How did you know you were ready to (or not) have a baby?

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dcg8r
dcg8r Posts: 38
in Chit-Chat
Simple question - hoping for some insight from those of you who have been there and lived to tell the story. Whether you made the decision NOT to have children (either at that point in your life, or a permanent decision) OR how you knew you were ready for a little creature of your own.

I'm happily married, finances are in order, well-traveled, etc. I believe in "signs' and one hasn't hit me yet so I'm seeking it out. :)
Thanks for your input!
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Replies

  • GillianIrish
    GillianIrish Posts: 4
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    Hi

    For me, I was waiting until we had emigrated to Canada before trying for a family. Then, one day, it hit me, what if I get to Canada and find out I can't have children? But, if i'd started a few months earlier, I could. That was the decider for me, there was no hanging around after that. I have too many friends now who have waited too long and are now struggling to get pregnant.

    I now have 2 children under 4 and wouldn't have it any other way :-)

    Good luck with your decision.

    Gillian
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
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    I knew once I got diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) Because I have this, when we were ready to start trying, it just wasn't happening because I was failing to ovulate :( But.....on a lighter note! We knew we were ready to try once we owned our own house, good finances, and healthy unselfish states of mind. Aka (responsible/ not going out as often...that sort of thing lol) Good luck!!!!!
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
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    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
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    When I was in my early 20's I didn't want to have any kids, I told myself I "might" have a child or two later down the line but I was against it unless otherwise. Then when I met my husband that actually changed it all. He really wanted to start a family and it felt natural and not like I was pressured. I know women feel they have to have kids but as long as you are ready mentally, physically, emotionally, and overall financially. I support the decision either way however I wouldn't want to be that old lady that is filled with regrets of not having a child either. Now I have my 2 year old son along with my twin girls which God has blessed us with. The love you have for your child is out of this world and I wouldnt trade it for the world :)
  • manymuses
    manymuses Posts: 162 Member
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    You're asking the question. There's a sign.

    (I had my kids at 36 and 40 respectively, yet no one is ever truly "ready." Know that the love I know now is exquisitely unparallelled. My children are the best thing I ever did and I've done some pretty great things.)
  • jojopel
    jojopel Posts: 348 Member
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    We had been married for four years, our careers were well-established, we had just bought a house and decided to see "what would happen" (my obgyn had told me it would take me a while to get pregnant) - ten months later our daughter was born. :happy:
  • pjd1973
    pjd1973 Posts: 37
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    I knew I was ready to have a baby when I was tired of living life only for myself. Meaning I wanted someone else, besides my husband, to care for.
  • jonikeffer
    jonikeffer Posts: 218 Member
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    Well I'm more in your boat than able to offer advice. ;) Hubby brought up the subject with me suddenly a few weeks ago. We're 35, been together since we were 19, and just getting around to considering this. <lol> I'm an only child and have never heard that infamous biological clock ticking (even tho at my age it should be ticking like a time bomb). We decided to just stop actively trying to prevent it and let the universe decide for us. We have health/hormonal issues that may well make it impossible, and we have decided we won't go for infertility procedures. My thought personally is that if you have "seen the world" and feel you are set up to take care of a baby....and WANT one....the time is right!
  • rundgrenfan
    rundgrenfan Posts: 211
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    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!
  • husker_gal
    husker_gal Posts: 462 Member
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    I got slapped in the face really hard with baby fever. Unfortunately that was three years ago and my DH and I have not been able to conceive. I'm only 23 and DH is only 26. We've been to a reproductive endocrinologist and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.:brokenheart: We still cling to the hope of one day being able to have a baby as being a mom is one thing I've always longed to be. I wish you all the luck in the world when you decide to try and I pray that it works fast for you. :smile:
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
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    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!

