So many looking for others to motivate them....why?
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amy_kee
Posts: 694 Member
I agree that it's great to have good supportive friends on here. I agree that some friends can be motivating by either what they do or what they say.
But, why do so many people want others to provide their motivation for them? That's a set up to fail. People need self motivation, most of all. You are there with yourself 24 X 7. You make your own mind up what food to put in your mouth and what you consider healthy. It seems people after people, after people want to get motivated by someone else. Someone else isn't in you hip pocket. They have their life to live too and their own struggles they have to work with. If people would quit expecting for others to do things they should do on their own first, they might do better at weight loss and would stick with things longer.
People cant do it for you. You need to be self reliant to some point. Take responsibility for yourself. That solves so much.
Sure great motivated friends are helpful, like I said at the start. But, rely on them to be friends, not your source of motivation for yourself.
But, why do so many people want others to provide their motivation for them? That's a set up to fail. People need self motivation, most of all. You are there with yourself 24 X 7. You make your own mind up what food to put in your mouth and what you consider healthy. It seems people after people, after people want to get motivated by someone else. Someone else isn't in you hip pocket. They have their life to live too and their own struggles they have to work with. If people would quit expecting for others to do things they should do on their own first, they might do better at weight loss and would stick with things longer.
People cant do it for you. You need to be self reliant to some point. Take responsibility for yourself. That solves so much.
Sure great motivated friends are helpful, like I said at the start. But, rely on them to be friends, not your source of motivation for yourself.
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Which is why I say motivation comes from within. I think people see such threads and think I want some of that. From the perspective of a new dieter, some can be scared, lacking confidence, fearing failure, confused as well as reluctant to put the effort in because it sucks. Not surprising they use MFP for motivation if its there.
Bot soemthing I need but everyone isnt self sufficient or as strong as you are.0 -
I get what you are saying and I do sometimes get frustrated with those post looking for friends to motivate them.
When I joined MFP I never had any friends for the first year, I read the forums, did research and tried to educate myself and figure out what was going to work for me.
Once I got my first friend and added a few more, seeing those notifications on my phone definitely odd help motivate me and probably keep my focus. Seeing my friends posted workouts some days made me get out workout. I do tell them how much I appreciate them and that motivates me. I believe we have to find what motivates us and make it work for us but it is our own responsibility in the end.0 -
Yes, self motivation is a big part of it but I don't think looking for motivation from others is setting people up for failure. I lost about 20 lbs before I stalled out and found this site. At first all I did here was log my food and lurked in the forums until I replied once to a thread and got my first friend request. A lot changed after that. My new friend was walking this path with me, had close to the same goals as me and we cheered each other on. When I saw that she exercised and lost a lb or whatever it made me glad for her and it made me get up and out too. I will never give my good friends up.
We walk this path together and cheer for those who make it. And when we see our friends make it, it feels so much closer to home. It makes you feel like you can do it too because there are times where I want to give up. It's so much easier just to wallow in my misery but they're there to cheer me on and it motivates me.0 -
I agree with both of you.0
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I usually take it a step further. Even self-motivation is not important to me. Yes it's nice to have but it's an unstable ground so I try to avoid relying on it. I focus more on habit building than I do on motivation. I mean I don't need to psych myself out to brush my teeth. Why? Because it's a habit that happens regardless of my state of mind. What happens when maintenance is around the corner? It would be near impossible to maintain the same level of motivation for a lifetime.
In some aspects of my weight loss I'm clearly there. They happen automatically without any thought process. Other aspects still need work, and but I'm working on them diligently.
A side note, I find external motivation to be a stressor rather than an encouragement. It puts a frame and wheels on my weight loss process and I don't do well with that.0 -
I agree with you OP. To have long term success, the motivation needs to come from within.0
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Perhaps when they say they need someone to motivate them , they mean support and a cheerleader? Same with accountability, not sure it works for my psyche, if I want the pizza id have it, want to dodge the gym I dont go, except I'm accountable to me so i'd give myself a kick up the backside and get down there.0
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amusedmonkey wrote: »I usually take it a step further. Even self-motivation is not important to me. Yes it's nice to have but it's an unstable ground so I try to avoid relying on it. I focus more on habit building than I do on motivation. I mean I don't need to psych myself out to brush my teeth. Why? Because it's a habit that happens regardless of my state of mind. What happens when maintenance is around the corner? It would be near impossible to maintain the same level of motivation for a lifetime.
