No support
theresadaisy77
Posts: 5 Member
I want to start by saying I'm tired of being fat! The world is not nice to fat people and doctors blame all your aliments on your weight. Losing weight is hard because no one in my family supports me. When I eat less than them, they ask, "Is that all your gonna eat?" I asked them not to offer me dessert anymore after meals, they still do and give the excuse, "treat yourself." Their attitudes make it so hard to resist the temptation to eat more or indulge. I feel so alone right now. I want to be successful, but will it be impossible with them around? I can't lose this weight quick enough, I don't want to be fat anymore!!
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Replies
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If you're tired of it, change it. The people around you don't control you. You're in charge of your health. Make it happen. Once you prove to them your determination, you'll be their source of motivation. Turn the tables and use the example you set to change the people around you.0
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That's really hard isn't it, the family think they're treating you with dessert, choc etc but they're not. You have to be really strong, just keep saying NO until they get the message0
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It's not easy and I sympathise if your family is not supportive but they won't be until they see that you are serious about this. You need to say "no thank you" to them firmly and politely and follow through. Don't take the dessert etc. When they see that you are serious they will stop pestering you. At this point as they all know that you want to lose weight I wouldn't off them explanations anymore. Just a polite "no thank you" and follow through on it. You are the only person responsible for what goes into your mouth- no on else- so stop blaming your family. If they don't support you look for support elsewhere. This website is a good place to start. Best of luck with it. You can do it if you want it enough.0
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I'm sorry that you're facing this opposition. I know what it feels like to be "enabled". But the time to re-examine whether your family is really to blame is now. Even if your family was 100% supportive of you, would that make all the temptation in the world disappear? Unfortunately not. Everybody faces temptation. The world is designed around indulgence.
If you have roommates, you will encounter their junk food/desserts in the communal fridge.
If you work in an office, there will be cakes and dessert.
If you have friends that go out, there will be restaurant food and possibly alcohol.
If you have a relationship, there will be offerings of chocolate/sweets and restaurant food again.
If you walk down the street, there will be wonderful aromas of baked goods and more restaurant food.
If you go to the grocery store, the first and last displays you see will be impulse purchases like doughnuts, pies, packaged food, and candy.
This is the world we live in. And as humans, we must eat. The best thing you can do is to learn to live the way you want with a moderation of indulgences. Eat within your calories, savor and enjoy your occasional treats, and take your health more seriously than other people do.0 -
In a lot of cases, you just have to be selfish when it comes to health and fitness. You won't always get support.
It's nice when you do; but jealousy is a common human failing, and you'll see it everywhere.0 -
Put yourself first, and you want to lose weight steady and consistently, it stays off better than a rapid weight loss.
If your family won't support you, you will get plenty of support and motivation on here,
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I can sympathise with your situation, but you have to focus on yourself right now. As other commenters noted, be firm and resolute in your decision to lose weight. There will always be opposition in your life, but you can come here and find great support.
Add some people, get involved in discussions, give some support and you'll get some back. Just adding people and seeing their food logs, exercises and log in streaks is inspiring in itself.
I don't know your family, but maybe they turn around and become supportive once you show how determined and serious about your plans you are. But I know MFP community, and you can always turn to us and get the support you need.0 -
You don't need support. You need an iron will to do this regardless if everyone is cheering you on or trying to sabotage you.
Have a silent, internal dialogue with yourself and the rest of the world.
Friend/Family member/Co-worker/Whoever: "Why are you.....(eating that, exercising, not eating that, etc)....?"
You: "Because F.U.C.K. you, that's why."
Just laugh and go about your own damn business of improving yourself and the rest of the world can p.i.s.s. off. They can eat whatever they want and stay fat.
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You don't need support. You need an iron will to do this regardless if everyone is cheering you on or trying to sabotage you.
Have a silent, internal dialogue with yourself and the rest of the world.
Friend/Family member/Co-worker/Whoever: "Why are you.....(eating that, exercising, not eating that, etc)....?"
You: "Because F.U.C.K. you, that's why."
Just laugh and go about your own damn business of improving yourself and the rest of the world can p.i.s.s. off. They can eat whatever they want and stay fat.
