Starting again...again

HI!
My name is Kate. I'm making this post hoping it will keep me on the right track, perhaps making my journey public will keep me from giving up yet again? I hope so anyway.

I'll start by telling you a bit (I tend to ramble, so probably more than a bit) about myself.

I am 35 years old, 5 foot even, and weigh 210 pounds. I have spent years going from one diet to another, and eventually giving up for one reason or another. I haven't always been overweight. Until I got pregnant with my first (18 years ago) I was always between 110-120. I gained ALOT of weight with my first pregnancy, which is sad since I had her at 7 months and she only weighed 4 lb 3 oz. After I had her, I never lost all the weight. After I had my second, I lost back down to 155, and stayed there for a long time. Then I got pregnant with my third, and it all went downhill from there. After having her, I weighed around 170ish, then I had my fourth. (alot of kids, I know) After having my fourth I did manage to get back down to around 180. During my first 2 pregnancies, I worked a very physically demanding job, so the weight I was at I tended to stay around that. My second 2 pregnancies, I was a stay at home mom and was constantly cooking this or that, and the pounds kept coming. I have since divorced, and after spending so much time at home my professional license had expired. I had worked in nursing all my life, and had no idea how to do anything else. I applied at everything from fast food to factories, with no success...so depression crept in and I found myself eating to sooth my wounds, which of course has gotten me to where I am today. Between my fourth baby, and now I have randomly went on diets, only to give up a week or 2 later for some lame reason I came up with. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I felt like a boulder was dropped on me and I decided enough is enough, I can't do this anymore. I had just upgraded my phone, and was lying on the bed when my boyfriend used it to take a picture of me. I HATE pictures, so so much. When I do take pictures of myself, I find that I tend to take the only of my face and from a top angle so my double chin doesn't show. Now, I knew I was fat, but until I saw the picture he took of me I had no idea it had gotten so bad. I was horrified. Over the next few days, I tried to forget it, but I couldn't. I used to look so good, was always so proud of how I looked, and I let myself become this? I used to wouldn't even leave the house without nice clothes and my make up on and hair fixed. Now you'll see me strolling through the grocery store with my hair in a bun, no makeup and sweats on. I try to think back when I stopped giving a damn, and I can't recall. I want the person I used to be back, I liked her, I don't like this person I am now at all.

My boyfriend is supportive...kind of. He doesn't exactly agree that I need to lose weight. His words are always, "you're not fat" or "I don't care how much you weigh". Things along those lines. My reply is "first off, I know I'm fat, I have eyes. Second, YOU may not care how much I weigh, but I do. If it's important to me, I need for it to be important to you". He has since shut up and doesn't really say much at all about it now. Which doesn't help either. Maybe I'm just being difficult.

I'm really "noob" to this. Any advice, or input would be very much appreciated. According to the calculations I should be following a 1200 cal diet, which I trying to but it has been VERY difficult, and I'm only on day 4. I'll also be using a stationary bike, 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the evening, as well as the cardio video from the 21 day fix 3 times per week (just the videos, not the containers). My goal weight is 125 long term. Short term, I just want to find a routine that works for me and doesn't leave me frustrated as I am today and get under 190.

So sorry for rambling, but I hope putting it all out there will give me a boost to keep on track this time. Thank you so much for reading!