Food Binge Confession

McCloud33
McCloud33 Posts: 959 Member
edited November 13 in Motivation and Support
Not quite sure how to start this or how much background to give but here it goes.

I have an addictive, compulsive personality. Can be good and bad. Good when it comes to being driven or determined to get things done because I'll stick to it and not usually be distracted. This has come in handy as I've lost weight over the last year plus. I've pretty religiously logged food and exercised. Bad when it's been food or video games in the past.

I got to my "healthy" weight last year and now I'm going for vanity. I want those six-pack abs that I've never seen in my life and part of me thinks don't exist.

Anyway, I've gone the last two months with a day or two here or there going over my calorie allowance, but always with a reason. An anniversary dinner, birthday, super bowl...the stuff that you know you're going to go over and have kind of mentally prepared yourself for it.

Last night was NOT one of those. My wife had gone out for a girls night out and I was at home with the kids. Kids were in bed, I had finished watching a movie, and I got one of those mini-urges. The kind that I've done well to ignore since the beginning of the year (losing 19lbs in two months).

I started rationalizing in my head. I decided to finish off a can of pineapple in the fridge. Not a big deal...maybe 75 calories. But then I walked by the english muffins on the counter and thought that and peanut putter sounded good...with a few hershey's fun size candy bars. This was followed up by some tortilla chips and olive tapenade...and some good cheese...and a few more hersheys...and a big piece of warm sourdough bread...and another big piece of warm sourdough bread...and a handful of reeces pieces...and some hazelnut dessert stick things. Enough that I don't even want to figure out how many calories it is...probably double what I should be eating for the day.

Anyone who's been plagued with addictive tendencies know that feelings of shame that go along with it and the secrecy that many of us use to try and hide that shame. This is my attempt to confront that shame and own my mistake. I know it's just one night and I'll be back on the right tract as of today, but I just felt I needed to get this out there.

Thanks for reading.
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Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    It happens. Today is a new day. On a side note, the pineapple is very sweet and for me that would leave me looking for more sweet things to eat. Sweet foods are triggers for me and if it is not in my preplanned diary for the day I won't eat it. Beware of trigger foods.
  • BrideVD
    BrideVD Posts: 18
    edited March 2015
    It's definitely hard, and it's something lots of people experience. One thing to remind yourself is that in the grand scheme of things, one night won't have any significant impact on your weight loss goals. Ditch the guilt and emotions associated with what happened and take it as fact: "I ate too much". You aren't bad, you aren't flawed. You just ate too much. Start new the next day and don't beat yourself up about the binge.
    Also, I'm learning that if I am too restrictive about what I can and cannot eat, or if I label foods as "good" or "bad", or if I make myself feel guilty for eating something - I'm more likely to overeat/binge. See if you are doing any of those things. Hope this helps!
  • McCloud33
    McCloud33 Posts: 959 Member
    Thanks @BrideVD‌. I try not to label any food as good/bad.
  • MsJennyffer
    MsJennyffer Posts: 85 Member
    I have the same tendencies. It feels like in a matter of seconds while I am just THINKING about having/wanting something I shouldn't nor need to eat ( For example when my job has boxes and boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts) Its definitely a struggle, but most of the time I lose the fight against myself and a few minutes later its too late because I already ate it or ate more than I needed.
    I agree with some of the people above, at the end of the day we need to look past the guilt and crappyness we feel and start fresh the next day. This is personally one of my biggest struggles, and I try really hard to not give in to any urges. I've been doing good this week so far and hope to stay strong and you can too!
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
    I still struggle with this too. I have been maintaining for a year, but sometimes an almost overwhelming urge comes over me to just binge. It's almost like needing a fix isn't it? Just this morning I was day dreaming about buying a big ole bag of chips and dip, and some Ben and Jerrys and throwing a big munch. I didn't do it, but I have given in before. I think we just need to learn to re wire our brains somehow, to not use food so much as a reward or crutch. Also, to forgive ourselves and move on when it happens. It does get easier I think, as I don't get the urge nearly as often as I used to.
  • prettybrain2015
    prettybrain2015 Posts: 8
    Thanks for this!!
  • prettybrain2015
    prettybrain2015 Posts: 8
    Great advice not labeling foods as "bad" or "good"
  • JenniferAlysonL
    JenniferAlysonL Posts: 2
    @queenliz99‌ that's so true. I need to remind myself that. When ever I have urges or binges it starts with wanting to make cookie dough, and after eating half the bowl I can't stop.