I disagree with this, it is just my opinion, but I think support is very important for weight loss. We are social beings and we like when our "herd" accepts us and approves of us and our actions. What is important is to trust in a selected group of people and look for social support from them, but if you can't find that in real life, you can rely on MFP.0 -
You don't need support. You need an iron will to do this regardless if everyone is cheering you on or trying to sabotage you.
Have a silent, internal dialogue with yourself and the rest of the world.
Friend/Family member/Co-worker/Whoever: "Why are you.....(eating that, exercising, not eating that, etc)....?"
You: "Because F.U.C.K. you, that's why."
Just laugh and go about your own damn business of improving yourself and the rest of the world can p.i.s.s. off. They can eat whatever they want and stay fat.
I disagree with this, it is just my opinion, but I think support is very important for weight loss. We are social beings and we like when our "herd" accepts us and approves of us and our actions. What is important is to trust in a selected group of people and look for social support from them, but if you can't find that in real life, you can rely on MFP.
Well said
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My mom still does this with me (she's 81, I'm 59 and with her often). Would I ever say "F.U.C.K. you" to her? NOT!
Have a serious sit down talk, explain how you are feeling and ASK for their support. If they can't or won't build yourself a network from somewhere else. MFP members are alwsys here for backup. GOOD LUCK!0 -
It comes down to you/us taking responsibility for your/our health and our lives. With or without support we deserve to take care of ourselves. Yes, having a pat on the back and NOT having food-pushers all around us is a bonus and makes a hard task a bit easier, but oftentimes that is not reality. The jealous people, the jerks, the lazy *kitten*, the ones who don't wish ANYONE well on anything are all out there waiting to take you down for their own reasons. It's up to you to rise above! Being here is a great start - you are literally SURROUNDED by support and you cannot do wrong by us. Chin up and weight down, I say! You can do this! We are here for you! EVERYTHING is a choice, including choosing to be brought down by negative people. Don't do it. 0
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You don't need support. You need an iron will to do this regardless if everyone is cheering you on or trying to sabotage you.
Have a silent, internal dialogue with yourself and the rest of the world.
Friend/Family member/Co-worker/Whoever: "Why are you.....(eating that, exercising, not eating that, etc)....?"
You: "Because F.U.C.K. you, that's why."
Just laugh and go about your own damn business of improving yourself and the rest of the world can p.i.s.s. off. They can eat whatever they want and stay fat.
I disagree with this, it is just my opinion, but I think support is very important for weight loss. We are social beings and we like when our "herd" accepts us and approves of us and our actions. What is important is to trust in a selected group of people and look for social support from them, but if you can't find that in real life, you can rely on MFP.
I agree that everyone wants acceptance and encouragement, but it's not required to achieve your goals. It just makes it a wee bit easier.
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bellabutt3 wrote: »My mom still does this with me (she's 81, I'm 59 and with her often). Would I ever say "F.U.C.K. you" to her? NOT!
Have a serious sit down talk, explain how you are feeling and ASK for their support. If they can't or won't build yourself a network from somewhere else. MFP members are alwsys here for backup. GOOD LUCK!
Oh good grief. I said a "silent, internal dialogue."
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Maybe by your change in attitude about yourself makes your family feel bad about themselves but they aren't at the point to be brave enough to admit this and do something with it. Is there anyway you could take charge of cooking some meals and make them healthy without making it obvious, so you all get to enjoy a family meal, kind of stealth health0
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Honestly, I don't think you need your family's support. Just say a polite "no, thank you" when they offer something you don't need, and don't comment on the "is that all you're going to eat?" type questions. Log your food, keep your eyes on the prize and understand that the first time you say "no, thank you" is ALWAYS the toughest, but it gets easier every time you do it, and, before long, hey! presto! you've formed a habit that's become second-nature and what some people might call willpower.
Your family just loves you and wants you to be happy and healthy and cared for. Wanting to find your own way of doing that is perfectly fine.0 -
Try printing out all the posts in this forum and giving it to them...0
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Don't let your family sabotage you. Try to be polite, and just say no when they try to feed you more. Eventually they'll stop badgering you (hopefully) or you'll have to just learn how to tune them out.
