - you will find a decent % of people in the gym who are fit and have the body to go with it...but you will find a greater % of people who are not fit, need to lose weight, and that's why there in the gym in the first place...in other-words, there are more people in your boat than my boat.0 -
I used to be the same way. I would drive all the way to the gym just to sit in my car & debate if I should just go home or not. There were days I would go home then even drive all the way back. My insecurity was how fair my skin is compared to most people in Miami. I ended up going really early in the morning or really late at night. With time you will start to adapt and feel more comfortable. I feel pretty comfy no matter what time I go now but sometimes find myself still covering up the fair skin with a workout jacket0
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I'm always nervous the first few times in a new gym. Timing usually makes a huge difference. I went to my current gym once after work and seriously thought about never going back -- so many people, and so much bro behavior! (From the women and the men, btw, just wall-to-wall people hogging weights and checking out their abs in the mirror). Then I tried going early in the morning before work and loved it. It's a totally different group of people with a completely different vibe. Try it out a couple of different days/times if you're able to, and hopefully you'll find something that works for you.0
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I struggle with this, but I never let it stop me from going. People at the gym are focusing on their own workouts, anyone who is more busy people watching then putting in work at a gym is a tried and true JABRONI (unless you're doing something so obnoxious people can't help but look) Also being in the gym is no different then going anywhere else. Go at the least busiest times. I find that the 11am hour and beyond 10pm are the better hours during the week. Set a routine, put in your headphones, focus on your own workout. Drown everything else out. It's easy, and letting mental barriers like this get in your way really make it hard in reaching your full potential. This is something you can do if you put your focus on the proper things. As someone who has relatively bad anxiety, I get how it feels, but 99% of it is made up in your head.0
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I get the same anxiety. What I did was get a trainer. Now I'm not worried about looking silly or doing something wrong, because he shows me what to do and how to do it correctly.0
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I can be very overwhelming with all of the equipment and different classes and so on. I sort of felt that way at first. I did get a personal trainer to work with me (that was for my own accountability) but many gyms will have a free session with one that will show you how to use the equipment. I also started to attend classes and got to know some of the instructors. Now when I walk in I know the entire staff and feel like it is my happy place. There are still times where I feel a little overwhelmed when using a new machine or something like that but that soon goes away.
One thing I did realize...no one there was paying me any mind. I thought people were staring at me saying "what is that overweight girl doing over there on that machine and who does she think she is?" To my surprise that was not the case.
I did have one person come up to me about three or four months ago and tell me that he was impressed with my determination and my progress that I had made. I felt really proud. I also had someone in one of the classes that I go to say I inspired her to keep with the program when she wanted to quit because of the changes she saw me making. I will say that I have never had anyone say anything nasty to me.
Good luck!0 -
I think it helps that I feel like I'm being judged no matter where I go. So, the gym is no different for me. Seriously, though...I remind myself that if someone is judging me based on my weight that says more about them than it does about me. And I hold my head up high when I am there. Sometimes though I just have to tell myself- get over yourself, Kat, and just get on with it!0
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