Do I Sound Like A Horrible Person ?
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I did not crucify her and wouldn't. I was honest and respectful.0
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for context: the youtube channel of the writer
https://www.youtube.com/user/GamerGrl900 -
I don't think you fully understand what it takes to raise a child with a disability of any kind. While some handicaps are not readily apparent, they still frequently come to light and you will still have to deal with all the offensive comments, fear, guilt, and sadness that comes along with it. I have a child with autism. She is fourteen and sweet as can be but we had a lot of struggles with the very things you are afraid of (i.e. judgmental comments, the long long road of potty training, and severe delay in speech). While she is smart and beautiful there will be struggles every day for her entire life and she will likely never be independent.
I have days when I feel blessed to have such a lovely daughter and lucky that we do not have worse issues and days where I don't understand why this happened. But, overall, I am lucky to have someone who has taught me to appreciate simple joys, uncomplicated friendships, and unconditional love.
While I certainly understand the impulse to give a good home to a special needs child and I do understand there are specific reasons to limit what type of disability one can handle (monetary concerns, lack of specific skills, space, or equipment needed) I cannot believe anyone who loves children of any kind would label a person of any age as one who "looked like an animal, jabba the hut, or picasso painting". A person with the heart to care for special needs would feel more concern for protecting and loving those children than for how they themselves would feel.
I don't know you and I don't believe that one thought, action, or belief makes a whole person bad but I to think that you are not the person to adopt/care for any children as you don't seem to have the understanding of what it means to be a parent.
Volunteer if you can. Learn about them and from them. Then revisit your wants.
I am with Kami on this one. You are not horrible. I commend you for being honest. But, please don't take a child on to raise, especially one with special needs. You see, a parent loves their child so deeply they would never consider the appearance a barrier. There are far more difficult things that you will have to deal with than the appearance of a child, whether or not they happen to have a disability. But, especially if they do.
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I think OP that you are not horrible, but very honest. And yes, thank you to @FatFreeFrolicking for reminding the forum what ACC is. We shouldn't get hung up on "how" OP's feelings are being stated, but rather look at what really is being said--she is honest on what level of disability is what she can handle. She is using words that I KNOW for a fact others think when seeing extreme cases of TCS.
And honestly, TCS people have an enormous range in how their anomalies present--from very mild, almost imperceptible, to the very extreme and frankly, quite alarming and strongly upsetting for many who have never seen it before (please Google Images if you're interested in learning more). That is what I understand OP to be saying--her honesty of not being able to navigate the issues surrounding socializing a child of such high special needs.
If being able to vocalize and understand our personal limitations makes one a "horrible" person, then I guess I'm horrible, too
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Honestly I am raising three children with no disabilities that are apparent yet. This is a struggle because that is what parenting is! It's rewarding some days, and others you wonder 'would the zoo consider captivity for these animals?'
I cannot imagine the struggles it takes to raise a child with a disability and very deeply respect those who are.
Being a parent does not end when they turn 18, it is a life long commitment that we enter into.
If you are not prepared to deal with any sort of disability in any spectrum, please think again, perhaps get a puppy instead. I'm not trying to be a cruel person, but I love all children no matter what their issues are, from ADHD to DS to any more intense physical deformities. This is something myself and my hubby were 100% willing to take on when we decided to have children. We even opted out of the genetics testing while pregnant.
Again, please reconsider your true needs you need fulfilled, and beauty you are not wanting a child for selfish, attention seeking reasons.
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williams969 wrote: »I think OP that you are not horrible, but very honest. And yes, thank you to @FatFreeFrolicking for reminding the forum what ACC is. We shouldn't get hung up on "how" OP's feelings are being stated, but rather look at what really is being said--she is honest on what level of disability is what she can handle. She is using words that I KNOW for a fact others think when seeing extreme cases of TCS.
And honestly, TCS people have an enormous range in how their anomalies present--from very mild, almost imperceptible, to the very extreme and frankly, quite alarming and strongly upsetting for many who have never seen it before (please Google Images if you're interested in learning more). That is what I understand OP to be saying--her honesty of not being able to navigate the issues surrounding socializing a child of such high special needs.
If being able to vocalize and understand our personal limitations makes one a "horrible" person, then I guess I'm horrible, too
OMG thank you.
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I'm still trying to figure out if this is a serious post or not.0
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Sinistrous wrote: »I'm still trying to figure out if this is a serious post or not.
As serious is Sirius Black.0 -
myheartsabattleground wrote: ».. or a child that has to depend on me like a newborn (ie mostly non verbal, when they're of school age and should be potty trained.)
Don't get me wrong. I commend those who have the strength to do all that ! I just don't think I can handle crying myself to sleep nightly; because of how cruel society is, or that I'm so fed up with everything to where I just want everything to go away.
