Suggestions for how to deal with people's comments?

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2

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  • librarydebster
    librarydebster Posts: 177 Member
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    You will get some comments that are well meaning and some that are blatantly nosy and intrusive. You can simply laugh them off and not reply, which will give them a message. Or you can say I'm glad I lost all that weight so I can just live and not talk about it anymore. They'll get the message either way.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    christinehuds wrote: »
    I'm used to turning down office food and lunch invitations.

    That's likely a big part of the problem. Food for humans is a highly social thing, and if you are consistently turning down food/lunch, you are signalling rejection of the people who are inviting you.

    I know, it's not an easy thing to manage when trying to lose weight....

    Good luck!

    :drinker:
  • lorib75
    lorib75 Posts: 490 Member
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    BrianHageman wrote: »
    As an adult male, I'm loathe use Taylor Swift as a font of wisdom but "Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake. Shake it off, Shake it off."

    EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS!
  • christinehuds
    christinehuds Posts: 42 Member
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    Mr_Knight wrote: »
    christinehuds wrote: »
    I'm used to turning down office food and lunch invitations.

    That's likely a big part of the problem. Food for humans is a highly social thing, and if you are consistently turning down food/lunch, you are signalling rejection of the people who are inviting you.

    I know, it's not an easy thing to manage when trying to lose weight....

    Good luck!

    :drinker:

    Yes, that's a good point. I also turn down frequent lunch invitations because eating out is way too expensive. And I turn them down often because most restaurants aren't good at offering balanced vegetarian meals, so it usually throws off my macros for the day. Which makes me grumpy. Haha. But, I can certainly afford to go once a month. You're right. Food is very social for people and I've been turning invites for so long that I've kind of forgotten that. Thanks for your input!
  • runner475
    runner475 Posts: 1,236 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Ha Ha Ha!!!

    The way I handle all of this is I look at them but I'm never listening to what they are saying. I wander in my thoughts. Because what they are gong to say I'm anyway not going to follow so might as well why even bother and waste time comprehending and having a conversation.

    On the other hand because they see I have paid alot of attention to what they have said they think I'm following their advice.

    As for donut party @ work - I'll only go for a glazed donut. I'm very picky. I sometimes cut it in to half with a fork and knife (yeah that nasty donut cutter that's me) and eat only half b'coz that's what I'm in mood for.
  • gouldyftw
    gouldyftw Posts: 9 Member
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    If people are trying to bring you down, it only means you are above them ;)
  • christinehuds
    christinehuds Posts: 42 Member
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    LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
    Does anyone have any suggestions for how to politely tell these (nutritionally ignorant) people to stop commenting on my food intake, preferences and practices?
    I'd like to help but I have no experience with being polite.

    However, if you are doing any "explaining" at all when you encounter these situations, then it just invites even more of the questions/comments because people take that to mean it's their business.

    Good point. Engaging in conversation makes it their business... and it's not. Thanks!
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
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    I'd kind of give your dad and boyfriend a pass, but those co-workers....grrr.

    At the suggestion that you eat something awful, and the whining "why not?" I would slowly look the person up and down and then just say "because" or "I have my reasons."
  • PinkyPan1
    PinkyPan1 Posts: 3,018 Member
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    exstromn wrote: »
    http://personalexcellence.co/blog/naysayers/

    I really liked this article on "Nay Sayers". Check out tip #5. Give it a read, sounds like nay sayers comment critically out of fear. You determine weather or not the comment is coming from a loving place. Remember, you are the only one in control of how you feel about something, don't allow others that power over you. Good luck and best wishes to you!

    Thank you!
  • apennock
    apennock Posts: 49 Member
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    Sometimes when I get invited to lunch with co-workers I'll just say that I brought my lunch from home, but offer to walk over and spend the time with them and eat my lunch at my desk later. If anyone pushes, I usually give a financial excuse ("pinching pennies for a trip this fall!") and people seem a bit more willing to relate to that. It's not wrong either, eating out for lunch is expensive!
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
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    I've put up with a good amount of intrusive and invasive questions and comments on my food/eating habits for years now, from people who frankly have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to health and nutrition.
    So stop answering them, stop giving them any energy/support/credence.