I have found that when it comes to weight loss, you have to be your own biggest cheerleader. My motto in most things is this: "There are some things you have to do on your own." Celebrate your successes, and learn to accept and forgive your mistakes. It doesn't mean you can't talk to someone when you need it, though. There will always be tons of supporters here on MFP.0 -
I know it sucks, I have people like that in my life, too. Sometimes after trying to politely decline so many times to no avail, I have had to firmly say, "no thank you, I'm trying to be healthier and these foods tempt me and don't fit into my day." You can support yourself and find like minded individuals to talk to. This post is a good first step.0
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You don't need support. You need an iron will to do this regardless if everyone is cheering you on or trying to sabotage you.
Have a silent, internal dialogue with yourself and the rest of the world.
Friend/Family member/Co-worker/Whoever: "Why are you.....(eating that, exercising, not eating that, etc)....?"
You: "Because F.U.C.K. you, that's why."
Just laugh and go about your own damn business of improving yourself and the rest of the world can p.i.s.s. off. They can eat whatever they want and stay fat.
I disagree with this, it is just my opinion, but I think support is very important for weight loss. We are social beings and we like when our "herd" accepts us and approves of us and our actions. What is important is to trust in a selected group of people and look for social support from them, but if you can't find that in real life, you can rely on MFP.
Couldn't have said better 0 -
theresadaisy77 wrote: »I want to start by saying I'm tired of being fat! The world is not nice to fat people and doctors blame all your aliments on your weight. Losing weight is hard because no one in my family supports me. When I eat less than them, they ask, "Is that all your gonna eat?" I asked them not to offer me dessert anymore after meals, they still do and give the excuse, "treat yourself." Their attitudes make it so hard to resist the temptation to eat more or indulge. I feel so alone right now. I want to be successful, but will it be impossible with them around? I can't lose this weight quick enough, I don't want to be fat anymore!!
I totally relate to you! I struggled with my weight my whole life and hated the "fat jokes" or when people just bluntly said: you look fat. It's incredible how this shapes the way we think! It took a long timefor me to realize that the way my body looks doesn't define me. If I'm fat, skinny or just average, it doesn't change who I am! I think this was the first step toward losing weight. In the past, I would try to lose weight for others: so that others would think I'm beautiful, so that others would stop looking down on me, etc. Now, I'm in the process of losing weight (still 50lbs ahead of me), but I'm doing it for me: for being healthier, to have more energy, to feel better overall.
As for your family support, unfortunately there is no easy way for that: you will just have to be strong enough to say no as many times you need to say no until they realize you are serious about losing weight. Just be aware that some of them will never give up though; just take it as an extra challenge to show yourself you can do it (becaus you CAN do it!)!! You will see, the effort will be worth it
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Here I go again, and I can understand about not feeling support from hubby and others. However after I took a long hard look at myself, to gain perspective and direction again, I recall how many times I have tried, this and that to get my weight under control, and hubby was on my side and each time I could not substain my efforts. I now understand that for the last decade this was how it went, now I see it as it is (IMHO) like a drug addict and how many times a family/friends go in circles with them just to see them use again. I now realize that I have to prove myself not just to my loved ones but myself also, then the support will follow. If I count how many times I have let not just me but him down, it is hard to get excited, but I am going in the right direction and have a different mindset...I did not gain it all overnight nor will I lose it all overnight........0
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When you decide you want to achieve something, then you should go about it in the right way. Having an unhelpful family is just an obstacle that you can overcome, but you have to put some thought into how and then adopt an approach that means it will not get in your way. This is why its best to devise a thorough plan that works for you.
If you feel alone, then get friends and use them as support, this site is full of tens if nit hundreds of thousands of people all losing weight. They can empathise with the challenges you have but also be good role models because they are consistently losing weight. That will help you feel less lonely and add to increase your chance of success.
The other thing id suggest doing is to educate yourself into all aspects of your journey, that means learning about weight loss and how you will achieve it along with common traits that the vast majority of the successful losers follow. Knowledge is power.
Be patient, be kind to yourself and apply yourself consistently. You cna make change if you wnat to and go about it in the right way. Many people here will support you.0
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