Weight loss haters, what gives?
clmarino55
Posts: 13 Member
Has anyone had trouble with people telling them they are too thin and they need to stop losing weight? Instead of cheering you on... They seem to try to derail your goals! My husband is included in this!! He gets pouty (he's a tad over weight) and jealous. It's... Annoying to say the least. Lol. Anyone else feel this way!?!
*side note* I'm 5'3 and after having my daughter I was 132 and not working out... I felt unhealthy! I started eating healthier and working out daily and am now 113!!! I feel great and confident again!!!
I don't think that's too thin... Right?*
*side note* I'm 5'3 and after having my daughter I was 132 and not working out... I felt unhealthy! I started eating healthier and working out daily and am now 113!!! I feel great and confident again!!!
I don't think that's too thin... Right?* 0
Replies
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Depending on your frame - nope! As long as you're eating healthy, and living a healthy lifestyle, I don't see the problem. I'm 5'2.5" and am aiming for 115ish (if it looks ok on my frame).0
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How long has it been since you lost the weight?
It takes a while to adjust for those of us who have lost--give your husband some time to adjust too.0 -
My final goal weight is lower than that (I'm also 5'3). I felt and looked great at around 110, with maybe two or three pounds I still could have done without. My theory is, we Americans aren't used to seeing thin people anymore, so we have some distorted perceptions.0
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azulvioleta6 wrote: »How long has it been since you lost the weight?
It takes a while to adjust for those of us who have lost--give your husband some time to adjust too.
I started working out hard in August. So it's been almost 6 months.
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My final goal weight is lower than that (I'm also 5'3). I felt and looked great at around 110, with maybe two or three pounds I still could have done without. My theory is, we Americans aren't used to seeing thin people anymore, so we have some distorted perceptions.
Haha that's very true!0 -
I listen to my husband. He's the only person who has anything invested in my body apart from me and has a right to a say
If I disagree my vote wins but I still listen and try to assess objectively
One of the reasons I'm on maintenance0 -
I think that some people legitimately need to hear the feedback that they're being unhealthy or are too thin, because they might well have an ED and people are concerned about them.
You, however, sound like you're at a healthy weight and feeling good about yourself. Some insecure people might have trouble with others feeling happy and healthy. Maybe your husband is deep-down worried that if you get too healthy and fit, you won't be attracted to him anymore if he's a bit overweight? I'm sure even he knows that's silly, but fears like that aren't always rational.
Most of the time, it's about them, not about you.0 -
Also, just to add: Study after study in the US seems to indicate that we women are way harder on ourselves than men are on us when it comes to what we perceive as a healthy or attractive weight. When shown photos and images, men tend to find women sexier and more attractive at a higher, curvier weight, while women tend to feel that their ideal weight is lower. Of course, this varies person to person. But many men don't find the model-thin body type as attractive as the curvier type.
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144503000251
Just goes to show, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.0 -
I usually don't tell them I'm losing. My mom once told me I had an eating disorder and I'm not that thin. That hurt. So when I have to explain my ways of eating I tell them its just because I want to feel healthy, not because I want to lose weight.0
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I have similar stats (I'm 5'4" and maintain around 118) and my fiance does think I look better a few pounds heavier, but as long as I'm healthy and happy, that's ultimately not really his decision. He just likes it when there's a couple extra pounds on my chest, and I don't feel like that's a valid reason for me to be heavier, haha.
If you're energetic and healthy, not preoccupied with further loss, and you like the way you look, even loved ones' opinions shouldn't be a reason to change yourself. I agree that a husband is worth listening to even about something this personal because he does have some investment in your body, absolutely, but he still doesn't get to make the final decisions about it.0 -
I wouldn't call your husband a "hater."
It seems normal that close family would be somewhat concerned when a loved one undergoes a pretty big life change. That being said, they're probably just concerned about your well being and not "jealous."0 -
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when I first joined MFP I weighed like 175lbs and am 5'3". I was eating a lot healthier at work and there were many women there who told me 'Oh, you don't need to lose weight' or would comment about how healthy I was being. They weren't being mean but I thought it was weird they were telling me I didn't need to lose weight because I definitely was overweight and didn't look great. I think it makes others uncomfortable sometimes to see another person being consistent (eating healthy and working out) and seeing results when they wish they were doing that but for whatever reasons aren't.0
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Also, just to add: Study after study in the US seems to indicate that we women are way harder on ourselves than men are on us when it comes to what we perceive as a healthy or attractive weight. When shown photos and images, men tend to find women sexier and more attractive at a higher, curvier weight, while women tend to feel that their ideal weight is lower. Of course, this varies person to person. But many men don't find the model-thin body type as attractive as the curvier type.
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144503000251
Just goes to show, sometimes we are our own worst enemies.
I agree, and I know I have my own issues with my body. Damn you 42 year-old body that doesn't look like an 18 year-old catwalk model and never did!
However, I also experienced the joy of running without jiggle on my middle last year, and I liked it. I'm highly annoyed by it since its return and it has to go!0 -
I agree, and I know I have my own issues with my body. Damn you 42 year-old body that doesn't look like an 18 year-old catwalk model and never did!
