Crazy lady

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jamiek89
jamiek89 Posts: 105
in Motivation and Support
Finally booked in to see a doctor about my mental health. =(
Totally scared as all hell. Don't know what I'm going to say to her. Or how I'm going to say it. But I have to go. I found out on the weekend that my boyfriend has been sneaking smokes (he gave up when we first got together 4.5 years ago) & when I confronted him about it he said that he just gets so fustrated & angry at himself because he can see me totally falling apart & he doesn't know how to 'fix' me. Well that just made me feel even more awsome! (Sarcasm)
Any of my MFP buddies probably have already noticed that I've been very steadily going into decline. I eat thousands of calories over each day, I've put on all of the weight that I had lost & I struggle even to do the most basic of exercises. Everything just seems so hard!
I use to be the kind of person who was so motivated, so determined & to be honest, I use to think that people who used depression as an excuse were just lazy & not trying hard enough. well im eating my own words now! There are so many days where I wake up, lay in bed & just wish like absolutly crazy that there is an earthquake so i have a great excuse to just stay in bed. I have become extremely slack with food hygiene (think out of date yoghhurt, cheese left on the bench for 2 days) hoping that i'll get food poisening so I can just stay isolated inside my little castle for a few days, even if it is in excruciating pain. How crazy is that!
I KNOW that I have a great life. I have an amazing, supportive boyfriend who absoluty adores me, a great job with a great boss, my own house, enough distance between me & my family to keep things comfortable without having to cut them off completely & great friends who are always good fun, there when I need them & give me space when I need it too. Life is GOOD, yet I feel like I've lost a best friend.
I'm not going to keep rambling on here, I dont even have a question! And I guess most people will read this & think that Im just another poor me pity person (which I am), but I really needed to get it off my chest. Im really scared for tomorrow, not for any specific reason. Ok seriously I'm shutting up now.

Replies

  • Nataliethin81
    Nataliethin81 Posts: 315
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    Glad you're getting help, that's the first step. You will feel much better and be back to yourself in no time!
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
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    you're not crazy - it happens, I know! I don't know you, but I understand how you feel. I've dealt with depression ...sometimes driving to work I would be so close to just letting the car "drift" away, or I'd spend hours trying to sleep in just to avoid a day, sometimes a beautiful day.

    objectively stating that things SHOULD be good doesn't mean they FEEL good - sometimes you need some kind of jump start to love your life, and don't feel guilty for that. I know that at one point I felt like I was watching my life like a movie, I didn't feel connected...

    hang in there and you should be proud for setting up an appointment to get "checked out." know that you are NORMAL and just going through a low. your life will go on, and if you get the help you'll need, you'll WANT it to.

    take care :)
  • fridaysgal
    fridaysgal Posts: 37
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    Hopefully tomorrow will bring you hope....hope for a more positive outlook and future. My 19 year old son suffers from depression and has a hard time coping. Luckily we have found a doctor that is determined to find what's best for him. I only hope your doctor's appointment tomorrow will bring you answers. DON'T GIVE UP...Help is out there!
  • Mamapengu
    Mamapengu Posts: 250
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    Hi,
    As far as not knowing what to say to the Doctor- print out your post and take it with you. It'll be a great opening and help them know where to start so they can ask the right questions to help you. Just like everything else, this will take time but the first step is asking for help. In the future you may want to take your BF with you so he can know that this is not his fault and how he can support you through this new journey you are on.
    Hugs, take care and let us know how it goes.
  • krixi
    krixi Posts: 44 Member
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    I'm glad you're getting help. Realising that you have a problem and actually seeking help is the best thing you can do. Thinking depression will just go away by itself is risky. I had a brother with depression who didn't seek help, so although I haven't been there myself, I kind of know what you're going through.

    good luck to you.
  • JennLifts
    JennLifts Posts: 1,913 Member
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    You're taking an appropriate step. I had some trouble too, and thought I might be Bipolar and went to the Dr. You're not the only one :) Hope to hear how you feel about it after.
  • JennLifts
    JennLifts Posts: 1,913 Member
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    Hi,
    As far as not knowing what to say to the Doctor- print out your post and take it with you. It'll be a great opening and help them know where to start so they can ask the right questions to help you. Just like everything else, this will take time but the first step is asking for help. In the future you may want to take your BF with you so he can know that this is not his fault and how he can support you through this new journey you are on.
    Hugs, take care and let us know how it goes.

    great idea!
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
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    Definitely you need help and please don't hesitate to get it. Print what you just wrote in this post and show it to the doctor. It will much more easily than trying to put your problems into words.

    If you don't get satisfaction from your doctor, ask for a second opinion but don't let it pass. I wish you good luck and I will be praying for your recovery.
  • calliope_music
    calliope_music Posts: 1,242 Member
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    just wanted to stop by to give HUGS. i work as a therapist and it's great that you've recognized that you need help. good luck!!
  • emd0019
    emd0019 Posts: 179 Member
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    Good luck with everything. I hope things start to get easier for you! :flowerforyou: *hugs*
  • McHeather
    McHeather Posts: 105 Member
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    You are not crazy. I've been in the same place you are. Going to your doctor is a great step to take. It doesn't mean medication either. There a simple quiz you can take to determine how severe your depression is. Mine put me at severe - and I was balancing husband 3 kids and jobs - able to pretend to the world that my life was going great. Before that quiz I had been to the doctor about my sadness and moods for years. We'd try changing my birth control and upping vitamins, checking my iron levels. Don't give up with the doctor - make sure she knows how serious this is - mine took years to finally get how bad I felt. I started going to a counselor who was easy to talk to and followed a protocol called cognitive behavior therapy. It worked for me along with a book called The purpose Driven Life which is Christian and faith based. I went to the counselor for about 8 months and have been doing it on my own since. Not so well these last months but I'm thinking of going back to the counselor just for a boost and tweak. I think you're doing right thing going to a doctor and you are not alone!
  • B2BB
    B2BB Posts: 222 Member
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    The biggest comfort to me when I was diagnosed with depression was when others said they went through the same thing, when I knew I wasn't alone. I knew something was wrong when my dad ( the funniest guy I know) told a joke and I faked laughed:( I had no emotion but sadness and fear, I had no idea why. The only good part was I could not eat so I lost 10lbs, lol. I finally went to the Dr when I woke up from a dead sleep dripping in sweat heart pounding thinking I was dying. But turns out it was a panick attack, I walked into the rr and thought if I take these pills I will just go to sleep and it will be "all better". Obviously not thinking clearly, it was so scary to go to the Dr not knowing what to tell them. But its ok it happens, fight or flight girl!! Fight! Fight! Fight! Get up and out do what u gotta do, just 'make it better'. If I can u can, its not easy but its worth it. Keep us updated and much love to you:)
  • jamiek89
    jamiek89 Posts: 105
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    Wow I was NOT expecting so many people to reply! Thankyou so much for taking the time to write back, I can't believe how much better I'm feeling after reading all your responses! It really does seem to help knowing that other people understand & have been through the same thing or know someone who has. I'm taking the advice from above & printing this out for the Doc, & I've also asked my boyfriend to come with me. So fingers crossed all goes well with the doctor. Thank you again, so so much, for lifting me up!

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