Low self esteem is ruining my life....

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hannahlbur
hannahlbur Posts: 221 Member
in Motivation and Support
I wouldn't normally post this kind of thing on a fitness board but as everyone here is so supportive!!

I just feel like low self esteem has and is ruining my life.

I have some major problems to deal with - mainly debt and money problems. But also my weight. Being someone who likes exercise and is really into fitness it is gut wrenching that I cannot lose weight. I am so motivated I want it. But stress/depression/anxiety/tiredness gets in my way. I don't sleep well as I am stressing and worrying and then I am tired in the day so I eat more!! It's that vicious circle and is so hard to get out of. I can't just shut my worrying mind off esp with the money problems they are right in my face.

I was diagnosed with depression last year (think I have had it on and off for a while which is why I ended up with the debt) and I have been slowly getting better-ish.

It is so frustrating that this the one thing I have the most control over - my weight - and the thing I want to change most but I still struggle and feel like I am getting nowhere. I set myself a huge challenge a couple of months ago in the hope that it would motivate me but I am not going to do it and will feel crap for failing.
I have made small progress over the past few weeks - I have gone back to the gym with a venegance and I have been gradually cutting down some snacks and chocolate. But there is no movement on the scales so it's just not good enough. I am tough on myself but I kinda feel like I have to be - things aren't going to change otherwise. I even have fitness and nutrition qualifications! I used to be a gym instructor FFS why can't I get a grip?!

When I was at school I was bullied and told I was ugly and fat and all kinds of things. I am now really self conscious of how I look and certain features because of the bullying. I know it was a long time ago but it doesn't just disappear. I have had counselling which helped a bit but still I'm at a sticking point.
I haven't even dated much because I didn't have the confidence to. If I ever got asked out I would just say no as I thought they were making a mistake/prob wouldn't like me anyway/was scared to. I have dated a little bit this year and last but it has been really disastrous. I blame my lack of success with men on my looks and think maybe I am not fanciable.

So all this stress about money, men, my looks, my weight, work is constantly spinning round in my mind. But if I could lose weight I know I would feel better, be healthier and be more confident if not completely recovered. Grr it's so frustrating!!

How do you lose weight when you are a stresshead and you eat your feelings?!?!

Replies

  • RTricia
    RTricia Posts: 720
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    ::::::::::::::::::: breathe ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    hang in there, one day at a time....
  • hannahlbur
    hannahlbur Posts: 221 Member
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    *hyperventilates*

    !!
  • clintbritt3
    clintbritt3 Posts: 123
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    I'm sorry... I do understand though. I too feel quite depressed at times.... I'm a young mother of 4 children and they are GREAT kids, very rarely give me anything to stress about, but I still find myself sitting on the couch, depressed and snacking a lot I had a great week last week of eating good and working out a lot and then I hurt my back lifting one of my kids into the grocery cart and it all spiraled out of control. For me it doesn't take much to throw me off a good path. I really need someone to inspire me and keep me motivated. I am always really hard on myself but I realized that there is nothing I can do to change the past, I just need to work harder on making better decisions for the future, and even if I fail, there's always tomorrow... that has really helped me give myself a break. I hope everything will go better for you, financially and physically :)
    Brittany
  • reallivefitness
    reallivefitness Posts: 99
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    I hate to break it to you, but I think you have it backwards - usually it's not until you are confident and happy with your life that you start losing weight. It sucks, but it's usually the case. And, from my personal experience, if you are eating a lot of soy products or carbs, that could be contributing to feeling not so great... Just what I've had happen. *hug*
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,108 Member
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    Start writing all this down on a blog or a journal .....just let all your thoughts flow, don't publish it (unless you want to.) You'll be surpirsed at the inner wisdom you will find.

    Counselling is good when you are in crisis mode, but I have been through a lot, and I personally don't believe a counselor will ever know me as well as I know myself. At the very best, all a counselor can do is ask you good questions, and leave you to your own devices the rest of the week.

