Does anyone find that nobody actually believes you?

lucygoesrawr
lucygoesrawr Posts: 184 Member
My family, other than my husband, despite being told several times I'm bulking, don't really, truly believe it. They keep saying things like 'oh, though you probably couldn't have that' (because it's high calorie) and 'but aren't you happy you're losing weight?'. It's really weird. I kind of suspect it's because I'm female, to be honest - that and confusion about counting calories for purposes other than losing. Nobody says these things to my husband, lol. Anyone else?

Replies

  • Lady_jane_
    Lady_jane_ Posts: 37 Member
    I don't think it's that they don't believe you, it's just their general misconception about food and nutrition. I never would have thought that I could eat all of this food and look the way I do a few years ago, because I hadn't researched the topic. I didn't know anything about fitness or bulking or lifting or how it all worked.

  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
    Probably lack of knowledge of bulking on their part. Most people have no clue how to build muscle unless they've actually done some research on it. I think most people assume you just get under a bar and you'll be huge the next day and don't understand the whole role of increased intake.
  • LolBroScience
    LolBroScience Posts: 4,537 Member
    edited March 2015
    Edit - Nvm, note to self... don't respond without having coffee. My response had zero relevancy lol.
  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
    When you consider how many people are trying to lose weight, I think the general concept of intentional weight gain is something that most people don't get, and additionally and perhaps more importantly to this discussion, it's something that just seems like a bad idea when you're on the outside looking in.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    Lady_jane_ wrote: »
    I don't think it's that they don't believe you, it's just their general misconception about food and nutrition. I never would have thought that I could eat all of this food and look the way I do a few years ago, because I hadn't researched the topic. I didn't know anything about fitness or bulking or lifting or how it all worked.
    SideSteel wrote: »
    When you consider how many people are trying to lose weight, I think the general concept of intentional weight gain is something that most people don't get, and additionally and perhaps more importantly to this discussion, it's something that just seems like a bad idea when you're on the outside looking in.

    Combo of both of these.

    It's why I get, "You're not going to eat that are you?" whether the person thinks I'm dieting, knows I'm bulking (and never gets why), or thinks if I lose any more weight I'll blow away in the next stiff breeze.

    Somehow if I'm watching what I'm eating, for whatever reason, that translates into no 'decadent' food, whether savory or sweet, ever again.
  • ForecasterJason
    ForecasterJason Posts: 2,577 Member
    Probably lack of knowledge of bulking on their part. Most people have no clue how to build muscle unless they've actually done some research on it. I think most people assume you just get under a bar and you'll be huge the next day and don't understand the whole role of increased intake.
    Yes, I agree that this is part of the problem as well. I think a lot of people that have never done it or done much research have the mentality that it's just a matter of large amounts of protein + lifting heavy weights and that's it.

  • jkwolly
    jkwolly Posts: 3,049 Member
    Probably lack of knowledge of bulking on their part. Most people have no clue how to build muscle unless they've actually done some research on it. I think most people assume you just get under a bar and you'll be huge the next day and don't understand the whole role of increased intake.
    Yes, I agree that this is part of the problem as well. I think a lot of people that have never done it or done much research have the mentality that it's just a matter of large amounts of protein + lifting heavy weights and that's it.
    Agree 100%.

    It sometimes is so refreshing when you're talking to someone who actually knows about it vs. whyyyyyyyyy do you do that/you're crazy/you're wrong, etc.
  • AbsoluteTara79
    AbsoluteTara79 Posts: 266 Member
    I think there is something to the notion of keeping goals to yourself. You don't have to subject yourself to people trying to be helpful when they're uninformed. And there's some studies that say you're more likely to stick to your goals because you don't get outside kudos before you've actually accomplished your goal.
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    edited March 2015
    I find that it's sometimes a lack of knowledge in general, especially knowledge in relation to a given individual and their fitness goals and caloric needs, that can play a major role.

    I once had a boss who lectured me over how I "always seemed to be eating", and that he felt that caused me to put on fat and, therefore, gain weight on a fitness test. (Even though my waist measurement was the same as on the previous tests.)

