My support sucks (depressed rant needing positive support)
nwolf93
Posts: 15
So I started my diet and I'm not terribly over weight (honestly I think I'm average) but the respond I got has be super self conscious. It's all ppl telling me how awesome my body was pre-baby and I should get back to that. Also that I'm "chunky" should just do crunches. They don't seem to realize that pre-baby and pre-husband I was terribly depressed and borderline anorexic. I ate 1 meal a day and I lived at the gym on weekends (almost literately I had a second apartment next to the gym so I could work out 8-8) I was 30 pounds under weight according to my doctor. Then when I got married and got pregnant I relaxed. And my doctor was so happy that I was healthy again. but now that she is a year old all I hear about is how "rockin'" my body was and how great i used to look. No on says anything about me being healthy it's to the point that I'm no longer happy. I hate the fact that I'm starting to regret ever having a baby and she was a miracle to begin with I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. I don't have a lot of friends I'm very socially awkward and just moved to a new town I guess I'm just looking for some friends who can help me stay positive and understand what I'm going through. sorry if I bummed anyone out I don't want to bring ppl down I just need help getting back up. and before anyone says anything about taking to my husband he's an ex-marine from an army family, his mentally is to toughen up he isn't very sensitive to emotional problems he doesn't support in the way I need he's a pusher great for exercise help not for emotional help. thank you for your time
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Replies
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1. Don't talk to people about your weight loss/diet/plans - it won't be good for you mentally.
2. Other people's opinion of you is none of your business. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You're only doing this for yourself.
3. Comparison (to your past self, or other people) is the thief of joy.
What you used to look like, what other people say - it's just noise. Learn how to filter it out.
Focus on you, your choices and your actions right now.0 -
TheVirgoddess wrote: »1. Don't talk to people about your weight loss/diet/plans - it won't be good for you mentally.
2. Other people's opinion of you is none of your business. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You're only doing this for yourself.
3. Comparison (to your past self, or other people) is the thief of joy.
What you used to look like, what other people say - it's just noise. Learn how to filter it out.
Focus on you, your choices and your actions right now.
I don't talk to them about my diet plan all I said was i didn't want to eat a burger at th bbq and got pretty much attacked. I don't like talking about this stuff to ppl. i just get this comparison it's like they look for a reason to point out i'm not a size 0 anymore0 -
People probably don't realize that you weren't healthy before when they thought you looked good. I think most people think skinny equals healthy. Don't regret the baby, it's not the fault of being pregnant, you said you've relaxed. So you don't work out as much, you maybe relaxed your diet - that's what happened. You can get in shape again and have a rockin bod without dropping pounds. Also confidence is sexy so like pp said filter it all out and start with small goals and get a plan you can stick to.0
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »1. Don't talk to people about your weight loss/diet/plans - it won't be good for you mentally.
2. Other people's opinion of you is none of your business. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You're only doing this for yourself.
3. Comparison (to your past self, or other people) is the thief of joy.
What you used to look like, what other people say - it's just noise. Learn how to filter it out.
Focus on you, your choices and your actions right now.
I don't talk to them about my diet plan all I said was i didn't want to eat a burger at th bbq and got pretty much attacked. I don't like talking about this stuff to ppl. i just get this comparison it's like they look for a reason to point out i'm not a size 0 anymore
All of this stuff happened because you turned down a hamburger?0 -
attacked verbally, emotionally kind of like bullying i didn't want to eat the burger all i heard the rest of the night "you used to look so good trying to get it back" "are you dieting you are getting chunky" "trying to lose the chunk" I think if they had used other words like baby wieght but still the tone they were using all that went through my mind was these ppl aren't really my friends to the guys I was just eye candy and the girls were more my husband's friends to begin with. one of them even said I was probably losing my husband's interest and needed to lose weight to get him back in bed
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Don't hang out with these people anymore. I don't know if your support system sucks or if you just have crappy friends? You wouldn't consider them your support system I don't think.... or at least you shouldn't.0
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Dont regret your child. It sounds like she is the greatest thing that could have happened to you. Not only did you get your physical health together, but she is a gift that (it sounds like) was hard for you to get.