In some aspects of my weight loss I'm clearly there. They happen automatically without any thought process. Other aspects still need work, and but I'm working on them diligently.
A side note, I find external motivation to be a stressor rather than an encouragement. It puts a frame and wheels on my weight loss process and I don't do well with that.
This is how I am too. And not only that, but it stresses me out to think about being someone else's motivation. I can barely handle being responsible for myself.
I love my friends here and some of them I consider "real" friends, not just names on a screen. I'm happy to cheer their successes and commiserate with their failures. But as far as motivation goes? I'm not interested.
But at the same time I realize not everyone is like me. Whatever works to get a person started I guess. I just hope that those who seek external reasons for getting it done every day will eventually develop good habits and an internal locus of control so that when motivation fails they can keep going.0 -
I'm really motivated and yes it varies based on things that are going on in my life but for the days that maybe you aren't in the mood it's good to see what other are up to and think to yourself I can still do this. The main reason I like having friends on this is to share success stories, ideas and recipies etc.
But for those who do rely on others for motivation it's really their own business isn't it? Can you not just not read those threads?0 -
True, whether one succeeds or fails in a change of familiar behavior depends on what they do when no one's watching. That being said, would you walk into an AA meeting and ask "what you doing here?! Just have some will power!"
"Food" for thought.0 -
True, whether one succeeds or fails in a change of familiar behavior depends on what they do when no one's watching. That being said, would you walk into an AA meeting and ask "what you doing here?! Just have some will power!"
"Food" for thought.
But they probably say its up to the individual to make the choice and want to break the addiction. Nobody can do it for them.lauraloy2013 wrote: »
But for those who do rely on others for motivation it's really their own business isn't it? Can you not just not read those threads?
I think the Ops underlying point is that the motivation for those that stick it out is something that comes from themselves. Its in their own interests to become self reliant if they want to make a success of it.
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »amusedmonkey wrote: »I usually take it a step further. Even self-motivation is not important to me. Yes it's nice to have but it's an unstable ground so I try to avoid relying on it. I focus more on habit building than I do on motivation. I mean I don't need to psych myself out to brush my teeth. Why? Because it's a habit that happens regardless of my state of mind. What happens when maintenance is around the corner? It would be near impossible to maintain the same level of motivation for a lifetime.
In some aspects of my weight loss I'm clearly there. They happen automatically without any thought process. Other aspects still need work, and but I'm working on them diligently.
A side note, I find external motivation to be a stressor rather than an encouragement. It puts a frame and wheels on my weight loss process and I don't do well with that.
This is how I am too. And not only that, but it stresses me out to think about being someone else's motivation. I can barely handle being responsible for myself.
I love my friends here and some of them I consider "real" friends, not just names on a screen. I'm happy to cheer their successes and commiserate with their failures. But as far as motivation goes? I'm not interested.
But at the same time I realize not everyone is like me. Whatever works to get a person started I guess. I just hope that those who seek external reasons for getting it done every day will eventually develop good habits and an internal locus of control so that when motivation fails they can keep going.
Agree with all of this.0 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »I usually take it a step further. Even self-motivation is not important to me. Yes it's nice to have but it's an unstable ground so I try to avoid relying on it. I focus more on habit building than I do on motivation. I mean I don't need to psych myself out to brush my teeth. Why? Because it's a habit that happens regardless of my state of mind. What happens when maintenance is around the corner? It would be near impossible to maintain the same level of motivation for a lifetime.
In some aspects of my weight loss I'm clearly there. They happen automatically without any thought process. Other aspects still need work, and but I'm working on them diligently.
A side note, I find external motivation to be a stressor rather than an encouragement. It puts a frame and wheels on my weight loss process and I don't do well with that.
That's the word I was looking for, going to the gym and eating to a plan is a habit. Often going to the gym is a bit of a pain, but I do it through force of habit. Newbies to this place need to realise it's not motivation they need, it's just that they need to make it a habit. Because it does get easier the more you do it, but it's never always going to be something you want to do. But something you know you'll benefit from in the end.0
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