Husband doesn't seem like he wants me to lose weight... Not supportive

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lauren478
lauren478 Posts: 7
in Motivation and Support
Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?

**Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
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Replies

  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    Invite him to come with you (take a class with him), workout at home, and/or skip the gym sometimes and go for a walk or hike with him.

    Umm... also, how much of your time exactly does he want? Is he like this when you go out alone for other things (hanging out with friends, shopping, errands, etc.)?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Maybe he likes the cushion.
  • salad_bar
    salad_bar Posts: 66 Member
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    So your spouse is mad because he wants you to spend all your time with him instead of doing something for yourself?

    Is this about him not being comfortable with you losing weight, or something else?
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
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    He pouts. really pouts?
  • tabyzd
    tabyzd Posts: 5 Member
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    It sounds like he is being unhealthily controlling of you and your time, above and beyond not supporting your fitness goals. Refusing to speak to you on the nights you work out is also quite manipulative. I agree with @salad_bar, it seems his problem is with something else, not your weight loss journey.

    Can you have a heart-to-heart with him?
  • Altagracia220
    Altagracia220 Posts: 876 Member
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    Not talking to you for the whole night because you want to improve your health and lose weight? Are you kidding? Well that's immature. Maybe try working out at home? Or if you can afford it, purchase an exercise machine to use at home?

    Honestly, I am always shocked when I read posts like this one. Spouses are supposed to support you and lift you up!!He should be proud! You shouldn't have to change what you are doing, for him. I apologize if that sounds harsh.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    are u two together 24/7 when not working? does he not have any hobbies? maybe u should suggest he get a hobby as well. i believe its good for c ouples to be able to have time to themselves. but this might be because im an introvert in everyday life
  • dirtyflirty30
    dirtyflirty30 Posts: 224 Member
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    Jeez. Sounds like he needs to learn how to give you some space. If he can't do that, then invite him to go along with you.
  • lauren478
    lauren478 Posts: 7
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    Thanks everyone... We spend most of our time together, and yes he does get upset when I hang out with friends too, so I guess it's part of a bigger issue. ... I just thought he would support this

    I've tried inviting him and he always no. He has hobbies, so working out at home might be an option. I am just very unmotivated at home - I see too much other stuff to do.

  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    A girlfriend, social, outgoing, married to an introvert, described how she got her sulking hubby to talk. She'd follow him around asking him what is bothering him, offering all sorts of ideas, until he broke down and told her.

    People have different intimacy demands. My hubby for instance, can handle a little more distance than I can. He's frankly taught me that I can have an independent life separate from our time together. Happy together, happy apart. It's a great place to get to.

    Does he have any other social outlets other than you?
  • lauren478
    lauren478 Posts: 7
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    **I also have a very hard time standing up for myself... and I'm working on it
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
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    Sounds controlling and codependent. When I've been in that situation I've broken off the relationship because I didn't want to deal with it. You're more invested (being married and all), so consider seeing a counselor?

    Finally, agreed that people have different intimacy needs (as someone else mentioned) but that means you both need to work on finding a balance. Spending an hour apart each evening is totally reasonable, particularly if you invited him to join and he turned you down. You should each have your own time/space for individual interests.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
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    I would seriously have NO patience for this. None. Just because you are married does not mean you must be attached at the hip 24/7.

    I'm sorry I have nothing encouraging to say other than to slap him. Not helpful, I know....

    More and more I realize how nice it is that my hubby and I both get to do "our own" things without worrying about the other one being passive aggressive/jealous. We do plenty together, but we also do "our own" things. That's really what a healthy relationship is.

    My constructive counsel is to seek marriage counseling. Seriously - this is not trivial.
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
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    urloved33 wrote: »
    He pouts. really pouts?

    ^ What she said!

    Give him a chew toy and a snack as you head out the door, to distract him for the hour while you're out?
    Oh wait, that's what you do with a clingy puppy. ;) Sorry, I've got nothing.


  • MindySaysWhaaat
    MindySaysWhaaat Posts: 401 Member
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    I wouldn't know how to deal with this. All I can say is you need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him about his behavior, because I would consider it unacceptable.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
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    urloved33 wrote: »
    He pouts. really pouts?

    Yea, pouts? Like really?

    He sounds remarkably insecure if that is the case.

  • moesis
    moesis Posts: 874 Member
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    I'm sorry about your husband. He is putting you in a really bad spot while trying to make yourself better, someone that he would probably enjoy!

    Advice, besides telling him to suck it up and put on his big boy shorts, I've got nothing.
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
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    Hornsby wrote: »
    urloved33 wrote: »
    He pouts. really pouts?

    Yea, pouts? Like really?

    He sounds remarkably insecure if that is the case.

    I dated someone once who would pout and complain. Then one day he full on cried (pulled the car over and sobbed) after I said I wanted to take a bath and read a book alone. That was the final straw.

    Now I'm hyper-aware of that sort of behavior. Ridiculous.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,363 Member
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    Wow what is he going to be like if and when you have a child. The degree of dependency and controlling is not healthy at all.

    Are his hobbies solo hobbies or ones he gets to enjoy with others?

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