Fat Shaming Yourself
crosbylee
Posts: 3,455 Member
How badly do we beat ourselves up over our size/shape. I know how much I am personally disgusted with the way I look and the size I am. It is the majority of the reason I am on this journey now and still getting my mind in the right place for it. I know I need to do this for myself and partly how to go about it. I try not to put myself in public situations where I know I will be uncomfortable due to my shape. Bathing suits are not my favorite thing at all. I beat myself up about my weight more than anyone else ever could. Not sure how to keep from mentally berating myself and use that energy instead to focus on the task at hand.
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Sometimes I'm absolutely vicious to myself. But I've gotten better about it. It's a fine line. I look in the mirror, accept myself as I am, then tell myself I love myself enough to be fit and happy and confident, and that means regular exercise and weight loss.0
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It's my tendency to be very self-critical but I'm working on that. One thing that helps is to take time to note and praise myself over my good choices. So before I get on the scale I think, "whatever it says, I ate well and did my exercise this week". Try and put your focus more on the process than on the results. Easier said than done, I know
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Commit to self-acceptance. Catch the ways you shame yourself and start to notice them, and look for the whys. See how the shaming affects your behavior towards yourself, and start to behave in the opposite way.
“Imperfection is not our personal problem - it is a natural part of existing.”
― Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha0 -
If I don't beat myself, who else is gonna do it?
No way am I taking the "acceptance" route and giving up on myself for something that is perfectly well do-able.0 -
Marsha Linehan: "Radical acceptance" is the tolerant embracing of how and who one is here and now, juxtaposed with acknowledging the necessity for change and growth.0
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Rather than dreading your condition and the weight you need to lose, celebrate the weight you lost!
If you lost a pound last week, congratulate yourself and go for another. It is in your mind, don't consider the XX pounds you need to lose, think about what you have lost.
I didn't get fat overnight, I don't expect to lose it overnight.0 -
I do it a lot, but I tend to go with the "could be worse" point of view. I will always be overweight. It's something that's taken me a very long time to accept, but short of a cure for a condition there's barely any research being done on, it is what it is. With that in mind, I don't have to be more overweight than it's beyond my control to be. It's not an excuse to eat whatever and sit around all the time. I'm also fortunate in that I have a rarer form of it, and mine is hereditary. The more common form is a complication from chemotherapy. There are millions of people out there dealing with what I have to go through and cancer on top of it. It's hard to keep feeling sorry for myself with that in mind.
That doesn't mean I still won't get mad at myself when I go shopping for boots and can only look at ankle high, or when I have to buy pants a size or two bigger so my legs will fit. I just get over it quick when I put it in perspective.0 -
Yep, I totally agree. It's hard not to self critical sometimes, but ultimately, the goal is be healthy over all.beemerphile1 wrote: »Rather than dreading your condition and the weight you need to lose, celebrate the weight you lost!
If you lost a pound last week, congratulate yourself and go for another. It is in your mind, don't consider the XX pounds you need to lose, think about what you have lost.
I didn't get fat overnight, I don't expect to lose it overnight.
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i think its so hard bc when we take care of ourselves and seem like were "eating less" thats when our family or a friend steps in and says im worried even if you are doing this the healthy way. or if you work out daily sometimes it worries people or makes them uncomfortable. these can be the same people however who say oh lets get some ice cream! but on the other side, i am 20lbs overweight. i accept myself and love myself but to me its worse to keep the 20lbs on. i can be wishy washy with my decision to lose weight when i think they may be right but then i come back to myself and think i need to do this for me and i need to be healthy, this can effect my self-talk.0
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I think it's less about "accepting" things for what they are, and more about accepting yourself at any weight. I mean, it's a psychological warfare on yourself. There are some of us now that have been at both ends of the weight spectrum, and realize that weight is not concurrent with happiness.
I could way 140lbs right now, but I'm still going to have to deal with a culture that tells me i'm not perfect, and that i need to do more to change myself.0 -
I can be cruel to myself. I would look at myself and feel disgusted - which isn't fair. Sure, my weight & size aren't where I'd like them to be, but I'm human. I realize now that beating myself up isn't going to make the weight magically disappear. I take note of the areas I'd like to improve upon but I try not to dwell on them. (If I dwell I feel down and usually turn to food to make myself feel better. Of course that's totally counterproductive!) I try to find exercise that I love doing, so working out becomes something I look forward to & it's not a punishment.
When I look in the mirror I try to look past the imperfections and see the potential that my body has. Not just in appearance, but also in the fitness aspect.