    @McCloud33‌ im on to losing my last 10 pounds and it discouraging when I do so good and then almost want to "sabatoge" myself. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve the success?
  • prettybrain2015
    prettybrain2015 Posts: 8
    Omigoodness.. My trouble comes when i'm doing great and on that last stretch!! I've been wondering-why?? My greatest enemy is myself.
  • ayyedee
    ayyedee Posts: 2
    I totally feel you!!! I am the same. I have a compulsive personality as well....its so hard
  • KeepItSimpleGirl
    KeepItSimpleGirl Posts: 14 Member
    edited March 2015
    Thank you so much for posting this. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who gets impulsive and then regrets it. Onward and upward! The hard part is moving past it and not going back to old habits.
  • McCloud33
    McCloud33 Posts: 959 Member
    @JenniferAlysonL‌ I'm pretty much on my last 10-15lbs as well, which is why I guess I feel even worse about it. More probably because I felt like maybe I had control over it since I've done so well and lost 60lbs. The whole "it take 30 days to break a habit" thing. I know that it's not habit for me to eat like that any more, which somehow makes the compulsion to do it feel worse when it happens.

    Thanks for all of the support. Misery loves company I guess and it's good to know I'm not the only one. Especially not the only one who's so close to their final goal.
  • jsheter
    jsheter Posts: 13 Member
    I feel your pain...and guilt! I do the same thing and then trying to figure it out when logging is a joke. Glad I am not alone and needed the reminder to look at the grand scheme of things. Hard on a day to day basis when trying SO HARD to drop the last few pounds. My concern is that my binges are emotionally triggered and am going through stuff right now so binging more. Cannot stop a speeding train. Thanks for the post.
  • saramatthews919
    saramatthews919 Posts: 161 Member
    I totally understand I have body weight Dysphmorphia I occasionally have days were I feel down then eat to comfort then feel anguish abd disgust for doing it all you can do is take it day by day & don't punish yourself
  • bearmom09
    bearmom09 Posts: 2 Member
    I have the same personality "problems" McCloud33! Congrats on the major changes and progress you've made! Ditto on all of the above with one addition. If all those sweet and carb-laden things had not been in the house, you would not have been able to indulge to that extent, without getting the kids out of bed to go to the store. So my take on it is.......if you were a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, you wouldn't have had booze or meth or coke sitting around on the counters and in the cupboards - so don't do it with your food triggers. Besides the pineapple, all the other things you ate aren't healthy food choices for your wife or kids either.
  • sexysize12
    sexysize12 Posts: 105 Member
    Congratulations on your 19 lb weight loss and being so close to goal you will get there. And know that you're not alone as you can tell from these post. I've given in to over eating as well and I deal with it now by allowing a small amount of what I want so it doesn't turn into a binge. Or I'll chew sugar free gum have tea or coffee to distract from the possible binge. I like the advice of not seeing food as good or bad, although some aren't as healthy for us they can still be had in very small amounts just not that often. Keep pushing.
  • scaryg53
    scaryg53 Posts: 268 Member
    Last Saturday, I had a huge binge that left me feeling sick for a couple days. It happens sometimes when you restrict yourself and you just need to let loose. I was beating myself up over it and then took a step back, reflected on it and forgave myself. I logged it and I accepted it. We are only human.
  • McCloud33
    McCloud33 Posts: 959 Member
    bearmom09 wrote: »
    I have the same personality "problems" McCloud33! Congrats on the major changes and progress you've made! Ditto on all of the above with one addition. If all those sweet and carb-laden things had not been in the house, you would not have been able to indulge to that extent, without getting the kids out of bed to go to the store. So my take on it is.......if you were a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, you wouldn't have had booze or meth or coke sitting around on the counters and in the cupboards - so don't do it with your food triggers. Besides the pineapple, all the other things you ate aren't healthy food choices for your wife or kids either.

    @bearmom09 minus the "sweets" that I ate, I'd like to know what you considered unhealthy for my wife and kids to eat? Sourdough bread? Olives? Cheese?