    This works for many topics:
    "Thank you for your concern, but I'm not interested in discussing it."
    Repeat as necessary, same bored inflection, until the person leaves you alone.
    .
    From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."
    That's actually a pretty substantial, calorific, and nutritious meal. I like having yogurt with oatmeal stirred in for a little texture. Fruit too. And I found something like Mio that's supposed to be used in milk; the orange flavor makes vanilla yogurt taste like a deamsicle! :heart_eyes:

    This one you can address with education, because (presumably) he does care for you and wants you to be well.
    Show him how you arrived at your calorie & weight goal, show him that it's healthy, show him several days of your diary so he sees that you're getting the nutrition you need and you're at a slight calorie deficit in order to lose a little more weight.
    .
    From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"
    Yeah, measure stuff out at home.
    Besides, this one confuses me. Do you just put a bunch of stuff into containers at home, then at work you measure out what you're going to eat & put the rest back into the containers to take home again? :confused:
    Seems it would be much simpler to handle it once, at home, with no snarky co-workers.
    .
    From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!"
    Going out once in a while, suggesting someplace that has food you can eat, would be a compromise.
    Otherwise, I'd say something like, "your feelings are not my problem; I don't feel bad about what you eat and how it affects your health, why are you concerned with me?"
    If they persist, there's always, "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you". :smiling_imp:
    (The nuclear option is a last resort.)
  • christinehuds
    christinehuds Posts: 42 Member
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    MKEgal wrote: »
    I've put up with a good amount of intrusive and invasive questions and comments on my food/eating habits for years now, from people who frankly have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to health and nutrition.
    So stop answering them, stop giving them any energy/support/credence.

    This works for many topics:
    "Thank you for your concern, but I'm not interested in discussing it."
    Repeat as necessary, same bored inflection, until the person leaves you alone.
    .
    From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."
    That's actually a pretty substantial, calorific, and nutritious meal. I like having yogurt with oatmeal stirred in for a little texture. Fruit too. And I found something like Mio that's supposed to be used in milk; the orange flavor makes vanilla yogurt taste like a deamsicle! :heart_eyes:

    This one you can address with education, because (presumably) he does care for you and wants you to be well.
    Show him how you arrived at your calorie & weight goal, show him that it's healthy, show him several days of your diary so he sees that you're getting the nutrition you need and you're at a slight calorie deficit in order to lose a little more weight.
    .
    From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"
    Yeah, measure stuff out at home.
    Besides, this one confuses me. Do you just put a bunch of stuff into containers at home, then at work you measure out what you're going to eat & put the rest back into the containers to take home again? :confused:
    Seems it would be much simpler to handle it once, at home, with no snarky co-workers.
    .
    From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!"
    Going out once in a while, suggesting someplace that has food you can eat, would be a compromise.
    Otherwise, I'd say something like, "your feelings are not my problem; I don't feel bad about what you eat and how it affects your health, why are you concerned with me?"
    If they persist, there's always, "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you". :smiling_imp:
    (The nuclear option is a last resort.)

    Yes, I think after reading a few comments that say to stop engaging in conversation, answering questions and explaining myself, this seems to be the way to go!

    As for my boyfriend, I should definitely show him my food diary. Oatmeal with peanut butter mixed in and Greek yogurt on the side is a really filling and well-balanced meal. Hits all the macros. It's one of my favorite meals. I love it! I also love desserts, so this satisfies my sweet tooth. He just doesn't get it.

    As for weighing food at work, it's certainly not ideal, but I work in a downtown setting where my parking lot is about 3 blocks from my car, so it's much easier for me to bring food in bulk once a week (large tupperwares of chili, whole containers of old fashioned oats, whole jars of peanut butter, whole containers of yogurt) and just leave them here than to bring them in every single day. I just keep a scale at work because it's more convenient than weighing everything at home and bringing it in when I lave limited space to carry things. I also plan to start biking to work once I move, so I want to keep my load as light as possible. I bring food in once and it's enough to last me at work for a few weeks!

