Talking to Your Daughter About Her Body
GypsyByTheSea
Posts: 529 Member
I wish I had read this when I was raising my daughter. I'm not sure how - but, my daughter is raising her daughter with all this in mind. Smart girl.
(Article by Sarah Koppelkam)
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.
If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
"You look so healthy!" is a great one.
Or how about, "You're looking so strong."
"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
This post originally appeared on hopeave.wordpress.com.
(Article by Sarah Koppelkam)
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.
If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
"You look so healthy!" is a great one.
Or how about, "You're looking so strong."
"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
This post originally appeared on hopeave.wordpress.com.
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I love all of it except the line about kale, since it belongs in a trash can =P0 -
As a Mom of two girls (5 and 2), I'm struggling with this already. Thanks for the lovely post!0
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I really really hope everyone in this thread: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10115765/help-my-20-year-old-daughter-is-a-closet-eater/p1 reads this one.0
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This should be viewed by all mothers and daughters. Truly words to live by. Acceptance of yourself and others as you are. Kind of the "Golden Rule" expanded upon.
Thanks for posting!0 -
Love it. My daughter is only 2, and I'm trying to emphasize how awesome it is that she's strong. Seriously, her squat form makes me jealous.0
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I was raised in the generation when being on a diet was the thing to do. Everyone was doing it. Sadly, I did not do as good a job with my daughter. I'm just so proud she made whatever changes she has made to do it completely right with my granddaughter.0
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Luckily my daughter is doing this with my granddaughter, I wish I had done it with her.0
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hollydubs85 wrote: »Love it. My daughter is only 2, and I'm trying to emphasize how awesome it is that she's strong. Seriously, her squat form makes me jealous.
The truth!
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lishie_rebooted wrote: »
I love all of it except the line about kale, since it belongs in a trash can =P
How did you get a picture of my boyfriend??
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I need to send this to my mom! She actually put her hand on my arm when we were out to eat and said "You've made such incredible progress! When you're done losing weight, I want to go with you to a plastic surgeon for a skin removal consultation". Needless to say, I was kind of offended... it's nice that she recognizes how hard I've worked, but jeezuz, thanks for telling me I'm still not "perfect".0
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Love this!! Great reminder ... thanks for posting 0
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I think this is an important way of talking to any child about their body, Daughter or Son. Boys are also subject to creepy pressure about their bodies.0
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JenniDaisy wrote: »I think this is an important way of talking to any child about their body, Daughter or Son. Boys are also subject to creepy pressure about their bodies.
Great point. That was my thought, as well.
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Yeah, this is amazing. I was overweight my whole life until a few years ago and my mom was always so good at this. My mom is a tiny little thing and she never, ever said anything about how my body looks or my eating habits. She encouraged me to do activities I enjoyed and to try new things but never forced me to do (or not to do) anything. Even when I lost the weight she never commented on how my body looks, it was always about how she could tell I was so much happier and was proud of me and my dedication when I reached certain goals I set for myself (goal weight, first 5k/10k/half marathon, etc.). I will definitely keep this in mind if I ever have a daughter.0
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Here's the thing - this message is every bit as important for sons, brothers, fathers, uncles etc.
Men are every bit as vulnerable and susceptible to deeply rooted issues with how we see and judge our own reflection. Every bit as pressured to be fit and strong both physically and mentally, and shamed if we dare falter.
The only difference is, it's not nearly as talked about or acknowledged.0 -
Here's the thing - this message is every bit as important for sons, brothers, fathers, uncles etc.
Men are every bit as vulnerable and susceptible to deeply rooted issues with how we see and judge our own reflection. Every bit as pressured to be fit and strong both physically and mentally, and shamed if we dare falter.
The only difference is, it's not nearly as talked about or acknowledged.
Someone else just made this observation. I agree - but couldn't change the title of the article.
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Thanks for sharing this, not a parent, but probably will be one day, it seems like it is such an impossible venture to do well....0
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_SammieGirl_ wrote: »JenniDaisy wrote: »I think this is an important way of talking to any child about their body, Daughter or Son. Boys are also subject to creepy pressure about their bodies.
Great point. That was my thought, as well.Here's the thing - this message is every bit as important for sons, brothers, fathers, uncles etc.
Men are every bit as vulnerable and susceptible to deeply rooted issues with how we see and judge our own reflection. Every bit as pressured to be fit and strong both physically and mentally, and shamed if we dare falter.
The only difference is, it's not nearly as talked about or acknowledged.
My friend walked in on her 5 year old son in front of the mirror, squishing his tummy and sucking it in and frowning, He already gets upset because he's the shortest in his class. It's crazy, no one should feel like their not good enough, especially at 5!0 -
JenniDaisy wrote: »My friend walked in on her 5 year old son in front of the mirror, squishing his tummy and sucking it in and frowning, He already gets upset because he's the shortest in his class. It's crazy, no one should feel like their not good enough, especially at 5!
I can completely sympathise - when I was young I spent a large % of my free time playing football (soccer). I could eat what I want and never put on weight (how I wish I could get back to that now! lol). I'm not especially tall and was so thin you could see my ribs - I hated it, and was bullied because of it (easily brushed off the ball when playing football because I lacked of upper-body-strength and weight to hold them off, pushed around easily by bullies etc). On occasion I would falter and show how much they had upset me by crying, which of course then led to more bullying (because god forbid a boy/man dare show emotion!).
I hated how I looked. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be taller.
It carried through into my teens and beyond. I stopped playing football, I put on weight - far too much of it (which is why I'm here now), but that just gave me a different set of reasons to be sickened and angered by what I see when I catch my reflection in a mirror, or get self-conscious about how other people must see me.
