VENT - weight and self hatred issues
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To everyone, you are amazing and lovely and thank you so much!
Feel free to share your own stories - everyone needs to vent sometimes and you all deserve support!
If you want to DM me about anything or add me as a friend or what ever feel free to
Xxxxx0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »Your actually at a normal weight for your height, maybe even a bit too light for that height. So even though you can't see it for yourself right now, your definitely not obese .
If you'd like to look more toned , I suggest lifting weights for sure. You'll see that you can tighten up and tone up by starting a lifting routine. Maybe then you will gain the confidence you need.
We all go through times where we don't like what we see in the mirror, and its especially hard for younger people. talking to a therapist is a good idea . best of luck to you ! Start lifting, you'll see many changes in your body !!
Exactly. I was going to suggest a similar thing (lifting to reduce body fat % etc), but that actually seemed like a practical solution to the problem that requires effort and motivation (which she said she is lacking in her original posts), so I just left it to everyone offering moral support and compliments.0 -
At 5'11 and 147 pounds you are a perfectly normal and healthy weight. Even if you weren't, that's not a reason for self-hate--it would be a reason for loving yourself enough to start doing some healthier things for your body, as I did when I finally decided I was tired of being morbidly obese.
The problem, therefore, isn't with your body. It's with your mind, and with the way you think about yourself and treat yourself. In this state of mind, you could have a perfect and flawless body that only "Photoshopping" could provide and guess what--you'll still find a way to say you aren't right. Get some mental health counseling so you can learn self-acceptance. This is what you need the most.0 -
cheyenne__brown wrote: »Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so glad you managed to overcome PTSD and depression, you sound like an amazing person! I will definitely talk to my counsellor about this next time I see her, thank you so much for your advice, you're really so empowering xx
The best thing to hear is that I can help and empower somebody ❤ keep me updated on your progress I would love to hear it!
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Cheyenne, I'm so glad for this outpouring of support for you. At your height, your weight is spot-on low-normal as so many have said. Your concerns about body size and image, also (unfortunately) are VERY normal -- not healthy, but NORMAL -- for a woman your age. Some of us never get beyond feeling dissatisfied with our perfectly healthy selves (talking about me here,) and it's sad fighting the same battle into our forties and fifties.
You said you have issues talking with your counselor about the body-image stuff. Believe me, we ALL have issues talking when we get close to the REAL stuff, the stuff our gut tells us we have to defend and keep secret. But hanging on to those secrets is what keeps us suffering.
Of course if you have any instinct that the counselor you're working with isn't a safe space for these issues, it's a different story and you need a different person to talk to. But you do need someone to confide in about the toll these issues are taking on you.
My daughter is just a couple years older than you, so I have the heartstrings pulled by your story and your honesty. Take care of yourself!! If you would like it, here is a warm virtual hug ****HUGZZZZ****0 -
Docbanana2002 wrote: »At 5'11 and 147 pounds you are a perfectly normal and healthy weight. Even if you weren't, that's not a reason for self-hate--it would be a reason for loving yourself enough to start doing some healthier things for your body, as I did when I finally decided I was tired of being morbidly obese.
The problem, therefore, isn't with your body. It's with your mind, and with the way you think about yourself and treat yourself. In this state of mind, you could have a perfect and flawless body that only "Photoshopping" could provide and guess what--you'll still find a way to say you aren't right. Get some mental health counseling so you can learn self-acceptance. This is what you need the most.
I'm so glad you made the choice and became motivated enough to become healthier! That's great! Yeah I'm trying to be more open with my counsellor, its just difficult not to hide certain things
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slideaway1 wrote: »
Exactly. I was going to suggest a similar thing (lifting to reduce body fat % etc), but that actually seemed like a practical solution to the problem that requires effort and motivation (which she said she is lacking in her original posts), so I just left it to everyone offering moral support and compliments.
Thanks for ubderstanding the motivation issue, thanks for the reply!
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brightresolve wrote: »Cheyenne, I'm so glad for this outpouring of support for you. At your height, your weight is spot-on low-normal as so many have said. Your concerns about body size and image, also (unfortunately) are VERY normal -- not healthy, but NORMAL -- for a woman your age. Some of us never get beyond feeling dissatisfied with our perfectly healthy selves (talking about me here,) and it's sad fighting the same battle into our forties and fifties.
You said you have issues talking with your counselor about the body-image stuff. Believe me, we ALL have issues talking when we get close to the REAL stuff, the stuff our gut tells us we have to defend and keep secret. But hanging on to those secrets is what keeps us suffering.
Of course if you have any instinct that the counselor you're working with isn't a safe space for these issues, it's a different story and you need a different person to talk to. But you do need someone to confide in about the toll these issues are taking on you.
