Fat-positive people, how do you feel about your changing body?

pensierobello · February 2015

I'm interested to know those of us losing weight feel psychologically about being plus-size but shrinking and how that fits into their experience of the fat-positive/plus size community? I've lost three stone in the past year with loads more to go and my body is really changing and I find myself not quite feeling like I fit in any more, even though I know not being 16+ doesn't make you not part of the community or able to stand for its aims. Although I've always been big and I'm still in the 'obese' category (and a 34GG!), I'm now a 14-16 more than an 18-20, and it's definitely changing how I feel about myself when I'm at the gym, buying clothes and generally hanging around with people.

Jolinia · February 2015

Sounds like you'd make a good ambassador for health and fitness without being so heavy that you risk issues down the road and without conforming to the fashion model ideal, either. Regardless, you need to find the weight you feel best at and are healthiest at, fitting in anywhere is not required.

pensierobello · February 2015

Thanks

I am working on it - I get that, I just feel like a bit of a fraud somehow!

DanniB423 · February 2015

I am not fat positive about myself.. But I am positive I am fat

jgnatca · February 2015

I am betting you will love this article:
http://www.weightymatters.ca/2015/01/guest-post-unexpected-side-effects-of.html
I am in a similar position as you. My new heroines are large female athletes. I relate to them even as my body continues to get smaller.

Here's mirna's blog:
http://fatgirlrunning-fatrunner.blogspot.ca/

Jackie Stringer, triathlete

And....drumroll....I blogged about personal image today.

http://jgnatbuzz.blogspot.ca/2015/02/evolving-self.html

Sedna_51 · February 2015

Ah, this is a really good question! I could write a whole screed on it. I think in my case being fat-positive or body-positive and weighing less than I once did makes me that much more determined to speak out and stand up against gross fat-phobic ideas. Because honestly, body-positivity is what made me feel happy and connected with my body in the first place, no matter what it looks like! And that acceptance was what let me to think about changing my habits so they're a little healthier.
I do still have that kind of impostor syndrome, though- I don't expect to find things in my size, I'm shocked when people smile at me, etc. Which makes me that much more determined to call out stuff when I see it, because /I deserved that before/. And my fat friends deserve it all now.
I also want to second the post above about large female athletes- I, too, find big athletic women so inspiring and reassuring.

ibamosaserreinas · February 2015

Sedna_51 wrote: »

Ah, this is a really good question! I could write a whole screed on it. I think in my case being fat-positive or body-positive and weighing less than I once did makes me that much more determined to speak out and stand up against gross fat-phobic ideas. Because honestly, body-positivity is what made me feel happy and connected with my body in the first place, no matter what it looks like! And that acceptance was what let me to think about changing my habits so they're a little healthier.
I do still have that kind of impostor syndrome, though- I don't expect to find things in my size, I'm shocked when people smile at me, etc. Which makes me that much more determined to call out stuff when I see it, because /I deserved that before/. And my fat friends deserve it all now.
I also want to second the post above about large female athletes- I, too, find big athletic women so inspiring and reassuring.

I love this. I wish that the fat-positive movement really was more like what you are talking about - more about being body-positive.

rbfdac · February 2015

I started as a 26, am now a 20/22, and my goal is a 14/16-- all "fat", all "plus sized". I enjoy my plus sized, tall body and I don't plan to get rid of it, only make it healthier and more attractive to myself. I don't live for anybody else.

I'm not a fat-positive person, but I'm a body-positive person. Love your body, whether it be skinny, fat, tall, short, etc. You can be any of those and still be healthy (I understand those are fightin' words to some) and happy.

kamack1215 · February 2015

To me, I see a big difference between the "Fat-Positive" and the "Plus-size Positive". I do not mean to offend anyone but I am just speaking on behalf of my experience.

The distinction between the two that I have found is that Fat-Positive people are usually in denial with themselves about their health. the way I see it is that fat-positive embraces the unhealthy habits. It always put the thought in the back of my mind that says I am allowed to be fat and eat whatever I want because it's my choice and I should be loved no matter what. But bc of this mentality I wasn't really seeing the negative impacts that my actions had on my health. My knees were beginning to hurt, my ankles were really weak, I didn't sleep well at night, and could never make it to lunch at work without feeling like I was going to pass out from being so tired.

I am currently in the obese category for my BMI (5'1.5; 185lbs; SW202). I have switched my view to a Plus-size Positive one as opposed to Fat-Positive. The word Fat just always got to me and gave me excuses to eat horribly. Now that I am embracing the Plus-Size Positive view, I have a lot more energy because I am wrapping my head around the fact that I can be plus size and healthier. Accepting this, I have been given so much more motivation to continue my healthy eating habits and exercising regularly. I have only lost 17lbs so far from my 52lbs goal but I see a huge difference in my energy levels and my body doesn't jiggle as much. I feel a lot more comfortable and am even wearing a tshirt and jeans right now for the first time in years because I never felt comfortable with my "muffin top" I developed over the 5 years in university. Accepting the fact that plus size is okay as long as you make good food choices and exercise regularly took a long time but now that I have it makes me feel a lot better about all my progress and I stop looking at 120lbs people wishing I was that size.