If anyone is to bring up your weight, you can do many things to respond. Some examples
"Bodies change after you have a baby." Done. End of story - everyone should know this.
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"My doctor is happier with my health now, than before having a child." People would be stupid to argue the advice of your doctor.
"Lets talk about your weight loss goals" - turn the attention onto them. more often then not, they dont want to go there.
"Stop talking about my body. It is rude, I am sure you can think of other things to talk about." See how they respond to this, and get up and walk away if you have to.
No doubt you probably have minimal support, and work on getting more positive support on your side. For family, you have to decide if those relationships are important to you - and if they are, set boundaries. If not, then discontinue contact.0 -
Jennloella wrote: »Don't hang out with these people anymore. I don't know if your support system sucks or if you just have crappy friends? You wouldn't consider them your support system I don't think.... or at least you shouldn't.
I think you're right, it's more like they're acquaintances than friend. but you're right it's better for me to cut my loses and try and find new friends.0 -
dakotababy wrote: »Dont regret your child. It sounds like she is the greatest thing that could have happened to you. Not only did you get your physical health together, but she is a gift that (it sounds like) was hard for you to get.
If anyone is to bring up your weight, you can do many things to respond. Some examples
"Bodies change after you have a baby." Done. End of story - everyone should know this.
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"My doctor is happier with my health now, than before having a child." People would be stupid to argue the advice of your doctor.
"Lets talk about your weight loss goals" - turn the attention onto them. more often then not, they dont want to go there.
"Stop talking about my body. It is rude, I am sure you can think of other things to talk about." See how they respond to this, and get up and walk away if you have to.
No doubt you probably have minimal support, and work on getting more positive support on your side. For family, you have to decide if those relationships are important to you - and if they are, set boundaries. If not, then discontinue contact.
thank you i dont want to regret her she's my everything. I will take your advice and will definitely do come cutting off and some warning0 -
Previous posters all have great points, so I won't rehash those. Think about all the positives in your life - especially your child! Work your hardest to be a great role model for her and show her healthy food and exercise habits as she grows. Most of all, love who you are and all you've overcome in life, and forget those things and people who get you down. Life's too short to worry about these stupid people who insult you! Feel free to send me a friend request so we can support each other!
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Thank you to everyone your advice helped me feel better. I'm glad i posted this I would have regretted not meeting you all. I feel much better about myself and will look for better friends.0
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I used to have 2 thin friends that directly called me fat. I was about 25 pounds over 'ideal' weight. Yes, I was over weight, but that was unnecessary. Fortunately I had friends who shared my problem, and they were very encouraging in that respect.
You are beautiful, and your baby is adorable!0 -
You got this girl. Look for people who build you up not tear you down. Everyone had such great points and I wanted to tell you to stay strong you can do this with out those people.0
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The profile photo of you two is absolutely beautiful!!
Wise words above... the company we keep even casually can be toxic....grab hold of some supportive friends on here or join a group. Gather your strength from getting to know yourself and learning to be kind to yourself. You're worth it!!!
Your baby will draw from you what you put out into the world... allow her to draw out the beautiful things from inside you. 0 -
kateymorse wrote: »Previous posters all have great points, so I won't rehash those. Think about all the positives in your life - especially your child! Work your hardest to be a great role model for her and show her healthy food and exercise habits as she grows. Most of all, love who you are and all you've overcome in life, and forget those things and people who get you down. Life's too short to worry about these stupid people who insult you! Feel free to send me a friend request so we can support each other!
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So far I've not encountered people not being there for me. At the same time, people (well some I think) have lives; it doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to help you. They have other things to worry about. Though they also could have given up quite easily which is just hippie bs. Giving up is weakness mentally..especially for the gym. Never give up...don't be a hippe! And honestly if one of my friends gave up, I just delete them off my friend's list. I'm always logged on anyway.0
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Thank you so much for the encouraging words. My faith in humanity is fully restored, it's great to know there are people out there who can be so kind. I'm glad to have had the opportunity to hear from you all. You are very encouraging thank you very much0
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I was 106 lbs when I had both of my babies. 124 at the day of their birth and right back to 106 leaving the hospital. I lived in a military community and had a military spouse at the time. Even at 106 he always told me that I needed to do sit-ups. I cant count how many people asked if I was going to get my great A__ back. Sadly, I was so young and never even noticed that my self esteem had changed for the worst. My babies are now 24 and 25 years old. I have been re-married for 21 years and so happy that I went up to 172 lbs over the years. I am finally at a downturn. Today 136.5 lbs. I am so thankful to my family, friends and co-workers for all of their support. Things I have learned from age:
1) Don't pick your friends based on weight or age, pick them based on how fun they are and how they support you as a friend.
