Self-Sabatoge
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ditsyblond17
Posts: 155 Member
Am I the only one that seems to do this when it comes to losing weight. I get so close to a goal and then purposely fail at it. I think there's a lot more to weight loss than just counting calories. I've said it a million times. It is 99% mental. If I'm the only one that does this, I will be shocked. I think a lot of Americans are afraid to be thin. Unsure why exactly, but I definitely think it has a lot to do with their lack of willpower. Am I way off base?
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Replies
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By the way, I mean their self sabatoge is fueling their lack of willpower. Came out wrong.
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I don't think Americans are "afraid to be thin" as you put it. I think they live in a society that encourages an over indulgence of high calorie, low nutrient food. This, along with the increasingly sedentary life most people lead and their general lack of nutritional knowledge makes it hard for them to lose weight and especially hard to maintain any weight loss they do achieve.
When a majority of people are eating more of the wrong things then that becomes the new normal. So, instead of viewing eating healthy as a lifestyle change, they view it as a diet, something that has a beginning and an end. They do not understand that their "diet" is how humans are supposed to eat. Instead, they are constantly told that eating healthily is somehow strange or different from a "normal" diet when it is in fact the new normal that is strange and different.
So, on top of the social pressured surrounding their diet, Americans or really anyone from a Western country have to deal with the fact that they will never be able to eat "normally" again. If they wish to maintain their new, fitter self, they will always have to be on, according to their mindset, a diet that it strange and different. The thought of having to do anything abnormal for the rest of your life is scary, and the thought of having to do something not only hard, but that requires both thought and planning is even scarier.
In the end I think a lot of people sabotage themselves because the idea of going against the grain in regards to diet and fitness is so overwhelming that it seems impossible to maintain. They think they will fail sometime in the future anyway, so why should they keep putting in the effort now?0 -
ditsyblond17 wrote: »Am I the only one that seems to do this when it comes to losing weight. I get so close to a goal and then purposely fail at it. I think there's a lot more to weight loss than just counting calories. I've said it a million times. It is 99% mental. If I'm the only one that does this, I will be shocked. I think a lot of Americans are afraid to be thin. Unsure why exactly, but I definitely think it has a lot to do with their lack of willpower. Am I way off base?
Are you afraid of being thin?0 -
Have you considered seeing a therapist? Or a nutritionist for a specific plan vs simply counting calories? Or both? I think what you describe is very common and tools like MFP are not going to work for everyone. Sure, if we could all just eat right, or give up smoking, or give up alcohol, or never yell, or whatever is our personal struggle, we would all be perfect, but just because we want it to happen, it does not mean we can simply do it. It is not always that easy, we cannot all do on our own what we know is right, and sometimes addressing the issue with a professional support team makes a lot of difference. At least it makes for me.0
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Yes, I am seeing a therapist and nutritionist. I have this underlying fear I guess. I've NEVER been thin. In fact, my Mom told me I even cane out with a "pot belly." lol So maybe going against the grain not only in regards to western culture, but in what I know to be myself is the problem. I've never experienced what it's like to Be thin. Maybe I just assumed everyone had this problem. Its something I'm discussing with my therapist tomorrow. Was just curious. I find it incredibly challenging to get over my insecurities and hesitence about losing weight. On one hand, I DESPERATELY need it for my health. On the other, I'm fearful it may bring unwanted attention and failure in and of itself. I don't want to be the 96% that gains it back. I would feel so awful. So instead, I just stand still. Don't gain or lose. It's so very frustrating.
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ditsyblond17 wrote: »Yes, I am seeing a therapist and nutritionist. I have this underlying fear I guess. I've NEVER been thin. In fact, my Mom told me I even cane out with a "pot belly." lol So maybe going against the grain not only in regards to western culture, but in what I know to be myself is the problem. I've never experienced what it's like to Be thin. Maybe I just assumed everyone had this problem. Its something I'm discussing with my therapist tomorrow. Was just curious. I find it incredibly challenging to get over my insecurities and hesitence about losing weight. On one hand, I DESPERATELY need it for my health. On the other, I'm fearful it may bring unwanted attention and failure in and of itself. I don't want to be the 96% that gains it back. I would feel so awful. So instead, I just stand still. Don't gain or lose. It's so very frustrating.
