NEED HELP WITH SELF-CONTROL

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I am always truly amazed when I see success stories of people that lost hundreds of pounds. How do they do it? Starting out, they are in much worse shape then I am but manage to get to a weight much lower than mine in just a few years. I have been struggling for over a year. I lost the first 15 pounds relatively quickly. It's been a year since that 15 pounds left me and 5 came back on. I am a binge eater and can't stay focused. I keep making excuses to eat bad foods... valentine's day, weekend, promotion, what have you... how can I stop altogether?

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  • sheldonklein
    sheldonklein Posts: 854 Member
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    No one can help you to stop making excuses, except, perhaps, a therapist. Either you want to lose weight or you don't.
  • Jolinia
    Jolinia Posts: 846 Member
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    It's like a maze. Every time I hit a wall, I find a way around it rather than stop or go back. Although it's not like I haven't regained ten or fifteen here and there that I have to lose again, but I've never gone back to even being really overweight, much less obese again. Just put your brain in forward mode and figure out what works for you.
  • Mudakon
    Mudakon Posts: 19 Member
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    It probably won't stop until you realize that this isn't about "doing a x months long diet" it's about changing your life to become healthier. When you realize that you'll see success.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I don't think it is as simple s @herrspoons makes out. Otherwise there are a whole bunch of otherwise intelligent people missing the boat out there. I assume that most people have a fair amount of intelligence to work things out.

    Sitting back helpless hoping someone will take over your willpower won't work either.

    I find a personal brainstorming session followed up with a strategy to try for a few weeks gets me out of my funk. Here's some tips on halting a binge session.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/jgnatca/view/halting-a-binge-session-715131
  • grandmothercharlie
    grandmothercharlie Posts: 1,361 Member
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    Not my quote, but myfavorite MFP quote: "Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard."
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    AND you don't have to stop enjoying foods you love altogether. There's a pattern of thinking among dieters, called "all or nothing" thinking. It is self-defeating as the first time you fall off the wagon you give up altogether. Replace all-or-nothing with 80/20. Resolve to stick to your plan 80% of the time, or five days out of seven. You will continue to lose weight, without the sense of failure. Win-win!
  • DKG28
    DKG28 Posts: 299 Member
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    Look for a way to make peace with food as fuel. It's tough when we want to use food for celebration, comfort, relieving boredom, and when other people do just that around us. It's a cultural convention to throw food at every occasion. I'll confess I love birthdays for the cake. When I realized that I should be celebrating with the person, not with the cake, and that the cake always captured my attention, I was able to redirect the focus to the person and ignore the cake. But every time I reach for food and it's not mealtime, I have to go through the process of figuring out if I really want to do that. It's not easy. It doesn't come automatically. But you have more strength than you know. Just like muscles, you have to exercise that inner strength for it to grow. But there's definitely some there already-that's all you need to get going in the right direction again.
  • doobzflo
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    DKG28 wrote: »
    Look for a way to make peace with food as fuel. It's tough when we want to use food for celebration, comfort, relieving boredom, and when other people do just that around us. It's a cultural convention to throw food at every occasion. I'll confess I love birthdays for the cake. When I realized that I should be celebrating with the person, not with the cake, and that the cake always captured my attention, I was able to redirect the focus to the person and ignore the cake. But every time I reach for food and it's not mealtime, I have to go through the process of figuring out if I really want to do that. It's not easy. It doesn't come automatically. But you have more strength than you know. Just like muscles, you have to exercise that inner strength for it to grow. But there's definitely some there already-that's all you need to get going in the right direction again.


    Wow, that was extremely helpful! I like what you said about shifting the focus back on the event/people, and not the food, which is what I tend to do.
  • doobzflo
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    Stop whining and get on with it. It's that simple.

    I wish I were that mentally tough...
  • Jolinia
    Jolinia Posts: 846 Member
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    doobzflo wrote: »
    DKG28 wrote: »
    Look for a way to make peace with food as fuel. It's tough when we want to use food for celebration, comfort, relieving boredom, and when other people do just that around us. It's a cultural convention to throw food at every occasion. I'll confess I love birthdays for the cake. When I realized that I should be celebrating with the person, not with the cake, and that the cake always captured my attention, I was able to redirect the focus to the person and ignore the cake. But every time I reach for food and it's not mealtime, I have to go through the process of figuring out if I really want to do that. It's not easy. It doesn't come automatically. But you have more strength than you know. Just like muscles, you have to exercise that inner strength for it to grow. But there's definitely some there already-that's all you need to get going in the right direction again.


    Wow, that was extremely helpful! I like what you said about shifting the focus back on the event/people, and not the food, which is what I tend to do.

    I like this, too. Especially when I think bday, I get an instant mental image of the cake, not a person!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    @herrspoons, simple and easy are not equivalent either. doobzflo, mental toughness is not required either. There are plenty of skinny people running around with floppy brains.

    I believe in deliberately and methodically changing one habit after another so it feels like the most natural thing in the world. No reason to spook your inner hedonist. Have fun with this!
  • doobzflo
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    doobzflo wrote: »
    herrspoons wrote: »
    Stop whining and get on with it. It's that simple.

    I wish I were that mentally tough...

    It's not being mentally tough. It's just accepting that you're the only one who can make the change.

    Weight loss is boring, rubbish, repetitive, and requires consistency. It's not difficult though.

    What has your experience with weight loss been?
  • doobzflo
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    @herrspoons, simple and easy are not equivalent either. doobzflo, mental toughness is not required either. There are plenty of skinny people running around with floppy brains.

    I believe in deliberately and methodically changing one habit after another so it feels like the most natural thing in the world. No reason to spook your inner hedonist. Have fun with this!

    What do you think of food addiction? Do you think it's a real thing? I feel that I'm an addict because it truly affects my mood when I can't have what I want. Some people have told me that I will struggle with this the rest of my life and that's what I'm scared of...

    What do you think? You have some insightful thoughts.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    What do you think of food addiction? Do you think it's a real thing? I feel that I'm an addict because it truly affects my mood when I can't have what I want. Some people have told me that I will struggle with this the rest of my life and that's what I'm scared of...

    Well, it's not like cigarettes where we can give up the addiction cold turkey. Food is kind of necessary, and nice. There's plenty of evidence that some people become compulsive about food, and perhaps a simpler way of looking at it for most people is that they become habituated to their old patterns.

    Looking back I think I self-medicated with carbohydrates to keep me calm. I'm much more bouncy these days; hard to keep me down. But a lot of my old habits are permanently gone, really! But I might be tracking and monitoring for a long while yet.

    Diabetics have to track for life. Heart attack survivors must stay fit or fail. Cancer survivors similarly go in for their annual checkups. People with chronic conditions can deny it and descend in to ill-health, or face it and make it part of their new life. It's do-able.

    I linked my blog on stopping a binge session above. Some of those strategies may help.

    It doesn't have to be a struggle.

    Believe me, I look forward to my runs, my new mobility. I like the new bouncy, bouncy me.
  • Roxiegirl2008
    Roxiegirl2008 Posts: 756 Member
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    I had to take a different approach to the way I looked at food. The entire time I was loosing weight I didn't really give up the foods I liked. I instead adjusted my meals that day to account for what I wanted. If I knew we were going to get wings that night I would adjust the rest of my day to account for those calories. I think one reason I didn't stay with this journey in the past was due to me totally cutting out foods. I also learned portion control. For example...I didn't need to eat 20 wings I was ok with

    I also added activity to my days so I could get extra calories for days I knew I was going to eat something higher in calories. I made it a game with myself.