My daughter is just a couple years older than you, so I have the heartstrings pulled by your story and your honesty. Take care of yourself!! If you would like it, here is a warm virtual hug ****HUGZZZZ****
Yeah I know so many people with body image problems it's really sad
thank you for your reply, there's a whole list of things I haven't been able to confide in with my counsellor but I've only been seeing her for a couple of months so I'm still at the building trust stage of things
Thank you so much for the reply! I'm shocked by the responses and how lovely everyone is, it really puts my faith back in humanity! You sound like a great mum xx0 -
Hi Cheyenne (pretty name btw)! I can completely relate to this. My entire life from the age of 3 or 4 has been affected by self-consciousness and criticism, from the first day of school right into adulthood.
I've only recently (in the past three months or so) been able to start completely turning this around for myself - wearing clothes I wouldn't have dared to before, and seeing myself in a whole new way... without losing any weight. It's not a magic switch but it's happening faster than I thought and feels really good!
Here are three things I can suggest that I know help me:
1) You are clearly very healthy physically, and the problem is with how you feel about your body, and not with your body itself. You don't need to change your body at all (can't emphasise this bit enough!) but how you see and think about it!
2) Try making a list, starting right now, of all the things you do really like about yourself (both physical and personality/character/ability-wise). This is not narcissism or new-agey BS, it's necessary to like things about yourself - keep the list somewhere safe, add to it when you think of something else you like, and dig it out when you're feeling down or like you're going crazy over certain things that are bothering you. It's a great reminder of all the things you feel great about, and helps to shrink the problems that seemed overwhelming and put them into their place. Honestly, really do give this a go!
3) This was HUGE for me... realising that what other people think about me and my body, positive or negative, is not my issue - it's theirs. Realising that was like realising the heavy bags you thought you had to carry up the mountain don't actually belong to you, and aren't your responsibility. Leaving behind the heavy bags feels great and frees you up - and so does leaving behind other people's issues! If I'm out and someone shouts to me that my derriere is the size of Russia... so what?! I know I'm healthy, and what they think is entirely their problem, not mine! I actually kinda like my big soft cushy tush anyway. Shaking off the responsibility of other people's judgement of you gives you the time and energy to concentrate on what you do own - what you think about yourself.
I know this stuff isn't the magic potion of self-hatred, and that everything will be squeakily perfect when you've read this, but these things really do help me - I thought that maybe they might do something good to you too. I really do hope you get to feel brilliant being you, asap!!
Eva
xx
P.S. Stretch marks ARE common, I have them too and I've never been preggers. It's just from where you've grown quickly. Loads of people (especially tall people) get them from growth spurts in puberty, teenage breast and hip development, and loads of other reasons. If some people don't know that, that's their lack of knowledge and not your problem either!
very helpful particularly the bolded 0 -
cheyenne__brown wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »I think you know this, but self-hate and non acceptance of self, are issues for counseling. You are young, but this has been going on for a long time--it's not going to magically go away on it's own. Don't keep spinning your wheels. You'll find yourself in the same place, or worse, 10 yrs down the line. For your future happiness, do something about it now. Talk to a specialist. Wishing you the best of luck.
Yeah I know, I've been going to counselling for about a couple of months, but we never really talk about this kinda thing, Its one of the multiple topics I have issues discussing with her, idk I guess I will eventually, but thank you so much for your support and for replying!
If you can't talk about this to your counselor---get a different one. I was 145 and 5'11" in high school. All my friends were short and I always felt oversize, even though I was slim and lanky. When I was teased, it really hurt. Now I'm 60 and happily married for almost 30 years. So I am viewing your problem as something I worked through. It will pass, but you need to discuss your issues with the right person. Get going and do it--you'll be glad one day. 0 -
snowflake954 wrote: »cheyenne__brown wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »I think you know this, but self-hate and non acceptance of self, are issues for counseling. You are young, but this has been going on for a long time--it's not going to magically go away on it's own. Don't keep spinning your wheels. You'll find yourself in the same place, or worse, 10 yrs down the line. For your future happiness, do something about it now. Talk to a specialist. Wishing you the best of luck.
Yeah I know, I've been going to counselling for about a couple of months, but we never really talk about this kinda thing, Its one of the multiple topics I have issues discussing with her, idk I guess I will eventually, but thank you so much for your support and for replying!
If you can't talk about this to your counselor---get a different one. I was 145 and 5'11" in high school. All my friends were short and I always felt oversize, even though I was slim and lanky. When I was teased, it really hurt. Now I'm 60 and happily married for almost 30 years. So I am viewing your problem as something I worked through. It will pass, but you need to discuss your issues with the right person. Get going and do it--you'll be glad one day.
