Husband doesn't seem like he wants me to lose weight... Not supportive

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  • mistikal13
    mistikal13 Posts: 1,457 Member
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    I dated someone once who would pout and complain. Then one day he full on cried (pulled the car over and sobbed) after I said I wanted to take a bath and read a book alone. That was the final straw.

    Now I'm hyper-aware of that sort of behavior. Ridiculous. [/quote]



    WOW! Full on cried? This gave me a good laugh :smiley:

  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Not only is this behavior controlling and codependent, but it's punitive as well. Not talking to you for the rest of the night is his way of "punishing" you. I would address this immediately - with a counselor if need be.
  • Ilikelamps
    Ilikelamps Posts: 482 Member
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    just break up
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    lauren478 wrote: »
    Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?

    It's an excuse to not have marital relations with you. I'd check his phone, he's probably having an affair.

  • Smallc10
    Smallc10 Posts: 554 Member
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    If he also does this when you go out with friends that's a bigger total issue.
    You both need to be able to have your 'me' time without the other person being around. Being part of a couple is also about being strong individuals. You may want to see if he feels open to have couple's counseling just to talk about it? Try and get to the root of the problem.
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
    edited April 2015
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    mistikal13 wrote: »

    WOW! Full on cried? This gave me a good laugh :smiley:

    Yes! I was in disbelief at the time but now I find it amusing. Maybe that's a bit mean of me. ;)
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Agree with all of the above. Giving in will only make it worse, the behavior is comparable to a toddler having a tantrum. Him punishing you is extremely passive aggressive and manipulative. Counseling would be best, that man needs a wake up call and when he gets it he may act out worse.
  • peachyfuzzle
    peachyfuzzle Posts: 1,122 Member
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    Sounds like you're married to a manchild.
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
    edited April 2015
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    lauren478 wrote: »
    Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?

    **Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.

    Well, that is plain childish. Tell him to grow up.
  • NEW_BEGINNINGS28
    NEW_BEGINNINGS28 Posts: 22 Member
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    just keep pushing and working out. he's your husband and when he realizes how important this journey is to you he will (and should) come around. my fiancé and I work a lot and on 2 different schedules. He kind of pouted to but I asked him to join me in working out and now we love that time and he sees how important it is to me and supports me.
  • DeannaCoersCarter
    DeannaCoersCarter Posts: 62 Member
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    I really would tell him to grow up or get out. If there are underlying problems, maybe try to talk it out with him. Ask why he is acting that way.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    This makes me stabby.

    Do you complain when he goes and does his hobby?

    And if you do what does he say? my first thought is simple repeat that back to him what he says to you if he complains when you go to the gym- or better yet- just don't come- just go straight to the gym.

    You're husband is a child. tell him to grow the EFF up.

    <how I know>
    I live almost 2 hrs from my BF- he is ONLY here on Wed/Thur- and I have work- and I rarely go see him on the weekends- so 4 of his weekends are spent with me- one of mine is sometimes spent with him.

    I go to the gym on Wednesday after work. I have 2.5 hours of dance class on Thursday.

    He never complains.

    I can't even. You're still an adult. You should still be able to protect YOU time without fear of judgement. ah. grrerrrrrrr. gurl. You are valuable- and you are worth yourself. Treating yourself like a precious object will make you strong.

    Just keep repeating that to yourself- and act on it.
  • LetMeGetUsername
    LetMeGetUsername Posts: 10 Member
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    While not condoning your husband's passive aggressive punishment, I have heard several tales of men feeling threatened when the wife loses a lot of weight - they are secretly afraid that you will find a newfound confidence, and they think that men will hit on you at the gym, which leads them then to think that you'll eventually leave them. Continue to work out when/where you feel comfortable, but always ask him to go with you, and make sure you communicate to him that you love him and will never leave him. Good luck!
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    PRMinx wrote: »
    Not only is this behavior controlling and codependent, but it's punitive as well. Not talking to you for the rest of the night is his way of "punishing" you. I would address this immediately - with a counselor if need be.

    Can you just go to the gym then? ^ Since he's not talking to you when he pouts... that might be a good time to head to the gym and workout! I dunno... all I know is I'm glad I'm not married anymore and don't have to deal with silly insecure things like this.

    Good Luck
  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    lauren478 wrote: »
    We spend most of our time together, and yes he does get upset when I hang out with friends too, so I guess it's part of a bigger issue. ...

    You know you knew about this before you married him.

    Does he know you made him the subject of an unflattering internet thread on a public forum with millions of readers, where your face is clearly featured?

    OK, sorry, but ^^^^this made me laugh out loud.

    I would agree with @newmeadow that you likely knew this about him before you married him. How do you act when he gives you the cold shoulder? Are you chasing him around the house trying to get him to talk to you? Giving him the attention he so "rightly" deserves and acting apologetic that you took some time for yourself? If that is the case, then it's a pattern that's probably been successful for him in the past. Seeking negative attention just like a kid.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    I gotta ask: what was it about him that said "this is the guy I should marry."? Because that's childish.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    emdeesea wrote: »
    I gotta ask: what was it about him that said "this is the guy I should marry."? Because that's childish.

    That's the problem with institutionalized monogamy...everybody gets a shot.

  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    Have you talked to him about how his actions and behavior make you feel and why going to the gym is important to you and how obnoxious a grown man pouting is? I know that sounds like a really obvious solution.............
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    edited April 2015
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    With all due respect, you married a guy who acts like a spoiled toddler. So you'll have to deal with it. You can either have a sit down with him and tell him you're doing this for your health and there's nothing he needs to worry about, and maybe he'll like it or maybe he won't. If he doesn't - too bad.

    But realize that you very likely married someone who's a controller. When pouting doesn't get him what he wants, he may escalate. Just be careful.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,574 Member
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    lauren478 wrote: »
    Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?

    **Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
    Lol, so would it be fair to say that any time he does something he likes to do takes time away from you so he shouldn't do it either?
    Time for the guy to grow up a little. He has a couple of choices: kick it with you at the gym or accept that it's an HOUR or so of time without you.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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