How did you know you were ready to (or not) have a baby?

dcg8r
dcg8r Posts: 38
edited September 27 in Chit-Chat
Simple question - hoping for some insight from those of you who have been there and lived to tell the story. Whether you made the decision NOT to have children (either at that point in your life, or a permanent decision) OR how you knew you were ready for a little creature of your own.

I'm happily married, finances are in order, well-traveled, etc. I believe in "signs' and one hasn't hit me yet so I'm seeking it out. :)
Thanks for your input!
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Replies

  • GillianIrish
    GillianIrish Posts: 4
    Hi

    For me, I was waiting until we had emigrated to Canada before trying for a family. Then, one day, it hit me, what if I get to Canada and find out I can't have children? But, if i'd started a few months earlier, I could. That was the decider for me, there was no hanging around after that. I have too many friends now who have waited too long and are now struggling to get pregnant.

    I now have 2 children under 4 and wouldn't have it any other way :-)

    Good luck with your decision.

    Gillian
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    I knew once I got diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) Because I have this, when we were ready to start trying, it just wasn't happening because I was failing to ovulate :( But.....on a lighter note! We knew we were ready to try once we owned our own house, good finances, and healthy unselfish states of mind. Aka (responsible/ not going out as often...that sort of thing lol) Good luck!!!!!
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
    When I was in my early 20's I didn't want to have any kids, I told myself I "might" have a child or two later down the line but I was against it unless otherwise. Then when I met my husband that actually changed it all. He really wanted to start a family and it felt natural and not like I was pressured. I know women feel they have to have kids but as long as you are ready mentally, physically, emotionally, and overall financially. I support the decision either way however I wouldn't want to be that old lady that is filled with regrets of not having a child either. Now I have my 2 year old son along with my twin girls which God has blessed us with. The love you have for your child is out of this world and I wouldnt trade it for the world :)
  • manymuses
    manymuses Posts: 162 Member
    You're asking the question. There's a sign.

    (I had my kids at 36 and 40 respectively, yet no one is ever truly "ready." Know that the love I know now is exquisitely unparallelled. My children are the best thing I ever did and I've done some pretty great things.)
  • jojopel
    jojopel Posts: 348 Member
    We had been married for four years, our careers were well-established, we had just bought a house and decided to see "what would happen" (my obgyn had told me it would take me a while to get pregnant) - ten months later our daughter was born. :happy:
  • pjd1973
    pjd1973 Posts: 37
    I knew I was ready to have a baby when I was tired of living life only for myself. Meaning I wanted someone else, besides my husband, to care for.
  • jonikeffer
    jonikeffer Posts: 218 Member
    Well I'm more in your boat than able to offer advice. ;) Hubby brought up the subject with me suddenly a few weeks ago. We're 35, been together since we were 19, and just getting around to considering this. <lol> I'm an only child and have never heard that infamous biological clock ticking (even tho at my age it should be ticking like a time bomb). We decided to just stop actively trying to prevent it and let the universe decide for us. We have health/hormonal issues that may well make it impossible, and we have decided we won't go for infertility procedures. My thought personally is that if you have "seen the world" and feel you are set up to take care of a baby....and WANT one....the time is right!
  • rundgrenfan
    rundgrenfan Posts: 211
    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!
  • husker_gal
    husker_gal Posts: 462 Member
    I got slapped in the face really hard with baby fever. Unfortunately that was three years ago and my DH and I have not been able to conceive. I'm only 23 and DH is only 26. We've been to a reproductive endocrinologist and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.:brokenheart: We still cling to the hope of one day being able to have a baby as being a mom is one thing I've always longed to be. I wish you all the luck in the world when you decide to try and I pray that it works fast for you. :smile:
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!

    Absolutely, mine is only 18 years old. Should be letting up any minute now right?
  • sbwood888
    sbwood888 Posts: 953 Member
    With my first child, I had no choice. She was quite the surprise. A pill baby. I was a single Mom. With my second, I had gotten married and was almost 35 years old. It sort of became "now or never". I'll tell you one thing......being a parent is TOUGH. It was easier when they were little, but my 14 year old daughter is proving to be quite a challenge. Teen age years are AWFUL! I pray it gets better soon. :cry: My advice is, if there is ANY doubt--wait. Once a kid comes, you'd better be ready cause there is no turning back. I love my children and they make me very happy, but they are WORK and EXPENSIVE. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do. :flowerforyou:
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.
    LOLLLL:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    I don't think you ever know 100%, because nothing can really prepare you for quite how much your life changes when you have one, but I guess when the urge for one exceeds the excuses you can come up with not to? I didn't feel ready with my first, but I knew I never would, and I was 27 so we just went for it. I wasn't ready for the second either, but we just went ahead with it. I want a third, but there are so many reasons not to. I don't know, really.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!

