Husband doesn't seem like he wants me to lose weight... Not supportive
lauren478
Posts: 7
Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?
**Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
**Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
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Invite him to come with you (take a class with him), workout at home, and/or skip the gym sometimes and go for a walk or hike with him.
Umm... also, how much of your time exactly does he want? Is he like this when you go out alone for other things (hanging out with friends, shopping, errands, etc.)?0 -
Maybe he likes the cushion.0
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So your spouse is mad because he wants you to spend all your time with him instead of doing something for yourself?
Is this about him not being comfortable with you losing weight, or something else?
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He pouts. really pouts?0
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It sounds like he is being unhealthily controlling of you and your time, above and beyond not supporting your fitness goals. Refusing to speak to you on the nights you work out is also quite manipulative. I agree with @salad_bar, it seems his problem is with something else, not your weight loss journey.
Can you have a heart-to-heart with him?0 -
Not talking to you for the whole night because you want to improve your health and lose weight? Are you kidding? Well that's immature. Maybe try working out at home? Or if you can afford it, purchase an exercise machine to use at home?
Honestly, I am always shocked when I read posts like this one. Spouses are supposed to support you and lift you up!!He should be proud! You shouldn't have to change what you are doing, for him. I apologize if that sounds harsh.0 -
are u two together 24/7 when not working? does he not have any hobbies? maybe u should suggest he get a hobby as well. i believe its good for c ouples to be able to have time to themselves. but this might be because im an introvert in everyday life0
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Jeez. Sounds like he needs to learn how to give you some space. If he can't do that, then invite him to go along with you.0
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Thanks everyone... We spend most of our time together, and yes he does get upset when I hang out with friends too, so I guess it's part of a bigger issue. ... I just thought he would support this
I've tried inviting him and he always no. He has hobbies, so working out at home might be an option. I am just very unmotivated at home - I see too much other stuff to do.
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A girlfriend, social, outgoing, married to an introvert, described how she got her sulking hubby to talk. She'd follow him around asking him what is bothering him, offering all sorts of ideas, until he broke down and told her.
People have different intimacy demands. My hubby for instance, can handle a little more distance than I can. He's frankly taught me that I can have an independent life separate from our time together. Happy together, happy apart. It's a great place to get to.
Does he have any other social outlets other than you?0 -
**I also have a very hard time standing up for myself... and I'm working on it
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Sounds controlling and codependent. When I've been in that situation I've broken off the relationship because I didn't want to deal with it. You're more invested (being married and all), so consider seeing a counselor?
Finally, agreed that people have different intimacy needs (as someone else mentioned) but that means you both need to work on finding a balance. Spending an hour apart each evening is totally reasonable, particularly if you invited him to join and he turned you down. You should each have your own time/space for individual interests.0 -
I would seriously have NO patience for this. None. Just because you are married does not mean you must be attached at the hip 24/7.
I'm sorry I have nothing encouraging to say other than to slap him. Not helpful, I know....
More and more I realize how nice it is that my hubby and I both get to do "our own" things without worrying about the other one being passive aggressive/jealous. We do plenty together, but we also do "our own" things. That's really what a healthy relationship is.
My constructive counsel is to seek marriage counseling. Seriously - this is not trivial.0 -
I wouldn't know how to deal with this. All I can say is you need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him about his behavior, because I would consider it unacceptable.0
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I'm sorry about your husband. He is putting you in a really bad spot while trying to make yourself better, someone that he would probably enjoy!
Advice, besides telling him to suck it up and put on his big boy shorts, I've got nothing.0 -
I dated someone once who would pout and complain. Then one day he full on cried (pulled the car over and sobbed) after I said I wanted to take a bath and read a book alone. That was the final straw.
Now I'm hyper-aware of that sort of behavior. Ridiculous.0 -
Wow what is he going to be like if and when you have a child. The degree of dependency and controlling is not healthy at all.
Are his hobbies solo hobbies or ones he gets to enjoy with others?0 -
I dated someone once who would pout and complain. Then one day he full on cried (pulled the car over and sobbed) after I said I wanted to take a bath and read a book alone. That was the final straw.
Now I'm hyper-aware of that sort of behavior. Ridiculous. [/quote]
WOW! Full on cried? This gave me a good laugh
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Not only is this behavior controlling and codependent, but it's punitive as well. Not talking to you for the rest of the night is his way of "punishing" you. I would address this immediately - with a counselor if need be.0
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just break up0
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Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?
It's an excuse to not have marital relations with you. I'd check his phone, he's probably having an affair.
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If he also does this when you go out with friends that's a bigger total issue.
You both need to be able to have your 'me' time without the other person being around. Being part of a couple is also about being strong individuals. You may want to see if he feels open to have couple's counseling just to talk about it? Try and get to the root of the problem.0 -
mistikal13 wrote: »
WOW! Full on cried? This gave me a good laugh
Yes! I was in disbelief at the time but now I find it amusing. Maybe that's a bit mean of me.
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Agree with all of the above. Giving in will only make it worse, the behavior is comparable to a toddler having a tantrum. Him punishing you is extremely passive aggressive and manipulative. Counseling would be best, that man needs a wake up call and when he gets it he may act out worse.0
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Sounds like you're married to a manchild.0
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Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?
**Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
Well, that is plain childish. Tell him to grow up.0 -
just keep pushing and working out. he's your husband and when he realizes how important this journey is to you he will (and should) come around. my fiancé and I work a lot and on 2 different schedules. He kind of pouted to but I asked him to join me in working out and now we love that time and he sees how important it is to me and supports me.0
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