You are not the only one feeling this way. If you worry this makes you weird, it does not. If it is not weight, for many of us, it is something else, and trust me, there are worst things than weight where one can self-sabotage. Talk to your therapist, and be patient, it is a long process but it is worth the effort. You acknowledged the problem and looked for help, so you have already done half the hard work.
And let your mom know that every baby has a pot belly. My first baby was a 3 lb premie. She still had a pot belly
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Babies have large bellies because their organs take up a lot more space proportionately than an adult's.
Some are afraid to lose weight because of past sexual assault. They appreciate the greater size and strength that comes from being overweight. They covet the invisibility that comes with being overweight or obese. They are afraid of attention that they don't know how to handle. Being overweight is an excuse not to take care of oneself, justification for not finding a romantic relationship, a way of distancing oneself socially, a physical and psychological shield against the world.
Getting smaller can be scary. Commiting to caring for oneself, when noone else has, requires confidence and self-respect. Dieting is selfish, and demands that the dieter prioritize themselves over others to some degree. Losing weight can trigger insecurities in those around the dieter, leading to social consequences. Losing weight and gaining it back is a personal failure that is very visible to others. A dieter may have predjudices against the fit, assumptions that they spend a lot of time on nutrition or exercise, presumptions that they judge others by appearance, or that they prioritize physical appearance. These negative assumptions may make the dieter reluctant to physically align themselves with a healthier group.
Some do not commit to losing weight because they feel the health benefits of weight loss do not outweigh the time and money required. Some hate or fear being hungry, and associate hunger with past difficulties. Some believe the process will be difficult and uncomfortable, and don't believe that long-term weight management will be achieved - discomfort with a low likelihood of payoff.
Some people just have difficulties with procrastination, and finishing projects in general. It is easy and low cost to spend time fantasizing about an accomplishment, but risky to actually achieve a goal.
Focus on what will change when weight is lost. Listen to the thoughts and feel the feelings. Discover specifically what is stopping progress. Fix what can be fixed, accept the unfixable, and focus on moving forward with what you learned.
The reality is, the goal will never be reached. Weight maintenance is likely something that will require some effort throughout life. Goals will change, priorities will shift. Don't worry about failures. There are no failures, past history is practice and lessons learned. Reality will be a little better, a little worse, and somewhat different from the fantasy. Being small isn't weak, and being overweight does not dictate who someone is. In terms of statistics, long-term maintenance of all weight lost can be as low as 20-60%. In reality, some of the most fit people I know used to be overweight or obese. There are known ways to increase the likelihood of success, like physical activity and logging food. Stack the deck in your favour and deal yourself in. The only way to win is to play.
Best wishes 0 -
Babies have large bellies because their organs take up a lot more space proportionately than an adult's.
Some are afraid to lose weight because of past sexual assault. They appreciate the greater size and strength that comes from being overweight. They covet the invisibility that comes with being overweight or obese. They are afraid of attention that they don't know how to handle. Being overweight is an excuse not to take care of oneself, justification for not finding a romantic relationship, a way of distancing oneself socially, a physical and psychological shield against the world.
Getting smaller can be scary. Commiting to caring for oneself, when noone else has, requires confidence and self-respect. Dieting is selfish, and demands that the dieter prioritize themselves over others to some degree. Losing weight can trigger insecurities in those around the dieter, leading to social consequences. Losing weight and gaining it back is a personal failure that is very visible to others. A dieter may have predjudices against the fit, assumptions that they spend a lot of time on nutrition or exercise, presumptions that they judge others by appearance, or that they prioritize physical appearance. These negative assumptions may make the dieter reluctant to physically align themselves with a healthier group.