    You are going to heal yourself, no one else. Not your family or your friends. You. All alone. With your thoughts. Even psychiatric drugs have drawbacks.

    Get on the viscious cirlce of searching for your answers. Your Answers. Exercise, healthy diet and self-reflection can and will heal you .

    Take care. and breathe.


    ______________________edit: typo
  • TonyTrinch
    TonyTrinch Posts: 48
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    You're singing my song! I've found for me that it wasn't enough to cut down on the snacking. I used that as my emotional crutch and try as hard as I might to "cut down" I found it really difficult. I had to remove all the snack food, esp chocolate, from my apartment. When I get in a down space and it's late at night and I'm feeling worthless, stressed out, unloveable, unsexy, ect ect ect, then if it's in the house, it's going down my throat.

    Instead I have "healthy snacks" tucked away in my snack stash spots. It generally pisses me off at 1:00am when I really want a bag of chips or box of cookies, but I've found that about 10 min later I'm glad I didn't have that emotional crutch to lean on.

    The poor self-esteem, negative feelings, negative thinking, negative self-talk is all still there, but instead of eating it away, I have to actually feel it. The shocking thing I've found...it passes, as do most feelings.

    Sticking to my calorie plans, getting myself up and exercising, has had a positive effect. I've lost 11 lbs so far and I'm actually feeling so much better about myself now, but it's taking time and owning those negative feelings. I use the blog feature here vomit out all the negative stuff. Getting it out of my head and on paper/screen has helped alot.

    None of this is easy, that's for sure, and I wish I could tell you it's all gonna be alright, but I can't. I don't have a crystal ball and have no idea if the things stressing you out are going to improve or not. What I do know is that the stuff stressing me out is getting easier to handle as I'm getting healthier, mentally and phsyically. I'm finding new solutions to things I've been struggling with and putting up with for years now. The things in my life aren't changing, I am, and that's where my power comes from.

    Stick it out!
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
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    Ok, lets take a look at a couple of things here
    I set myself a huge challenge a couple of months ago in the hope that it would motivate me but I am not going to do it and will feel crap for failing.
    I have made small progress over the past few weeks - I have gone back to the gym with a venegance and I have been gradually cutting down some snacks and chocolate.

    You're making progress, so you can't be failing. You may not meet your original goal, but if you keep going to the gym and eating right, you'll get to your goal. If it takes a bit longer, so be it. You WILL get there!!!

    I blame my lack of success with men on my looks and think maybe I am not fanciable.

    My god, you are gorgeous! If the guys you've gone out with haven't been able to see that, then it's their problem, not yours.

    How do you lose weight when you are a stresshead and you eat your feelings?!?!

    By sticking with the good choices that you've already made. By realizing that it won't happen overnight, but it WILL happen. By knowing that no one is perfect, we're all human, and we WILL make mistakes.

    We will also learn from them.

    Progression, not perfection!
  • AndriaLL
    AndriaLL Posts: 162
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    While I don't feel qualified to give you any hints about losing weight (I can't seem to drop weight myself), there are a lot of other things you can do besides lose weight to achieve a healthier self esteem. Of course there's changing the way you think about things (positive self talk, dropping an all-or-nothing attitude--ie if you fail at something you are not a total failure) and I'm pretty sure you can look those techniques up online. But there are also things you can do--like volunteering. I volunteer for an animal rescue and it is a real boost to have people appreciate you for things like that. The martial arts may be really good for you, too, as it sounds like you enjoy exercising.

    Anyway, just a couple of things that helped me with self esteem. I hope it all gets better soon!
  • reneeot
    reneeot Posts: 773 Member
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    try cognitive behavorial treatments. If you have a counselor that's best but you can do it on your own. Google it. You have to fix your mind first other wise you will not be able to fix your body. I wish you well. I also am dealing with anxiety/depression that I developed from a ordeal and surgery 3 months ago.

