Prefer working out alone without discouraging friends

b_bates · February 2015

I joined MFP a few years ago but gave up shortly after. I've lost 10lbs so far in the past 3 weeks and I'm getting a lot of compliments and encouragement, which is great, but a lot of my friends have been inspired to jump on board with me. I know it sounds really weird, but I'm not the type who wants, or needs, a workout buddy to stay motivated or on course. I'm an introvert, which means I'm very much a private and independent individual, as well as physically-insecure. I really hate working out with people that I know and I've always been this way. I started this initiative by using the workout room at my job, but coworkers started noticing and staying after with me. It started slowing me down because most of them want to chat during the whole process (which is really hard to do when I need to run and control my breathing - I have asthma and use an inhaler, but still hyper-focus on keeping my breathing steady). I tried bringing headphones, but I feel like I come off as asocial and rude. Plus, the more people in there, the less room and equipment is available (it's a pretty small workout room) and I'm really insecure about working out in front of people I know. I tried talking to my one coworker/friend about it and letting her know I like exercising by myself, but she took offense to it and hasn't worked out at all since then. I feel terrible because the last thing I want to do is discourage anyone from working out. I finally joined Planet Fitness and I workout twice as hard while I'm there and feel like I accomplish so much more, but now my friends and coworkers want to come with me... how in the world do I escape this without discouraging or offending anyone?

EmmaFitzwilliam · February 2015

First, your friends choose their own actions.
You cannot prevent them from going to the gym at a particular time.
Conversely, you cannot keep them from using your choices as an excuse to impact their actions.

As for working out with them, use your words. "Friend, I am so glad you want to start working out. That's awesome!" Then lay it on the line: "Working out is really hard for me, though, so I'm not social when I'm at the gym."

Start with the positive, but then lay it out. You don't have to tell them why/how it's hard for you. It's difficult, and you work past that by dialing down into yourself. We all do what we need to to accomplish our goals.

If they choose to be offended, that's a different problem, and not yours. In telling them your workout style is solo, you have not said anything offensive. You have not even rejected them. You have set a boundary based on your needs.

GaleHawkins · February 2015

This is one reason I just walk alone and do some stretching in the house each morning.

People that get encouragement from others like to be in a herd.

People that get encouragement from internal resources do not like to be in a herd so much.

How you handle your problem I do not know. I do know one can do a lot at home by being creative. Going to bed at 8 PM (assuming a day schedule) will permit one 8 hours of sleep and still get up at 4 AM. That can cut the number of people wanting to work out with you if that schedule could work in your case.

Keep doing what you are doing and find the 'space' your need to be successful. Long term not being a 'herd' animal can give better and lasting success in your case I expect. If one needs to be in a herd to lose weight and get healthy I expect that person is at a very high risk of regaining 100%+ of any weight loss.

jemhh · February 2015

It's not your job to train with others. Just say "Sorry, but I prefer to work out alone" and leave it at that.

I've found that wearing my introvert nature on my sleeve is best. I make it clear that I like to do most things on my own and I can't think of any of my real friends/family who get upset about it. They know it's my nature and are respectful of it. In return, I step out of my box sometimes and participate in their stuff when it is important to them.

SarahKate2710 · February 2015

I feel the same way. When I'm working out, whether at the gym or running down the street, that is my time to focus on me and I don't want to have to think about anything else. I don't want to think about what I have to make for supper, or doing laundry or worrying about someone lifting without a spotter. I've asked my boyfriend to come to the gym with me a couple of time, but I always feel obligated to cut my workouts short so he doesn't have to hang around and wait for me.

You have every right to be anti-social. Put in your headphones and get into the zone. If friends still want to work out with you, they will have to see your dedication and respect your privacy and/or personal space.

