Frustrated with my lack of self control
dannicaburson
Posts: 7 Member
5 years ago I was a healthy, active size 4! Today, I am 5'9, 238 lbs... Obese! I take diabetes medication, have high cholesterol and have severe joint and muscle pain (possibly fibromyalgia). I re-started my efforts to lose the weight and reduce my sugar specifically about 2 weeks ago. I have not been successful in reaching my food goals once in that time period. I just can't seem to make good choices for myself. I do a great job of preparing 1-2 weeks of healthy meals over the weekend when I have the time, pre-package appropriate portion sizes. I select great snacks to do the same with. I get myself the 16oz bottles of water so they are convenient. But, come the end of the day, my desires for sweets/ junk food in general gets out of control and I either order in fast food, pull out a second dinner (even though I am not actually hungry) or, most recently I ran to the store and bought a cheesecake, box of cupcakes and a Ben and Jerry's ice cream! I didn't eat them all at once, but I ate way too much! Now I am short on money for groceries because of that trip and lots of eating out, I have a bunch of junk food in the house, and I am afraid to get rid of it because it would be such a waste of money... and I know I will just go buy more crap if I do. Nothing seems to be the one piece of the puzzle that helps me commit to being healthier for me! I know I need to, and I do want to... I guess I don't want it enough though, because I know what I need to do, but I keep making the same mistakes again and again. 
Feeling like a failure! 
Feeling like a failure! 0
Replies
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You are not a failure, I'm sure a lot of us here have gone through the same self control and moderation issues you are having right now.
The problem is, you have to make the switch and change for yourself, there is no other way around it. No one can help you if you are not willing to put the effort yourself.
On my previous attempts to lose weight I found that if I'm not really convinced and in the correct mindset to make the change, I can diet for a month, all will be good and then suddenly, from one day to the next, I'll just fall off the wagon again. Now I'm more determined than ever to lose the weight, I think I'm in the right mindset and I'm trying to do it for the right reasons so I'm sure I will succeed, but its something that has to come from you, nobody can convince you or force you to change and stop auto sabotaging other than yourself.0 -
Here's some tips on breaking a binge session.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/jgnatca/view/halting-a-binge-session-715131
Have a good think about when these breakdowns happen and how you might strategize around them.
And another of my blogs about habit change.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/jgnatca/view/it-s-all-about-habit-change-7154790 -
It sounds to me like you're freaking out over expecting perfection. So stop expecting it and just take it one day or one hour at a time. Forgive yourself when you need to, and just move on. Throw out the junk food or don't. Just tell yourself you aren't going to buy more. When it's gone, it's gone. Maybe use it as treats and eat smaller quantities. It'll last longer! Or give in and binge, but then be done with it. Those are all choices. And if you packaged up a bunch of food and then find yourself not wanting to eat it, maybe you got too aggressive in picking healthy but tasteless stuff. So eat it now not to be wasteful, but find better recipes going forward. And test the, before you make a big batch. If you find good food you enjoy, it'll be much easier. You can do this. Just relax....0
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Like they said you're not a failure it happens to many of us. Let me suggest printing and putting up a picture of what you used look like and hang it on the frig and on your pantry doors that way anytime you go for food you can get reminded of what your goals are. That's always worked for me.0
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If you have no self control, then don't have temptation in the house. I know: easier said than done. But that's what works for me. (and no. It is not easy)
I'm not saying deprive yourself forever. But maybe it would be a good idea to not keep temptation so easily available until you develop better eating habits.
With diabetes diagnosis, a lot of insurance companies will cover nutritional counseling.
I think this is important because the needs of a diabetic are different from those of a non-diabetic that just wants to lose weight. A nutritionist can teach you how to time and pair your foods to minimize insulin spikes and help regulate blood sugar levels.
Talk to your doctor and look into seeing a nutritionist. You can also go to the the American Diabetes Association website to get some information:
http://www.diabetes.org/food-and-fitness/food/
Don't rely solely on the pharmaceutical companies to look after your health, you have to be your own advocate.
I am saying ignore medical advice (not at all) just look into the different resources that are available so you can make informed decisions and better choices about your life.
It is normal to make mistakes and to fail. Don't beat yourself up, it is counterproductive.
The most important thing, is to try to not make those same mistakes again.
Losing weight is tough, managing diabetes is super tough. Not impossible, but it takes a lot of strength. So you have to want it badly.
Find out what is keeping you from putting yourself as a priority.
Once you start working on those issues, the battle is half won.
Best of luck in your journey.
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dechelonian wrote: »You are not a failure, I'm sure a lot of us here have gone through the same self control and moderation issues you are having right now.
