'Afraid' of the gym - need help overcoming

I feel the same as you when it comes to lifting and the gym, everyone else seems to know what they're doing and I really don't want to be in the way! So now I attend classes at my gym, I've been with a friend and I've been alone, it's still a room full of people getting it wrong with you so you don't have to feel alone. I'm starting to build a rapport with a couple of the trainers, even smiled and said hi to a couple of regulars I recognise when entering the class. When I'm more comfortable there I'll probably ask a trainer for a PT session, or even just a programme made for me - not so much for the info on what do to (I can get that all here) but so that I have someone with me to teach me where to go, what etiquette there is, how to do it properly and I'm not alone, I'll be with a trainer so I might just look like I belong there. Plus, if I had an appointment or class booked, cancelling them is harder than just not showing up and letting only myself down.

hope that helps!

I too just joined in late Dec. and I felt exactly like you but like the above poster I joined the classes and feel way more at ease and that I belong......

Hey, this is a copy/paste of a reply I made to another thread last week about unexpected results of weight loss. But it fits here, because i was like this too. So, here goes:

So, here's one that didn't really occur to me until early this week:

Community

When I first started going to the gym 8 or 9 months ago, I was uncomfortable. Worried I would make a fool of myself doing something, or someone would be a dick and I wouldn't want to go back. I did a couple classes, then I ventured into the cardio room, then I ventured into the small weight room. THEN, I decided I wanted to really lift and started working with a trainer. I'll work with her for a week or two, then do it on my own for a while. During the holidays, I spent a lot of time out of town. As soon as I got back to the gym, several people asked if I was ok, they hadn't seen me around. Then asked how my holidays were.

What was even better was a couple of weeks ago when I was lifting on my own and just knew these two guys in the weight room were watching me. (And, in my mind, judging.) It turned out they were. Since the trainer wasn't with me I was probably taking it a little lighter on my bench. Once of them walked over and said, "You can do more than that. I've seen it. I'll spot you, let's go."

At this point, when I went in on the holiday Monday, the guys working the desk had a game going where they made a list and bets of the people they each thought would come in on the holiday. I made both their lists. As they said, Yeah, we knew YOU would be here.

I have a whole extra set of friends now!

When I first started, I was going to the Aqua classes, and was ashamed to put a swimsuit on. Silly me..there are soooo many shapes, sizes, weights, and ages there that I fit right in! Most importantly, EVERYONE is so absorbed in themselves and their fitness, they don't notice others(at least I don't). I have since started working with a personal trainer in addition to the pool....that was hard too cause I first thought I was too old and too fat. But you know what? Everyone is there for the same reason...to move their bodies and get fit in one way or another.

As a guy, I feel very much the same way. My wife lifts weights a lot, having worked with a trainer for a year+. I lifted with her a couple of weeks ago and felt completely insecure and slightly embarrassed. I really didn't know what I was doing and I added weight to whatever she did just to look like I was stronger. (She's very strong, especially in her legs.) So this ended up not going too well for me.

Bench pressing was similar. Guys next to me had big stacks of weights on their bars, I'd guess 175 pounds and up and here I am maybe 100-120 and the bar is teetering all over the place.

I'm a bigger guy and actually pretty strong, but my body just wasn't used to the weights. I've read that it's the micro-control (or something like that) that helps with balancing and steadying the weights, which I lack. I can fire off a ton of push-ups, but the bench press wrecked me.

Anyhow, my point is I think a lot of people, including guys, feel intimidated. I'm not sure what the answer is other than to remember everyone starts somewhere. If people judge, so be it. This is a journey for me (weight loss) and I have to do it for myself. Other people's judgment (even if imagined on our part) is one of those stigmas we have to overcome.

Best of luck to you and I hope you find your comfort and confidence to get in a groove.

The first step is always the hardest. I worked at a gym for 7 years and always encountered people who were afraid. I always told them that if they could make it inside and talk to someone at the front desk just to get them in there that it would help because they start seeing familiar faces. We also offered a free orientation that showed the new member how to use machines or a time for any questions they have. If that's offered, use it! have them show you how to get started. Sometimes you have to pay for this, but if it's worth it to you to get over your anxiety and get started, do it! Personal training works wonders, but I'm also in the opinion that you can do it on your own. Do a lot of research about beginning programs to work out. Cardio machines are a pretty basic place to start. I find it really helps if the machines have TV's, just because I can take my headphones and focus on that rather than people watching and worrying.