    Also, could you send me a link to the Mio-like product you found for milk? Thanks!
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,361 Member
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    You can't control what people say to you but you can control how you react to the comments. Stop giving power to the people, take it back. Let their comments be water off the duck's back.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    It never stops, especially since you're a vegetarian. Once you've maintained your weight for long enough, you'll still get stupid food-related comments, but it'll be because you're the fit girl. I can't understand why anyone feels like it's appropriate to comment on what someone else is eating, but if you eat in a way that's at all different from "normal," people will comment. I'll occasionally tell people that I'm not eating (whatever treat they have in the office) because I have cake or whatever at home that I want to eat later, but only if that's true. 95% of the time, the only answer people will get about my eating habits is that I eat this way because I like it. That seems to shut them up fairly well.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    It sounds like you are beyond frustrated. I would begin by associating the comments you receive at work as "harassment". Just simply say "I do not appreciate being harassed about my food/body/what I am eating". Co-workers (smart ones) typically associate the word Harassment with "HR involvement". Begin documenting any comments and how you respond to them.

    At home, be blunt and direct. Luckily, it sounds like you are around your parents temporarily so know that there is an end in sight there.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    Just tell your coworkers that you don't take diet advice from fat people.

    OMG. This is going right into my back pocket. Perfect.
  • PennyVonDread
    PennyVonDread Posts: 432 Member
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    Say no to micro aggressions. "My body is NOT up for commentary." Tell them that. Tell them you are not standing on a pedestal to be evaluated and that you'd rather be spared people's judgments about your habits and health. You have a right to privacy and it's not rude to set that boundary out loud, it's self preservation.
  • sunandstars2
    sunandstars2 Posts: 56 Member
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    I am quick to jump on the snark wagon when it comes to these types of diet police. :) I was in the category of "not that over weight" for years, but over weight enough that it was uncomfortable to me, and I had no muscle strength in any part of my body, got winded walking up stairs, no concept of CICO/macros etc. So I started walking, which led to running and working out, learning about counting calories, etc.. I like feeling better as a result of eating well and being active. So I turn down the donuts and the happy hours, and that is enough to send the diet police after me. ... so I understand your feeling of being on your last nerve.

    To Dad and your boyfriend and the rest of the list ... I'd look them straight in the eye and ask "Does it make you uncomfortable that I've gotten healthy?, And would you be happier if I added that 100 pounds back on?"

    I think they really have no idea how their comments come across. I always think of the best reply hours later...

    Keep up the good work! :)
  • sunandstars2
    sunandstars2 Posts: 56 Member
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    [/quote]

    If they persist, there's always, "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you". :smiling_imp:
    (The nuclear option is a last resort.)
    [/quote]

    OUCH! good one :) ... i'm gonna save that one for the day i plan to quit my job. LOL
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    They are projecting. It's not about you, it's about them. You are a walking success story, somewhere they are not ready to be. Most are not ready to listen, so anything you say will be lost anyways. So the appropriate answer is inanities or "none of your business". For sure don't cringe. Stand tall and own your new life. You owe no explanations.

    From my Dad: (I'm living with my parents for 3 weeks while I wait for my new apartment to become available) "What are you going to fix for dinner? You do eat, don't you?
    "You'll just have to wait to find out, won't you, LOL."

    From the CEO of my company, when he saw me microwaving lunch: "You mean you actually eat? I thought you'd given up on eating altogether."
    "And here I thought you had given up thinking. Good observation."

    From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."
    "Those aren't exactly man's portions are they? That's why God made me a girl. Watch and weep."

    From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"
    "I do! LOLOLOL. Wanna try it? Here, catch!"

    From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!" (My coworkers eat restaurant/takeout food about 3-4 days a week for lunch. Most are overweight.)
    [First of all, nobody can make someone else feel bad by their example. That part they just have to suck up. I suggest a negotiation where you pick a "healthy" eat out or potluck option one of the four days a week. Or they can go weep over their fast food while you continue on your own path.]

    Just this morning, donuts were brought in and everyone gave me ***** for not having one. (I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)
    [How about saving one indulgent a month for the office, if they agree not to give you heck the rest of the month? What would they do to a diabetic employee? A celiac? Guilt them right back.]

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