    Everything that I "binged" on, are items that I would eat in moderation in my normal diet. I regularly (and by regularly I mean EVERY DAY) have a small bowl of ice cream. It's my reward to myself to keep me sane and I keep it under my calorie goals.
  • carlowyn
    carlowyn Posts: 1 Member
    I so hear all of you. Having the same compulsive personality, I eat when upset, or stressed. Having a terrible sweet tooth is a definite drawback when trying to follow an eating plan. My other triggers are chips and dip. Am trying very hard to overcome the urges. Good to know there are people on here to chat to, and I dont feel so alone.
  • rinkratsdad
    rinkratsdad Posts: 1
    So glad that I found this thread! I thought that I was the only person that binged late night on food, glad I'm not. I've lost 30 lbs. since August with gains over the holidays and stoppages unfortunately. It's been hard as I'm not a fruits and vegetables person but I'm determined to do this. One day I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw a 511, 195 lb. overweight dad. Now I'm attempting to get where I want to be. I workout 5 days a week but the binges at night kill me. I can see my six pack so I know I have one. Its this last stage that's been most difficult lately. I'm loving what I see reflecting at me in the mirror it's just that I have to conquer the nightly eatings that are keeping me from my goal. Thank you and good luck to each and everyone of you!!!!
  • deannaaaaaaaaa
    deannaaaaaaaaa Posts: 238 Member
    i have an addictive personality too, ad it affects all aspects of my life. I've vowed to have it stop affecting my eating tho :) Gone two weeks without a binge and am very proud of myself
  • kellyrorie
    kellyrorie Posts: 47 Member
    For sure. I basically could have written the same entry. Yesterday I did this and ended up somewhere around 3100 calories for the day. It's hard to see today as new, I woke up pretty discouraged and fear my weekly weigh in tomorrow. But what everyone is saying is true for every addiction. Relapses happen. But they don't have to be the end. Just pick it back up and move forward! What you've done is amazing. Keep going!
  • MissMelissa514
    MissMelissa514 Posts: 63 Member
    I think that's something we all struggle with and we all give in to the temptation at times. I know I have anyway. Sweets are a huge trigger for me and I love bread and cheese. Don't beat yourself up about it. You're bad days don't define you and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
  • khristiana
    khristiana Posts: 131 Member
    I'm an emotional eater. Since mid-January I haven't given to over eating or snacks that are unhealthy, but I've had a hard couple of days, so I'm actually considering skipping the gym tonight and even having some alcoholic drinks.

    *sigh*

    To err is human, though.... So even if I DO end up not going to the gym and drinking my calories, tomorrow is a brand new day.
  • landfish
    landfish Posts: 255 Member
    Own it and log that s**t. Be true to the process good or bad.
  • tanyaleemcleod
    tanyaleemcleod Posts: 2
    You read my mind. I recently had similar experience....I had major binge , then decided that was it. Its been 12 days and when I feel the urge to.reach I remind myself did I workout. So I can binge again...and the answer is always no. I am a binge eater by nature. I know where you are coming from
  • kingw363
    kingw363 Posts: 18 Member
    Impulse eating? If I want it that bad I eat it. Why? Because at the end of the day I strive for being happy not a bodybuilder. As per the donuts comment, I would just do workouts to balance out a bit whenever i get a chance that day.
  • MimiOfTheFraserValley
    MimiOfTheFraserValley Posts: 108 Member
    Like you said, McCloud, it was one evening. Still, I can totally relate to this & have been there a few times.The thing is to get back up & get back on track, which it sound like you've done. Thanks for sharing.
  • shreddedtrooper
    shreddedtrooper Posts: 107 Member
    Refeeds for the win!

    That moment when you refeed off 500+ and wake up lighter the next morning.

    Binges happen. Log it all, come off the next day a bit in that area you hit hard, (likely fats and carbs) because who seriously binges off protein? I'm sure some do but still just adjust accordingly.

    Macro Reset anyone? Them Feelz.

    Focus on the end goal, you mentioned abs so focus on that! best of luck

    T minus about 2 weeks before my fun refeeds and reverse diet comes into play. Ahh, perhaps there is some advice in here. Consider after reaching your goal weight how a reverse diet would work, then when you're at 300-400 carbs daily, there is no way to binge at all.
  • jessicamthal
    jessicamthal Posts: 14 Member
    I completely understand. Sometimes I'm surprised how my willpower goes straight out the window. I'll stuff my face until the food is gone. Which is why I literally cannot put myself in those situations. I don't keep junk food at home, and sometimes avoid eating out with friends knowing they'll have community fries on the table or something. It's tough!!
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