My_Butt · February 2015

I workout alone because no one feels like ever sweating. But I would love a buddy since in very competitive. I would try harder during all my insanity exercises if I had someone next to me.
Some people don't like doing things alone, especially if they find out someone they get along with is working out too. Can't fault them for that.

rileyes · February 2015

b_bates wrote: »

I joined MFP a few years ago but gave up shortly after. I've lost 10lbs so far in the past 3 weeks and I'm getting a lot of compliments and encouragement, which is great, but a lot of my friends have been inspired to jump on board with me. I know it sounds really weird, but I'm not the type who wants, or needs, a workout buddy to stay motivated or on course. I'm an introvert, which means I'm very much a private and independent individual, as well as physically-insecure. I really hate working out with people that I know and I've always been this way. I started this initiative by using the workout room at my job, but coworkers started noticing and staying after with me. It started slowing me down because most of them want to chat during the whole process (which is really hard to do when I need to run and control my breathing - I have asthma and use an inhaler, but still hyper-focus on keeping my breathing steady). I tried bringing headphones, but I feel like I come off as asocial and rude. Plus, the more people in there, the less room and equipment is available (it's a pretty small workout room) and I'm really insecure about working out in front of people I know. I tried talking to my one coworker/friend about it and letting her know I like exercising by myself, but she took offense to it and hasn't worked out at all since then. I feel terrible because the last thing I want to do is discourage anyone from working out. I finally joined Planet Fitness and I workout twice as hard while I'm there and feel like I accomplish so much more, but now my friends and coworkers want to come with me... how in the world do I escape this without discouraging or offending anyone?

You need to focus when working out. That is normal.

With that said, you are lucky you have friends that want to join you. This would be an opportunity to add a team sport to your workout. I'm a hardcore-focused-tennis-nut but I see lots of gals on the courts just for the social aspect. The socializing could lead to a healthy competitive workout.

rileyes · February 2015

EmmaFitzwilliam wrote: »

First, your friends choose their own actions.
You cannot prevent them from going to the gym at a particular time.
Conversely, you cannot keep them from using your choices as an excuse to impact their actions.

As for working out with them, use your words. "Friend, I am so glad you want to start working out. That's awesome!" Then lay it on the line: "Working out is really hard for me, though, so I'm not social when I'm at the gym."

Start with the positive, but then lay it out. You don't have to tell them why/how it's hard for you. It's difficult, and you work past that by dialing down into yourself. We all do what we need to to accomplish our goals.

If they choose to be offended, that's a different problem, and not yours. In telling them your workout style is solo, you have not said anything offensive. You have not even rejected them. You have set a boundary based on your needs.

Good advice.

DvrDawg · February 2015

I workout at home- I can't imagine working out with people at work -awkward. I trolled Craigslist and bought some free weights and an Elliptical Machine. I also do bodyweight routines in my living room in the evening. I can control the tv, play music or whatever. You might consider agreeing to sign up for a class or something with them - then, you can workout with them but the instructor will lead the session and you don't really have to talk. I had thought about joining our gym at work -but, not to workout -more to get access to the trainers and nutritionist -then, they can check form every once in a while, measure my progress and help with diet. But, our gym is heavily subsidized and it only cost about $6 a month to get access to those people.

brendaatje · February 2015

You could tell them that you're not the kind of person who can chat and workout at the same time, that you need your full concentration for your breathing due to your asthma. That you"ll only chat in the changing room or afterwards. Maybe there's a way to get rid of the awkward feeling you get when colleges watch you exercise. Maybe that part just takes time

snowflake930 · February 2015

I like to work out alone also. I have been using the gym at work until a couple of weeks ago when I joined a gym. Not many people use the gym at work, and no one used it in the morning before work when I used it. I had it all to myself, which I really liked. We have showers available so it worked well. I joined a gym to get some help with technique and using the weight machines and weights correctly. I don't want to visit at the gym either. There are only a few people there besides me in the morning when I go, so it works out so far.

Is it possible to change the time you use the gym? Just a thought. Good luck.

Prefer working out alone without discouraging friends

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