How I thought I would feel vs. How it actually feels

Been there when I was younger... lost a lot of weight and expected immediate happiness, that my life would be magically transformed. But guess what? I still had to go to work every day, still had a mortgage payment, same friends, same car. There was no 'happily ever after' affect. This time, however, I'm older and a little wiser maybe. I went into this expecting my life to NOT change but to reap the health benefits and maybe run a 5K at the end of it.

Set goals that don't involve other people but things that will ultimately make you feel happy. Find something each day that gives you a confidence boost. Take a martial arts self defense class for women, or an art class. Put on a pair of your fat jeans and look at your progress- do you want to undo all that hard work?? Eating will only make you happy for the moment- but the guilt and effort it takes to work off the binge that comes after is far worse.

People come and go, but the image in the mirror is ultimately your best friend.

The experience of happiness is different for everyone. Not being rude but I'm curious to know why you thought that weight loss or looking a certain way (thin?) would confer the emotion of happiness upon you. Did you learn or were you told this in childhood? Do you see a person with an appearance you strive for and assume they are also happy?

What about contentment, pride, satisfaction; are these emotional states you experience regularly?

The one time I was relatively slim I was stressed sick and angry. So I've decided that slim while a good goal is secondary to things like enjoying and being able to do things like mma on the level I want.

"I think probably that society imposes unhappiness on fat people."

That is stinking thinking. Society does not impose happiness or unhappiness. Only you can make you happy, only you can make you unhappy. It is within you. Lincoln said " Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." That is as true today as it was when he said it. I have a lovely cross stitch my Mother in Law did for me that reminds me daily "Happiness is Homemade."

Others do not pay that much attention to you. Even if some rude person made a statement you heard, they have gone on with their lives, you should too. Most people are too self absorbed to really care what you weigh, think, or care about.

I've been fat and I've been thin, neither made me happy. Only I made me feel that way.

I suggest you stop the negative self talk and surround yourself with more positive people, actions, and yeah even some quotes and stuff on the wall. It does effect how happy you feel.

What you have done is great. Acknowledge that and work boldly to complete your goal. Stop using excuses for not getting on with it. In the end, that is what will bring you more happiness. Find a support group on MFP of others about your age/weight and join in, others binge, and get on with it. Others feel fat even when skinny (that would be people like me), but they get on with it. So just do it.

My main weight struggles were when I was in Elementary, Middle, and some of High School. I was never obese, but I weighed a lot more than I liked and was certainly pudgy. In 10th grade I decided to change my eating habits, and by 11th grade I was much healthier, and I've maintained it since (second year of college now).
While I was overweight, people were just downright rude. They made fun of me at every opportunity they got, and I had very few friends. That said, the friends I did have were always there for me and were the best at the time. When I decided to lose weight, I figured I would get more friends, and the mocking would stop.
My experience? Wrong.
Even though I've lost weight, I still experience some passive-aggressive comments (although much less frequently I'll admit). Usually when people discuss food, they'll still make passive-aggressive remarks regarding my weight, and how I'd never be able to understand their struggles since I'm so skinny, and how I need to gain weight because I'm the "size of a child" (despite being at a healthy weight for my height). Also, my good friends from school? Most left me, most got jealous of my healthier lifestyle and stopped associating with me, since they lost their "binge buddy." I've only kept two, really close friends, and they're still by my side through everything.
So all in all, you can be overweight and unhappy, or normal weight and unhappy. People will be mean either way, so you can't truly find happiness until you accept yourself for you. Weight loss shouldn't be about becoming "happy," just about becoming healthier. I've learned to stop letting other people's opinions affect me, and to live life for myself and be there for those who choose to be there for me. The others simply aren't worth satisfying, since you can never do so anyways.

When you lose weight, you're still you. You may or may not be happier with your body, but your overall happiness probably won't change. I think people imagine that after they lose weight, a thousand fabulous things will happen. When those things don't happen, there's disappointment.

If you're not happy, you need to work on that.

mlpettit wrote: »

I'm also aware that I'm defined in terms of my weight in terms of people complimenting me, like I'm automatically a better person than I was when I was fat.
Please tell me I'm not alone! How do people deal with it?

I've lost a bit more weight than you have, but I am also about 20 pounds from my goal.

My weight never determined my happiness or self worth to a great degree, so I didn't expect those things to change.

I did expect to FEEL a lot better physically than I do. I gained weight due to serious health issues, and I still have those. My health is pretty much as good as I can possibly make it at this point, but I still have issues.

The experience has made me realize how much we judge each other based on physical things. I've been a little shocked at how shallow most people are. Even some people who are close to me treat me a LOT better now, and that is kind of disheartening. It has shaken my faith in humanity a little bit, to tell the truth.

I try not to think about it too much.

It's a good question. The thing is though... it's not like it was an instant change. It took 1.5 year to go from obese to close to my goal weight. So if there was any change, it was gradual.

It would definitely have been completely different if I had woken up suddenly 80 pounds lighter... but I honestly can't tell you how I felt then, compared to how I feel now. I don't remember getting that worked out over my weight, and my circumstances haven't changed, except I don't play online games anymore and workout.

In some ways I am the same. In some ways, I don't even recognize who is looking back at me in the mirror or who is thinking in my own brain sometimes. I had been obese the vast majority of my life. In some years, easily morbidly so (peak BMI of around 44). Now my BMI is 22.3.

Growing up and into adulthood, I was the fattest in the family, bar none. Now tables have completely turned and they are obese (at least one morbidly so) and I am normal weight. It has changed the dynamic somewhat. I am also frustrated by one family member's attempt to eat himself into an early grave, but I know there is nothing I can personally do about it. I know that nothing anyone would have said to me would have made a single second of difference until I, and I alone, was ready to lose the weight. I feel helpless. It must have been how my family felt about me for so long.

Despite being married, I never really had any serious interest from the opposite sex. When I reached a BMI of 24, decent looking men started to notice and pay more attention to me. I've never experienced this before, so waffled wildly between embarrassment (why were they interested in a landwhale like me?!) and letting it go to my head (I guess I am hot/not a landwhale anymore...). I just now think I have it under control, but I really did not anticipate or prepare at all for the attention. I wasn't losing weight to look hot. I mean, I had a man, so eh. I was losing weight for my health and as a challenge to myself.

I changed in the sense that I also started paying far more attention to my personal appearance. Before I did the bare minimum for the most part. I just felt like I was putting lipstick on a pig to do anything more for makeup. Most clothes did not flatter me. I didn't care about fashion. It seemed to be a waste of time. Now I have a body that looks cute in many different kinds of clothes. Still no bikinis for me, but I look fabulous in dresses now. No more rolls everywhere and tree trunk legs. I don't look like a refrigerator with a dress on anymore. It is liberating. I started wearing some light makeup regularly. I had my hair professionally cut and dyed for the first time in my life a few months ago. It looks fantastic. I finally look fantastic. The confidence that comes from that is incredible and I never thought I could achieve that. I thought I was doomed to be fat forever. I proved myself wrong and I've never been so happy to do that.