    But what the boss didn't know was that, in the same 2-year timeframe since I'd established that "starting weight" he referenced, I'd gone from 80 pounds being "heavy" on the leg press machine to warming up with 360 pounds, progressed from bench-pressing with 35lb dumbbells to 110-pounders, and even developed the ability to sprint uphill faster than my peers WHILE CARRYING A FULLY-GROWN MAN ON MY BACK. I was working towards my goal of being a heavy-mover who could carry weight without getting bogged down.

    To supply the calories needed, I found it easier to spread my meals throughout the day, so I was, in a sense, "always eating" but it was small snacks or a breakfast / lunch that I ate over the course of the whole morning / afternoon, respectively.

    Because my eating habits were different from his and he didn't understand the fitness goals they were supporting, he thought they were "bad".



    I think the OP's family is in a similar mindset. They may mean well, but, while they may know she's bulking, they don't necessarily understand what that is, how she's going to get there, or that she's actually being quite aware of how much she should or should not eat.
  • jkwolly
    jkwolly Posts: 3,049 Member
    csuhar wrote: »
    I once had a boss who lectured me over how I "always seemed to be eating",
    Totes just jealous of not eating all the foods.

  • disasterman
    disasterman Posts: 746 Member
    I think there is something to the notion of keeping goals to yourself. You don't have to subject yourself to people trying to be helpful when they're uninformed. And there's some studies that say you're more likely to stick to your goals because you don't get outside kudos before you've actually accomplished your goal.
    More and more this ^ for me. I tell people what I'm doing on a need to know basis only or if they show interest by asking genuine and serious questions. Everyone else just seems to want to tell me I'm wrong and beat me up side the head with their uninformed and sometimes silly theories.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    edited March 2015
    Yeah, if you're a woman and trying to gain, you're going to hear a bunch of very weird comments from people because they have no idea what else to say to you. People are so used to women trying to lose that comments like "you can't eat X..." are just conversational filler at this point.

    When you're outside of that "always on a diet" mindset, you start to notice just how much nutritional misinformation is floating around. (I had a woman at work lecture me about how my 0% greek yogurt had way more carbs than the 2%, while watching me cut up a huge apple to go with the yogurt. Clearly, if she actually knew what a carb was, she woud've been able to tell that I don't care about carbs! She was just parroting back something someone else told her, and had no idea why it was stupid). Just laugh a little bit to yourself and be happy that you don't have to think like them :smile:
  • sk1982
    sk1982 Posts: 45 Member
    Perhaps as well (and I dont mean this in a harsh way) they just assume you should be losing weight because you have mentioned on this board in the past that you do need to lose weight but that the doctor suggested your goal because of your illness for the minute should be to bulk regardless of what your actual weight is?

    Hope that makes sense?

    My answer to them anyway would be to mind their own business and you are eating x to fuel your workouts....doesnt really matter if they believe you - all that matters is if you are sticking to your plan!
  • Katerina9408
    Katerina9408 Posts: 276 Member
    Are u doing this for yourself or to suit someonce preferences ?!
  • Katerina9408
    Katerina9408 Posts: 276 Member
    The reason I run every day ( or every other, depends how I feel my legs) or that I want to sign up for the 100 km duathlon in June is only to prove something to myself. The key to sucess is to never listen what others tell u u can do, do what u love and want and most importantly do it for YOURSELF !
  • lucygoesrawr
    lucygoesrawr Posts: 184 Member
    Yeah, I get what some of you are saying about not understanding the calorie counting and nutrition exactly... Though one of these people has done several bulks themselves, which is what makes me suspect it has just a little bit to do with being female. And while I see how it would be simpler to not tell anyone, that would require me to actually lie about why I'm doing certain things - not going to do that. They are really lovely, they're not being mean or anything - I just find it odd... but not upsetting. Didn't mean to make it sound that way.

    sk1982 - Firstly, that's not quite what happened, the doctors just haven't had a problem with my weight at all, and said I needed to add muscle mass - but didn't suggest anything other than continuing with the weight lifting. Anyway, your reasoning makes sense - except I'd previously been getting comments to the effect of 'you don't really need to lose any more' regardless, so I'm not sure it's that. See where you're coming from though.
  • BigLifter10
    BigLifter10 Posts: 1,153 Member
    Lady_jane_ wrote: »
    I don't think it's that they don't believe you, it's just their general misconception about food and nutrition. I never would have thought that I could eat all of this food and look the way I do a few years ago, because I hadn't researched the topic. I didn't know anything about fitness or bulking or lifting or how it all worked.


