Talking to Your Daughter About Her Body

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  • JenniDaisy
    JenniDaisy Posts: 526 Member
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    JenniDaisy wrote: »
    I think this is an important way of talking to any child about their body, Daughter or Son. Boys are also subject to creepy pressure about their bodies.

    Great point. That was my thought, as well.
    baxyboy wrote: »
    Here's the thing - this message is every bit as important for sons, brothers, fathers, uncles etc.

    Men are every bit as vulnerable and susceptible to deeply rooted issues with how we see and judge our own reflection. Every bit as pressured to be fit and strong both physically and mentally, and shamed if we dare falter.

    The only difference is, it's not nearly as talked about or acknowledged.

    My friend walked in on her 5 year old son in front of the mirror, squishing his tummy and sucking it in and frowning, He already gets upset because he's the shortest in his class. It's crazy, no one should feel like their not good enough, especially at 5!
  • baxyboy
    baxyboy Posts: 70 Member
    edited March 2015
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    JenniDaisy wrote: »
    My friend walked in on her 5 year old son in front of the mirror, squishing his tummy and sucking it in and frowning, He already gets upset because he's the shortest in his class. It's crazy, no one should feel like their not good enough, especially at 5!

    I can completely sympathise - when I was young I spent a large % of my free time playing football (soccer). I could eat what I want and never put on weight (how I wish I could get back to that now! lol). I'm not especially tall and was so thin you could see my ribs - I hated it, and was bullied because of it (easily brushed off the ball when playing football because I lacked of upper-body-strength and weight to hold them off, pushed around easily by bullies etc). On occasion I would falter and show how much they had upset me by crying, which of course then led to more bullying (because god forbid a boy/man dare show emotion!).

    I hated how I looked. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be taller.

    It carried through into my teens and beyond. I stopped playing football, I put on weight - far too much of it (which is why I'm here now), but that just gave me a different set of reasons to be sickened and angered by what I see when I catch my reflection in a mirror, or get self-conscious about how other people must see me.

    It eats at you, and it's horrible.
  • GypsyByTheSea
    GypsyByTheSea Posts: 529 Member
    edited March 2015
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    baxyboy wrote: »
    JenniDaisy wrote: »
    My friend walked in on her 5 year old son in front of the mirror, squishing his tummy and sucking it in and frowning, He already gets upset because he's the shortest in his class. It's crazy, no one should feel like their not good enough, especially at 5!

    I can completely sympathise - when I was young I spent a large % of my free time playing football (soccer). I could eat what I want and never put on weight (how I wish I could get back to that now! lol). I'm not especially tall and was so thin you could see my ribs - I hated it, and was bullied because of it (easily brushed off the ball when playing football because I lacked of upper-body-strength and weight to hold them off, pushed around easily by bullies etc). I hated how I looked. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be taller.

    It carried through into my teens and beyond. I stopped playing football, I put on weight - far too much of it (which is why I'm here now), but that just gave me a different set of reasons to be sickened and angered by what I see when I catch my reflection in a mirror, or get self-conscious about how other people must see me.

    It eats at you, and it's horrible.

    Working through all the emotional baggage and editing the tape that constantly runs in our heads - are probably the hardest things about losing weight and getting healthy. It is for me anyway. If all that was required was eating healthy and moving more - none of us would be here. But, the underlying reasons for being in an unhealthy place have to be worked through, as well. That takes time and patience.

  • Hadabetter
    Hadabetter Posts: 941 Member
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    Love it!
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    edited March 2015
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    I need to send this to my mom! She actually put her hand on my arm when we were out to eat and said "You've made such incredible progress! When you're done losing weight, I want to go with you to a plastic surgeon for a skin removal consultation". Needless to say, I was kind of offended... it's nice that she recognizes how hard I've worked, but jeezuz, thanks for telling me I'm still not "perfect".

    I'm glad I am not the only one with a mom who is obsessed about loose skin.

    My Mom raised me with so many of the positive things in that post. She raised me to be an independent woman who knows how to do basic car maintenance and handle tools. She encouraged me to play sports and do all kinds of outdoor things, but also encouraged me to spend time reading everything I could get my hands on. She also encouraged me to cook and sew and do all of the "girly" things girls in the 60's were supposed to do.