    I take meds, see a counselor, exercise regularly, eat healthy and take supplement (b-complex, magnesium calm, omega 3, vitamin C & complex vitamen) and above all else Prayer.

    The psychiatrist finally found the right meds for me and for 2 whole weeks I've felt like my normal self.

    You can too!! Hang in there!
  • pkpzp228
    pkpzp228 Posts: 146 Member
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    So all this stress about money, men, my looks, my weight, work is constantly spinning round in my mind. But if I could lose weight I know I would feel better, be healthier and be more confident if not completely recovered. Grr it's so frustrating!!

    Another person said it and I'll repeat it. This is backwards, love, confidence, esteem, health, these are not feelings or attitudes that are created through losing weight or changing your looks. Your body is a temple and not being true to it nor recognizing that you are beautiful and that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now will only hinder you on the path to your goals.

    Attitude is a catalyst both for positive and negative results. Start by seeing that your self worth has NOTHING to do with your ability to run fast, make money, do handstands... you are not your story or your failures. Change the way you see yourself and your body will follow.

    ivkcjl.jpg
  • modernfemme
    modernfemme Posts: 454 Member
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    I hate to break it to you, but I think you have it backwards - usually it's not until you are confident and happy with your life that you start losing weight. It sucks, but it's usually the case. And, from my personal experience, if you are eating a lot of soy products or carbs, that could be contributing to feeling not so great... Just what I've had happen. *hug*

    This.

    When I first started my business, I gained back all the weight I originally lost plus some. Stress management is totally key. For me, yoga definitely works.

    Perhaps you can address someone about your financial issues - and get yourself back on track. Of course I was offering someone I know, but pretty sure we're in different countries... doh!

    xo
  • wills2be
    wills2be Posts: 26
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    From someone who has been there with the low self esteem (and at times I still do) and money issues. Once I tackled the money issues and everything else that was running thru my mind I started to feel more relieved and less stressed, this will be the time when exercise will really happen. A councellor would be a great idea, I think they are very helpful, a budget advisor or the like could help with the money area, just have faith that things will get better, because they do. Be nice to yourself and keep positive. All the best :)
  • captainfez
    captainfez Posts: 18 Member
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    I know it's not really personally helpful, but you can rest assured that in some way, school years suck for everybody. Either that, or they only sucked for you and me, because I got the same sort of crap from people. (I had the good fortune of being the only Aussie kid in a New Zealand school - and fat, etc etc... even the religion teacher picked on me. And in an all-boys' school... ack.)

    But the thing that's helped me most is not caring about what people think or say. I mean, I do still - to a certain extent - but I'm old enough now to know that everyone has problems, everyone feels like a **** sometimes, and everyone else has neuroses of their own. So why make a rod for my own back and invest in what they reckon?

    I'm finding it also helps for me to view things in terms of day-to-day. It's really easy to look at my weight and go "wow, lose thirty kilos? Bugger that.", and just knock it on the head and not try. But I look each day at trying to make my calories fit in. And I look each session at trying to do a little better at the gym than I did last time. Little pieces.

    This is one of those situations where, as frustrating as it seems, you won't find it if you look for it. Like lost car-keys, I suspect satisfaction only hoves into view when you're concentrating on something else, or even when you're not concentrating... it happens when you're not fixated on MAKING IT HAPPEN. It took me a long time to accept that fact, but when I did I started being less down on myself and the world.

    Like others have suggested, finding something that works for you is probably crucial. Something that lets you get outside yourself for a while, to have a holiday. Me, I play big drums, over extended periods. When I hit minute eight or ten of a session, I find myself in a place where there's just me, noise, and not much else. You need to find what that is for you, I guess - it won't fix everything, but it'll be somewhere that'll let you shut off your brain for a while.
  • hannahlbur
    hannahlbur Posts: 221 Member
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    Thank you all for your kind words. I will have a read through later when I have time to take it in and respond.

    Thanks

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