Street Harassment
ButBurgersAreDelicious
Posts: 60 Member
This is interesting to me. In this recent thread, I had mentioned that I have been harassed on the street before. Sometimes by groups of men, that it has happened, basically in any city/town I have ever visited and my guess is that it is was more prevalent than even I could imagine.
I guess this is just a show of hands to see how far this extends. If you feel comfortable to give a state/province/general direction to where you were when it has happened. Or how often it happens... OR If it has NEVER happened and where that is (I would love to visit, maybe consider moving
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Some people seem super surprised that it happens at all. My guess is that it happens all the time, since I cannot be the only one.
Edit: to make myself perfectly clear, be it men or women. This is not a girls club, it's to see if this is a daily thing for some people or if I am in the minority and have the unfortunate bad luck. It can be men being harassed by men or women, or women being harassed by women or men.
I guess this is just a show of hands to see how far this extends. If you feel comfortable to give a state/province/general direction to where you were when it has happened. Or how often it happens... OR If it has NEVER happened and where that is (I would love to visit, maybe consider moving
)Some people seem super surprised that it happens at all. My guess is that it happens all the time, since I cannot be the only one.
Edit: to make myself perfectly clear, be it men or women. This is not a girls club, it's to see if this is a daily thing for some people or if I am in the minority and have the unfortunate bad luck. It can be men being harassed by men or women, or women being harassed by women or men.
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Replies
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Used to happen all the time when I was younger. Can't tell if it happens less now because I've got more confident posture, because I'm running with ear-buds in and just don't hear it, because I'm running with a pit bull and a doberman dividing my attention, or because I'm old and frumpy looking... But, yeah. It used to be a major source of annoyance when I was in college.0
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What is considered street harassment? I had a guy try to hurry and pull down his pants to flash himself as I drove by taking the kids to school a couple months ago but from the looks of things he was too drunk to be successful. When I drove back that way after dropping them the police were talking to him so I doubt it was really targeted at just me.0
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Brooklyn here. In the spring, summer and fall almost every time I leave the house if I'm going to the gym/wearing leggings. Sometimes it's a whistle, sometimes a "god bless you", sometimes something really dirty. Even when wearing jeans or a dress, it is still pretty common.0
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leut_underpants wrote: »arditarose wrote: »Brooklyn here. In the spring, summer and fall almost every time I leave the house if I'm going to the gym/wearing leggings. Sometimes it's a whistle, sometimes a "god bless you", sometimes something really dirty. Even when wearing jeans or a dress, it is still pretty common.
To be fair, the New York area is waaaay worse than anywhere I've ever seen with regard to hounding women on the street. And every sentence has about three F bombs even in normal conversation. It's a pretty huge shock to anyone from the flyover states like me.
Yeah. I'd have to agree. Certain neighborhoods are worse than others though.0 -
JenAndSome wrote: »What is considered street harassment? I had a guy try to hurry and pull down his pants to flash himself as I drove by taking the kids to school a couple months ago but from the looks of things he was too drunk to be successful. When I drove back that way after dropping them the police were talking to him so I doubt it was really targeted at just me.
I would think if it felt like harassment it was. Being cat called, followed, honked at, whistled. Behaviors that are lewd and lecherous in their intent would all fall into the category I imagine.0 -
That is one of those things that stops as you get older...all of a sudden you realize you've become invisible. Not that I miss the street comments but I no do appreciate them more since they have become few and far between!0
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That is one of those things that stops as you get older...all of a sudden you realize you've become invisible. Not that I miss the street comments but I no do appreciate them more since they have become few and far between!
And that's totally okay too!
Street harassment may not be harassment to everyone! I'm by no means saying that it is the same for everyone. My sister usually feels like it is a compliment, I haven't had that experience myself.0 -
leut_underpants wrote: »arditarose wrote: »leut_underpants wrote: »arditarose wrote: »Brooklyn here. In the spring, summer and fall almost every time I leave the house if I'm going to the gym/wearing leggings. Sometimes it's a whistle, sometimes a "god bless you", sometimes something really dirty. Even when wearing jeans or a dress, it is still pretty common.
