In a Relationship, when you fight...

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graelwyn
graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
in Chit-Chat
Is it normal for the guy to disappear and not see you for a week or more, and to not call or answer his phone?
After a year with someone, almost every evening together, we had a bad day, and I have not seen him since, even though we were meant to be going to stay with my mother today for a few nights in London, for the first time together.

It is hurting me so much as it took a long time for us to get together, and we are talking someone who is 50.
Both have mild aspergers, but I don't know if that is a factor in what he has done.

Replies

  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
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    I would say no, although I can't speak for the aspergers side of it. I would expect a level of maturity to talk through the issues, rather than take off. Do you know if this a pattern for him in other relationships? I think that would be the best indicator if this is normal for him or not.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    Erm.. No. Whenever my fiancé and I fight, we do our own thing for a bit (within the house) and then once we've cooled off, we go back and talk. Neither leaves for a few days or doesn't talk to the other.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    sounds strange to me.

    Do you even know where he is? Could you go see him?
  • megimoops
    megimoops Posts: 22 Member
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    not sure what to say, but maybe he feels insecure after your few words, but as he is not answering you calls etc, can you chat to his friends, they may know how to help you
    sorry for your sadness right now
    thinking of you

    meg
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Not normal if they are older than about 16. Even then I'd have considered it immature.
  • Serenity64
    Serenity64 Posts: 37
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    Not normal...although could be a function of his asperger's if you've seen similar avoiding behaviors from him in the past. Is this is how he normally responds to stressful situations?
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    To add more info, he had only had one relationship in his life, over 20 years before he met me, and it took him sometime to get close to me, to be honest. He has always walked his own path and done his own thing, and I was the first person he got so close to. He does not have friends, although he talks to lots of people. I know where he lives, obviously, but he has never answered his bell as he doesn't like being disturbed by random people who tend to ring it. It is inevitable I will run into him in town eventually. and I dread this as it will upset me so much to be treated like a stranger again if he has walked away from me.

    We dont live together, we spent every evening together, however at my place. He disappeared for a week once before, and I sent a letter, and he called, and when I asked why he hadnt contacted me, he asked why I hadnt tried to call him. Well, this time I have, on 3 different evenings, and it just rang and rang til I got the answer machine. I think it is so cowardly and selfish to just cut off contact like this and not let me know one way or another. I asked him last time to let me know if he needs a break or wants to split up because I tend to get so very badly affected by this sort of thing.

    I have sent a letter, but I feel that I should not have to. If he has ignored my calls and not called himself, then to me it suggests he is trying to just walk away into the sunset and forget me. Wouldnt be so bad were it not for how unusual it was we got together in the first place, and how close we had become.

    I half wonder if he is keeping off contact until after our planned london stay with my mother, because he was scared of staying in a strangers home and the change.
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    To add more info, he had only had one relationship in his life, over 20 years before he met me, and it took him sometime to get close to me, to be honest. He has always walked his own path and done his own thing, and I was the first person he got so close to. He does not have friends, although he talks to lots of people. I know where he lives, obviously, but he has never answered his bell as he doesn't like being disturbed by random people who tend to ring it. It is inevitable I will run into him in town eventually. and I dread this as it will upset me so much to be treated like a stranger again if he has walked away from me.

    We dont live together, we spent every evening together, however at my place. He disappeared for a week once before, and I sent a letter, and he called, and when I asked why he hadnt contacted me, he asked why I hadnt tried to call him. Well, this time I have, on 3 different evenings, and it just rang and rang til I got the answer machine. I think it is so cowardly and selfish to just cut off contact like this and not let me know one way or another. I asked him last time to let me know if he needs a break or wants to split up because I tend to get so very badly affected by this sort of thing.

    I have sent a letter, but I feel that I should not have to. If he has ignored my calls and not called himself, then to me it suggests he is trying to just walk away into the sunset and forget me. Wouldnt be so bad were it not for how unusual it was we got together in the first place, and how close we had become.

    I half wonder if he is keeping off contact until after our planned london stay with my mother, because he was scared of staying in a strangers home and the change.
    I'm really sorry. :( But to be perfectly honest this does not sound like a man who you (or anyone) could have a healthy relationship with.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
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    That is most.def.strange
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    No... I don't understand anyone that can stay angry for more than like... a half hour at someone they care about.

    Seriously?? I've been with my husband for 22 years (married almost 19 years). We rarely argue but when I have gotten angry with him it can last a lot more than 30 minutes. That doesn't mean I leave or he leaves or we act like teenagers with the silent treatment idiocy but we can be angry and still love each other while staying in the same house and sleeping in the same bed.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    I would talk to someone that knows him and the situation better.
  • mcbrainder
    mcbrainder Posts: 73 Member
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    I agree. Not good.
  • softblondechick
    softblondechick Posts: 1,275 Member
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    Any guy who treated me like that would be off the radar. The world is full of men, find a new one.

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