    Absolutely, mine is only 18 years old. Should be letting up any minute now right?
  • sbwood888
    sbwood888 Posts: 953 Member
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    With my first child, I had no choice. She was quite the surprise. A pill baby. I was a single Mom. With my second, I had gotten married and was almost 35 years old. It sort of became "now or never". I'll tell you one thing......being a parent is TOUGH. It was easier when they were little, but my 14 year old daughter is proving to be quite a challenge. Teen age years are AWFUL! I pray it gets better soon. :cry: My advice is, if there is ANY doubt--wait. Once a kid comes, you'd better be ready cause there is no turning back. I love my children and they make me very happy, but they are WORK and EXPENSIVE. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do. :flowerforyou:
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
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    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.
    LOLLLL:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I don't think you ever know 100%, because nothing can really prepare you for quite how much your life changes when you have one, but I guess when the urge for one exceeds the excuses you can come up with not to? I didn't feel ready with my first, but I knew I never would, and I was 27 so we just went for it. I wasn't ready for the second either, but we just went ahead with it. I want a third, but there are so many reasons not to. I don't know, really.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!

    LOL
    I had mine 18mnths apart..seemed like a good idea at the time..LOL

    I was never sure I wanted kids but around 28 I started staring at babies more..thinking about it...by 30 I was ready to take the plunge...I just wanted it with every fiber of me being and the fear was gone

    It is a HUGE adjustment and I think no one should even try having kids unless they are 100% sure and willing to commit 110% ..no one can come close to telling you what it will be like, or prepare you for what's to come...change

    now that we have scared u to death,...lots of luck with your decision!
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.

    LOL!
    It's only like that for a year or so, until you forget how hard it was and you have the next one!

    LOL
    I had mine 18mnths apart..seemed like a good idea at the time..LOL

    I was never sure I wanted kids but around 28 I started staring at babies more..thinking about it...by 30 I was ready to take the plunge...I just wanted it with every fiber of me being and the fear was gone

    It is a HUGE adjustment and I think no one should even try having kids unless they are 100% sure and willing to commit 110% ..no one can come close to telling you what it will be like, or prepare you for what's to come...change

    now that we have scared u to death,...lots of luck with your decision!
  • Melroxsox
    Melroxsox Posts: 1,040 Member
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    I got slapped in the face really hard with baby fever. Unfortunately that was three years ago and my DH and I have not been able to conceive. I'm only 23 and DH is only 26. We've been to a reproductive endocrinologist and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.:brokenheart: We still cling to the hope of one day being able to have a baby as being a mom is one thing I've always longed to be. I wish you all the luck in the world when you decide to try and I pray that it works fast for you. :smile:
    Good luck! We are going through similiar situations....It is sooo rough on the soul, but things tend to work out for a reason, even if it's not what you expected! Stay strong:)
  • wsheaf82
    wsheaf82 Posts: 248 Member
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    I found out I was ready to have a baby when my wife found out her birth control didn't work.
  • Mios3
    Mios3 Posts: 530 Member
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    I would just like to say that I have 3 kids of my own and not going to say it's not trying at times, but it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

    That being said I also have 3 friends who have waited to get pregnant and are having an extremely hard time getting pregnant now. Two of them have started trying invitro and both still have had no luck. I was talking to one of them just the other day and she made the comment that had she known that she wasn't going to be able to have children now at her age that she would have made the decision to try earlier.

    I guess the question is how would you feel if you couldn't have children? I definately don't want any more children but I also don't want the option to change my mind down the line taken away from me either...or this is how I look at it anyways. Good luck with your decision.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    I am on the not side here. I got through my early 20's by working in childcare. The reality of what it would take to be a single mother were extremely clear to me and I never really had a stable relationship until recently.

    I adore children, I love being around them, I enjoy playing with them, but I just don't feel the drive to have my own and I have found a partner who feels the same way. Also, now that I am nearing 40, it breaks my heart to watch people go through infertility testing and treatment. If we ever decide that we need kids in the house, the money and tears that others spend on infertility clinics, we will be spending at the adoption agency.

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