Husband doesn't seem like he wants me to lose weight... Not supportive

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Replies

  • marthagarvey
    marthagarvey Posts: 2 Member
    What whizzybeth said. This is important stuff.
  • marthagarvey
    marthagarvey Posts: 2 Member
    Sorry. Wizzybeth.
  • chantalemarie
    chantalemarie Posts: 65 Member
    it's not even about it being childish, it's slightly abusive, he's way too controlling of things you do in your life. he should be there to support you and encourage you to be independent as well as have a relationship together. if he does things on his own and yet you can't, that's not a healthy way to think.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    A note about counselling. Many spouses get stuck after when they approach the subject and the partner isn't interested. That doesn't stop you from going! Counsellors are a handy objective observer and they may just have some ideas you haven't considered. Sometimes a new strategy is all that is needed to turn a relationship around.
  • _Lora_
    _Lora_ Posts: 10 Member
    Do your thing girl, and don't let him steal your joy or motivation. Maybe he is the type of person that just needs to be reminded more often. Try making sure after your work out that you still get snuggle time, and that he is still getting his needs met. When it comes down to it though, you can't make him happy (only he can do that). So I recommend really just concentrating on being happy for you and hope that he will eventually get on board. Good luck!
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    edited April 2015
    thisdizzy_dreamer wrote: »
    Reading the comments about how she knew what she was getting into when she married him seriously made me question how often those users were dropped as children. Lead paint cribs?
    Seriously, often times behavior like this doesn't surface until years later. My dad, for example, was a total sweetheart when my parents started dating. It wasn't until I was 6 years old and my sister was 4 that he started having a shorter temper. The shorter temper developed into full blown tantrums over the years until now, the littlest thing is a catastrophe. Out of coffee filters? Break three dishes and a window. That behavior was not there before marriage.

    Although there is a possibility that people change for the worst, the fact is that usually the behavior was there - but it was ignored.

    My very first real boyfriend was exactly like this - he was "worried" about me when I was out with friends, he got upset when I spent time with my folks, he was jealous when I spoke to guys, even my co-workers. For a very short time, I thought his behavior was just "protective," but it began to show signs of being something more. It was then I left him, and he started to show up at my window in the middle of the night, and calling me threatening me. I had to move out of state to get away from him.

    When people change over a short period of time, that usually can indicate a health condition - minor strokes will change a person's personality. But selfishness, jealousy, controlling behavior - those are almost always there and far outnumber the ones that change seemingly overnight.

  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
    chantalemarie wrote: »
    it's not even about it being childish, it's slightly abusive, he's way too controlling of things you do in your life. he should be there to support you and encourage you to be independent as well as have a relationship together. if he does things on his own and yet you can't, that's not a healthy way to think.

    Not slightly. It is abuse. This is one of the ways my ex-husband controlled me. This is also a very sore spot for me because of it. Abuse doesn't just have to leave visible marks to qualify as being abuse.

    For example.. I talked to a male co-worker at the bar one night with my husband literally standing next to me listening to the conversation, and out of nowhere he throws my car keys at the wall and stormed out. He then proceeded to scream at me outside the bar about talking to other guys. I was told I couldn't talk to the guy anymore either.

    Funny thing. My husband had been cheating on me before I even fully got my name changed over. The marriage didn't even last a year and a half.

    OP, yes please seek out marriage counseling. Though if your husband is anything like mine was he may very well refuse because he feels he is not in the wrong. At that point I would suggest you consider your options for leaving. It's not an easy thing to hear, I totally get that, but you do not deserve to live a life where you are manipulated for everything you do.

    Good luck!
  • goddessheatherr
    goddessheatherr Posts: 38 Member
    Hmm I have a selfish husband too. What he probably thinks is hes going to guilt trip you until you have no motivation and just stop. Hes probably worried your going to get slim and hot and leave him for another guy because you will have great self esteem and hes self pitting himself because he knows hes an *kitten*.
  • CrazyMermaid1
    CrazyMermaid1 Posts: 356 Member
    You have s bigger problem than the workout one. He's abusing you. Did he pressure you into marrying him soon after you met?
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
    PrizePopple wrote: »
    chantalemarie wrote: »
    it's not even about it being childish, it's slightly abusive, he's way too controlling of things you do in your life. he should be there to support you and encourage you to be independent as well as have a relationship together. if he does things on his own and yet you can't, that's not a healthy way to think.

    Not slightly. It is abuse. This is one of the ways my ex-husband controlled me. This is also a very sore spot for me because of it. Abuse doesn't just have to leave visible marks to qualify as being abuse.

    For example.. I talked to a male co-worker at the bar one night with my husband literally standing next to me listening to the conversation, and out of nowhere he throws my car keys at the wall and stormed out. He then proceeded to scream at me outside the bar about talking to other guys. I was told I couldn't talk to the guy anymore either.

    Funny thing. My husband had been cheating on me before I even fully got my name changed over. The marriage didn't even last a year and a half.

    OP, yes please seek out marriage counseling. Though if your husband is anything like mine was he may very well refuse because he feels he is not in the wrong. At that point I would suggest you consider your options for leaving. It's not an easy thing to hear, I totally get that, but you do not deserve to live a life where you are manipulated for everything you do.

    Good luck!

    Right. I think this definitely needs to be spelled out. Someone who exhibits controlling and manipulative behavior (pouting until they get their way) is being emotionally abusive.

    Even if it never escalates past that point it's still unacceptable and unhealthy, and it has to change.
  • sculptcha
    sculptcha Posts: 163 Member
    seems like everyone in the thread has been telling you what you want to hear: he's jelly and insecure, you need to get rid of this little boy, you are a strong, precious gem, etc etc. his behavior and attitude is concerning, but you admitted to having trouble standing up for yourself, which also indicates insecurity. your spouse obviously isn't here to post in his own defense, so who knows how deep the co-dependency runs? it's definitely a two-way street. what struck me most about your OP was this:
    lauren478 wrote: »
    **Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.

    ok, so you want him to accept your dedication to better yourself, which isn't so much to ask. but you immediately shut down the possibility of making sacrifices that inconvenience you. maybe if you compromised, and worked out in the morning a couple days a week to spend more time with him at night, then maybe he would see that you're putting effort into the relationship.

    or, you can just complain on the internet to garner sympathy from strangers in order to feel better about your own lack of motivation.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,372 Member
    OP has deactivated her account.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    JenAndSome wrote: »
    My ex was kind of this way at first. He would make the comment that I was going to get all hot and stuff and leave him. I just assured him that if I ever left him my physical appearance would have nothing to do with it.

    zinger!
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »
    OP has deactivated her account.

    damn.
  • jenant27
    jenant27 Posts: 5 Member
    edited April 2015
    Hang in there! You can do this. If you need some support, feel free to add me. Maybe working out at home for a little while would be a good compromise for now. :)
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