Looking for some help

JTulachka143 · February 2015

I am just going to be honest with you all and myself right now. I have probably started this journey towards weight loss 100 times. I always tell myself this time will be different. At 335 pounds I have to start to believe that this time will be different. There are so many reasons I want this journey to be successful, not only for myself but for my 2 beautiful boys and my amazing husband. I want to be able to run and play with my kids. Just this past weekend we took our boys sledding and it was the most embarrassing experience of my life. First off I was to big to fit into any of our warm clothing- including my husbands who only weighs 15 pounds more than me. I had to secure my pants by using a ponytail holder. I couldn't chase my kids up and down the hill because it was to much work and I became to winded. You think that would motivate me more right? NO- it depressed me and I know I am an emotional eater so I came home and ate a pizza hut pizza and a tub of ice cream. When all was done and said I felt mortified, horrible and even more depressed. I have been using MFP this time around off and on for about a month. I have lost 10 pounds so far- but I feel no different. I am not working out because at this point is would just be discouraging since walking makes me winded and so tired. I have been trying to stick to a 1200-1400 calorie a day diet. I do good during the week while at work, however when I get home and I am preparing supper I want what I am making for my family. So instead of having a health low cal, low cab meal I end up indulging and eating the lasagna, meatballs, casserole- or whatever I made. Then I follow that up with chips or ice cream for dessert. Weekends are no better. I just cant seem to follow the plan I have when I am at home.
My husband is supportive of me taking this journey. He wants to be healthy to. But the truth is we both lack will power. Plus he is 6'5 350 pounds which is a much large build than I am. His job is very active and he needs more calories and food fuel than I do. It is just very difficult because I don't want to change their meals because of a life style change I am making. My boys are meat and potato guys. I don't think it is fair to ask them to change because I need to become healthier. Another factor is healthy food/cooking is EXPENSIVE. Not that we are hurting for money but just like any other middle class family we live on a budget and health eating/cooking comes at a price that we cannot afford.
I'm sure a lot of this sounds like excuses- and maybe they are and I am just being to pig headed to acknowledge that. But what I am looking for is partnership, encouragement from the MFP community. How can I stick to this health life style change/journey outside of work? How can I teach myself self control? I still want to eat all the yummy things life has to offer but become healthy? My goal is to get down to 240. It is not what the medical profession would consider healthy but at that weight I felt good, I looked good and I was happy with myself.
Any advice anyone can give would be so much appreciated. I really want this... but wanting it and living it, it two very separate ideas.

I have already cut back on the fast food, soda and snacking considerable. A month ago a typical day of eating for me involved going through McDonalds and getting a sausage biscuit, 2 hash browns and a large diet coke. I would then stop at the local gas station and buy a grab bag of chips. Lunch would typically be another fast food establishment. Dinner would be a casserole or another meal out. After the kids went to bed I would continue my eating and have a large bag of chips with an entire container of dip. I think in the last month I have made great changes but the snaking still continues just at a much lower rate- but eventually that will need to end.

How do I break my bad habits? How do I make myself control follow this plan I have created in my head? I do I teach myself self control?

Why is the journey so difficult?

morael25 · February 2015

Set small goals for your self. Weight loss is difficult and I also lack willpower, however, I started with the small stuff. First I gave up pop, started drinking water. The first week was the hardest, after dropping 10 lbs I thought I got this. The second week I started finding healthy alternatives to eating, instead of picking up that bag of chips from the vending machine, I brought broccoli to snack on. I purchased a dehydrator and started to make my own apple chips and banana chips.

Exercise is something I dread, but I make sure I eat dinner at 5:30 6 at the latest and begin at 7 my exercises (for me its 45 min on my treadmill and 10- 15 min on my elliptical. I love my fitbit because I want to reach my goal of 10,000 steps a day. At the end of day at work I average 3,000-4,000 steps so I will stay on my treadmill till I hit 10,000, once warmer weather arrives I love finding different places to hike.
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The hardest part was changing my eating though. Eating healthy is expensive vs eating junk foods which is cheap, that's what makes it so difficult for people. I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant in 2 years, and I haven't drank pop in 2 years. Another thing you might want to do is see a physician, not only to let them know you want to be healthy but also to rule out health issues such as hypoactive thyroid, or heart issues that would make losing weight difficult. Good luck to you!

JTulachka143 · February 2015

Thanks- I have been consulting with my physician. I have a hypoactive thyroid and am on medications for it. I also have polycystic ovarian syndrome which plays a huge part in the weight gain and difficulty to lose it. My MD discussed an appetite suppressant with me a few weeks ago and I am very hesitant to take that because I feel that will only mask my bad habits and once I stop taking it all the weight will just come back.