This. And to be honest I'm not really sure why it finally clicked when it did. I do know a few things helped--as kikichewie said above, letting myself be imperfect, and not letting one screw up mean I was a failure and would have to start all over (so might as well go nuts in the meantime). Focusing on small habit changes until I had them down and then moving on to the next one.
Specifically, I think the most helpful things I did was make my goal seem real to me by sitting down and mapping it all out. I had 90 lbs I wanted to lose when I did this* (I'd lost 10 already, but was reaching the time when I normally would fall off the wagon and give up for a while), and I decided to aim for losing it all in one year (I'm not someone who will be derailed by not making a goal like that, so long as I'm making progress). I came up with other things I wanted to be doing fitness-wise in one year, and then made goals for 6 months, 3 months, 1 month, and 1 week, so on. The first ones were really do-able--walk a certain amount per day, get in 2-3 sessions on the exercise bike per week, cook all my dinners and include protein and veggies, get in the habit of having a healthy breakfast with protein and veggies (I'm a breakfast person). And I started and I journaled my progress--things that were going well, things I was struggling with. That set my goals for the next week, and helped me see it as a process where improvement was the goal, not perfection.
Journaling also really helped with my habitual and emotional eating--when I wanted to eat I wrote about it, and that helped me sort out that it was really about something else. For a while I nibbled on low cal things to deal with the desire to eat, but I also worked on finding other ways to deal with stress, so on--but again, a lot term process.
There have definitely been times when I've skipped too many workouts in a row or overeaten or made bad food decisions, but that's not necessarily a negative but part of the learning process that can make you stronger going forward as you come to understand it better, IMO.
*I lost 85 of them in that year. Now I still have the last 5 to go, but I'm sure I will make it, eventually.0 -
I think learning to forgive myself for over-eating "episodes" and being able to start fresh without guilt has made a big difference as far as sticking with this new lifestyle. With persistence and practice, those episodes have gotten further and further apart.
When you do made a good meal choice or avoid some temptation, be sure to congratulate yourself! Counter some of that negative self-talk by treating yourself well.
Learning that you DO have control and that you CAN eat what you want in appropriate portions (most of the time) is so liberating. Just keep going and never stop re-starting, you can do it!0 -
Im probably going to get flagged into oblivion, but try researching keto (very low carb) especially since you are diabetic. There are TONS of cases where diabetics no longer take any diabetic medication while eating keto.
Keto saved me. I tried pure calorie counting and was miserable. i was addicted to those high carb snacks and foods, no longer. Other snacks that I lack self control around (such as salty nuts) I just don't buy or try and buy in small quantities.
Just give all your food away, dont throw it out. I cleared out 1/2 my pantry and gave unopened things to food bank, and opened stuff to parents and relatives.
6.5 months after starting keto I am now down 60lbs. Where as I failed pure calorie counting many times in the past.0 -
Ditto what Harmar above said. I'm exactly the same as the OP (nighttime binges on cakes and ice cream, gained 80lb in the past 3 years, repeated failed attempts to change the habit). I decided sugar was my addiction and decided to treat it as such. So I just recently started trying a low-carb diet – nowhere near ketogenic, but just low carb and low GI is working for me. The hardest thing was cutting out sugar in my tea and coffee but I did it and actually still enjoy those drinks!0
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@harmar21 Actually I have been trying low carb... the problem is I am so addicted to the sugars that by the end of the day I am going crazy to get them. It seems like I will do anything to get them and then binge. I end up eating more sugar than I ever would have throughout a normal day. But I also can't seem to go back... now I crave that sugar overload every night no matter what I do during the day.0
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I did successfully drop soda, use Splenda in tea and coffee, switch to low carb milk (hood), I don't miss breads and pastas, but my body seems too and thus I go on a sugar binge... I am seriously like a heroin addict, I have spent money I didn't have to spend on sugary crap! Ordered it to be delivered, eaten it in secret...0
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But you are a human being and as such you have the gift of reason. If you start craving sugars but you know you already had enough food for the day, then take a deep breath, count to 20 and don't eat them, carry on.
If you really can't control yourself try finding a weight watchers or some other sort of group in your area and look for support there (it helps!).
If there is no way you can control the sugar cravings, at least try to consume other sugary, more healthy foods like fruit. They have tons of sugar, so if sugar is your only issue they will help and I would say its better and more sattisfying to eat a pound of strawberry, oranges or whatever than a pound of chocolate :P0 -
Are you eating enough fat and just calories in general? I found it extremely helpful to eat through my cravings (just not with carbs) the first week or so. Cups of chicken broth help too.dannicaburson wrote: »@harmar21 Actually I have been trying low carb... the problem is I am so addicted to the sugars that by the end of the day I am going crazy to get them. It seems like I will do anything to get them and then binge. I end up eating more sugar than I ever would have throughout a normal day. But I also can't seem to go back... now I crave that sugar overload every night no matter what I do during the day.