FourthChakra · February 2015

I still get vindicated and angry sometimes when I, or someone else, is shamed for their size. I want to smash the image that fat people are horrible, inherently unhealthy, lazy people. I want to crush those who've told me my life means nothing because I'm fat. I want to wear bikinis and eat my ice cream, and give the finger to people who say I don't deserve to do that because my body is larger than theirs.

But instead of just saying, "Screw everything, I'm fine the way I am," I realized I CAN be body-positive by being a healthy individual, regardless of my size.

My husband told me once, and it stuck every since; if you don't love yourself, you won't find yourself worth of changing.

So, I embraced my fatness, and in doing so realized that my body needs maintenance to continue being this amazing vessel! While I still have my bad days about society and how they treat larger people, and wishing I could just find some clothes in a mall without going to a "plus sized store." I try to remained myself my body is no one's business but my own, and it doesn't matter what size I am, as long as I am healthy.

pensierobello · February 2015

Thank you, these are great! Really loved Mirna's blog. That picture is awesome - I wish it hadn't disappeared off the site, would be interested to know more about the woman.

jgnatca wrote: »

I am betting you will love this article:
http://www.weightymatters.ca/2015/01/guest-post-unexpected-side-effects-of.html
I am in a similar position as you. My new heroines are large female athletes. I relate to them even as my body continues to get smaller.

Here's mirna's blog:
http://fatgirlrunning-fatrunner.blogspot.ca/

Jackie Stringer, triathlete

And....drumroll....I blogged about personal image today.

http://jgnatbuzz.blogspot.ca/2015/02/evolving-self.html

pensierobello · February 2015

I think that's great! Maybe it's body positivity instead of fat positivity then! I totally have imposter syndrome

Sedna_51 wrote: »

Ah, this is a really good question! I could write a whole screed on it. I think in my case being fat-positive or body-positive and weighing less than I once did makes me that much more determined to speak out and stand up against gross fat-phobic ideas. Because honestly, body-positivity is what made me feel happy and connected with my body in the first place, no matter what it looks like! And that acceptance was what let me to think about changing my habits so they're a little healthier.
I do still have that kind of impostor syndrome, though- I don't expect to find things in my size, I'm shocked when people smile at me, etc. Which makes me that much more determined to call out stuff when I see it, because /I deserved that before/. And my fat friends deserve it all now.
I also want to second the post above about large female athletes- I, too, find big athletic women so inspiring and reassuring.

pensierobello · February 2015

I think you've got it quite right - sounds like you're doing amazing work for yourself and your motto is perfect

rbfdac wrote: »

I started as a 26, am now a 20/22, and my goal is a 14/16-- all "fat", all "plus sized". I enjoy my plus sized, tall body and I don't plan to get rid of it, only make it healthier and more attractive to myself. I don't live for anybody else.

I'm not a fat-positive person, but I'm a body-positive person. Love your body, whether it be skinny, fat, tall, short, etc. You can be any of those and still be healthy (I understand those are fightin' words to some) and happy.

pensierobello · February 2015

That's really interesting. I guess I do agree to some extent - there is very much a 'free and easy' mentality with fat positive people. Which is cool, but for myself, like you, I was noticing the negative impact on my back and my energy levels.

kamack1215 wrote: »

To me, I see a big difference between the "Fat-Positive" and the "Plus-size Positive". I do not mean to offend anyone but I am just speaking on behalf of my experience.

The distinction between the two that I have found is that Fat-Positive people are usually in denial with themselves about their health. the way I see it is that fat-positive embraces the unhealthy habits. It always put the thought in the back of my mind that says I am allowed to be fat and eat whatever I want because it's my choice and I should be loved no matter what. But bc of this mentality I wasn't really seeing the negative impacts that my actions had on my health. My knees were beginning to hurt, my ankles were really weak, I didn't sleep well at night, and could never make it to lunch at work without feeling like I was going to pass out from being so tired.

I am currently in the obese category for my BMI (5'1.5; 185lbs; SW202). I have switched my view to a Plus-size Positive one as opposed to Fat-Positive. The word Fat just always got to me and gave me excuses to eat horribly. Now that I am embracing the Plus-Size Positive view, I have a lot more energy because I am wrapping my head around the fact that I can be plus size and healthier. Accepting this, I have been given so much more motivation to continue my healthy eating habits and exercising regularly. I have only lost 17lbs so far from my 52lbs goal but I see a huge difference in my energy levels and my body doesn't jiggle as much. I feel a lot more comfortable and am even wearing a tshirt and jeans right now for the first time in years because I never felt comfortable with my "muffin top" I developed over the 5 years in university. Accepting the fact that plus size is okay as long as you make good food choices and exercise regularly took a long time but now that I have it makes me feel a lot better about all my progress and I stop looking at 120lbs people wishing I was that size.

pensierobello · February 2015

Yes, quite. I have had so many comments that make me think 'so, you thought I looked awful when I was bigger?' And I'm not saying that that's what they mean, but it's how it comes out! Health is the most important thing, at the end of the day.