Some do not commit to losing weight because they feel the health benefits of weight loss do not outweigh the time and money required. Some hate or fear being hungry, and associate hunger with past difficulties. Some believe the process will be difficult and uncomfortable, and don't believe that long-term weight management will be achieved - discomfort with a low likelihood of payoff.
Some people just have difficulties with procrastination, and finishing projects in general. It is easy and low cost to spend time fantasizing about an accomplishment, but risky to actually achieve a goal.
Focus on what will change when weight is lost. Listen to the thoughts and feel the feelings. Discover specifically what is stopping progress. Fix what can be fixed, accept the unfixable, and focus on moving forward with what you learned.
The reality is, the goal will never be reached. Weight maintenance is likely something that will require some effort throughout life. Goals will change, priorities will shift. Don't worry about failures. There are no failures, past history is practice and lessons learned. Reality will be a little better, a little worse, and somewhat different from the fantasy. Being small isn't weak, and being overweight does not dictate who someone is. In terms of statistics, long-term maintenance of all weight lost can be as low as 20-60%. In reality, some of the most fit people I know used to be overweight or obese. There are known ways to increase the likelihood of success, like physical activity and logging food. Stack the deck in your favour and deal yourself in. The only way to win is to play.
Best wishes
Thank you for this! Great advice to the OP, as well as others! I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this today, it is actually just what I needed to hear!0 -
Babies have large bellies because their organs take up a lot more space proportionately than an adult's.
Some are afraid to lose weight because of past sexual assault. They appreciate the greater size and strength that comes from being overweight. They covet the invisibility that comes with being overweight or obese. They are afraid of attention that they don't know how to handle. Being overweight is an excuse not to take care of oneself, justification for not finding a romantic relationship, a way of distancing oneself socially, a physical and psychological shield against the world.
Getting smaller can be scary. Commiting to caring for oneself, when noone else has, requires confidence and self-respect. Dieting is selfish, and demands that the dieter prioritize themselves over others to some degree. Losing weight can trigger insecurities in those around the dieter, leading to social consequences. Losing weight and gaining it back is a personal failure that is very visible to others. A dieter may have predjudices against the fit, assumptions that they spend a lot of time on nutrition or exercise, presumptions that they judge others by appearance, or that they prioritize physical appearance. These negative assumptions may make the dieter reluctant to physically align themselves with a healthier group.
Some do not commit to losing weight because they feel the health benefits of weight loss do not outweigh the time and money required. Some hate or fear being hungry, and associate hunger with past difficulties. Some believe the process will be difficult and uncomfortable, and don't believe that long-term weight management will be achieved - discomfort with a low likelihood of payoff.
Some people just have difficulties with procrastination, and finishing projects in general. It is easy and low cost to spend time fantasizing about an accomplishment, but risky to actually achieve a goal.
Focus on what will change when weight is lost. Listen to the thoughts and feel the feelings. Discover specifically what is stopping progress. Fix what can be fixed, accept the unfixable, and focus on moving forward with what you learned.
The reality is, the goal will never be reached. Weight maintenance is likely something that will require some effort throughout life. Goals will change, priorities will shift. Don't worry about failures. There are no failures, past history is practice and lessons learned. Reality will be a little better, a little worse, and somewhat different from the fantasy. Being small isn't weak, and being overweight does not dictate who someone is. In terms of statistics, long-term maintenance of all weight lost can be as low as 20-60%. In reality, some of the most fit people I know used to be overweight or obese. There are known ways to increase the likelihood of success, like physical activity and logging food. Stack the deck in your favour and deal yourself in. The only way to win is to play.
Best wishes
Wow, that really sums it up! I see myself in more than one of those things.
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ditsyblond17 wrote: »Am I the only one that seems to do this when it comes to losing weight. I get so close to a goal and then purposely fail at it. I think there's a lot more to weight loss than just counting calories. I've said it a million times. It is 99% mental. If I'm the only one that does this, I will be shocked. I think a lot of Americans are afraid to be thin. Unsure why exactly, but I definitely think it has a lot to do with their lack of willpower. Am I way off base?