Low carb isn't for everyone but given your medical issues I really think you should keep trying and give it a chance to work; white knuckle through it if you have to. I know it's hard but if you can just get to the other side that insane out of control eating -- even when you're not even really hungry!!! -- goes away. Or at least it did for me.
When I started eating low carb I described the change in my appetite as miraculous and three years later I still feel that way. To eat when I'm hungry, get full and then stop eating because I'm full? And then not think about food again until five or six hours later when I'm hungry? I can not even express how good it is to have a normal appetite again. It's worth it.
Give it two weeks and see how you make out. You can do anything for two weeks. If it works, you won't be sorry. Best wishes.
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AlabasterVerve wrote: »
Give it two weeks and see how you make out. You can do anything for two weeks. If it works, you won't be sorry. Best wishes.
If I could make it one day right now, I would be really happy!
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Maybe some of the articles and information HERE will help.
It's an uncomfortable, terrible, compulsive, panicky feeling, I know, but it's not constant and unrelenting. Make the decision not to give in and then do whatever you need to make that easier until the feeling passes. Distract yourself, journal, eat something other than carbs, exercise, paint your nails or just sit there and feel what you're feeling -- that's ok too. The urge will pass if you let it.
Hang in there!
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Try for one day. If the cravings hit, make yourself a hot drink - I like coffee with a 35 calorie chocolate creamer. It tastes decadent and you have to drink it slowly. It seems to help me. If that doesn't help, just go to bed. I have done that often. No more calories, want to eat - just go to bed. When you wake up, you will have made it through one day! And it gets easier after that. Really.0
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dannicaburson wrote: »5 years ago I was a healthy, active size 4! Today, I am 5'9, 238 lbs... Obese! I take diabetes medication, have high cholesterol and have severe joint and muscle pain (possibly fibromyalgia). I re-started my efforts to lose the weight and reduce my sugar specifically about 2 weeks ago. I have not been successful in reaching my food goals once in that time period. I just can't seem to make good choices for myself. I do a great job of preparing 1-2 weeks of healthy meals over the weekend when I have the time, pre-package appropriate portion sizes. I select great snacks to do the same with. I get myself the 16oz bottles of water so they are convenient. But, come the end of the day, my desires for sweets/ junk food in general gets out of control and I either order in fast food, pull out a second dinner (even though I am not actually hungry) or, most recently I ran to the store and bought a cheesecake, box of cupcakes and a Ben and Jerry's ice cream! I didn't eat them all at once, but I ate way too much! Now I am short on money for groceries because of that trip and lots of eating out, I have a bunch of junk food in the house, and I am afraid to get rid of it because it would be such a waste of money... and I know I will just go buy more crap if I do. Nothing seems to be the one piece of the puzzle that helps me commit to being healthier for me! I know I need to, and I do want to... I guess I don't want it enough though, because I know what I need to do, but I keep making the same mistakes again and again. Feeling like a failure!
Hang in there my friend --
I was the "King of Failures" and then....(my story) There are some photos early on and later (food too) - Best wishes!
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10080664/lost-191-lbs-photos-success-after-999-failures/p10 -
dechelonian wrote: »But you are a human being and as such you have the gift of reason. If you start craving sugars but you know you already had enough food for the day, then take a deep breath, count to 20 and don't eat them, carry on.
This. Writing about how you feel might help--it really sounds like you might be wanting them out of the habit or some kind of mental need (which is normal) not hunger, so part of that is simply learning that it's not a need, even when your mind is claiming otherwise.
Not having the foods in your house might help.
Eating something quite different might help. For me if I totally have the munchies at night a little cheese or a pickle or something can satisfy me and definitely move my palate away from any desire for sweets.0 -
I find that if I don't have any sugar in the house, my cravings are way worse and I am more likely to get something on the way home. I have a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups that I keep in an out-of-sight area, and I let myself have one after dinner every night, and just account for it in my calorie allotment that day. If you are concerned about eating more than that, you can buy time-locked containers that cannot be opened for the preset time. So you set it to unlock every 24 hours and take one piece, which may be enough (in time) to sate your craving. But not everyone can have sugar in the house, so that sort of thing may not work for you.