FourthChakra wrote: »

I still get vindicated and angry sometimes when I, or someone else, is shamed for their size. I want to smash the image that fat people are horrible, inherently unhealthy, lazy people. I want to crush those who've told me my life means nothing because I'm fat. I want to wear bikinis and eat my ice cream, and give the finger to people who say I don't deserve to do that because my body is larger than theirs.

But instead of just saying, "Screw everything, I'm fine the way I am," I realized I CAN be body-positive by being a healthy individual, regardless of my size.

My husband told me once, and it stuck every since; if you don't love yourself, you won't find yourself worth of changing.

So, I embraced my fatness, and in doing so realized that my body needs maintenance to continue being this amazing vessel! While I still have my bad days about society and how they treat larger people, and wishing I could just find some clothes in a mall without going to a "plus sized store." I try to remained myself my body is no one's business but my own, and it doesn't matter what size I am, as long as I am healthy.

breathebelievejen · February 2015

what a great topic! I am supportive of fat acceptance, body positivity and health at every size.. hard not be as a feminist. Feeling well and strong and being comfortable, even confident, in your body and your whole self is, to me, the most wonderful thing I could ask for. I've been overweight and almost obese by BMI standards but sometimes feel like I can't give the same input to the community when I'm at a lower weight. It bugs me the way people change the way they talk to you when you're smaller too... like just because you don't consider me fat as I am now doesn't mean you suddenly have the right to makes fat jokes around me or generally be an arsehole about people's bodies.

really wanted to add more to this but I have to head an get some breakfast. Will be following this out of curiosity. Great to see other FA, body positive and HAES fans on here

palwithme · February 2015

I have learned so much from this thread. Thanks for posting. I have a friend who is really into the fat positive movement. She is constantly posting pictures of herself on Facebook eating donuts and other foods. I didn't know what to think about it. Now I do. There's a difference between loving your body and being defensive about being overweight.

deannab22 · June 2015

@jgnatca Thank you so much for sharing that post about Jackie Stringer. I vaguely remember that picture going around the web, but I didn't really read up on it. I read that now, & it hits me so hard. I think about all of the times in the past when I was concerned about "looking silly" or something and so I DIDN'T do things that would have made me happy; I didn't run, I didn't play, I didn't move, I didn't try new things because I was worried about what other people would think of me. Jackie has it exactly right, though: she did it.

tomatoey · June 2015

kamack1215 wrote: »

To me, I see a big difference between the "Fat-Positive" and the "Plus-size Positive". I do not mean to offend anyone but I am just speaking on behalf of my experience.

The distinction between the two that I have found is that Fat-Positive people are usually in denial with themselves about their health. the way I see it is that fat-positive embraces the unhealthy habits. It always put the thought in the back of my mind that says I am allowed to be fat and eat whatever I want because it's my choice and I should be loved no matter what.

Well, the bolded part can't not be right. Love shouldn't be conditional that way, at least with partners and family and close friends. You can love someone and disagree with their actions.

I do think that's a bit harder when it comes to thinking about yourself, though. Can I love myself - or I'm not sure what that actually means; say, accept myself, not think I'm horrible, have a strong self-concept and a good feeling about who I am, at the same time that I disagree with my own actions? I think that's harder than loving another person despite them doing something troublesome*.

Or is it? We all know we could do better in some areas, and still think we're generally ok. I'm not great at fixing mechanical objects, that doesn't wound me. But I think your body is so central to your self concept, your physical experience in the world (just moving around in it - with ease or hardship), and the ways others react to you on really core points - like, attractiveness, pleasantness, even intelligence or social class - all those are judgements that bodies evoke... it's hard to split it off as easily as something like not being handy or good at math. Or even your professional identity, which gets inflected by the body judgements, like it or not.

*by "troublesome", I mean lacking good health habits, where that applies.

jgnatca · June 2015

I read an article this month from Psychology Today that really hit home about our self talk.

Your Inner Voice
Scientists now find that the right self-talk can free us from our fears and make us as wise about ourselves as we often are about others.

Why is it that we reserve our kindest advice for others, and often beat on ourselves for our own failings? Like "I am so disgusted", or, "You are so stupid." We wouldn't expect our friends to react positively to comments like this, so why do we think it is OK to do to ourselves?

I see this a lot on MFP, when newbie posters come for another weight loss attempt, because they are disgusted with themselves, how they look, what they eat. Over time, that's a whole lot of years not liking themselves. It's fine to recognize our reflection and determine to make a change, but I would like the language around that change to be as kind and as wise as it can be. So that for goodness sake, we can enjoy every day of the transformation, not just the success day.

Fat-positive people, how do you feel about your changing body?

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