    BUT I was never good enough looking for her. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat. My hair was (and still is :p) too long. My laugh is too loud. I talk too loud. I embarrassed her by wearing pants to school when girls should wear dresses. My skirts were too short. etc, etc etc. My brothers and I sponsor a scholarship in her name at the local HS. She is a retired gym teacher and athletic coach and a pioneer in girl's athletics (she formed her first team 2 months after Title IX was passed) and we want her to be remembered. She asked me to not participate in the presentation and let my brother do it. She was embarrassed for people to know that she had a fat daughter and didn't want to be publicly associated with me.

    She is encouraging me now, but brings up the loose skin thing every time we get together (and she has not offered to pay for surgery either).

  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
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    +1
  • GypsyByTheSea
    GypsyByTheSea Posts: 529 Member
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    earlnabby wrote: »
    I need to send this to my mom! She actually put her hand on my arm when we were out to eat and said "You've made such incredible progress! When you're done losing weight, I want to go with you to a plastic surgeon for a skin removal consultation". Needless to say, I was kind of offended... it's nice that she recognizes how hard I've worked, but jeezuz, thanks for telling me I'm still not "perfect".

    I'm glad I am not the only one with a mom who is obsessed about loose skin.

    My Mom raised me with so many of the positive things in that post. She raised me to be an independent woman who knows how to do basic car maintenance and handle tools. She encouraged me to play sports and do all kinds of outdoor things, but also encouraged me to spend time reading everything I could get my hands on. She also encouraged me to cook and sew and do all of the "girly" things girls in the 60's were supposed to do.

    BUT I was never good enough looking for her. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat. My hair was (and still is :p) too long. My laugh is too loud. I talk too loud. I embarrassed her by wearing pants to school when girls should wear dresses. My skirts were too short. etc, etc etc. My brothers and I sponsor a scholarship in her name at the local HS. She is a retired gym teacher and athletic coach and a pioneer in girl's athletics (she formed her first team 2 months after Title IX was passed) and we want her to be remembered. She asked me to not participate in the presentation and let my brother do it. She was embarrassed for people to know that she had a fat daughter and didn't want to be publicly associated with me.

    She is encouraging me now, but brings up the loose skin thing every time we get together (and she has not offered to pay for surgery either).

    As parents, we can never fully comprehend the positive and negative feelings caused by our words. We talk to our children constantly. It's hard sometimes to know what words will stick and do damage - even if our intentions are well meaning. <3
  • stevesgirl824
    stevesgirl824 Posts: 74 Member
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    I completely agree with this article!! I read one similar to that when I was expecting my daughter, so I have been careful not to comment on other people's appearances or say I'm working out because I want to lose weight. I tell my kids I work out because I like how it makes me feel and I like to take care of myself. Im sure there are ways I could improve on this, but I feel like I'm on the right track in being a good example for my kids.
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
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    [/quote]

    As parents, we can never fully comprehend the positive and negative feelings caused by our words. We talk to our children constantly. It's hard sometimes to know what words will stick and do damage - even if our intentions are well meaning. <3
    [/quote]

    ^^True. I have 6 sisters. I am the only one that had a weight issue (from puberty). I always felt I did not measure up in the "pretty" department, to my mothers standards. She was constantly trying to get me to lose weight. I am now 63, and my mother has been gone over 20 years and it still hurts to think about this issue. When I finally had a daughter of my own (only child) we made a conscious effort to show her she was capable of doing and being whatever she wanted to be. Thankfully, she got her father's gene's and has never had a weight issue. She recently thanked me for giving her the gift of accepting herself the way she is. One of the best gifts I have ever received. We have always been close and friends (well, there were issues between the ages of about 13-17, but that is a hard time for most parents and adolescents) as well as mother and daughter.

  • JoelleAnn78
    JoelleAnn78 Posts: 1,492 Member
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    I've seen and shared this multiple times on FB. I think it is worth the read everytime! For aunts, cousins, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, friends and everyone who encounters a little person. Start young and never let up.
  • GypsyByTheSea
    GypsyByTheSea Posts: 529 Member
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    I've seen and shared this multiple times on FB. I think it is worth the read everytime! For aunts, cousins, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, friends and everyone who encounters a little person. Start young and never let up.