The important thing is to look at every day as a new chance to eat properly. Don't focus on the binge that you had the day before, focus on not having one today. You can do this! Feel free to add me if you want a friend in this journey
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dannicaburson wrote: »I did successfully drop soda, use Splenda in tea and coffee, switch to low carb milk (hood), I don't miss breads and pastas, but my body seems too and thus I go on a sugar binge... I am seriously like a heroin addict, I have spent money I didn't have to spend on sugary crap! Ordered it to be delivered, eaten it in secret...
If this is the case, perhaps therapy is in order.0 -
The jury's still out, but there is strong evidence--I mean, like peer-reviewed research--that suggests that for some people (not all), sugar and carbs may have addictive qualities. I'm not saying that this is true for you, but there are people who have had success not eating added sugar at all.
I understand that it's drastic, and not for everyone, and you can surely lose weight eating anything you want i you're restricting calories. That said, if you can avoid foods with added sugar for several days, you may find that the natural sweetness of real foods, rather than packaged ones, taste really good.
I understand that this is a red-flag topic here. I am not trying to pick a fight, but to offer information that may work for the OP.0 -
Cravings from sugar (sweets, artificial sweeteners, etc) - in my experience - go away with time. Just like smoking. I felt that sugar was addictive until I stopped getting my sugar from unnnatural sources. Then I realized, hey I don't need hot chocolate every morning, juice every 10 minutes. I believe sugar/bad carbs and addiction is very real.
What is important is not to beat yourself up about binging. Tomorrow is a new day. Work on trying to maintain positive habits. Several years ago, I stopped buying junk food like chips, cookies and soda. When I didn't have them in the house, it wasn't an option. Best choice I ever made. I don't even think about buying it anymore. Get your sugars from sweet fruits.
And before you do any of these - speak positively. Positive self-talk. It works. Tell yourself, I can beat this. I can do this. I CAN make it.0 -
dannicaburson wrote: »@harmar21 Actually I have been trying low carb... the problem is I am so addicted to the sugars that by the end of the day I am going crazy to get them. It seems like I will do anything to get them and then binge. I end up eating more sugar than I ever would have throughout a normal day. But I also can't seem to go back... now I crave that sugar overload every night no matter what I do during the day.
How long did you give it? Believe me, my sugar craving was as bad as yours. Id buy a box of cookies -- gone within an hour. I would buy halloween candy to hand out to kids, 1/2 of it gone before trick or treaters came.
I was randomly browsing the web, and came across people talking about how atkins killed their sugar cravings, and also drastically reduced their hunger. Thought eh what the hell ill give it a shot.
The first 5 days were hell. I was so miserable, my body screaming for sugar/bread, but I resisted. I pretty much remember the exact moment it left, I was out for a walk and all cravings literally just disappeared. 10 minutes earlier I was really wanting an icecream cone, and 10 minutes later I didnt even care.
I am not going to lie, that first 5 days took a hell of a lot of willpower, but once that moment hit, it pretty much has been easy sailing since then. I never really have sweet cravings any more, and if I do for some reason Ill just put some mio in water, and then it is gone. This is a fairly common thing, some people take 1 week, some up to 2, but usually within 1-2 weeks people on keto lose the sugar cravings.
I then later switched from atkins to keto. Keto is essentially the induction phase permanently of atkins, but doesn't discriminate against any foods as long as it fits your macros -- so sure eat that 1 piece of Reese's peanut butter cup, but just realize that will probably take up 1/2 of your carb limit for the day.
Im not saying you have to do as low of carbs as keto, but maybe even if you limited to 50-100g. For sweet cravings maybe eat an apple or some other fruit.0 -
i'm so sorry you are feeling like a failure. i am feeling the same way...defeated. we can do this - let's hang in there together and fight!!!0
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dannicaburson wrote: »I did successfully drop soda, use Splenda in tea and coffee, switch to low carb milk (hood), I don't miss breads and pastas, but my body seems too and thus I go on a sugar binge... I am seriously like a heroin addict, I have spent money I didn't have to spend on sugary crap! Ordered it to be delivered, eaten it in secret...
the secret part is totally me. i would go through the drive-thru to order some really crappy fast food items (this was a long time ago) and sodas and not tell anyone. i would even pay cash so my husband wouldn't see it on the bank statement. i have given-in to cravings when i do not NEED the foods. it stops RIGHT NOW.
tonight, i poured out my glass of wine and said THAT'S IT! i'm so done with it all. i am on a mission and i am not letting my cravings or obsessions get in my way any longer! i take meds that make me gain weight, i don't need to add to it!
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dannicaburson wrote: »AlabasterVerve wrote: »
Give it two weeks and see how you make out. You can do anything for two weeks. If it works, you won't be sorry. Best wishes.