I'm sorry to hear that you got teased
I've been lucky that never been overly teased for my height, not in a malicious way anyway (besides one guy calling me a lanky c*** every so often a few years ago, but he was mainly bitter about other stuff)
I would try another counselor, but I wouldn't know how to go about getting one, I think one of the main reasons I have issues talking about some stuff is that I have some major issues opening up about certain things and trust issues and I've only seen her about 5 or 6 times, I only have 3 months left at the school so if nothing has changed by then I'll have to find another one..
Thank you so much for the message and the support though! I'm glad your story had a happy ending 0 -
Wow! I love this analogy. I used to feel like it WAS my responsibility to carry everyone's bags up the mountain. When I realized the bags were not PART OF ME, I was able to put them down AND move the mountain! Thxoxo for the clear image!Realising that was like realising the heavy bags you thought you had to carry up the mountain don't actually belong to you, and aren't your responsibility.
Thank you! That's great, here's to more mountain-moving!cheyenne__brown wrote: »thank you! Its native american
I'm glad you've managed to overcome your issues! Thanks for sharing your story my counselled suggested something similar to the list, so I'll try to keep at it! And yeah I know they are common and I was starting to accept them, I've just had a set back recently.. Thank you so much for your reply, your advice is great
No problem Cheyenne! Thank you Glad so many people have posted saying similar things, might be nice to keep this thread bookmarked so you can whip it out and read all the encouragement for those days when you're feeling not-so-good? Best of luck with the counselling and everything outside of it - I'm still working on this too so you're not alone. We can definitely conquer this!! (P.S. there are a couple of ladies whose websites are great for this type of stuff, so definitely worth a Google - the two I can think of right now are Summer Innanen and Isabel Foxen Duke)
E x0 -
DebbieLyn63 wrote: »You weigh 147 lbs, if I did the conversion correctly. At 5'11", that is a perfectly healthy weight. You are young, and very tall for your age. You are most likely comparing your weight and size to more petite girls your age. You will not be as thin and petite as someone who is 5'3". You will harm yourself physically and mentally if you attempt to be so.
Also, at your age and height, 2000 cals a day is NOT a binge, That is a normal amount of calories for you. You have a very distorted idea of what size you should be. This is not uncommon for girls your age. ALL of us had body issues at that age.
Try to focus on talents, family and friend relationships, and activities that don't revolve around the scale. If you want to firm up, then start some weight lifting exercises. You will build strength, stamina, and can sculpt your body the way you want, without feeling like you have to starve yourself to get skinny like the fake model photos in magazines. You have a long, full life waiting for you. Don't waste another minute of it obsessing over your weight. Focus on health and happiness.
This!!
Weights will most likely give you the definition and 'tone' you are looking for. About 10 years ago I wore a snug size 12 at 150lbs. I currently wear a very loose size 12 at 190lbs. That's right, I'm 40lbs heavier, but my clothes fit better! The difference is that I lift heavy.
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cheyenne__brown wrote: »DebbieLyn63 wrote: »You weigh 147 lbs, if I did the conversion correctly. At 5'11", that is a perfectly healthy weight. You are young, and very tall for your age. You are most likely comparing your weight and size to more petite girls your age. You will not be as thin and petite as someone who is 5'3". You will harm yourself physically and mentally if you attempt to be so.
Also, at your age and height, 2000 cals a day is NOT a binge, That is a normal amount of calories for you. You have a very distorted idea of what size you should be. This is not uncommon for girls your age. ALL of us had body issues at that age.
Try to focus on talents, family and friend relationships, and activities that don't revolve around the scale. If you want to firm up, then start some weight lifting exercises. You will build strength, stamina, and can sculpt your body the way you want, without feeling like you have to starve yourself to get skinny like the fake model photos in magazines. You have a long, full life waiting for you. Don't waste another minute of it obsessing over your weight. Focus on health and happiness.
All my friends are petit and perfect, and next to them I always feel weird and unproportionate, so I guess that doesn't help,and it kind interferes with everyday life like, it makes me feel *kitten* when I hang around them and try on clothes or look at pictures etc, so that doesn't help..
When I say over 2000 calories its more like 2400(ish) when I binge, I find it difficult to find the inbetween, I guess I just need motivation to exercise more and work on the perception o have of myself.. Thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot!
I'm not sure 2400ish is a binge. I'm 5'2" and 190lbs and that is around maintenance for me as a lifter.
I just grabbed my personal trainer textbook to check something...at 147lbs your TDEE (daily burn) with minimal activity is 2200 calories.
147×10= BMR of 1470
1470 x 1.5 (low active modifier ) = 2205 calories
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Hi Cheyenne, just wanted to ask if you've seen the stretch mark pic Chrissy Teigen posted on her instagram? If not google it. Goes to show even successful and skinny models have them
Btw I do too - and all of them are from puberty, even though I was pregnant three times.
You focus on losing now - but not the pounds, rather the negative thoughts towards your body. You're beautiful 0
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