Of course it's all easier said than done We are all works in progress. Realizing that you can be self-critical is an important step. You can catch yourself before you get to far and tell that inner voice to shut the heck up! 0 -
My shape is a direct result of my own actions. It will take making different decisions regarding food and exercise to change that, as well as most likely the better part of a year or more. I have seen myself at a healthy weight, but my habits back then probably were not very healthy, just a reflection of youth a the time. So it is hard for me to keep from telling myself ' you look disgusting' when I know I can do better. Time to put a pry bar under my butt and get going.0
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Contrary to what you might think, beating yourself up is NOT helpful to weight loss.
Instead, learn to love yourself enough to feel like you're worth going to all this trouble. Buy some great clothes that fit (tailor if necessary) and make you feel confident and sexy. Maybe splurge on one of those fun glamour photo shoots where you get to dress up and get your hair and makeup done and see yourself as beautiful and confident at ANY size.
I know women who are technically obese according to the medical charts who do burlesque, pole dancing, belly dancing, aerobics, and who are happy and confident in their skin. Beauty exists at EVERY size, and most of beauty is confidence which comes from within.
Conversely, I know women who are thin and toned and athletic and even bordering on underweight, who look in the mirror and all they can see is their "problem zones" or things they hate about themselves.
By all means, lose the weight and get healthy and fit, because you can do it and you're worth it. But don't sabotage your efforts by shaming yourself. If you can't look in the mirror today and see a beautiful person, then you won't be able to do that no matter what size or shape you are.0 -
My shape is a direct result of my own actions. It will take making different decisions regarding food and exercise to change that, as well as most likely the better part of a year or more. I have seen myself at a healthy weight, but my habits back then probably were not very healthy, just a reflection of youth a the time. So it is hard for me to keep from telling myself ' you look disgusting' when I know I can do better. Time to put a pry bar under my butt and get going.
Miss Lee: I'm just gonna ask, do you really feel that shaming yourself works? I find for myself that it only makes me more frustrated and more likely to give up. Also, this is the time where reminding yourself of any non-scale victories or non-health related achievements might be helpful. From your profile, I see that you have a loving husband and two wonderful children. When you feel down, I'd recommend reminding yourself that the love of your family is not, and should never be, contingent on your weight.
Take care, yeah?1 -
girlviernes wrote: »Commit to self-acceptance. Catch the ways you shame yourself and start to notice them, and look for the whys. See how the shaming affects your behavior towards yourself, and start to behave in the opposite way.
Good advice.
Would you treat someone else the way you do yourself? If you would, would you consider that a good thing? I find that I tend to be more intolerant/less forgiving of others to the extent that I take that attitude toward myself, and I definitely see the same thing from others (whether they are self-aware enough to see it or not), so I think it's something to be wary of.
It's also rarely productive, IME, and relates to the way in which some continue to be miserable and to hate their bodies even after succeeding at weight loss.0 -
I'm probably the hardest on myself, as it should be, but I'm not "shaming" myself.0
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SergeantSausage wrote: »If I don't beat myself, who else is gonna do it?
No way am I taking the "acceptance" route and giving up on myself for something that is perfectly well do-able.
This!!!0 -
When I started this deal (67 lbs ago @ 237), I took a shirtless selfie, printed it up & put it on the fridge. I told my wife "This doesn't come down until I'm under 200 lbs." She HATED it....until I hit 199 3 months later & took it down!0
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SergeantSausage wrote: »If I don't beat myself, who else is gonna do it?
No way am I taking the "acceptance" route and giving up on myself for something that is perfectly well do-able.
Self-acceptance does not have to mean giving up on yourself. I really appreciate Marsha Linehan's conceptualization of it.0 -
I had a lot of self hatred because of my weight several years ago. I started to want to harm myself. I started changing my thoughts by writing a list of 10 things I liked about myself. I noticed that I would also view others negatively because of my hang up about myself so worked on finding their good qualities too.
I am overweight. To be healthier and do the things I want to do in life, I am losing weight and exercising. My value as a person is not how much I weigh or what size my jeans are. I am not disgusting or a bad person. No need to be dramatic about it.0 -
I find that I get a lot of personal satisfaction from working out pretty much every day. It's difficult for me to be too negative about my looks when I know how much I am capable of doing with it.0
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I know I would never be as hard on anyone else than I am on myself. I do have pics of myself while participating in a mud run and those are on my fridge to remind myself how I never want to look again. I do celebrate little victories, unfortunately, I tend to see them as a reason to treat myself and not by getting new clothes, if ya know what I mean. I am getting better at this, and I know it will be a long time before I see myself as beautiful. I am working at making this investment in myself and finding new ways to see me.0
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I'm horrible to myself, always have been. I say things to myself I wouldn't say to my worst enemy.
