Weight Loss and your spouse?

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ditsyblond17
ditsyblond17 Posts: 155 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I guess I'm just trying to see how many people might be in the same situation with me. With an overweight spouse and no willingness to change. Until this point, I didn't feel I should go on without him, but I am saving myself here. Not him. Does this happen to anyone else? The feeling of guilt and selfishness for losing weight when your spouse chooses otherwise? Or WORSE, does it affect your progress?

Replies

  • megsta91
    megsta91 Posts: 92 Member
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    You can't change a person who is unwilling to change. As you lose weight, it may end up motivating him to do the same. If not, oh well.

    I used to be that person.. I was the overweight one in my relationship who was unwilling to change, and my boyfriend never came down on me. He is very supportive of my weight loss journey now and does everything in his power to help. I am extremely grateful for him.
  • honeybee_kisses
    honeybee_kisses Posts: 172 Member
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    My other half isn't overweight but I do worry about the effect his food choices will have on his health, he eats lots of greasy fried foods, take aways and the ONLY thing he drinks is sugary coffee. He will go weeks without drinking water, juice or anything else.
    You can't make someone change though they can only do it when they're ready. I agree that seeing a change in you might spur him on to follow your lead.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    You're not his mother.

    Assuming you are the one cooking most meals, he will (presumably) eat what you cook, right? My husband eats what I cook. If he doesn't want it, he's been known to go make his own dinner (though that's not terribly common). Whatever. hes a grown man and can eat what he wants.

    fortunately, he likes fish and veggies and chicken (cause i make a lot of that LOL). And, overall eats relatively healthy.

    But he doenst exercise. he doesn't count calories. he teases me about weighing everything. he'll offer his candy or chocolate (being polite, not trying to be a jerk or anything). hes over at his desk right now munching on pringles. LOLOL. He does him. I do me. We are separate people.

  • Paperchains38
    Paperchains38 Posts: 42 Member
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    My partner has joined this journey with me however he is not quite as dedicated (for the want of a better word) as I am which has shown that he has not lost any weight in the last few weeks but I have left this all up to him as it is his body however he has now come to the conclusion that he does want to lose more weight so has started a fresh. People have free will to make their own choices In life.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    You can't change someone else, you can lead by example. You're the one doing the cooking and I imagine the shopping, so you will have a big influence.
  • dougii
    dougii Posts: 678 Member
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    My spouse joined me all the way in this journey. Gave up almost 100% of packaged foods, experimented with new and different veggies and has now even become a gym rat (just showed me that she has some "guns" for the first time in her life). She was never really over weight but I was and with her support we are now both in way better shape and hoping to have many, many more years together. I should add that she has had a full spinal fusion (neck to butt) and is still doing this full speed ahead - lifting, running, and eating really well.
  • kindrabbit
    kindrabbit Posts: 837 Member
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    megsta91 wrote: »
    You can't change a person who is unwilling to change. As you lose weight, it may end up motivating him to do the same. If not, oh well.

    I do feel for you. Weight loss is a massive life changing experience and we all want to share that with our spouse.

    To tell my story very quickly we were both drinkers, smokers, fast food eaters. We were children of the 90's in every sense.

    I turned my life around when I turned 40. My husband is still very happy with the cigarettes and the takeaway pizza. It's been 2 years now and I am a new person. Health and fitness is a massive part of my day. He has nodded and smiled through every weeks weight losses and gains but I know he's not really interested. I now share all my diet and gym talk with like minded friends and don't even try to engage him. We are lucky enough to have a good marriage but you do hear of some people drifting apart when they change their lives and their spouses refuse to change too.

    The truth is, its a risk but it was one I was willing to take. I want to be healthy for me and my daughter. I want to live longer, set a good example and look better. My husband loves the new me - and I love the old him!
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
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    ditsyblond17 wrote: »
    I guess I'm just trying to see how many people might be in the same situation with me. With an overweight spouse and no willingness to change. Until this point, I didn't feel I should go on without him, but I am saving myself here. Not him. Does this happen to anyone else? The feeling of guilt and selfishness for losing weight when your spouse chooses otherwise? Or WORSE, does it affect your progress?

    If you're just worried about his health - that is his decision to make, you can help a little by cooking healthier things but you can't, and shouldn't, control his intake or exercise etc.

    Or is it a deeper problem within yourself? You mention shame and guilt. For me that is the much worse part than what you have labeled "worse". Those are strong words to use. What are you ashamed of? Yourself or him? What is making you feel guilty?

    Are you in love with this man - all of him, such as he is, come hell or high water? Then you shouldn't be afraid to become the slim, adoring wife of a great husband who happens to be obese (barring the fact that you may worry for his health, which I addressed above).

    My husband of 13 years has always been slim and athletic. I am obese. He has always adored me at every weight and made me feel how much he admires and loves me. He admitted to worrying about my health when I broached the subject and asked him directly, but he never pushed me to change, not once. If I didn't have that kind of acceptance and love from him, I would have found it much harder to find the acceptance and love in me that I needed to change.

    Just look after yourself - for yourself, and let him be. He will be ready when he's ready, and even if he never is, that is his choice. Respect that.

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