I'm really wrapped up in body image and what people think of me when I work out, but I try to use that to fuel my motivation. I am there for myself to make myself better.

Good Luck! You can do it!

As an addition: I have never once had anyone say anything rude or anything negative to me at the gym. And when I started some of the stuff I do now, I know I made some mistakes. My gym is a free one provided by the town I live in so we definitely get all kinds of people! While everybody isn't necessarily interacting (gotta get our moves on), they are definitely supportive and will help if they see its needed or if its asked for.

I had this problem, and still do sometimes. Here is what helps me:
1. I pray. Perhaps this sounds silly, but it really helps. I have to ask myself why I am feeling anxiety over a room fool of gym equipment and people who are in there using those machines. Usually it is because I get too caught up in worrying what others think about me, and have to remember that it is really only important what God thinks of me. I believe He supports me taking care of myself physically (although that is not the priority.)
2. Earbuds and music- I am much more into my workouts and less about what is going on around me when I have Daft Punk's Harder Better Faster Stronger being pumped into my ears

The timing suggestion is a good one. The peak time at my gym tends to be 4-8pm.
One other point I didnt mention is that many gyms will be full of resolutioners and that will mean many others will be in there for the first time or anxious about what people think. Im always surprised how ordinary most people are in the gym.

The only thing I fear is accidentally breaking the equipment because I don't know how to use anything commercial grade, so it's extremely intimidating. Also since I've never been to a gym, I don't know how to navigate that world & I hate asking for help. It seems that people believe that at my age (34), I should already have been to one; at some point in my life & therefore should know all about it. Plus since I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, when I am at my worst; just the walk across the parking lot/at times is the workout. Most people don't go, just to workout for 10 Minutes; which is all I can do sometimes. So I bought exercise equipment instead but everything I desire, isn't affordable. Plus there's also a gym in my area, for only $10.00 a month; I'd be able to be weighed, measured & counseled about nutrition but the best perk is also having access to the services of a personal trainer, for an hour; once a month & at no additional cost. Although I know that I'd never ever be able to work with a personal trainer, for the entire hour; plus I believe that they'd try to push me over my limit. Some trainers don't seem to understand, that the "if there's a will, there's a way" saying; is a myth & with my luck (actually lack of it), that's the type of trainer; that they'd assign to me.

I was a gym goer in my early 20s...even then with my 5'2 115lb frame I was still scared/anxious to even enter (I knew I had no clue what I was doing)...let's just say I'm a lot heavier today but I've realized it isn't just the gym that intimidates me...it's being judged anywhere in public. So I try to take deep breaths in the parking lot and then slowly push past it. I did find that chatting with the workers helped put me at ease. I know I can ask them questions and they have probably heard it all before

1 - anytime I've had to switch gyms, that has come with some anxiety...and I'm in shape, but it takes awhile to get used to something new...like the first day of school. You aren't going to get over it until you get in there...and to that end, it may be that particular gym isn't for you. I went to a gym a couple of years ago that me and my family really enjoyed but it was just too much of a commute just to workout so we had to make a switch...I went through 3 more gyms before I found one I was comfortable in.

2 - most people are way to busy getting their fitness on to be "judging" anyone. I'm largely unaware of what anyone is doing unless they're doing something really cool that I wish I could do.

3 - you will find a decent % of people in the gym who are fit and have the body to go with it...but you will find a greater % of people who are not fit, need to lose weight, and that's why there in the gym in the first place...in other-words, there are more people in your boat than my boat.

I'm always nervous the first few times in a new gym. Timing usually makes a huge difference. I went to my current gym once after work and seriously thought about never going back -- so many people, and so much bro behavior! (From the women and the men, btw, just wall-to-wall people hogging weights and checking out their abs in the mirror). Then I tried going early in the morning before work and loved it. It's a totally different group of people with a completely different vibe. Try it out a couple of different days/times if you're able to, and hopefully you'll find something that works for you.

I get the same anxiety. What I did was get a trainer. Now I'm not worried about looking silly or doing something wrong, because he shows me what to do and how to do it correctly.

I think it helps that I feel like I'm being judged no matter where I go. So, the gym is no different for me. Seriously, though...I remind myself that if someone is judging me based on my weight that says more about them than it does about me. And I hold my head up high when I am there. Sometimes though I just have to tell myself- get over yourself, Kat, and just get on with it!