To be fair, the New York area is waaaay worse than anywhere I've ever seen with regard to hounding women on the street. And every sentence has about three F bombs even in normal conversation. It's a pretty huge shock to anyone from the flyover states like me.
Yeah. I'd have to agree. Certain neighborhoods are worse than others though.
No doubt. But the F bomb thing happened even way out into Long Island. It's just a culturally accepted variance for the area. I've never been more wide eyed than ordering at a jewish kosher deli. I got F bombed because I wasn't sure what I wanted. And then again twice when I did know. :laugh: It wasn't even busy. The F bomb is just a point of emphasis for them.
Oh...I don't really notice a difference when I travel really, in regards to using the F word.0 -
I harass women in the street daily. I thought ya'll liked it? Oh well *shrug*0
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Miami... not rare to have guys yell "Oye Mami!" from their cars as they drive by... Or complete strangers walking up to me asking to be my "special friend" ... Special friend?! What?! Its unnecessary rudeness... just something to do to make someone else feel very uncomfortable.0
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In all seriousness guys in groups do it because we know you women hate it. We're not doing it to let you know you're hot. We're basically calling you (not you personally) a *kitten* without using the word.
Its a derogatory way to make us feel better by belittling you and making us feel superior if only for a moment because us men live such pathetic little lives.
Don't let it go to your head-1 -
It no longer happens to me.
It did when I was in my teens and twenties predominantly. 30s quite rarely.
And then, when it did happen, these were the most common factors that contributed to it:
1) I would be wearing above the knee, form fitting dresses that showed cleavage with full arms and shoulders exposed. Or very tight fitting pants and tops with full makeup. or;
2) I would be in a bar or drinking establishment where almost everyone was under the influence. or;
3) I would be traveling in a neighborhood where I stood out like a sore thumb. Where, let's just say, I didn't belong. or;
4) I would be walking with a friend and we were (sometimes inadvertently) calling attention to ourselves by talking too loud and using casual profanity so as to be overheard by others. or;
5) I was out late at night walking in the streets and a cab wasn't handy, the subway was a few blocks walk away or the car was parked some blocks away. Sometimes is was because I was out socializing. Sometimes it was related to getting home from work because my work hours have always varied within a 24 hour period.
Very rational observations.
(I mean that seriously) 0 -
In all seriousness guys in groups do it because we know you women hate it. We're not doing it to let you know you're hot. We're basically calling you (not you personally) a *kitten* without using the word.
Its a derogatory way to make us feel better by belittling you and making us feel superior if only for a moment because us men live such pathetic little lives.
Don't let it go to your head
Yeah. No.0 -
i got a honk yesterday and it couldn't have made me happier. oh wait, now that i think about it, the light had changed to green and i was checking my phone...0
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The person you quoted is a dude btw.
In all seriousness guys in groups do it because we know you women hate it. We're not doing it to let you know you're hot. We're basically calling you (not you personally) a *kitten* without using the word.
Its a derogatory way to make us feel better by belittling you and making us feel superior if only for a moment because us men live such pathetic little lives.
Don't let it go to your head
And you're right, you are pathetic for harassing people in the street you don't know.
OP, I've been yelled at in the street while running. No idea what was said to me since I was focusing on my run.
I was walking down the street with my coworkers and had a random guy compliment my shirt. I've had an UNOPENED beer can tossed between me and a couple with a dog while I was out running. The guys shouted at me when I passed them again on my way back. They were drunk but that's not an excuse to be crude, vile human beings
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_incogNEATo_ wrote: »
In all seriousness guys in groups do it because we know you women hate it. We're not doing it to let you know you're hot. We're basically calling you (not you personally) a *kitten* without using the word.
Its a derogatory way to make us feel better by belittling you and making us feel superior if only for a moment because us men live such pathetic little lives.
Don't let it go to your head
Yeah. No.
Yeah, yeah. That's probably the reason behind 95% of it. The other 5% think they're gonna pick you up.
Like it or not that's why we do it and the motive behind it0 -
It no longer happens to me.
It did when I was in my teens and twenties predominantly. 30s quite rarely.
