Yes, No, Odd, or can ex lovers be friends?

Options
13

Replies

  • pest3147
    pest3147 Posts: 617 Member
    Options
    No no no no no
  • Morgan5647
    Morgan5647 Posts: 598 Member
    Options
    Yes I think people can remain friends
  • ChicagOH
    ChicagOH Posts: 75 Member
    Options
    Contact due to children is mandatory and a very different thing. Can't believe I even had to say that. Unless you have negotiated an open relationship (and plenty of people do), NOT going to the ski lodge with an ex lover could probably be chalked up under the "basic things I chose to give up to enjoy commitment".
  • Morgan5647
    Morgan5647 Posts: 598 Member
    Options
    ChicagOH wrote: »
    Contact due to children is mandatory and a very different thing. Can't believe I even had to say that. Unless you have negotiated an open relationship (and plenty of people do), NOT going to the ski lodge with an ex lover could probably be chalked up under the "basic things I chose to give up to enjoy commitment".

    I agree. People can stay friends but to go away for a weekend is asking for trouble and it is also completely off the scale weird!!
  • WishesOnTheStar
    WishesOnTheStar Posts: 114 Member
    Options
    keef1972 wrote: »
    (my pal just calls me, and is a little troubled): His wife is going skiing with the guy she almost married.

    lmao sorry but got some bad news for your bro. If his wife has any respect for him at all there is no way she would be going on a vacation with her ex ESPECIALLY if her husband isn't comfortable with it.

    Not only that, if she has made plans to go on vacation with this guy, she has definitely been in touch with him for a while. They may have already been secretly meeting. You should tell him to do some snooping, check her phone messages and fb, may already have evidence of cheating and he should document that for the inevitable divorce.

  • Spnneil06
    Spnneil06 Posts: 18,745 Member
    Options
    I can. All of my ex's are my friend with the exception of one, and we were friends until I moved away and lost his number. It's possible I suppose.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Options
    Friends? Yes.

    Go on vacation with your ex? Hell, No!

    Recipe for disaster. It's not only hazardous, it's disrespectful to even suggest it.
  • justinegibbons
    justinegibbons Posts: 918 Member
    Options
    I think it's disrespectful she even proposed that. If my guy has girl friends, it's whatever (as long as she's not some skeeze, obviously) but to hang out with an ex? Yeah, I wouldn't be good with that.
  • wnlbutterfly
    wnlbutterfly Posts: 35 Member
    Options
    My first thought is NO... ski date with ex.... but more info needed. Is it a group outing with maybe a batch of their mutual friends?? What are the sleeping arrangements?? Was the bf invited and couldn't attend? I do believe trust is important in a relationship, but also not putting yourself into compromising situations where old feelings or too much booze could impair judgment.
  • donnawtm
    donnawtm Posts: 35 Member
    Options
    Whether anything would happen is not even the point IMO I think the fact that she expects her man to be ok with this is a bloody cheek and completely disrespectful.
    I would be livid beyond words if my hubby suggested going away with another girl let alone an ex! When you are in a committed relationship some things are just not appropriate.
  • LoneWolfRunner
    LoneWolfRunner Posts: 1,160 Member
    Options
    I've been a divorce attorney for over 31 years. I can say with a great deal of certainty that if she goes on the trip, it will not end well. And from what I can glean from the situation, it's probably not going to end well even if she decides to not go. "Innocent" friendships and alcohol keep me quite busy.
  • PerfectMisfit
    PerfectMisfit Posts: 360 Member
    Options
    I think it's a little odd, for sure.
  • Jolinia
    Jolinia Posts: 846 Member
    Options
    Yep. I find it odder to start dating a longtime friend than to become friends with an ex. As long as the ex wasn't a nutter or a jerk, that is.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
    edited February 2015
    Options
    There's a difference between remaining "friends" and going away on a trip with an ex...very big difference IMO.

    I remain friends with a couple of my exes...I would never even consider going on a ski trip or any other kind of trip with them unless my wife was also invited.
  • AmandaHugginkiss
    AmandaHugginkiss Posts: 486 Member
    Options
    Posts like this make me very happy I napalmed all the bridges between me and my exes.

    OP, you're friend is screwed. If it's an innocent encounter, then he's going to look cuckolded, and people will talk behind his back. If it isn't innocent, then he's going to be cuckolded.

    There's being friends with an ex, occasionally talking on Facebook or meeting each other's families or even just meeting for coffee to catch up. It's another thing entirely when the ex is single and there's a ski trip involved. Ski trips almost always mean booze and sex, with maybe a little skiing thrown in to say you actually skied.
  • jadeheart1994
    jadeheart1994 Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    That is not good women and men cannot be friends. If she respects her husband she will not go and if he really doesn't want to lose her he wont let her go.man people these days complicate there lives and make unnecessary promblems.
  • JeriAnne84
    JeriAnne84 Posts: 543 Member
    Options
    keef1972 wrote: »
    (my pal just calls me, and is a little troubled): His wife is going skiing with the guy she almost married.

    Waaaaaaaaaait wut? Did she ask him if that was okay for her to do or did she just flat out tell him she was doing it. The way its worded sounds like to me she just told him it was happening and didn't ask.

    I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend going on a trip with his ex he almost married. I know he wouldn't be okay with me going on a trip with one of my exs. Plus, I'd never consider doing that because 1. I don't talk to any of my exs, and 2. even if I knew nothing would happen between us, I wouldn't put my boyfriend in a position to be uncomfortable like that. He trusts me but I think it's still a crappy thing to do to him.

    And why would she want to go away with him anyway? Wouldn't that be something you'd rather do with your spouse than someone you almost married? Even if you were friends, I'd still want my spouse with me.

    He needs to talk to her and tell her how he feels. If she can't respect his feelings on the issue and gets upset because he's being "controling" or whatever, then maybe she needs to be booted because if she can't respect his feelings on this, what else will she not respect his feelings on. As long as he respects her feelings in return.
  • dougpconnell219
    dougpconnell219 Posts: 566 Member
    Options
    I'm still friends with my college ex fiance. By friends I mean there was a period of years where we ran into each other and it was awkward, and now we run into each other and I could care less.

    My wife and I have discussed divorce before. She said "would we still be friends?" and I laughed and said no.

    Once we get to the point where I don't want to be around you anymore or see you naked anymore, I don't want to hang out either.
  • Metazoick
    Metazoick Posts: 96 Member
    Options
    jadeheart1994 wrote: »
    That is not good women and men cannot be friends. If she respects her husband she will not go and if he really doesn't want to lose her he wont let her go.man people these days complicate there lives and make unnecessary promblems.

    That's just flat out untrue. Men and women have platonic relationships aaaall the time - I don't think I know a single person who doesn't have a friend of the opposite gender and the majority of my friends aren't my gender either. It is possible (and damn common) to be able to interact and be friends with somebody of the gender you're attracted to, and to do it without daydreaming about what's in their pants.

Categories