Need advice, what am I doing wrong?

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  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    gmallan wrote: »
    Physique is a good start because physical attraction is important but if you haven't got anything to back it up with girls will soon realise and lose interest. Why not work on becoming a more interesting person. Pursue some interests or hobbies that you like and start taking an interest in current affairs etc. At least then you'll have something to talk about with them. Bonus points if you can somehow meet a girl while pursuing your interests because then you'll have something in common.

    I like discussing stuff like why the universe started, are we in control of ourselves or has everything already been mapped out for us, can our energy live on or are we just a combination of cells that will rot in the ground. I've yet to find a girl who is interested in that stuff and I can only talk to it with people I am comfortable with, it doesn't really work as an ice breaker. I noticed that the guys who are most successful can legit talk about anything without having to think, they could keep a conversation going by talking about tables or some random stuff whereas I feel like an idiot if I say something that I don't think is relevant. I gave up my hobbies to focus on lifting and dieting which is the most boring but most rewarding hobby there is
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    RedPillAlpha wrote: »
    MattBeFit wrote: »
    But I want women to approach me and show me their personalities, why should it be my job to impress someone who is below me?

    that there be your problem

    and...

    you obviously want them more than they want you, so who is 'above' the other? (hint - its not you)
  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    jpaulie wrote: »
    ShellyBell999 wrote: »
    Troll la la la la...................

    yup not sure I am buyin this one either

    It makes me annoyed that you think I am such a freak that my situation can't be real, I used to think that everyone else had simple minds and mine was too complex to relate but now I am less narcissistic and think that I am the simple one who is too stupid to accept what everyone else can so easily accept
  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    Sweets1954 wrote: »
    Are you serious with the women are below you? That might be your problem, not your looks.

    I meant in terms of appearance, I only go for girls that I deem to be less attractive than myself
  • Caitoriri
    Caitoriri Posts: 87 Member
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    As a clubbing girl with an insight into these things, I’m gonna tell it to you straight.
    There are (generally) three reasons girls go to clubs.
    - Just there to dance/with friends (they aren’t interested in you, or anyone. Respect them and leave them alone.)

    - Looking for love (grabbing her and making out with her is going to give her the VERY CORRECT impression that she and you aren’t looking for the same thing)

    - Looking to get laid.
    I assume that’s the type you’re looking for. But that doesn’t mean they’re not going to go home with any guy who expresses interest. Some certified ways to turn girls off include:

    - Being too drunk. It’s just not attractive. When you get drunk, you get sloppy, which in turn is gross and off-putting, and gives the impression that you can’t control yourself and don’t know your limits.

    - Touching us without making sure it’s okay first. I can’t count the number of times some random has walked up to me without a word and started thrusting his crotch at various parts of my body. Would you do that to a stranger in public? No? Well, just because you’re in a club doesn’t stop it from being sexual harassment. DON’T DO IT.

    - Guys with unattractive personalities. Some girls who just want a one-night stand can overlook this, but generally, personality is important to us even outside of a relationship.
    Personality is not only conveyed through speech, it’s about your atmosphere, body language and the way you behave. If your only hobbies are drinking, working on your muscles and trying to bed girls you met in clubs? Sorry to be blunt, but that’s pretty shallow.
    If the only personality you’re conveying to these girls is shallow and insecure, then most of the time they won’t be interested. If you have no people skills? Doesn't matter how great your body is.
  • SarenaWM
    SarenaWM Posts: 51 Member
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    Girls that will get with you just for your looks are girls that wont stay around for long.

    My longest relationship was with a guy that was about 30-50lbs overweight and had some acne scars. He wasn't traditionally attractive by societies standards, but he was such a kind a genuine person.. it didn't matter what he looked like. When I first met him I wasn't attracted to him, but we got to know each other and as I fell in love with him as a person, he became beautiful to me.

    Physical appearance isn't very important in the long run. It fades. Focus on letting your personality shine and work towards being a better person.. the girls will notice.
  • WishesOnTheStar
    WishesOnTheStar Posts: 114 Member
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    RedPillAlpha wrote: »
    But I want women to approach me
    .
    Not going to happen unless you are approaching MM aesthetics and high SMV.

    Stop drinking to approach girls. This isn't the way to get over approach anxiety, it is just a crutch. By the end of the night you are a probably a drunk mess.

    Clubs are the worst place to meet girls (srs). Go to have fun with your friends, but if you go with the pickup mindset you already put yourself in a position of disadvantage by basing your night on having to pick up/get laid = desperation and validation seeking.
  • Caitoriri
    Caitoriri Posts: 87 Member
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    leut_underpants wrote: »

    That was all way above the reading level of a troll.