I have done this too. I never feel like I'm doing it on purpose as I'm doing it, but I've done it enough times to be really perplexed about it.
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I do not think many are afraid to be thin...they just don't want to deny the pleasure they take in overindulgence. ...or they are ignorant about nutrition.0
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I don't think Americans are "afraid to be thin" as you put it. I think they live in a society that encourages an over indulgence of high calorie, low nutrient food. This, along with the increasingly sedentary life most people lead and their general lack of nutritional knowledge makes it hard for them to lose weight and especially hard to maintain any weight loss they do achieve.
When a majority of people are eating more of the wrong things then that becomes the new normal. So, instead of viewing eating healthy as a lifestyle change, they view it as a diet, something that has a beginning and an end. They do not understand that their "diet" is how humans are supposed to eat. Instead, they are constantly told that eating healthily is somehow strange or different from a "normal" diet when it is in fact the new normal that is strange and different.
So, on top of the social pressured surrounding their diet, Americans or really anyone from a Western country have to deal with the fact that they will never be able to eat "normally" again. If they wish to maintain their new, fitter self, they will always have to be on, according to their mindset, a diet that it strange and different. The thought of having to do anything abnormal for the rest of your life is scary, and the thought of having to do something not only hard, but that requires both thought and planning is even scarier.
In the end I think a lot of people sabotage themselves because the idea of going against the grain in regards to diet and fitness is so overwhelming that it seems impossible to maintain. They think they will fail sometime in the future anyway, so why should they keep putting in the effort now?
Perfectly said!!
I can kind of relate to what you are saying...I was afraid my new lifestyle(and being thin) would change relationships. My friends and I had social gatherings often which revolved around food and drink. Would they become annoyed if I didn't join them in the eating and drinking? Would they be happy for me? Would they be jealous because they also want to lose weight? Would my husband become insecure?These worries were real for me, and I finally got to the point where I had to do it for me and stop worrying about others.
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I can think of only one relationship that I have that *may* be negatively affected when I lose weight. I can see one of my friends saying stuff like "you're so lucky" and "I hate you" when I get to goal, as if the Weight Loss Fairy granted me a wish and poof, overnight I was at goal weight with no effort, sacrifice, or work involved...lol
Otherwise...I have very little concept of this "fear of being thin" and changing relationships...almost everyone I know is happy for my changes that I'm making, so the concept is a foreign one to me.0 -
Babies have large bellies because their organs take up a lot more space proportionately than an adult's.
Some are afraid to lose weight because of past sexual assault. They appreciate the greater size and strength that comes from being overweight. They covet the invisibility that comes with being overweight or obese. They are afraid of attention that they don't know how to handle. Being overweight is an excuse not to take care of oneself, justification for not finding a romantic relationship, a way of distancing oneself socially, a physical and psychological shield against the world.
Getting smaller can be scary. Commiting to caring for oneself, when noone else has, requires confidence and self-respect. Dieting is selfish, and demands that the dieter prioritize themselves over others to some degree. Losing weight can trigger insecurities in those around the dieter, leading to social consequences. Losing weight and gaining it back is a personal failure that is very visible to others. A dieter may have predjudices against the fit, assumptions that they spend a lot of time on nutrition or exercise, presumptions that they judge others by appearance, or that they prioritize physical appearance. These negative assumptions may make the dieter reluctant to physically align themselves with a healthier group.
Some do not commit to losing weight because they feel the health benefits of weight loss do not outweigh the time and money required. Some hate or fear being hungry, and associate hunger with past difficulties. Some believe the process will be difficult and uncomfortable, and don't believe that long-term weight management will be achieved - discomfort with a low likelihood of payoff.
Some people just have difficulties with procrastination, and finishing projects in general. It is easy and low cost to spend time fantasizing about an accomplishment, but risky to actually achieve a goal.
Focus on what will change when weight is lost. Listen to the thoughts and feel the feelings. Discover specifically what is stopping progress. Fix what can be fixed, accept the unfixable, and focus on moving forward with what you learned.