Since you are collecting Internet opinion, You aren't ready, based on your own comments. Try part time work in the field instead. And you have no concept of the strength of those parents or caregivers- they certainly don't waste time crying nightly. They give a crap what society thinks. They are too busy helping & loving someone who needs them more than you can imagine.
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Cindy4FunFit wrote: »myheartsabattleground wrote: ».. or a child that has to depend on me like a newborn (ie mostly non verbal, when they're of school age and should be potty trained.)
Don't get me wrong. I commend those who have the strength to do all that ! I just don't think I can handle crying myself to sleep nightly; because of how cruel society is, or that I'm so fed up with everything to where I just want everything to go away.
Since you are collecting Internet opinion, You aren't ready, based on your own comments. Try part time work in the field instead. And you have no concept of the strength of those parents or caregivers- they certainly don't waste time crying nightly. They give a crap what society thinks. They are too busy helping & loving someone who needs them more than you can imagine.
This is a great idea.
OP: Look into volunteering at the Special Olympics or as a counselor at a summer camp that is specifically for children with special needs.
Working/volunteering with special needs individuals requires a lot of special training and because of that, they are very particular with who they hire.
Please note that there could be children with physical deformities such as TCS and you would need to be able to look past that.0 -
No matter if your kids have a disability or not, they are going to get picked on for one reason or another and you are going to cry about it. That is one of the hardest parts about being a parent. Letting your kids roam around in this cruel world we live in.0
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myheartsabattleground wrote: »Sinistrous wrote: »I'm still trying to figure out if this is a serious post or not.
As serious is Sirius Black.
Ok.. That leads to this question:
Dafuq?0 -
AmberStarr_87 wrote: »I was with you til you said a child with treachers may look like Jabba the hut. You should probably stay childless.
This0 -
FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I adopted my two children and had to complete the "range of acceptance form" and it's a very sobering thing to have to do - to decide what disabilities you think you can cope with and what you feel you cannot. Requires very deep thought and total honesty.
Sadly from the tone of your post I don't feel you are ready to support and nurture a child. The language you use is shocking and deeply immature.
@sijomial Agreed. It's most likely due to her condition though. She has ACC which affects the brains' corpus callosum. Common social/behavioral characteristics include being socially immature, lack of self-awareness, inability to take the perspective of others, difficulty understanding and acting on social cues of others, etc.
Interesting - thank you. This place can be very educational.
To lighten the mood slightly....
One of the categories on the range of acceptance form, sandwiched between all the serious mental/physical/emotional/behavioral conditions and problems was "ginger hair" - which was a little mind blowing.
Gingers do get it rough don't they? Racism, sexism, disability discrimination etc. are all (rightly) frowned upon but ginger-bashing remains a favoured pastime. Then again, they don't have souls so who cares
(Just to be clear given the tone of this thread, I am joking. Only dogs have souls, so we're all in the same boat as the gingers.)0 -
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mumblemagic wrote: »FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I adopted my two children and had to complete the "range of acceptance form" and it's a very sobering thing to have to do - to decide what disabilities you think you can cope with and what you feel you cannot. Requires very deep thought and total honesty.
Sadly from the tone of your post I don't feel you are ready to support and nurture a child. The language you use is shocking and deeply immature.
@sijomial Agreed. It's most likely due to her condition though. She has ACC which affects the brains' corpus callosum. Common social/behavioral characteristics include being socially immature, lack of self-awareness, inability to take the perspective of others, difficulty understanding and acting on social cues of others, etc.
Interesting - thank you. This place can be very educational.
To lighten the mood slightly....
One of the categories on the range of acceptance form, sandwiched between all the serious mental/physical/emotional/behavioral conditions and problems was "ginger hair" - which was a little mind blowing.
Gingers do get it rough don't they? Racism, sexism, disability discrimination etc. are all (rightly) frowned upon but ginger-bashing remains a favoured pastime. Then again, they don't have souls so who cares
(Just to be clear given the tone of this thread, I am joking. Only dogs have souls, so we're all in the same boat as the gingers.)
Lol..... This made me giggle!0 -
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mumblemagic wrote: »Sinistrous wrote: »
Cats of course are raging psychopaths. Bless their little cotton socks.
Yeah, my cat is a frekkin douchenugget.. Bless his little mittens xD0 -
Sinistrous wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »Sinistrous wrote: »
Cats of course are raging psychopaths. Bless their little cotton socks.
Yeah, my cat is a frekkin douchenugget.. Bless his little mittens xD
They are so cute when they slaughter all the local wildlife for fun aren't they?0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »Sinistrous wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »Sinistrous wrote: »
Cats of course are raging psychopaths. Bless their little cotton socks.
Yeah, my cat is a frekkin douchenugget.. Bless his little mittens xD
They are so cute when they slaughter all the local wildlife for fun aren't they?
I wouldn't know, I don't allow mine outside whatsoever. Housecat means housecat to me.0
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