If it makes you feel any better, those 18-year-old catwalk models are usually the most insecure about their own bodies, and filled with the most irrational self-loathing out of everyone. Haven't you ever seen rail-thin model women bemoaning all the things they hate about their bodies?
Healthy and happy is a great goal, but it's not gonna happen via the scale alone. A lot of it is getting in the right mental headspace to see ourselves as happy and healthy.0 -
I agree, and I know I have my own issues with my body. Damn you 42 year-old body that doesn't look like an 18 year-old catwalk model and never did!
If it makes you feel any better, those 18-year-old catwalk models are usually the most insecure about their own bodies, and filled with the most irrational self-loathing out of everyone. Haven't you ever seen rail-thin model women bemoaning all the things they hate about their bodies?
Healthy and happy is a great goal, but it's not gonna happen via the scale alone. A lot of it is getting in the right mental headspace to see ourselves as happy and healthy.
You're right about that. And those models often earn their money (surprisingly some don't make as much as you'd think) by really wrecking their bodies to stay as thin as they are.0 -
I think that some people legitimately need to hear the feedback that they're being unhealthy or are too thin, because they might well have an ED and people are concerned about them.
You, however, sound like you're at a healthy weight and feeling good about yourself. Some insecure people might have trouble with others feeling happy and healthy. Maybe your husband is deep-down worried that if you get too healthy and fit, you won't be attracted to him anymore if he's a bit overweight? I'm sure even he knows that's silly, but fears like that aren't always rational.
Most of the time, it's about them, not about you.
Thank you!!! That was very helpful advice. 0 -
I wouldn't call your husband a "hater."
It seems normal that close family would be somewhat concerned when a loved one undergoes a pretty big life change. That being said, they're probably just concerned about your well being and not "jealous."
I don't think my husband is a hater lol. I meant in general. I see your POV thanks 0 -
I have similar stats (I'm 5'4" and maintain around 118) and my fiance does think I look better a few pounds heavier, but as long as I'm healthy and happy, that's ultimately not really his decision. He just likes it when there's a couple extra pounds on my chest, and I don't feel like that's a valid reason for me to be heavier, haha.
If you're energetic and healthy, not preoccupied with further loss, and you like the way you look, even loved ones' opinions shouldn't be a reason to change yourself. I agree that a husband is worth listening to even about something this personal because he does have some investment in your body, absolutely, but he still doesn't get to make the final decisions about it.
Haha this is awesome! Loved your reply!!! 0 -
RosieWest8 wrote: »when I first joined MFP I weighed like 175lbs and am 5'3". I was eating a lot healthier at work and there were many women there who told me 'Oh, you don't need to lose weight' or would comment about how healthy I was being. They weren't being mean but I thought it was weird they were telling me I didn't need to lose weight because I definitely was overweight and didn't look great. I think it makes others uncomfortable sometimes to see another person being consistent (eating healthy and working out) and seeing results when they wish they were doing that but for whatever reasons aren't.
I agree with you!!! I think at the end of the day if you are eating healthy and doing the right things, you have to do what makes you happy.0 -
clmarino55 wrote: »I think that some people legitimately need to hear the feedback that they're being unhealthy or are too thin, because they might well have an ED and people are concerned about them.
You, however, sound like you're at a healthy weight and feeling good about yourself. Some insecure people might have trouble with others feeling happy and healthy. Maybe your husband is deep-down worried that if you get too healthy and fit, you won't be attracted to him anymore if he's a bit overweight? I'm sure even he knows that's silly, but fears like that aren't always rational.
Most of the time, it's about them, not about you.
Thank you!!! That was very helpful advice.
My boyfriend (dating 7 years) actually told me that he was worried that I would leave him when I reached my goals. But I've noticed that the more i learn to love myself, the more I love him.
I have had some friends that have seen me (after not seeing me for a while) say some thing like "God I hate you... J/k you look great!" or "your going to blow away if you don't stop losing weight" (I still have 16 lbs to go, I'm 5'7" 151lbs) I started off thinking "Oh they're just noticing that I've lost weight and are joking around" Then it started to get really annoying when they kept doing... every time i saw them.0 -
determined24girl wrote: »clmarino55 wrote: »I think that some people legitimately need to hear the feedback that they're being unhealthy or are too thin, because they might well have an ED and people are concerned about them.
You, however, sound like you're at a healthy weight and feeling good about yourself. Some insecure people might have trouble with others feeling happy and healthy. Maybe your husband is deep-down worried that if you get too healthy and fit, you won't be attracted to him anymore if he's a bit overweight? I'm sure even he knows that's silly, but fears like that aren't always rational.
Most of the time, it's about them, not about you.
Thank you!!! That was very helpful advice.
My boyfriend (dating 7 years) actually told me that he was worried that I would leave him when I reached my goals. But I've noticed that the more i learn to love myself, the more I love him.
