Not sure why friends care what you eat

Am I the only person who has never gone out with a group that split the bill evenly? I think this must be because the people I dine out with the most (outside of family) are all accountants.

My friends generally don't say much about what I am eating or not eating.

kelfran1 wrote: »

Well, I can see myself being a little put off if I made plans with a friend to go out to lunch or (worse) dinner and when we got to the restaurant, that person had already eaten and just drank water while I had a meal. Yes, it would make me feel awkward and a little annoyed that now I'm hungry and have to spend money to eat when we could have both eaten at home and then done some other activity together.

Perhaps the next time you are invited out, you can try suggesting an alternative activity, like taking a walk in a park. That way your friend doesn't expect that you will be lunching together, only to find him/herself eating while you watch.

I agree. If I am joining a group of friends for dinner, then I feel fine not ordering food. But if I am one-on-one with a friend, I feel it is rude not to order anything. Usually though, if a friend wants to get dinner, I'll suggest drinks instead (can always order a diet soda or a glass of wine on occasion). Or I'll just explain that I'm going to eat beforehand, so perhaps we can sit at the bar and order drinks and appetizers.

GodlessHeathen wrote: »

My friends don't give a crap what i eat

Generally this, but I do find simple responses work pretty well, without making anyone else feel stupid or alienating me.

I mean it's pretty obvious to everyone that I've lost a LOT of weight, so most comments (positive, negative and everything in between) generally get greeted with a quiet smile and that's about it. I usually change the subject when people talk about weight and fitness, because I only know about my own experiences so I'm really not the best to ask for advice and I sure don't want to hear the great long litany of everyone else's tortuous diet experiences (I don't tell them about mine). I eat what I want, when I want to, and if I don't want something a quick "no thank you" (accompanied by a smile) works. If they insist, I just repeat (with a slightly more strained smile or even an eye-roll). On the other hand, if someone starts apologizing for wanting dessert, I give them the confused look which implies I think they're stupid for feeling guilt/apologizing (happens quite often, even though I've never really been one for desserts even at my largest).

bgorum wrote: »

More often I've had the opposite problem. People who know I'm tracking calories/working out will see me eating something they don't see as "diet food" and say "Are you supposed to be eating that?" or "Oh, there goes the diet, huh?" Pfffttt, they wish.

This has been my experience as well. And yes, sometimes, they do wish. I have encountered a few people (not friends, mostly co-workers) who would never admit it, but don't want me to succeed. One woman--a tiny bit of a thing, not overweight at all--was constantly pushing food on me. Finally I just said, "Don't worry...no matter how much I lose, I'll never be as small as you". (She is very petite; it would be unhealthy for me to weigh what she weighs). She stopped with the food pushing after that, and I thought, "Maybe she felt threatened? Maybe she wants to be the only tiny cute one?" Who knows. Like I said, she's just a co-worker and I don't see her outside of work, so it's not a huge issue.

I also find that people put you in a category, i.e. their "fat friend" (even though, again, they'd never admit it) and by losing weight and getting healthy, you're rocking the boat.

As for the other issue, what you order when going out to eat with friends, I would never accept a dinner invitation if I didn't plan on eating anything. That makes no sense to me. I'm not saying you have to keep up with everyone drink for drink and course for course. But to say, "Sure! Let's go out to dinner!" and then when you get there say, "Oh, I've already eaten...just water for me"? No. I'll make a plan ahead of time (i.e., one alcoholic drink, then switch to seltzer...either an appetizer or dessert with the main course, not both...whatever) and stick to it.

The reality is that "friends" really don't care about your personal journey with weight loss/gain/maintenance.
When people realize that, it's much easier to understand.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I don't know...if I'm planning to go out to lunch or whatever with my friends I don't usually eat before hand...I go out to lunch with them and I eat with them.

I may get some crap from time to time that I don't go out with them enough because I'm usually on my bike at lunch and I usually brown bag it...but when I go out to eat with them, I eat with them...I've never just ordered water.

That said, I'm about 2.5 years into this little safari and my friends pretty much know the drill by now.

I understand eating something small (a salad, maybe?) before you go out, so you're not famished when you get there, leading you to overeat.

But eating a full meal and then saying that you won't be ordering anything because you already ate.....I wonder if there's a feeling of superiority that goes along with that. "Nothing for me, thanks. I just ate a wonderful, nutritious meal that I prepared myself from scratch. But by all means, you go on and eat that fat- and calorie-laden restaurant meal. I'll just sip my water".

Why not just fit what you want to consume when out with your friends into your calories for the day? I do it all the time and still lost at a steady rate.

Yeah... I would be kind of put off if I made plans to go out to eat with a friend and they just ordered water. It'd be a bit different if we made plans to do something else and I just happened to not eat beforehand. If that was the case, I'd completely understand if they weren't hungry.

I'd say it can depend on the situation. If they're buying or you're at their house and they're offering food, it fits in the "they're trying to be generous / hospitable" realm. That's where I'd be more likely to accept and figure out a way to fit it into my daily calories *or* I'd thank them, but let them know I've already eaten and I'm too full to eat any more.

If they're trying to get you to buy your own food, I wouldn't say it's rude, they probably just don't want to feel like the odd one out or like they're "that guy" who's making everyone wait while they eat. In that scenario, I'd be a little more along the lines of "it's my money, it's my diet, it's my decision when I buy more food".

Ordering something they know they won't finish could be a poorly structured offer of hospitality, until they want people to chip in, at which point it becomes awkward because they're trying to get people to chip in on the bill for food they didn't want, to begin with.

When they say that you need the food to stay strong, etc, that usually is just an attempt at peer pressure using what they know about you.