Weight loss haters, what gives?

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clmarino55
clmarino55 Posts: 13 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Has anyone had trouble with people telling them they are too thin and they need to stop losing weight? Instead of cheering you on... They seem to try to derail your goals! My husband is included in this!! He gets pouty (he's a tad over weight) and jealous. It's... Annoying to say the least. Lol. Anyone else feel this way!?!

*side note* I'm 5'3 and after having my daughter I was 132 and not working out... I felt unhealthy! I started eating healthier and working out daily and am now 113!!! I feel great and confident again!!! :) I don't think that's too thin... Right?*
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Replies

  • Deedee1111111
    Deedee1111111 Posts: 66 Member
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    Depending on your frame - nope! As long as you're eating healthy, and living a healthy lifestyle, I don't see the problem. I'm 5'2.5" and am aiming for 115ish (if it looks ok on my frame).
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    How long has it been since you lost the weight?

    It takes a while to adjust for those of us who have lost--give your husband some time to adjust too.
  • Jolinia
    Jolinia Posts: 846 Member
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    My final goal weight is lower than that (I'm also 5'3). I felt and looked great at around 110, with maybe two or three pounds I still could have done without. My theory is, we Americans aren't used to seeing thin people anymore, so we have some distorted perceptions.
  • clmarino55
    clmarino55 Posts: 13 Member
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    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    How long has it been since you lost the weight?

    It takes a while to adjust for those of us who have lost--give your husband some time to adjust too.

    I started working out hard in August. So it's been almost 6 months.
  • clmarino55
    clmarino55 Posts: 13 Member
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    Jolinia wrote: »
    My final goal weight is lower than that (I'm also 5'3). I felt and looked great at around 110, with maybe two or three pounds I still could have done without. My theory is, we Americans aren't used to seeing thin people anymore, so we have some distorted perceptions.

    Haha that's very true!
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    I listen to my husband. He's the only person who has anything invested in my body apart from me and has a right to a say

    If I disagree my vote wins but I still listen and try to assess objectively

    One of the reasons I'm on maintenance
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    I think that some people legitimately need to hear the feedback that they're being unhealthy or are too thin, because they might well have an ED and people are concerned about them.

    You, however, sound like you're at a healthy weight and feeling good about yourself. Some insecure people might have trouble with others feeling happy and healthy. Maybe your husband is deep-down worried that if you get too healthy and fit, you won't be attracted to him anymore if he's a bit overweight? I'm sure even he knows that's silly, but fears like that aren't always rational.

    Most of the time, it's about them, not about you.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
    edited February 2015
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    Also, just to add: Study after study in the US seems to indicate that we women are way harder on ourselves than men are on us when it comes to what we perceive as a healthy or attractive weight. When shown photos and images, men tend to find women sexier and more attractive at a higher, curvier weight, while women tend to feel that their ideal weight is lower. Of course, this varies person to person. But many men don't find the model-thin body type as attractive as the curvier type.

    http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144503000251

    Just goes to show, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.
  • PoisonIvy088
    PoisonIvy088 Posts: 107
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    I usually don't tell them I'm losing. My mom once told me I had an eating disorder and I'm not that thin. That hurt. So when I have to explain my ways of eating I tell them its just because I want to feel healthy, not because I want to lose weight.
  • peleroja
    peleroja Posts: 3,979 Member
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    I have similar stats (I'm 5'4" and maintain around 118) and my fiance does think I look better a few pounds heavier, but as long as I'm healthy and happy, that's ultimately not really his decision. He just likes it when there's a couple extra pounds on my chest, and I don't feel like that's a valid reason for me to be heavier, haha.

    If you're energetic and healthy, not preoccupied with further loss, and you like the way you look, even loved ones' opinions shouldn't be a reason to change yourself. I agree that a husband is worth listening to even about something this personal because he does have some investment in your body, absolutely, but he still doesn't get to make the final decisions about it.
  • acheben
    acheben Posts: 476 Member
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    I wouldn't call your husband a "hater."