2) Be a good friend, but do not put your time into people who make you feel bad, sad or not good enough.
3) If you live in a military community, get out and meet people who are a part of the community. I hate to say it, but a lot of military folks are very judgmental. Check out meetup.com. You should find a variety of interest groups in your area, especially ones for Moms.
4) Do whatever you have to do with your life to make yourself well and happy. Drop the bad, bring in the good.
5) Love your baby. She will most likely be the one who decides at some point if you go to a nursing home or not!!0 -
If I were you, I would gather the courage, make myself get angry, and tell them all to shut their pieholes.
I'm also socially awkward and always the shy one, and sometimes I will tolerate these things for a while. But eventually I crack and just tell them to shut the f*** up. We've gotten a mouth to speak up with.
Also, you need to realize that you are doing this for YOU and nobody else. Your choices are none of their business and should not be affected by them.0 -
I've always had issues with weight and I gained 26lbs with my first and 26lbs with my twins that I had 18 months after.. I only lost that plus 10/15lbs before I decided i had enough and was ready to change my life and have the gastric sleeve . I was pregnant for literally 2 years of my life! ! It felt that way anyways. ... I knew i was through having kids and now i could focus on me!!!
husband has always been attractive to larger women especially big booty striper chicks. I was a size 8 when we met. As we courted I began to get comfortable in my skin and being in love put on about 40lbs of the weight I had lost prior to meeting him . We traveled and ate and cooked and ate. It was more of a bonding time for us! I'm 5 foot tall and 226lbs stuck out to here with twins really took a tool on my once ok, body! I looked in the mirror when I got home and all I had was an apron hanging down. I had to lift it to clean. I even used degree clinical in the fold under my saggy belly bc I was so uneasy about it. My husband never really had any complaints about me getting heavy. He was obsessing over my butt anyways. .. once I had my surgery and began to loose weight he was clearly insecure about it. Some comments would be.. you getting all skinny, who you trying to impress.. he called me a bony tramp at one point.. flat *kitten*... you know all the things to throw me off course and get me eating again.. well yea it hurt I have just delivered 3 kids in 2 years.. I'm trying to get back in shape to cure this high blood pressure, nose bleeds, acid reflux, high cholesterol... mean while trying to fill the emotional void of having this apron of a belly that still isn't gone after loosing 85lbs! I finally convinced his mom to have the surgery bc she's morbidly obese weighing 285lbs at 5 foot tall. So now that she's lost 60lbs and he sees the change in his own mother he has done a 180! Supports my decision to be a healthier mom and wife! I'm quite sure he isn't complaining about the ride /spin move that a 226lb fat wife couldn't do 18 months ago! Sometimes I think people have to have a calling or maybe even a more personal experience to come to terms that no one is perfect.. yes skinny is not 100% healthy like you said. You just tell them this. Hey this is my new WOMANLY body. I'm proud of the mother I am and the skin I'm in... You check yourself and don't point a finger here without shoving your thumb well where the sun doesn't shine! I love myself..
Self love is the best love! No one will love you like you love yourself! Confidence is key even if your not 100% happy with what you look like.
Add me! I'D LOVE TO BE OF SUPPORT!
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Hi. I'm sorry your "friends" aren't understanding. I have the same issues more or less. I have really bad knees to the point I had a couple specialists say I should be housebound or bedridden. I am by no means skinny. I am 273 lbs right now. I am constantly nagged about being so fat. I just tell people that at least I have something for my husband to hang onto and I won't slip through the cracks. Keep your chin up and enjoy your baby. Don't let the negatives drag you down. Own it and rock what you have!!!!0
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