I might be thin one day, but I'll never be pretty... it's just not going to happen.0 -
I had ot of self hatred because of my weight several years ago. I started to want to harm myself. I started changing my thoughts by writing a list of 10 things I liked about myself. I noticed thatI would also view others negatively because of my hang up about myself so worked on finding their good qualities too.
I am overweight. To be healthier and do the things I want to do life, I am losing weight and exercising. My value as a person is not how much I weigh or what size my jeans are. I am not disgusting or a bad person. No need to be dramatic about it.
Exactly! Well said.0 -
katherine_startrek_fan wrote: »I find that I get a lot of personal satisfaction from working out pretty much every day. It's difficult for me to be too negative about my looks when I know how much I am capable of doing with it.
This has been true for me too. Always when I get more active my focus changes from looks alone to performance and doing the best I can and improving, and I tend to feel a ton better about myself physically (not unrealistically but not bizarre "I'm disgusting" kind of thoughts) even before I am anywhere near where I'd like to be physically. I think that change of focus is really healthy (and ultimately less self-centered than obsessing about physical imperfections).0 -
I know I would never be as hard on anyone else than I am on myself. I do have pics of myself while participating in a mud run and those are on my fridge to remind myself how I never want to look again. I do celebrate little victories, unfortunately, I tend to see them as a reason to treat myself and not by getting new clothes, if ya know what I mean. I am getting better at this, and I know it will be a long time before I see myself as beautiful. I am working at making this investment in myself and finding new ways to see me.
^^ The bolded parts^^^
Those are the types of things you need to repeat to yourself, regularly. Every time you catch yourself beating yourself up, turn it around and tell yourself that you CAN do this.
If you repeat the negative thoughts to yourself enough times, you believe them. But the opposite is also true - if you repeat the positive thoughts to yourself, you will eventually start to believe those instead.0 -
Celebrate the victories! You may not be where you want to be right now, but you're on the path and 10 steps ahead of where you used to be. When you lose a pound, don't see the body you "shame" in the mirror. See the accomplishment of your hard work for the week/month. And don't just focus on the scale. Focus on the non-scale victories. When you can run further, bike faster, lifting more, etc. that's your body achieving success. You can't shame that successful body!
And don't compare yourself to others. It's easy to shame yourself when you're comparing to those around you. I have getting in the squat rack and squatting 50 pounds less than the girl before me, but I snap myself back into reality that I am working hard and that's all that matters. As long as I improve, nothing else should affect me.0 -
What's done is done. I can't go back in time and change that. I can only work on myself one day at a time. It's been a long road to self-acceptance, but I've finally realized that my weight loss journey isn't about punishing myself for how much weight I put on. I'm going to have good days and bad days, but I no longer punish myself for the bad days. I accept that they happened and I move forward (and the bad days are occurring less and less because now I have the right mindset to learn from them.) I move forward one day at a time towards my goal. Accepting myself doesn't mean I'm giving up. Just the opposite actually. It means I finally see just what I've done to get here, and I realize that punishing myself isn't the way to get fit.0
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The last time I tried losing weight, it was during a somewhat terrible time in my life when I wasn't happy with where I was and the weight felt like just an extension of that.
I had this weight counselor that I should probably try to contact now that I think about it. She probably felt like she was talking to a brick wall because of how negative and defeated I was. She doesn't know that after our sessions were over, I actually took what she said to heart and started making some major changes. Got rid of all the commitments and people that were running me into the ground.
I lost no weight during those sessions, but now that I'm happy and I like myself and I'm trying to find ways to be kind to myself every day, the weight is coming off. Your mindset is as much a part of this as the counting.
Feel free to borrow my year's mantra: "Be kind to yourself"0 -
crazykatlady_ wrote: »What's done is done. I can't go back in time and change that. I can only work on myself one day at a time. It's been a long road to self-acceptance, but I've finally realized that my weight loss journey isn't about punishing myself for how much weight I put on. I'm going to have good days and bad days, but I no longer punish myself for the bad days. I accept that they happened and I move forward (and the bad days are occurring less and less because now I have the right mindset to learn from them.) I move forward one day at a time towards my goal. Accepting myself doesn't mean I'm giving up. Just the opposite actually. It means I finally see just what I've done to get here, and I realize that punishing myself isn't the way to get fit.
I like 'what's done is done', why in all these years have I never thought to say that to myself? Going to start now!0
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