    LOL
    I had mine 18mnths apart..seemed like a good idea at the time..LOL

    I was never sure I wanted kids but around 28 I started staring at babies more..thinking about it...by 30 I was ready to take the plunge...I just wanted it with every fiber of me being and the fear was gone

    It is a HUGE adjustment and I think no one should even try having kids unless they are 100% sure and willing to commit 110% ..no one can come close to telling you what it will be like, or prepare you for what's to come...change

    now that we have scared u to death,...lots of luck with your decision!
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!

    LOL
    I had mine 18mnths apart..seemed like a good idea at the time..LOL

    I was never sure I wanted kids but around 28 I started staring at babies more..thinking about it...by 30 I was ready to take the plunge...I just wanted it with every fiber of me being and the fear was gone

    It is a HUGE adjustment and I think no one should even try having kids unless they are 100% sure and willing to commit 110% ..no one can come close to telling you what it will be like, or prepare you for what's to come...change

    now that we have scared u to death,...lots of luck with your decision!
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
    I got slapped in the face really hard with baby fever. Unfortunately that was three years ago and my DH and I have not been able to conceive. I'm only 23 and DH is only 26. We've been to a reproductive endocrinologist and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.:brokenheart: We still cling to the hope of one day being able to have a baby as being a mom is one thing I've always longed to be. I wish you all the luck in the world when you decide to try and I pray that it works fast for you. :smile:
    Good luck! We are going through similiar situations....It is sooo rough on the soul, but things tend to work out for a reason, even if it's not what you expected! Stay strong:)
  • wsheaf82
    wsheaf82 Posts: 248 Member
    I found out I was ready to have a baby when my wife found out her birth control didn't work.
  • Mios3
    Mios3 Posts: 530 Member
    I would just like to say that I have 3 kids of my own and not going to say it's not trying at times, but it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

    That being said I also have 3 friends who have waited to get pregnant and are having an extremely hard time getting pregnant now. Two of them have started trying invitro and both still have had no luck. I was talking to one of them just the other day and she made the comment that had she known that she wasn't going to be able to have children now at her age that she would have made the decision to try earlier.

    I guess the question is how would you feel if you couldn't have children? I definately don't want any more children but I also don't want the option to change my mind down the line taken away from me either...or this is how I look at it anyways. Good luck with your decision.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    I am on the not side here. I got through my early 20's by working in childcare. The reality of what it would take to be a single mother were extremely clear to me and I never really had a stable relationship until recently.

    I adore children, I love being around them, I enjoy playing with them, but I just don't feel the drive to have my own and I have found a partner who feels the same way. Also, now that I am nearing 40, it breaks my heart to watch people go through infertility testing and treatment. If we ever decide that we need kids in the house, the money and tears that others spend on infertility clinics, we will be spending at the adoption agency.
  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
    With our first child, we realized we were ready when we were just talking about having one. Eventually, my daughter was conceived (on or around Father's day ha ha). Then she was here on April 3rd, 2007. That's the day the girl who wholeheartedly owns my heart came into my life. I never knew I was capable of loving someone as much as I do her. With my son, we decided to try to have a sibling for her. Then we decided not to have another kid because we were having serious marital problems. That was on a Friday night. We decided she'd go back to the Dr. to get back on the pill again that following Monday. The next night (Saturday) we had a little "fun", and my son was conceived that night.

    Honestly, nothing will turn your life more upside down than a kid. And you will love them so much for it!
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    You're asking the question. There's a sign.

    (I had my kids at 36 and 40 respectively, yet no one is ever truly "ready." Know that the love I know now is exquisitely unparallelled. My children are the best thing I ever did and I've done some pretty great things.)

    I agree with the first part.

    There is never a perfect time to have a baby. There is never a wrong time to have a baby. There will always be the if we had more money, if we waited for this that or the other thing, never seems to come along.