    It seems normal that close family would be somewhat concerned when a loved one undergoes a pretty big life change. That being said, they're probably just concerned about your well being and not "jealous."
  • RosieWest8
    RosieWest8 Posts: 185 Member
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    when I first joined MFP I weighed like 175lbs and am 5'3". I was eating a lot healthier at work and there were many women there who told me 'Oh, you don't need to lose weight' or would comment about how healthy I was being. They weren't being mean but I thought it was weird they were telling me I didn't need to lose weight because I definitely was overweight and didn't look great. I think it makes others uncomfortable sometimes to see another person being consistent (eating healthy and working out) and seeing results when they wish they were doing that but for whatever reasons aren't.
  • Jolinia
    Jolinia Posts: 846 Member
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    segacs wrote: »
    Also, just to add: Study after study in the US seems to indicate that we women are way harder on ourselves than men are on us when it comes to what we perceive as a healthy or attractive weight. When shown photos and images, men tend to find women sexier and more attractive at a higher, curvier weight, while women tend to feel that their ideal weight is lower. Of course, this varies person to person. But many men don't find the model-thin body type as attractive as the curvier type.

    http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144503000251

    Just goes to show, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

    I agree, and I know I have my own issues with my body. Damn you 42 year-old body that doesn't look like an 18 year-old catwalk model and never did!

    However, I also experienced the joy of running without jiggle on my middle last year, and I liked it. I'm highly annoyed by it since its return and it has to go!
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    Jolinia wrote: »
    I agree, and I know I have my own issues with my body. Damn you 42 year-old body that doesn't look like an 18 year-old catwalk model and never did!

    If it makes you feel any better, those 18-year-old catwalk models are usually the most insecure about their own bodies, and filled with the most irrational self-loathing out of everyone. Haven't you ever seen rail-thin model women bemoaning all the things they hate about their bodies?

    Healthy and happy is a great goal, but it's not gonna happen via the scale alone. A lot of it is getting in the right mental headspace to see ourselves as happy and healthy.
  • Jolinia
    Jolinia Posts: 846 Member
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    segacs wrote: »
    Jolinia wrote: »
    I agree, and I know I have my own issues with my body. Damn you 42 year-old body that doesn't look like an 18 year-old catwalk model and never did!

    If it makes you feel any better, those 18-year-old catwalk models are usually the most insecure about their own bodies, and filled with the most irrational self-loathing out of everyone. Haven't you ever seen rail-thin model women bemoaning all the things they hate about their bodies?

    Healthy and happy is a great goal, but it's not gonna happen via the scale alone. A lot of it is getting in the right mental headspace to see ourselves as happy and healthy.

    You're right about that. And those models often earn their money (surprisingly some don't make as much as you'd think) by really wrecking their bodies to stay as thin as they are.
  • clmarino55
    clmarino55 Posts: 13 Member
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    segacs wrote: »
    I think that some people legitimately need to hear the feedback that they're being unhealthy or are too thin, because they might well have an ED and people are concerned about them.

    You, however, sound like you're at a healthy weight and feeling good about yourself. Some insecure people might have trouble with others feeling happy and healthy. Maybe your husband is deep-down worried that if you get too healthy and fit, you won't be attracted to him anymore if he's a bit overweight? I'm sure even he knows that's silly, but fears like that aren't always rational.

    Most of the time, it's about them, not about you.

    Thank you!!! That was very helpful advice. :)
  • clmarino55
    clmarino55 Posts: 13 Member
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    acheben wrote: »
    I wouldn't call your husband a "hater."

    It seems normal that close family would be somewhat concerned when a loved one undergoes a pretty big life change. That being said, they're probably just concerned about your well being and not "jealous."

    I don't think my husband is a hater lol. I meant in general. I see your POV :) thanks
  • clmarino55
    clmarino55 Posts: 13 Member
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    peleroja wrote: »
    I have similar stats (I'm 5'4" and maintain around 118) and my fiance does think I look better a few pounds heavier, but as long as I'm healthy and happy, that's ultimately not really his decision. He just likes it when there's a couple extra pounds on my chest, and I don't feel like that's a valid reason for me to be heavier, haha.

    If you're energetic and healthy, not preoccupied with further loss, and you like the way you look, even loved ones' opinions shouldn't be a reason to change yourself. I agree that a husband is worth listening to even about something this personal because he does have some investment in your body, absolutely, but he still doesn't get to make the final decisions about it.

    Haha this is awesome! Loved your reply!!! :)
  • clmarino55
    clmarino55 Posts: 13 Member
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    RosieWest8 wrote: »
    when I first joined MFP I weighed like 175lbs and am 5'3". I was eating a lot healthier at work and there were many women there who told me 'Oh, you don't need to lose weight' or would comment about how healthy I was being. They weren't being mean but I thought it was weird they were telling me I didn't need to lose weight because I definitely was overweight and didn't look great. I think it makes others uncomfortable sometimes to see another person being consistent (eating healthy and working out) and seeing results when they wish they were doing that but for whatever reasons aren't.

    I agree with you!!! I think at the end of the day if you are eating healthy and doing the right things, you have to do what makes you happy.

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