If I could make it one day right now, I would be really happy!
Well, I sure can't do anything for two weeks. But I can do the next hour.
So dannica, how are you with vegetables? Like them or hate them? I fill up on various mixes of frozen veggies.
Splenda and other sugar substitutes - It did not work for me to substitute the sweetness, I had to reduce my desire for sweets. Change my preferences. It can be done. People become accustomed to cuisines - hot Mexican, fragrant Indian, or bland Swedish (I'm part Swede)
Everyone takes a slightly different path. The one similarity seems to be consistent logging and tracking.
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I used to have a lot of the same issues you are dealing with now. It seems like the sugar set off cravings which set off binges and then the cycle would repeat. The others have given you great advice. I cut out all sugar completely. Didn't have any in the house, refused to run out to get some. It was very very difficult for the first week or two. Gradually the cravings went away and I don't get them at all anymore.
I still never bring it into my home. I rely on fruit when I want something sweet. Also fruit can naturally sweeten a lot of other things...like plain yogurt. This is now my permanent way of eating. You can do this. If you slip up, just immediately try again and keep trying until it sticks.0 -
That's why i made the recommendations I made earlier, to help get through that phase.dannicaburson wrote: »@harmar21 Actually I have been trying low carb... the problem is I am so addicted to the sugars that by the end of the day I am going crazy to get them. It seems like I will do anything to get them and then binge. I end up eating more sugar than I ever would have throughout a normal day. But I also can't seem to go back... now I crave that sugar overload every night no matter what I do during the day.
I am not going to lie, that first 5 days took a hell of a lot of willpower, but once that moment hit, it pretty much has been easy sailing since then.
Ya that may work, but it may also prevent her from losing the cravings, since the artificial sweeteners are still obviously sweeteners. I avoided them entirely for the first month. After the first month I started using zero calorie sweetners without bringing cravings back, but not sure if it would have been a good idea the first week or not.0 -
Im probably going to get flagged into oblivion, but try researching keto (very low carb) especially since you are diabetic. There are TONS of cases where diabetics no longer take any diabetic medication while eating keto.
Keto saved me. I tried pure calorie counting and was miserable. i was addicted to those high carb snacks and foods, no longer. Other snacks that I lack self control around (such as salty nuts) I just don't buy or try and buy in small quantities.
Just give all your food away, dont throw it out. I cleared out 1/2 my pantry and gave unopened things to food bank, and opened stuff to parents and relatives.
6.5 months after starting keto I am now down 60lbs. Where as I failed pure calorie counting many times in the past.
Why would you get flagged? Part of diabetic nutrition is watching carb intake. A person ha to find what works best for them to moderate their calorie intake. For me, it's just eating what I want in moderation, for others it's a specialized diet. If literal calorie counting made you miserable, you found a diet type where you were able to create a calorie deficit and keep it. That's a good thing.
I remember the days when I absolutely could not have sweet stuff in my house because I would eat it all pretty quickly. It took a long time for me to change my relationship with food and to learn that it was okay to have some of something, and to put the rest away for another day. Now, I have everything I love in the house and I don't eat it all up. But, it took changing my habits and coming to a self-understanding that no food is bad, it's all just food.0 -
Craving sugar and going on a sugar/carb binge does not equal addiction. Overcoming addiction requires treatment and abstinence, and you can't totally abstain from sugar/carbs.dixiewhiskey wrote: »Cravings from sugar (sweets, artificial sweeteners, etc) - in my experience - go away with time. Just like smoking. I felt that sugar was addictive until I stopped getting my sugar from unnnatural sources. Then I realized, hey I don't need hot chocolate every morning, juice every 10 minutes. I believe sugar/bad carbs and addiction is very real.
I didn't buy what I considered "junk" for years. Interestingly enough, since I started allowing all foods I love in my house, including what others might categorize as "junk," I lost 44 pounds in about nine or ten months, and have been maintaining for almost a year and a half. <-- This comes from the fad diet queen who was obese her entire life until she decided to lose her first batch of weight at 40. I feel better now than I ever have, and I eat all foods I love in moderation.What is important is not to beat yourself up about binging. Tomorrow is a new day. Work on trying to maintain positive habits. Several years ago, I stopped buying junk food like chips, cookies and soda. When I didn't have them in the house, it wasn't an option. Best choice I ever made. I don't even think about buying it anymore. Get your sugars from sweet fruits.
I agree with this statement 100%. What we tell ourselves often determines how we treat ourselves.And before you do any of these - speak positively. Positive self-talk. It works. Tell yourself, I can beat this. I can do this. I CAN make it.
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