Boyfriend puts me down about my weight

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squishy828
squishy828 Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
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  • XxQueenMxX
    XxQueenMxX Posts: 683 Member
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    Not good at all. May be time to reevaluate your relationship with this person. Im all up for creative criticism, but putting down the woman whom you're suppose to respect, nope!
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
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    Nope nope nope.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    Perhaps a conversation with him about what is helpful support versus demotivational? (assuming you haven't already had this conversation).

    May I also suggest going to change your user name from squishy to fabulous? How you talk to and about yourself can have a profound impact and you deserve better than that. Don't allow it from him, but don't do it to yourself either <3
  • aussie_girl_del_runner_5
    aussie_girl_del_runner_5 Posts: 303 Member
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    Talk to him and let him know how you feel when he does it, it could be he's thinking he's helping but actually isn't. Ironically my husband was doing just that, being critical of whatever I put in my mouth but once I lost it (and I mean really lost it) we worked out he was just trying to help but it didn't come across this way. We then set some ground rules of how he can help me, yes he can ask how my week is going, no he can't ask me my current weight, yes he can 'encourage' me to go for a walk when I have skipped a day, no he can't say 'what boring food are we having for dinner tonight'. It's a tough conversation to have but well worth it.

    If just doesn't get it then move on, you really don't need that in your life. Especially when you are trying to make improvements.
  • lillyy23
    lillyy23 Posts: 136 Member
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    I know how you feel.. I had a boyfriend like that its just terrible.. My current boyfriend he works out also just like my ex but he doesn't act like he's better then me he doesn't put me down just because I eat different from him. He supports me even if I eat differently.. He understands because he has people in his family who are vegetarian and says not everyone is the same. You shouldn't put up with that.. Easier said then done. I wouldn't even hang out with him much and tell him you have been busy working out and that its a priority for you right now and you still care about him. But he needs to respect tht your trying to look and feel better about yourself. My current boyfriend still tempts me sometimes but is more understanding.
  • mhanispeedy
    mhanispeedy Posts: 50 Member
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    It happens .. The only real support we get is from our parents ( in my case) others say oh you tried before too :(
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I think it's got to start with a conversation. Let him know it hurts, it doesn't help, it's not appreciated and he better stop. You don't give a lot of information, so it's hard to tell if he's being mean or just tactless. But if he is someone who you're close enough with to share a home, a bed and a life with, then you need to have that conversation.
  • Imanapeman
    Imanapeman Posts: 20 Member
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    squishy828 wrote: »
    What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?

    Dump him. If he does it once, he will keep doing it.
  • pineapple_peach10
    pineapple_peach10 Posts: 239 Member
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    This is the one person who should support you and be by your side no matter what. Is it possible he is insecure and scared of your losing weight?
    Whatever the reason, it is wrong for him to be disrespecting you.
  • ElkeKNJ
    ElkeKNJ Posts: 207 Member
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    My husband does as well, but it is not out of ill will. He just likes me better a few sizes smaller, and never had a very good way with words, coming off rude sometimes. We just had a talk about it the other day, and now he leaves me to it. I can get raving mad about his comments, but he does have the truth on his side. If he would not make those comments, I am sure i just would pack on more and more weight. He is a great guy, hard working, but he is honest rather than diplomatic.
  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 661 Member
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    you tell him to either support you or hit the road, honestly. I've been married for over 10 years now and that is the best piece of advice I can give you. That is a MAJOR flag and you don't want to be with someone who doesn't support you, let alone degrades you for it.
  • SomeGirlSomewhere
    SomeGirlSomewhere Posts: 937 Member
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    FaylinaMeir wrote: »
    you tell him to either support you or hit the road, honestly. I've been married for over 10 years now and that is the best piece of advice I can give you. That is a MAJOR flag and you don't want to be with someone who doesn't support you, let alone degrades you for it.

    ^^100% THIS!!^^

    My husband has seen me in sizes ranging from a 4 to a 34W and he has ALWAYS treated me the same regardless of my size!
  • bulk_n_cut
    bulk_n_cut Posts: 389 Member
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    squishy828 wrote: »
    What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?

    ask a bunch of random people on a diet and exercise tracking website who know nothing about the dynamics of your relationship
  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 661 Member
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    SomeGirlSomewhere wrote: »
    FaylinaMeir wrote: »
    you tell him to either support you or hit the road, honestly. I've been married for over 10 years now and that is the best piece of advice I can give you. That is a MAJOR flag and you don't want to be with someone who doesn't support you, let alone degrades you for it.

    ^^100% THIS!!^^

    My husband has seen me in sizes ranging from a 4 to a 34W and he has ALWAYS treated me the same regardless of my size!

    exactly! :) I was like 22W when my husband met me, and at my highest a tight 26W and 298 pounds. I actually was talking to my husband and saying "oh once you get sexy abs you'll leave me for a cute girl at the gym" and in a serious and heart melting way he says to me that he loved me when I was bigger, and he will love me if I'm skinny. Big tits or no tits, he loves ME for me and it doesn't matter. He just wants me to be happy.

    Pay attention ladies, THAT is the type of man you want, not one who makes you feel like crap because you're overweight. Same thing for you men, if your lady is a b--ch, give her a reality check or hit the road.
  • caradeanne2000
    caradeanne2000 Posts: 6 Member
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    I agree with the post that mentioned the way you talk to, and about, yourself. You should always "self -talk" as if you were talking to a dear friend. No matter what happens with your bf, you always have to live with "you". About your bf,...talk to him honestly and kindly about how his words makes you feel. If he cares, he will understand, and have his own thoughts to share with you about your weight loss pursuit,...in a respectful manner. If he is dismissive, or defensive, you may need to consider that he doesn't care enough about you,...and/or is insecure about the possibility of what will happen to your relationship if you lose weight. Give him a chance to step up and prove that he wants what's best for you. If he doesn't step up, you can likely find someone who is more supportive of you, no matter what your size.
  • BethCDA
    BethCDA Posts: 5 Member
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    My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.

    I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
    86378799.png
  • krysmuree
    krysmuree Posts: 326 Member
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    Ain't nobody got time for that. Tell him what's up and if he doesn't change his tune ..
  • krysmuree
    krysmuree Posts: 326 Member
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    KayLeywd wrote: »
    My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.

    I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
    86378799.png

    You are worth more than that. My future husband loves me just as much at 200lbs as he did when we met, when I was 170lbs, and he'll love me at 140lbs. Why even bother dating someone who doesn't love you regardless? You'll live in constant fear of going over a certain weight because he might leave you. Screw that.

    Lose the weight, feel happy with yourself and keep him a friend - find a man who loves you for you, all of you, and will support and love you at any weight.
  • krysmuree
    krysmuree Posts: 326 Member
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    KayLeywd wrote: »
    My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.

    I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
    86378799.png

    You are worth more than that. My future husband loved me just as much at 200lbs as he did when we met at 170lbs, and he'll love me at 140lbs. Why even bother dating someone who doesn't love you regardless? You'll live in constant fear of going over a certain weight because he might leave you. Screw that.

    Lose the weight, feel happy with yourself and keep your best friend JUST a friend - find a man who loves you for YOU, all of you, and will support and love you at any weight. You're worth love at ANY weight!
  • RedRockChic
    RedRockChic Posts: 69 Member
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    OH MY HELL... some of these posts make me want to scream.

    It is called emotional abuse and too many (TOO MANY) people are okay with that and quick to dismiss it or validate it...

    WE DO NOT HURT PEOPLE WE LOVE.

    Sigh.

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