4legsRbetterthan2 · February 2015

A few thing:

1. This does get easier it time, and you have to learn to not beat yourself up when you have a bad day, or a few bad days, just keep sincerely putting forth an effort. You will learn as you go.
2. It sounds like your husband is supportive, which is awesome. I would advise you to keep him as much included in your diet plan as you can, the more he knows what you are trying to do and why the more he can support you.
3. Your calorie goal might be too aggressive for you. Sometimes it is worth setteling for a larger calorie goal and slower loss if it means you can stick to it. It seems frusterating but 6 months from now you will see more progress is you lost 1 lb a week than reaching for the 2, getting frusterated, and throwing in the towel.
4. Don't make a big deal out of eating healthier and most likely your kids and husband won't either. My husband is super super picky and also a meat and potatoes kida guy. There is no reason to be cooking entirely seperate meals, make the meat and potatoes for your family, yourself included (learn to eat the things you like in moderation and you will be much happier than excluding them all together). Then add a big portion of vegetables too. Put it all on the table, serve yourself measure meat and potato portions and load up on the veggies. Maybe your kids and hubby will try the new stuff too, win win all the way around.
5. Make a few friends on here. Pick a few that are where you are now and can sympathize with you, and definitely pick some who have made it to where you want to be, they are the ones who can give you the most valuable advice.

Thats just some advice, I have alot more and so do many other people on here.

~best wishes

If you want a friend feel free to add me

NaughtyNibbling · February 2015

Oh man I feel your pain I used to be 256 than went down to 150, but than gained back up to 190, because i was going through a very rough time. Everyday I tell myself it's going to be different but by the end of the day I always binge. What has helped me is not going on a strict diet. I just eat my fav foods but stick to a calorie limit. I was 224lb and my limit was 1400 calories. also measuring my food helps. i also tried to stay away from foods I knew I would have no control over. Like certain ice creams, or pasta. Back then it was much easier to stick to it, but nowadays I just can't get my head right. Maybe because I went through a lot more compared to then, and it's stressing me out. I'm also starting to sleep walk again

blankiefinder · February 2015

Set yourself a healthy calorie deficit that you can live with, and stick to it. Feed your family healthy meals, they will all benefit from it, especially your kids who will learn healthy habits. If your husband needs more calories, he can eat a larger serving. Use a food scale. Ultimately, this is going to come down to YOU. You have to decide that losing weight tastes better than that pizza / burger / fries / ice cream. You can have everything in moderation, but you won't be able to eat enough to fill yourself within your calorie limit if you are indulging every day. If you do need a small treat every day, go for minimal damage. Pick up a bar of high quality dark chocolate, and let yourself eat a *small* serving every evening.

I would recommend using a food scale, and reading the sticky posts at the top of the various forums, starting with

A guide to get you started on your path to Sexypants

Logging accuracy, consistency, and you're probably eating more than you think.

Good luck!

PS If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up

Amanda4change · February 2015

How old are you? And how tall?

JTulachka143 · February 2015

5'5 and I will be 28 on the 16th on this month

Amanda4change · February 2015

I did a quick check of your TDEE (you can find the calculator at this site:http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/). Based on your current weight, height (I selected sedentary for activity level) and age your TDEE (amount you need to maintain your current weight) is: 2739. Subtracting 20% (which should give you a weightless of 1.1 pounds per week, gives you a calorie goal (daily) of 2191. Personally I think you are failing because your current calorie goals are way to aggressive. Instead I would increase your daily calories to 2000-2191. This will give you more calories to work with, allowing you to feel fuller (which should help with the binging).

As for exercise you do not need to work out to lose weight. However the more active you are the better you will feel. You said that walking winds you right now, so start gradually and work your way up. Walk until you get winded, then rest, walk again. Your goal is to slowly increase the amount of time that you can walk with out getting winded. It doesn't matter if you start out at 2 minutes, work toward 3 minutes, then 4 then 5 and so on. Slowly incorporate as much movement as you can in your day. (I do stupid stuff all the time that makes my family look at me like I am nuts. I take one article of clothing from the drier, put it away and go back and get the next, takes me 20-25 minutes to unload the drier, but I take 350 steps or so each load, it all adds up.

Make small changes, as they become routine add others. Such as if you drink soda, switch to diet or give it up all together (you DO NOT HAVE to give anything up as long as you can fit it into your daily calories). Add water to your daily intake. Get a food scale and weight everything solid that goes in your mouth, be totally honest in your logging even if you go over for the day. Your first goal is to get your logging down (right now you have a big enough calorie deficit that small errors aren't going to matter, the closer you get to goal the tighter your logging needs to be as errors can wipe out small deficits).