    Yep - pretty much what I was going to say. People not into 'fitness' as a general statement, don't get it because they have no experience with how it works. If they don't want to learn, then they may never understand. Be grateful you figured it out!! Good luck w/the bulk!
  • dym123
    dym123 Posts: 1,670 Member
    I get the same thing. I agree with others that its more about not understanding. After losing over 100lbs, my focus is now on building muscle and strength which is causing me to get leaner. So I get "how much more weight are you trying to lose?" all the time. When I try to explain I can see their eyes just glaze over. Most people only understand weight loss/gain and dieting, not lifting and macros.
  • 3laine75
    3laine75 Posts: 3,069 Member
    I must admit, guys seem to 'get it' more than girls. I get blank looks from girls (except the hairdresser yesterday, who seemed ready to cross over to the dark side) but the couple of guys I've spoke to at work (came up in conversation, I don't go about announcing it) totally got it but did seem surprised that a girl did.

  • Crogirl_22
    Crogirl_22 Posts: 40 Member
    I think it totally depends on the person.. I know several guys who are lifting, but either they are only into "building those muscles" without looking at the whole process related to it.. or they are like .. food does not really matter.. or they are even "bulking" and eating like cutting, and look terrible, but think they look great.. but I am totally tired of comments from my family like " its great if you are into fitness, but dont freak around with your scale, when prep food" ... annoyiiiing... then on the other hand, people without being active at all, think it is a cool thing, which they could never do...
  • Crogirl_22
    Crogirl_22 Posts: 40 Member
    I´ve just remembered another thing.. when you tell people you are bulking and when they see the amounts of food, they start searching for signs that you are getting fat..and even convincing themselves that you are.. :lol:
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
    Yea I didn't tell very many people I was bulking. It's like telling people "Oh I'm going to give birth without an epidural" they look at you like you're crazy and then try to tell you how you will fail. I've learned to keep things to myself.. better off that way :)
  • Crogirl_22
    Crogirl_22 Posts: 40 Member
    True, but what did you say when they wondered your prep meals and the amount of food? ;)
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
    edited April 2015
    Crogirl_22 wrote: »
    True, but what did you say when they wondered your prep meals and the amount of food? ;)

    I didn't really prep meals and I've always been a big eater so no one even noticed haha
  • HeySwoleSister
    HeySwoleSister Posts: 1,938 Member
    I think it's very likely because you are female.

    Because the LAYDEEZ are supposed to try to DIET, to be SMALLER. Be little, little lady. Take up less space. And, for God's sake, stop having all those infernal opinions.


    OP, you rock on with your own bad self.

    (and @sardelsa is absolutely right in her childbirth metaphor. I had 3 babies with nothing but a bathtub for pain relief, and nobody ever believed that it would happen...idiots)
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
    sardelsa wrote: »
    Yea I didn't tell very many people I was bulking. It's like telling people "Oh I'm going to give birth without an epidural" they look at you like you're crazy and then try to tell you how you will fail. I've learned to keep things to myself.. better off that way :)

    Yeah I personally never want to give birth without an epidural. ;)
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
    sardelsa wrote: »
    Yea I didn't tell very many people I was bulking. It's like telling people "Oh I'm going to give birth without an epidural" they look at you like you're crazy and then try to tell you how you will fail. I've learned to keep things to myself.. better off that way :)

    Yeah I personally never want to give birth without an epidural. ;)

    Hahahaha @Wheelhouse15 :D
  • slideaway1
    slideaway1 Posts: 1,006 Member
    Lady_jane_ wrote: »
    I don't think it's that they don't believe you, it's just their general misconception about food and nutrition. I never would have thought that I could eat all of this food and look the way I do a few years ago, because I hadn't researched the topic. I didn't know anything about fitness or bulking or lifting or how it all worked.

    Yeah, I agree. I eat like a king. Never hungry and look and feel loads better than when I was skinny fat, eating low calorie rubbish and two stone lighter. It's a funny old world lol.
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
    It's simple: Most people are fat. Thus the idea of "bulking" is absolutely foreign to them. Most people are thinking about how to get smaller, not bigger. Even I, who know vaguely what bulking is all about, have never been in a position my entire life to actually be concerned about bulking. It's always been about de-bulking.
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