The reality is, the goal will never be reached. Weight maintenance is likely something that will require some effort throughout life. Goals will change, priorities will shift. Don't worry about failures. There are no failures, past history is practice and lessons learned. Reality will be a little better, a little worse, and somewhat different from the fantasy. Being small isn't weak, and being overweight does not dictate who someone is. In terms of statistics, long-term maintenance of all weight lost can be as low as 20-60%. In reality, some of the most fit people I know used to be overweight or obese. There are known ways to increase the likelihood of success, like physical activity and logging food. Stack the deck in your favour and deal yourself in. The only way to win is to play.
Best wishes
This is all really true. It certainly doesn't apply to everyone, but there are a significant number of people who are hiding inside their own fat, often a legacy of the pain of childhood abuse, sexual assault, etc. Others have grown up so ingrained in a "food is love" environment that being thinner can feel like a rejection of all their deep connections.
Of course, other people just lack willpower or a willingness to make a lifetime change.0 -
I don't think Americans are "afraid to be thin" as you put it. I think they live in a society that encourages an over indulgence of high calorie, low nutrient food. This, along with the increasingly sedentary life most people lead and their general lack of nutritional knowledge makes it hard for them to lose weight and especially hard to maintain any weight loss they do achieve.
When a majority of people are eating more of the wrong things then that becomes the new normal. So, instead of viewing eating healthy as a lifestyle change, they view it as a diet, something that has a beginning and an end. They do not understand that their "diet" is how humans are supposed to eat. Instead, they are constantly told that eating healthily is somehow strange or different from a "normal" diet when it is in fact the new normal that is strange and different.
So, on top of the social pressured surrounding their diet, Americans or really anyone from a Western country have to deal with the fact that they will never be able to eat "normally" again. If they wish to maintain their new, fitter self, they will always have to be on, according to their mindset, a diet that it strange and different. The thought of having to do anything abnormal for the rest of your life is scary, and the thought of having to do something not only hard, but that requires both thought and planning is even scarier.
In the end I think a lot of people sabotage themselves because the idea of going against the grain in regards to diet and fitness is so overwhelming that it seems impossible to maintain. They think they will fail sometime in the future anyway, so why should they keep putting in the effort now?
I completely agree! It wasn't until I hit a plateau for three months and decided to do a fasting diet that I realized Americans eat because we can. Not because we want to, but because it's there in our cupboards, in our fridges, and so easily obtained. It's been instilled in us not to waste which only leads to more eating. We've succumbed to our own weaknesses of food, and the different types of good tasting food; not good for you food. You have to reprogram your way of thinking about how you eat, so yes, it is a lot of mental changing on your way of thinking.0 -
Babies have large bellies because their organs take up a lot more space proportionately than an adult's.
Some are afraid to lose weight because of past sexual assault. They appreciate the greater size and strength that comes from being overweight. They covet the invisibility that comes with being overweight or obese. They are afraid of attention that they don't know how to handle. Being overweight is an excuse not to take care of oneself, justification for not finding a romantic relationship, a way of distancing oneself socially, a physical and psychological shield against the world.
Getting smaller can be scary. Commiting to caring for oneself, when noone else has, requires confidence and self-respect. Dieting is selfish, and demands that the dieter prioritize themselves over others to some degree. Losing weight can trigger insecurities in those around the dieter, leading to social consequences. Losing weight and gaining it back is a personal failure that is very visible to others. A dieter may have predjudices against the fit, assumptions that they spend a lot of time on nutrition or exercise, presumptions that they judge others by appearance, or that they prioritize physical appearance. These negative assumptions may make the dieter reluctant to physically align themselves with a healthier group.
Some do not commit to losing weight because they feel the health benefits of weight loss do not outweigh the time and money required. Some hate or fear being hungry, and associate hunger with past difficulties. Some believe the process will be difficult and uncomfortable, and don't believe that long-term weight management will be achieved - discomfort with a low likelihood of payoff.
Some people just have difficulties with procrastination, and finishing projects in general. It is easy and low cost to spend time fantasizing about an accomplishment, but risky to actually achieve a goal.