And then, when it did happen, these were the most common factors that contributed to it:
1) I would be wearing above the knee, form fitting dresses that showed cleavage with full arms and shoulders exposed. Or very tight fitting pants and tops with full makeup. or;
2) I would be in a bar or drinking establishment where almost everyone was under the influence. or;
3) I would be traveling in a neighborhood where I stood out like a sore thumb. Where, let's just say, I didn't belong. or;
4) I would be walking with a friend and we were (sometimes inadvertently) calling attention to ourselves by talking too loud and using casual profanity so as to be overheard by others. or;
5) I was out late at night walking in the streets and a cab wasn't handy, the subway was a few blocks walk away or the car was parked some blocks away. Sometimes is was because I was out socializing. Sometimes it was related to getting home from work because my work hours have always varied within a 24 hour period.
I get that it happens more in these situations but I don't necessarily think these factors give people a Carte Blanche for their behavior.
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Then you haven't been in my way yet Travis. Or to CT, NJ, MA, or NY0 -
lishie_rebooted wrote: »
Then you haven't been in my way yet Travis. Or to CT, NJ, MA, or NY
I rewired mine to be constantly on through NJ.
Then again I honked a lot in Cali. People going 80 in the left lane need to move over.0 -
In all seriousness guys in groups do it because we know you women hate it. We're not doing it to let you know you're hot. We're basically calling you (not you personally) a *kitten* without using the word.
Its a derogatory way to make us feel better by belittling you and making us feel superior if only for a moment because us men live such pathetic little lives.
Don't let it go to your head
Are seriously you saying that you spend your time with your friends walking around catcalling women because you think they are *kitten* because you have no better way to spend your pathetic life and that makes you feel better about yourself? And then telling the women who you treat in this manner to derive no sense of good will or complimentary tone from your catcalling because it is fulling meant to call them names without saying it?
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ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »It no longer happens to me.
It did when I was in my teens and twenties predominantly. 30s quite rarely.
And then, when it did happen, these were the most common factors that contributed to it:
1) I would be wearing above the knee, form fitting dresses that showed cleavage with full arms and shoulders exposed. Or very tight fitting pants and tops with full makeup. or;
2) I would be in a bar or drinking establishment where almost everyone was under the influence. or;
3) I would be traveling in a neighborhood where I stood out like a sore thumb. Where, let's just say, I didn't belong. or;
4) I would be walking with a friend and we were (sometimes inadvertently) calling attention to ourselves by talking too loud and using casual profanity so as to be overheard by others. or;
5) I was out late at night walking in the streets and a cab wasn't handy, the subway was a few blocks walk away or the car was parked some blocks away. Sometimes is was because I was out socializing. Sometimes it was related to getting home from work because my work hours have always varied within a 24 hour period.
I get that it happens more in these situations but I don't necessarily think these factors give people a Carte Blanche for their behavior.
Of course it does not excuse it, but these are the realities. I got mugged on a bus once because I sat on the top deck (most muggings happen there), I should have known better. I got into a fight walking through a rough neighbourhood I should not have been in at 3A.M. I remember mentioning the Carte Blanche opinion to them as they kicked my head in, but it did not cut a lot of ice with them. There are rude, idiots everywhere but people have to either avoid situations or realistically be prepared for sometimes inexcusable behaviour from others.0 -
I'm old. It almost never happens anymore.
But I could do without being chased by dogs when I'm running and my neighbors don't have their dogs on a leash. I'd forgotten about that with all the treadmill I did over the cold winter. Now that I'm back outside its ankle biting terriers.0 -
JenAndSome wrote: »
In all seriousness guys in groups do it because we know you women hate it. We're not doing it to let you know you're hot. We're basically calling you (not you personally) a *kitten* without using the word.
Its a derogatory way to make us feel better by belittling you and making us feel superior if only for a moment because us men live such pathetic little lives.
Don't let it go to your head
Are seriously you saying that you spend your time with your friends walking around catcalling women because you think they are *kitten* because you have no better way to spend your pathetic life and that makes you feel better about yourself? And then telling the women who you treat in this manner to derive no sense of good will or complimentary tone from your catcalling because it is fulling meant to call them names without saying it?
Ignore him. It's obvs..