It eats at you, and it's horrible.0 -
JenniDaisy wrote: »My friend walked in on her 5 year old son in front of the mirror, squishing his tummy and sucking it in and frowning, He already gets upset because he's the shortest in his class. It's crazy, no one should feel like their not good enough, especially at 5!
I can completely sympathise - when I was young I spent a large % of my free time playing football (soccer). I could eat what I want and never put on weight (how I wish I could get back to that now! lol). I'm not especially tall and was so thin you could see my ribs - I hated it, and was bullied because of it (easily brushed off the ball when playing football because I lacked of upper-body-strength and weight to hold them off, pushed around easily by bullies etc). I hated how I looked. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be taller.
It carried through into my teens and beyond. I stopped playing football, I put on weight - far too much of it (which is why I'm here now), but that just gave me a different set of reasons to be sickened and angered by what I see when I catch my reflection in a mirror, or get self-conscious about how other people must see me.
It eats at you, and it's horrible.
Working through all the emotional baggage and editing the tape that constantly runs in our heads - are probably the hardest things about losing weight and getting healthy. It is for me anyway. If all that was required was eating healthy and moving more - none of us would be here. But, the underlying reasons for being in an unhealthy place have to be worked through, as well. That takes time and patience.
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Love it!0
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WonderWhitney11 wrote: »I need to send this to my mom! She actually put her hand on my arm when we were out to eat and said "You've made such incredible progress! When you're done losing weight, I want to go with you to a plastic surgeon for a skin removal consultation". Needless to say, I was kind of offended... it's nice that she recognizes how hard I've worked, but jeezuz, thanks for telling me I'm still not "perfect".
I'm glad I am not the only one with a mom who is obsessed about loose skin.
My Mom raised me with so many of the positive things in that post. She raised me to be an independent woman who knows how to do basic car maintenance and handle tools. She encouraged me to play sports and do all kinds of outdoor things, but also encouraged me to spend time reading everything I could get my hands on. She also encouraged me to cook and sew and do all of the "girly" things girls in the 60's were supposed to do.
BUT I was never good enough looking for her. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat. My hair was (and still is
) too long. My laugh is too loud. I talk too loud. I embarrassed her by wearing pants to school when girls should wear dresses. My skirts were too short. etc, etc etc. My brothers and I sponsor a scholarship in her name at the local HS. She is a retired gym teacher and athletic coach and a pioneer in girl's athletics (she formed her first team 2 months after Title IX was passed) and we want her to be remembered. She asked me to not participate in the presentation and let my brother do it. She was embarrassed for people to know that she had a fat daughter and didn't want to be publicly associated with me.
She is encouraging me now, but brings up the loose skin thing every time we get together (and she has not offered to pay for surgery either).
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WonderWhitney11 wrote: »I need to send this to my mom! She actually put her hand on my arm when we were out to eat and said "You've made such incredible progress! When you're done losing weight, I want to go with you to a plastic surgeon for a skin removal consultation". Needless to say, I was kind of offended... it's nice that she recognizes how hard I've worked, but jeezuz, thanks for telling me I'm still not "perfect".
I'm glad I am not the only one with a mom who is obsessed about loose skin.
My Mom raised me with so many of the positive things in that post. She raised me to be an independent woman who knows how to do basic car maintenance and handle tools. She encouraged me to play sports and do all kinds of outdoor things, but also encouraged me to spend time reading everything I could get my hands on. She also encouraged me to cook and sew and do all of the "girly" things girls in the 60's were supposed to do.
BUT I was never good enough looking for her. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat. My hair was (and still is) too long. My laugh is too loud. I talk too loud. I embarrassed her by wearing pants to school when girls should wear dresses. My skirts were too short. etc, etc etc. My brothers and I sponsor a scholarship in her name at the local HS. She is a retired gym teacher and athletic coach and a pioneer in girl's athletics (she formed her first team 2 months after Title IX was passed) and we want her to be remembered. She asked me to not participate in the presentation and let my brother do it. She was embarrassed for people to know that she had a fat daughter and didn't want to be publicly associated with me.
She is encouraging me now, but brings up the loose skin thing every time we get together (and she has not offered to pay for surgery either).
As parents, we can never fully comprehend the positive and negative feelings caused by our words. We talk to our children constantly. It's hard sometimes to know what words will stick and do damage - even if our intentions are well meaning.
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I completely agree with this article!! I read one similar to that when I was expecting my daughter, so I have been careful not to comment on other people's appearances or say I'm working out because I want to lose weight. I tell my kids I work out because I like how it makes me feel and I like to take care of myself. Im sure there are ways I could improve on this, but I feel like I'm on the right track in being a good example for my kids.0
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As parents, we can never fully comprehend the positive and negative feelings caused by our words. We talk to our children constantly. It's hard sometimes to know what words will stick and do damage - even if our intentions are well meaning.
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^^True. I have 6 sisters. I am the only one that had a weight issue (from puberty). I always felt I did not measure up in the "pretty" department, to my mothers standards. She was constantly trying to get me to lose weight. I am now 63, and my mother has been gone over 20 years and it still hurts to think about this issue. When I finally had a daughter of my own (only child) we made a conscious effort to show her she was capable of doing and being whatever she wanted to be. Thankfully, she got her father's gene's and has never had a weight issue. She recently thanked me for giving her the gift of accepting herself the way she is. One of the best gifts I have ever received. We have always been close and friends (well, there were issues between the ages of about 13-17, but that is a hard time for most parents and adolescents) as well as mother and daughter.
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I've seen and shared this multiple times on FB. I think it is worth the read everytime! For aunts, cousins, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, friends and everyone who encounters a little person. Start young and never let up.0
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