Focus on what will change when weight is lost. Listen to the thoughts and feel the feelings. Discover specifically what is stopping progress. Fix what can be fixed, accept the unfixable, and focus on moving forward with what you learned.
The reality is, the goal will never be reached. Weight maintenance is likely something that will require some effort throughout life. Goals will change, priorities will shift. Don't worry about failures. There are no failures, past history is practice and lessons learned. Reality will be a little better, a little worse, and somewhat different from the fantasy. Being small isn't weak, and being overweight does not dictate who someone is. In terms of statistics, long-term maintenance of all weight lost can be as low as 20-60%. In reality, some of the most fit people I know used to be overweight or obese. There are known ways to increase the likelihood of success, like physical activity and logging food. Stack the deck in your favour and deal yourself in. The only way to win is to play.
Best wishes
Wow. This is me DEAD on. I was adopted by my step father and abused. I have been in therapy for 10 years. I DO feel like my fat is my prison yet my security blanket. It's so sad becaude instead of people seeing me as a hurt and broken girl, I'm seen as a fat and lazy slob. Most all fat people are. Its so sad because we've all played into the thought that society has about fat people not being important or loved. So now, I find it hard to love myself enough to succeed and beat this disorder. It's sad because the fear that I'm trying to overcome (of not being worth it) it the same fear keeping me here. I'm sure a lot of people can relate. I really hope And pray there is hope for us. I hate being trapped inside of a fat wall to keep myself safe. Life isn't meant to be "safe" all the time. And Yes, you're right. If it isn't food, something else would comfort us. That's why I STRONGLY believe obesity is caused by something emotional. Not physical. Some victims turn to alcohol, gambling, criminal activity, promiscuity, drugs, etc. We're all just trying to find what makes us happy. And sadly, food does. The problem with the 95% that never keep the weight off past 5 years, is that the never addressed the real problems. Putting down a fork was never the real problem. Working out infrequently was never the problem. The problem is our emotional state and our minds. Once we overcome that, We overcome ANYTHING.0 -
It ain't sabotage - it much simpler: (1) Food tastes good. Damned good. (2) Piss-poor impulse control. (3) Little to no tolerance for discomfort.
1 + 2 + 3 are it. Usually in combination.0 -
Sergeant Sabatoge, quick question, have you ever been extremely overweight or borderline obese? Or instead, have you chosen a different vice. Perhaps alcohol? My point is, yes those three things could very well be it, but there's a LOT more to fat people remaining fat. Don't you think they want to be thin to enjoy their lives and experience things only healthy individuals can? There comes a point where it's not just physical, but internal struggles at well. Things that take professional help like any abuse of a "drug." Problem is, coke addicts and alcoholics are able to stop going to parties and avoid bars. Obese people can NEVER be without food. EVER. So, it's more than just the simple food in, food out. Some days , I wish I were addicted to hardcore drugs instead. Way easier to quit.0
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ditsyblond17 wrote: »Sergeant Sabatoge, quick question, have you ever been extremely overweight or borderline obese? Or instead, have you chosen a different vice. Perhaps alcohol? My point is, yes those three things could very well be it, but there's a LOT more to fat people remaining fat. Don't you think they want to be thin to enjoy their lives and experience things only healthy individuals can? There comes a point where it's not just physical, but internal struggles at well. Things that take professional help like any abuse of a "drug." Problem is, coke addicts and alcoholics are able to stop going to parties and avoid bars. Obese people can NEVER be without food. EVER. So, it's more than just the simple food in, food out. Some days , I wish I were addicted to hardcore drugs instead. Way easier to quit.
I would suggest you step away not only from this site, but from all online forums until you have resolved your issues with a therapist. Which will take years, be prepared for a long journey (not for you, it takes years for everyone). Online, you are going to get a few meaningless pats on the back, comments that will hurt you, you will get into pointless arguments and it will only make you feel worse. An online forum is not the place for therapy and only damage can come out of this. Speaking from experience, not trying to be mean.0
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