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Now that I think about it, it's also possible that I'm not harassed as often, because the people who find me attractive at *this* age have more social skills and confidence than the ones that found me attractive in my early 20's...0
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I got a lot of harassment when I grew up/lived in central Iowa. Nothing sexual though because no one wants to f**k the fat girl, but plenty of oinking, mooing, "hey fatty", "hey piggy-pig", and so on, typically from people I knew/grew up or went to school with/relatives. The only time I get looked at now is when I wear my bikini T-shirt because no one wears a bikini in Newfoundland.0
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JenAndSome wrote: »
In all seriousness guys in groups do it because we know you women hate it. We're not doing it to let you know you're hot. We're basically calling you (not you personally) a *kitten* without using the word.
Its a derogatory way to make us feel better by belittling you and making us feel superior if only for a moment because us men live such pathetic little lives.
Don't let it go to your head
Are seriously you saying that you spend your time with your friends walking around catcalling women because you think they are *kitten* because you have no better way to spend your pathetic life and that makes you feel better about yourself? And then telling the women who you treat in this manner to derive no sense of good will or complimentary tone from your catcalling because it is fulling meant to call them names without saying it?
Yes. I spend at least 6 hours a day cruising around looking for women to harass on a daily basis. On the weekends we can go out for 10+hours. Its not cheap. Gas costs money. Its like a job. SMH
The first post was a joke.
The second and third were legit explanations as to why the behavior takes place. No ones saying its right. No ones saying its deserved. It was just tossed out there.
You were asking about a behavior. I gave you the reason and undertones. If you don't like it I'm sorry. Sometimes the truth is ugly.
But think realistically. A guy sees a girl walking down the street and is so overcome by her beauty that his only natural reaction is to scream,whistle or holler?? Come on.0 -
I grew up in northwest Indiana near Chicago. It actually started when I was 12 when my best friend and I would walk along the highway to a movie rental place. We'd get beeped at and some yells every time. It was only from afar though, because once they saw us up close they would have realized we were children (hopefully).
As a teen and adult I didn't/don't get approached much because of my default death stare. However, if I'm alone and run along a road I get beeped at and occasionally yelled at. I got harassed on a trail the other day, but that's pretty rare. If I'm with my husband I get left alone.0 -
ButBurgersAreDelicious wrote: »It no longer happens to me.
It did when I was in my teens and twenties predominantly. 30s quite rarely.
And then, when it did happen, these were the most common factors that contributed to it:
1) I would be wearing above the knee, form fitting dresses that showed cleavage with full arms and shoulders exposed. Or very tight fitting pants and tops with full makeup. or;
2) I would be in a bar or drinking establishment where almost everyone was under the influence. or;
3) I would be traveling in a neighborhood where I stood out like a sore thumb. Where, let's just say, I didn't belong. or;
4) I would be walking with a friend and we were (sometimes inadvertently) calling attention to ourselves by talking too loud and using casual profanity so as to be overheard by others. or;
5) I was out late at night walking in the streets and a cab wasn't handy, the subway was a few blocks walk away or the car was parked some blocks away. Sometimes is was because I was out socializing. Sometimes it was related to getting home from work because my work hours have always varied within a 24 hour period.
I get that it happens more in these situations but I don't necessarily think these factors give people a Carte Blanche for their behavior.
Idealistically, of course not. Realistically it happens (mostly under circumstances like the ones I list) and it's potentially quite dangerous.
I was chased home by a group of young men when I was 18. I had just got off the last train of the night at 1 a.m. in a small town where all the businesses were closed where I then had to walk home one mile. I really was running for my life that night and hiding in the bushes and stuff along the way. I'll never forget it. I was like an animal trying not to become prey.
So if you're interested in avoiding such scenarios, take the obvious precautions. Regardless of whether the offending parties involved should be behaving that way or not. The study of ideas is dandy in a classroom, but then real life beckons.
That's lovely, and I am aware. Think I walk home in short skirts and tops that show off half my chest?
Think I bat my eyelashes at every man who walks my way? I walk home in the day light. I get rides at night. I go out in groups, I do not leave alone. I carry defensive spray now. All the "right" behaviors still don't prevent everything. Tell me what I should wear, how my hair should be done, so I can walk in my home town without someone yelling at me that I would "look good on my knees".
What steps should I take before hiding in my house for the rest of my life?
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