Small changes can make a big difference, especially starting at the weight you are at, which means that you will see successes sooner rather than later if you stick within your calories.

Edited to add: Happy early Birthday!

JTulachka143 · February 2015

Thanks everyone for all of your thoughts and input. It really means more than you can know. I know this journey will not be easy and there will be days that I want to give up and maybe do give up, but I will always return when the new day starts. With my birthday right around the corner I have to goal of losing the 100+ pound by the 30th birthday. That is 2 years from now. I am confident that I can do it and with the support of MFP community it will only make the journey that much more easy.

Amanda4change · February 2015

If you use the TDEE method that I sent you, you will need to recalculate it every 10 pounds lost. Feel free to friend me if you want

MissJay75 · February 2015

The advice you are getting is very wise. I have gone up and down with my weight for over a decade because I would always try to lose it too aggressively and then it was too hard to keep up with that much sacrifice, and I would quit.

A little over a year ago a light went on, and made my journey more like what the people above are describing. Small goals, eating enough calories to keep cravings at bay. I focused on:
1) calories 1800-2000 on average per day
2) protein 80-100 grams per day (helps me feel fuller and lowers cravings) and
3) minimum of 8 glasses of water per day.

About 5 months in, I found an activity I enjoyed. My kids and I signed up for an all ages martial arts class, and because all we go together, it's nearly impossible to get lazy and skip a day. If you are really out of shape, walking or swimming might be a good start. (My mom is in her late 60s, arthritic, overweight, diabetic, had a hip replacement, a knee replacement, and her spine fused. She has been 'waterwalking' at a local pool for over a year now and lost over 40 pounds with no significant change to her diet. Go mom!)

I have been at it for over a year, through all the holidays, vacations, special occasions, and I can honestly say it was so much easier this time. Being focused on the long term helped me to be patient, and take a slower much more manageable approach. You can do this!

999tigger · February 2015

It needs a lot of work, but you can do it if you apply yourself. You will have to retrain and re-educate yourself. Just a few points:

You really have a massive incentive and motivation in your boys to lose that weight to give yourself the best chance of being around and watch them grow up. Also for your own health. It may be obvious, but it really has to sink in with you that you need to get onto this and deal with it.

You need to replan your diet at the moment I cna see it just making you miservakle and 1200-1400 calories os woefully inadequate for someone your weight. Almost certainly going to be unsustainable. I note aribero has already commented on that figure.I would spend 1 month just logging food, planning and preparing for the journey ahead.

You also need to learn how to use MFP and get the basics of a decent plan put into place. You need to understand what it is you are meant to be doing and work on a realistic way of you being able to lose weight, avoidng many of the common mistakes. It will make your diet so much more effective.

Break your diet down into monthly chunks to give you an idea of whats happening and then treat it one day at a time to follow your plan.

You need to understand why you failed before and have a strategy on place to avoid those things that throw you off course. Being hopeful isnt going to be as effective as knowing you have a plan b and c in place when those problems come along.

Make a diet you can live with and sustain.

Get friends to advise and support you.

Most importantly commit and take it seriously. You can do it,

Ps eating healthy doesnt have to be expensive. Completely untrue.

deaniac83 · February 2015

First of all, others are right that your calorie goal is way too restrictive. I have been there. I would stick to it for a month, maybe 2, then go right back to the cravings and it gets worse. I have now picked a less restrictive plan, and my cravings are gone. So first, pick the right calorie target. TDEE-15 or TDEE-20% is plenty enough. You won't see results tomorrow, but remember that ANY calorie deficit will cause weight loss. And the slow and steady kind of loss is what you keep.

Second, do NOT deny yourself the food you love. If you do, you will not be able to continue your diet plan. What you need to do is eat the food you love, in moderation. Add the healthy stuff to that. Again, when I tried to deny myself the foods I loved, I couldn't maintain the plan. I would get ice cream and finish a half a gallon box in 3 days tops. Now, I allow myself treats. One scoop of ice cream when I have been good all day. And you know what? I don't have the craving to go back and get more!

Healthy food habits are good for everyone in your family, including your husband and your boys. Look up some of the healthy and delicious recipes here. It also doesn't have to cost too much. Make smart replacements. Instead of mashed potatoes with your meat, try sliced avocados. They even make the meat taste better. Instead of using oil to cook your meats/veggies, use cooking wine with a dash of lemon juice. If you aren't stripping the fats from your meats before you cook, that's okay, but let the meat cook in its own fat instead of adding oil. Shop at your farmer's market, and buy seasonal fruits and veggies. The fact is, when your body gets nutritious calories instead of empty one, it will be satisfied for longer.

Looking for some help

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