No one understands you like I do

Cindy4FunFit wrote: »

QueenBishOTUniverse wrote: »

Cindy4FunFit wrote: »

Dear Burt,

Your post both delights and confuses. I find this irresistible. Please stop that. If you dont stop, I will be forced to like you and send over my limo full of cabbages to pick you up, requiring you to wear full scuba gear. I'm not sure what I mean. Please clarify further. Do you like stickers, too?

Sincerely with Affection & affliction,

Cindy

Dear Cindy,

I own knives.

Queen.

This only prompts me to grab weapons and prepare. Must be worth a fight?

How are you with a bat'leth?

Cindy4FunFit wrote: »

That thing I just learned existed? I am all over that. Me at summer camp: (I was an underdog going for overlord)

You're not even in traditional garb!

Cindy4FunFit wrote: »

I'm currently sewing.... Jeesh!

*makes notation* fails at womanly duties.

Burt, these elaborate cover ups just won't do anymore. These poor women don't realise that when you get to their chamber you fall short at the gate. It can't be helped. But your physiological failings are psychologically enduced by your deepest desires for a love that dare not speak its name.

It's understandable. Your mother held you to her breast for too long. Smothered you with her affection until no other woman could satisfy your needs. You try to replicate this love with these women, but they cannot live up to your high standards. You tell yourself you'll settle. You call their failings individuality. In the end these women aren't enough and you can't perform. That's when I found you, cruising in the park for someone who can hold you in their arms, with bulging muscles and sweat stained vests; someone who can show you what it is to be a real man.

But this is the darkness. In the darkness your true nature is easy to accept. In the day you can't face him and you try to hide in these weak willed women who will tell you that your sexual prowess is not as important as your heart. But, like your heart, everything must be strong for them or they will leave you like all women have before. It doesn't matter how much you love them, or if you stroke their faces as they sleep.

I hope that you shall find a way to make your life of darkness and your life of light one being. This way lies happiness.

Love

MFP

myfelinepal wrote: »

Burt, these elaborate cover ups just won't do anymore. These poor women don't realise that when you get to their chamber you fall short at the gate. It can't be helped. But your physiological failings are psychologically enduced by your deepest desires for a love that dare not speak its name.

It's understandable. Your mother held you to her breast for too long. Smothered you with her affection until no other woman could satisfy your needs. You try to replicate this love with these women, but they cannot live up to your high standards. You tell yourself you'll settle. You call their failings individuality. In the end these women aren't enough and you can't perform. That's when I found you, cruising in the park for someone who can hold you in their arms, with bulging muscles and sweat stained vests; someone who can show you what it is to be a real man.

But this is the darkness. In the darkness your true nature is easy to accept. In the day you can't face him and you try to hide in these weak willed women who will tell you that your sexual prowess is not as important as your heart. But, like your heart, everything must be strong for them or they will leave you like all women have before. It doesn't matter how much you love them, or if stroke their faces as they sleep.

I hope that you shall find a way to make your life of darkness and your life of light one being. This way lies happiness.

Love

MFP

That was lovely. I take it back, Burt, THIS is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said.

*creeps on Burt*
*shows up with spatula, olive oil, and rhinestones*