    I think the more important thing is, if you don't want a baby you shouldn't have kids. I know that sound weird, but there are people out there that just don't like kids, they just don't want to give up parts of themselves and make sacrifices. They shouldn't have kids, but if you don't mind making savrifices, then looking into your baby's eyes makes every single sacrifice worth it.

    There is no better love in the world and if you think you love your significant other now wait until he makes you a mommy.


    Best wishes
  • kandyland86
    kandyland86 Posts: 34
    when i would hold my friends baby i would get that need to have one of my own when they took the baby back i didnt want to give it back at all! my sister on the other hand doesnt want children shes always known she was too 'selfish' as she says too have children!
  • learnbygoing
    learnbygoing Posts: 103 Member
    You're never ready. No one is, really. But your munchkin will teach you what to do as you go along :D My first was a happy accident and was the easiest child ever. My second was totally planned because I didn't want to have an only child and he has tested my patience and sanity at every turn. It's wonderful, and frustrating, and fun, and exhausting, and I wouldn't trade it for anything :D

    I agree with whoever replied earlier, saying that if you're asking the question, you're probably ready.
  • learnbygoing
    learnbygoing Posts: 103 Member
    You're never ready. No one is, really. But your munchkin will teach you what to do as you go along :D My first was a happy accident and was the easiest child ever. My second was totally planned because I didn't want to have an only child and he has tested my patience and sanity at every turn. It's wonderful, and frustrating, and fun, and exhausting, and I wouldn't trade it for anything :D

    I agree with whoever replied earlier, saying that if you're asking the question, you're probably ready.
  • mericksmom
    mericksmom Posts: 222 Member
    Kids dont come when you are ready for them. I was going to college and my husband was trying to become a manager with half a semester left to get his degree. I was on Birth control and hubs was using condom and yet our lil man came around. We were living with 12 k a year which is hard when you already have debt (he had school loan and credit card debt).


    The thing is enjoy life and dont worry about when you will have kids. A stress free life where you are not worried about the small things makes it easier to get pregnant.
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
    I know I'm in the minority here, but since you asked, I'll be honest............

    I've never liked children. Ever. I've never had a desire to have any. Just like some people don't like cats, I'm that way with kids. They annoy me. They're noisy, smelly, and messy. People always say it's different when they're your own, but that seems like a pretty reckelss experiment to me. What if I have one and decide it was a mistake? Also, I find pregnancy to be revolting. I've never found pregnant women to be "glowing". To me, they all look bloated and miserable.

    I figure since I've felt this way all my life, that's a pretty good sign parenthood isn't for me. In addition, I believe in zero population growth, so I don't feel bad about not contributing to the planet's burgeoning citizenhood. And if I ever change my mind, adoption is always an option. I will tell you that feeling the way I do makes me a target of society. You'd be surprised how hostile people get about women who don't have a "maternal instinct". It's OK for men to feel that way, but women? We're considered freaks.

    I've got nothing against those who choose responsible parenthood. Unfortunately, so few do these days. (Emphasis on responsible.) Good luck with whatever decision you come to.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    I was ready when I saw 2 lines. :laugh:

    I didn't really picture myself with kids but now that I am a mom and watch my little girl, ican't imagine life without her. And I feel like my life before her was aimless.

    I have friends that were waiting for everything to be just right. Debt paid down, perfect house, etc. If you wait on that, you'll be waiting forever.

    On the other hand, I completely respect couples that decide not to have children. Some women aren't maternal.

    *edited because of stupid autocorrect. :grumble:
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    My husband and I have decided not to have children. It was a decision that took years to make. We had originally planned to have one. But every time we were around an unruly child, we would turn to each other and say, "aren't you glad we don't have children yet?" Then we started dropping the "yet." Then we started asking each other if we were supposed to have children, did we really want one, etc. There's no rule that says we must, right? We noodled with that for a couple more years until one day we were both in agreement...we just don't want children of our own.

    I figure if you're ready for a fully grown teenager with attitude, then you're ready for a baby. Because they don't stay all cuddly and small. They grow up!
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    I was trying to quote but my phone is not cooperating.

    Sorry people are rude to you. I completely agree, it is unfair that society makes women feel like they should have children. It isn't fair to the child or you if that motherly instinct is missing.

    :flowerforyou:
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