    I dunno, some trolls are very literate. ;) Maybe not this one though, doesn't seem to understand the idea of paragraphs.

    And who knows, maybe other guys are reading this thread and will get the hint that most girls in clubs don't want a stranger's phallus all up in their grill. It's surprising how many just don't seem to realise this.
  • neaneacc
    neaneacc Posts: 224 Member
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    Binge drinking is not a good way to overcome this struggle. You have outlined that yourself in your post. However, you have noticed that changing your outside didn't change how you feel inside. Congratulations on identifying the underlying issue, which is that you lack confidence. I suggest that you watch the following TED talk by Amy Cuddy: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
    In short, you can fake your mind into believing that you are confident by using your body. If you do it enough you will actually become more confident as a person. This is based on science and research even though it sounds like BS it actually works.
    Additionally, understand that women are not a one size fits crowd is key. Confidence is sexy, but being drunk and overly touchy screams that your a jerk. Try to remember that girls will give you lots of non-verbal ques that should help you decide if she likes you or not. Smiling, prolonged eye contact, and anytime a girl goes out of her way to initiate touching you is a green light. If in anyway she looks pissed off or seems to inviting her friends to act as a buffer to keep you away understand she is telling you politely to get lost. I hope this helps!
  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    SarenaWM wrote: »
    Girls that will get with you just for your looks are girls that wont stay around for long.
    Physical appearance isn't very important in the long run. It fades. Focus on letting your personality shine and work towards being a better person.. the girls will notice.

    The thing is girls are very skeptical of me at the start and never seem to give me a chance, there was one girl who I was meeting for a while and I think she liked me after spending some time with me, every week she would text me asking to come back to her place, I wasn't really attracted to her though, after I got with her the first time I was already thinking about the next girl.

    I think I try to be too nice to the people that I like which leads them to seeing me as a looser whereas the ones I have no interest in I tend to ignore them so they wonder why I'm giving them no attention

  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    WishesOnTheStar wrote: »
    RedPillAlpha wrote: »
    But I want women to approach me
    .
    Not going to happen unless you are approaching MM aesthetics and high SMV.

    Stop drinking to approach girls. This isn't the way to get over approach anxiety, it is just a crutch. By the end of the night you are a probably a drunk mess.

    Clubs are the worst place to meet girls (srs). Go to have fun with your friends, but if you go with the pickup mindset you already put yourself in a position of disadvantage by basing your night on having to pick up/get laid = desperation and validation seeking.

    I don't even like nightclubs but I have to go to socialize with the people from college or I'll end up as a loner again. I try to pickup girls at clubs because I think if I am going to waste my money I might as well try to get laid. When I go to music events I don't even think about women I just go to enjoy myself, I have spoken to women at these events but I never try to get with them

  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    So... how old are u now? Have u ever had a real relationship?
  • pechepanda
    pechepanda Posts: 7,939 Member
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    Practice without the alcohol. And be a good person with something to offer beyond your looks. Aka have a personality.
  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    So... how old are u now? Have u ever had a real relationship?
    19, haven't had any kind of relationship
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    Do u have girls that are friends? An aqwaintance? Sounds like u could use some pointers.
  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    pechepanda wrote: »
    Practice without the alcohol. And be a good person with something to offer beyond your looks. Aka have a personality.

    I can't practice without alcohol because I have social anxiety. I am a good person, people say this to me but being a good person gets you nowhere in life. My looks are average so I need them to be better in order to even have a shot.


  • RedPillAlpha
    RedPillAlpha Posts: 23
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    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    Do u have girls that are friends? An aqwaintance? Sounds like u could use some pointers.

    no, none. I would not take pointers from a girl because I would only be receiving her biased opinions (how she would want a guy to approach her) which doesn't apply to the broader range.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    Lol keep doin what ur doin! U wont take advice so hey u know best
  • pechepanda
    pechepanda Posts: 7,939 Member
    edited March 2015
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    RedPillAlpha wrote: »
    pechepanda wrote: »
    Practice without the alcohol. And be a good person with something to offer beyond your looks. Aka have a personality.

    I can't practice without alcohol because I have social anxiety. I am a good person, people say this to me but being a good person gets you nowhere in life. My looks are average so I need them to be better in order to even have a shot.

    Do you have a professional diagnosis or are you self diagnosing your social anxiety?
    Genetics play a large role in appearance, you'll probably always be average,
    Guess you're screwed, have fun being forever alone?
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
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    From the conversation here, the problem isn't the OP's physique. Its his contempt of women

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