I have had some friends that have seen me (after not seeing me for a while) say some thing like "God I hate you... J/k you look great!" or "your going to blow away if you don't stop losing weight" (I still have 16 lbs to go, I'm 5'7" 151lbs) I started off thinking "Oh they're just noticing that I've lost weight and are joking around" Then it started to get really annoying when they kept doing... every time i saw them.
I hear you! 0 -
When I first lost weight a few years ago, I was at about 160 and 5'6 (before i ballooned..
), and still wanted to lose at least 30 pounds. I literally had people tell me that I better not lose anymore weight, that I wouldn't look good, that I would be anorexic (130 isn't even at the super low end of bmi for 5'6)
Some people have legitimate concerns, and some people just can't wrap their head around someone's new appearance. It's frustrating, but at some point, people get used to the new you0 -
RosieWest8 wrote: »when I first joined MFP I weighed like 175lbs and am 5'3". I was eating a lot healthier at work and there were many women there who told me 'Oh, you don't need to lose weight' or would comment about how healthy I was being. They weren't being mean but I thought it was weird they were telling me I didn't need to lose weight because I definitely was overweight and didn't look great. I think it makes others uncomfortable sometimes to see another person being consistent (eating healthy and working out) and seeing results when they wish they were doing that but for whatever reasons aren't.
Welcome to The Crab Bucket.
It's actually a good place to be - it means you are doing things that others won't and going places they fear to go. You are ahead of the pack.
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Yup. Still have at least 10 lbs to lose to feel in a 'safe' point of healthy BMI (and I'll still be at a high point on the healthy end of the BMI scale then, but I carry weight really well and look WAY lighter than I am, and prefer my softer curves). Starting when I was still 20lbs overweight (actually overweight; not just over where I want to be), people started telling me I looked fine and should stop losing, asking with real concern if I'd developed an eating disorder (maybe because I didn't stop eating Doritos and donuts and they thought I couldn't possibly be *enjoying* myself on a diet and was puking it up, or something?), etc etc. Friends who are also trying to lose at least outright told me they were jealous and didn't want to feel like they were losing the 'game' (???), but... yeah. Everyone from coworkers to workers at the restaurants I frequent.
Hubby hasn't said it though: just that he thought I was sexy before and now I've become irresistible. LOL. Of course, he's in this with me and has lost at least as much if not more, so the feeling is mutual
So yeah... it happens!0 -
It depends...I told my sister to stop losing weight because even though she was at the low end of a "healthy" BMI, she looked sickly...her weight did not fit with her athletic frame and she burned a lot of muscle mass up and just looked like a bag of bones and skin. I wasn't hating or jealous or whatever...she's my sister...I was concerned.
BMI is a range in order to accommodate various body types, not so you can pick and choose an arbitrary number within that range and call it "healthy."
It may very well be that people are jealous or whatever...but in my experience, when people who love you and care about you start making these kind of comments, it's a good idea to at least pay some heed.0 -
clmarino55 wrote: »Has anyone had trouble with people telling them they are too thin and they need to stop losing weight? Instead of cheering you on... They seem to try to derail your goals! My husband is included in this!! He gets pouty (he's a tad over weight) and jealous. It's... Annoying to say the least. Lol. Anyone else feel this way!?!
*side note* I'm 5'3 and after having my daughter I was 132 and not working out... I felt unhealthy! I started eating healthier and working out daily and am now 113!!! I feel great and confident again!!! I don't think that's too thin... Right?*
I have trouble with people(family) telling me that the goal I have set for myself is too low!! I haven't even reached it yet! I am not even half way there! I am not sure what to take from it. I just tell them if I am satisfied at a higher weight I will stop there, but for now 132 is my goal!!!
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My brother and his wife were like this a few years ago. I lost 50 pounds and they were constantly telling me that I needed to eat more. They were on Weight Watchers and not losing any weight. An example of the way they ate, I saw the two of them put down an entire taco kit. That's 1/2lb of beef each along with seasoning, shells and toppings. It amazed me that they couldn't figure out why they weren't losing weight.0
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My parents make comments. I'm 5'2" and about 140 lbs currently (I tend to hover around this weight). They have told me not to lose "too much weight" and my mom thought I was "addicted to working out" when I worked out 3 times a week.
I'm all for people speaking up if there is a concern, but come on... 3 hours a week of exercise is "addicted"?
ETA: I find it odd that the comment on my exercise, but have no concerns about my brother who does no physical activity, spends hours watching TV/playing video games & eats fast food several times a week.0 -
SergeantSausage wrote: »RosieWest8 wrote: »when I first joined MFP I weighed like 175lbs and am 5'3". I was eating a lot healthier at work and there were many women there who told me 'Oh, you don't need to lose weight' or would comment about how healthy I was being. They weren't being mean but I thought it was weird they were telling me I didn't need to lose weight because I definitely was overweight and didn't look great. I think it makes others uncomfortable sometimes to see another person being consistent (eating healthy and working out) and seeing results when they wish they were doing that but for whatever reasons aren't.
Welcome to The Crab Bucket.
It's actually a good place to be - it means you are doing things that others won't and going places they fear to go. You are ahead of the pack.
THIS IS AWESOME!!! haha!0
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