My daughter has an eating disorder.

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  • leslisa
    leslisa Posts: 1,350 Member
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    I'd suggest cooking a big fancy schmancy 5 course meal for you, your husband, your daughter, her boyfriend, and whoever else is in your family. Start with a simple salad… make some chicken or salmon with rice and a veggie. Then have a dessert prepared… brownies with ice cream or white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Something YOU KNOW SHE LIKES. Make sure you let her know you will be preparing a family dinner that she needs to be at.

    Oh dear.
    No.
    No, no, no.

    Please do not do this.

    I'm guessing the person who said make a big dinner doesn't have experience with eating disorders.
  • lilbuddha007
    lilbuddha007 Posts: 30 Member
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    as someone who is also 5'5" and used to be anorexic (down to 95 pounds), I'm not certain that she is, yet, but given the information, could be on her way there. If her reason really is that no one cooks, I wouldn't be so concerned, but going to the store and cooking with her would be the first thing I would suggest. If it continues, then be concerned. If she starts eating, maybe it really was more of a matter of picky eating. Encourage her to either talk to her doctor or see if that doctor will recommend someone closer. Best wishes to you both!

    ^This. I also suffered from an eating disorder and did not stop until I was hospitalized. The key points are above:
    1) IF you aren't sure if she does have an eating disorder... it's true she may be incredibly stressed, and busy, and depressed, and worried about saving money, therefore losing weight AND not cooking for herself. So the suggestion to cook with her, schedule a family dinner, is a good one. Ultimately she did tell you her weight so if she has the beginnings of a problem, I think telling you the weight was indeed the 'cry for help.' As a former anorexic I constantly lied about my weight and certainly would never volunteer the information.
    2) If you do think she has an eating disorder, then there is only way out of that hole and it's counseling. Or a brush with death worked for me, but I don't recommend it. The causes of eating disorders are not really about food - it wasn't for me or for anyone else i've ever talked with. It can be hard to pinpoint what the source is (depression, hopelessness, anger, etc..)

    I think placing pressure before you're sure it's an eating disorder might provoke resentment and make it harder for you to actually help. Try the meal thing, try to be a friend, and see what's going on first.

    Advice on something like this is really difficult because without knowing you or her, people cannot know what your relationship is really like. You don't say if this is a temporary gig. You dont say if your daughter has had depression issues before. etc etc. there may be a pattern in her of 'acting out' and in you of enabling but we don't know that. But all the people with eating disorders now or since say that it won't go away without therapy.
  • XC_Guitar17
    XC_Guitar17 Posts: 93
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    crystalfrancie wrote: »
    I will use some tough love on you, Mom. The fact that the doctor is 1.5 hours away is not an excuse not to go.

    Do you drive? Can you drive your daughter to get help so she feels that SOMEONE'S ON HER SIDE? Having other responsibilities is NOT an excuse not to see that her medical and psychological needs are met.

    Love is a verb, not just a feeling. That means when you love someone and they're in trouble, you TAKE ACTION. She obviously can't make the best decision for herself right now so that's where YOU step in, Mom.

    Anorexia is the most fatal of all psychological disorders. Anorexia could be the root of ALL her troubles.

    I have a friend whose daughter was treated for anorexia. The mom is a single mom with a fulltime job who is responsible for another child and aging parents. She managed to get her child daily to a treatment program - it was over an hour's drive each way - for months on end. At times she made arrangements with responsible friends or family members to get her daughter to-and-from. She somehow managed to get her daughter to treatment daily and thus deliver the message to her daughter that "this is hard work for me but you are worth it". Other parents in this treatment program faced the same challenges of a long drive and other responsibilities but they, too, managed it.

    If you don't help your daughter, who will? If you don't behave as if this is a life-threatening condition, who will?

    No one loves their child more than a parent. She needs to know that she has you to count on, and that she is worth all the trouble.Don't drop the ball.

    I suggest meeting with a knowledgeable, understanding physician who can lead you through this treatment, and push for answers, results and treatment.

    Nothing you have to do today is more important than getting your daughter the help she needs. Good luck.

    I have to agree with this. If she doesn't get help, she could die. Like Crystal said, eating disorders are the MOST FATAL of all psychological disorders. She needs help ASAP, especially if there are other addiction problems, as you (Mom) mentioned.
  • iwearthejumper32
    iwearthejumper32 Posts: 57 Member
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    Addictive issues. Hmm. Please dont rule out drugs being the primary issue... weight loss as a side effect. And Im sorry to be blunt but tough love is not letting her live in your house with her child and boyfriend while you wait for her to get her life straight. You said it yourself- she is an adult, making adult choices. There isn't any motivation for her... until you stop bailing her out. I wish you the best and hope you can find the strength to let go of a situation that you cannot control.

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