    Well said. <3

  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
    edited March 2015
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    I need to send this to my mom! She actually put her hand on my arm when we were out to eat and said "You've made such incredible progress! When you're done losing weight, I want to go with you to a plastic surgeon for a skin removal consultation". Needless to say, I was kind of offended... it's nice that she recognizes how hard I've worked, but jeezuz, thanks for telling me I'm still not "perfect".

    Its hard to see compliments in the tall grass. Now if this were me I would say...are you paying and if so...pay for a touch up on my fine lines too! Thanks Mom.

  • GypsyByTheSea
    GypsyByTheSea Posts: 529 Member
    edited March 2015
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    urloved33 wrote: »
    I need to send this to my mom! She actually put her hand on my arm when we were out to eat and said "You've made such incredible progress! When you're done losing weight, I want to go with you to a plastic surgeon for a skin removal consultation". Needless to say, I was kind of offended... it's nice that she recognizes how hard I've worked, but jeezuz, thanks for telling me I'm still not "perfect".

    Its hard to see compliments in the tall grass. Now if this were me I would say...are you paying and if so...pay for a touch up on my fine lines too! Thanks Mom.

    Yes, it's sometimes hard to accept compliments. It becomes especially hard when they are followed by the word but.

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,574 Member
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    Being a stay at home dad, I basically do what the article says. My DD is 10 now (and on the cusp of puberty). She's 58" tall and weigh about 66lbs. She runs around all the time, plays physically and eats fairly well. Like any kid she asks for ice cream, candy, etc. and gets limited amounts per day. I've told her to NEVER ever worry about how people view her or take any of their comments to heart if they are negative. And thankfully she doesn't. She wears mismatched clothes, dances all the time in public, and acts goofy most of the time. Lol, reminds me of me when I was her age.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png
  • scaryg53
    scaryg53 Posts: 268 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Being a stay at home dad, I basically do what the article says. My DD is 10 now (and on the cusp of puberty). She's 58" tall and weigh about 66lbs. She runs around all the time, plays physically and eats fairly well. Like any kid she asks for ice cream, candy, etc. and gets limited amounts per day. I've told her to NEVER ever worry about how people view her or take any of their comments to heart if they are negative. And thankfully she doesn't. She wears mismatched clothes, dances all the time in public, and acts goofy most of the time. Lol, reminds me of me when I was her age.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png

    I love it, wish my parents had told me those things.
  • jessiruthica
    jessiruthica Posts: 412 Member
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    Thanks for posting that. As a mother to a daughter, I do NOT want to pass on my body weirdness to her. At 3 years old, she's already heard someone (definitely not at our house!) say something about having big legs. I told her that she has strong legs that are just right for her body. I want to get healthy so that THAT is her normal.
  • carafes
    carafes Posts: 36 Member
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    I love this!! we need to feed the souls we create and add positive energy to the whole world
  • MissFuchsia
    MissFuchsia Posts: 526 Member
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    Love this. This is what I'll tell my daughter when she's old enough to understand (she's 6 months). I wish someone showed my mother this when I was growing up
  • kalee_go
    kalee_go Posts: 45
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    I actually did this with both my girls. My mother never did any of this for me & I wish she would have & I made sure to do it for my girls. They are both thin, beautiful, eat right, exercise & becoming college educated. I'm very proud of them and can't tell em enough!
  • qn4bx9pzg8aifd
    qn4bx9pzg8aifd Posts: 258 Member
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    I thought of this thread, after checking the news, and seeing a report of the following --

    http://www.hlntv.com/video/2015/03/27/mom-angry-body-mass-index-7-year-old?


    It stuns me to learn that an elementary school, and in conjunction with funding from the associated county, is engaging in such actions...

    The parents and family of this young girl -- mindful of the 'message' that has just been inflicted upon her -- will now undoubtedly be trying to carefully counteract the potentially lifelong impact of this one experience in the seven-year-old's life... and who knows how many times in the future, or throughout her life, she might think back to this 'message', or otherwise be reminded of it...? Who knows what kind of damage might be caused by this single ridiculous and uncalled for 'assessment' of this little girl's body (let alone, its having been 'issued' by a school administration -- an entity that in the eyes of many young children can be perceived as being 'authoritative', or otherwise a form of 'those in charge' who a child is expected to 'listen to')...?

    This is so upsetting... and infuriating... and so, so destructive and wrong...