How did you know you were ready to (or not) have a baby?

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  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
    I honestly just woke up one morning and knew I had to have a baby. It was all I could think about so I went for it.

    I now have 2 kids.....and I know I am done.....like the thought of another kid is revolting to me, I love the ones I got and I am happy as we are as a family.
  • AllyS7
    AllyS7 Posts: 480 Member
    I knew when my husband and I both agreed we were able to devote our lives and finances to children. However, that's not what someone else had planned for us. We both have slight fertility issues and together it makes is pretty darn difficult. We've talked about all our options and as of right now, my husband isn't for adoption. I think he's still hoping that we'll be able to conceive naturally. If it happens it happens, I'm enjoying my life now and if in the future I am a mother than I'm sure I'll enjoy it still.
  • michelletyler38
    michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
    I found out I was ready to have a baby when my wife found out her birth control didn't work.

    Oh wow!!! I am so baby hungry BUT I have not met the right guy or finished college. When those 2 things happen for me, I'll be closer to being ready:)
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    I always knew I wanted to have children, from the time I was myself a child. That being said, wanting children and being ready for them are two different things. I don't think that anyone is ever really ready for it, at least not with the first baby. I can vividly remember being release from the hospital with our first baby and thinking: 'it is probably criminal that they are letting me leave with this baby, because I clueless as to how to care for it.' He is now 5 years old and none the wiser that I am making this stuff up as I go along (shhhh, don't tell him). With the second it was totally different. I knew what I was doing, having tested everything out on the first one already..LOL.
  • ericapledger
    ericapledger Posts: 32 Member
    when you no longer have any desire to sleep, drink, or fornicate with any regularity. you may be ready to have a child.
    :laugh: :laugh:
  • TaneeisFitforLife
    TaneeisFitforLife Posts: 433
    I love my 3 minions but with each of them I was never "ready" lol
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    I agree with the poster who said if you're asking, you probably already know the answer. the truth is, only you can answer your question. What makes one person ready doesn't necessarily fit everyone.

    OTOH - I don't think you're ever ready! There's so much you can't plan for - you are financially stable, then the economy changes or something catastrophic happens (example). Your child isn't born perfectly healthy (autism, etc.) As they say, "life is like a box of chocolates" - sometimes you get the cherry, other times you get something yucky. You can't plan life - you just have to go with the cards you are given.

    For me, I've always wanted kids. My life plan said I'd be married at 24 and have 2-4 kids by the time I was 30. (If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!!! :laugh: :laugh: ) Turns out I didn't meet my husband until I was 37. My son came 2 years later (which didn't leave any time for a 2nd one).
  • BlazedBetty
    BlazedBetty Posts: 31
    I'm glad a few other women have posted about not wanting children....

    Growing up I was raised very religious and I thought it was my duty to get married and have babies... after I figured out my own life for myself... I realized... there really isn't room for kids.

    I don't hate kids... although i do hate rotten kids and there always seems to be more of them than the well behaved ones. I just don't think I need to be responsible for helping create and develop another person. I had enough of a hard time figuring myself out, and dealing with all the baggage that my parents left me with. I practically helped raise my little brother since he is 8 years younger than me, I was always active in the church nursery, the outreach groups for the kids (Awana if you've ever heard of it... it's like scouts but more religious) and babysat for almost everyone in the church. I know HOW to take care of a baby, and I know I could... but I also know... I don't want to.

    I want to live my life for me, and as a child I really didn't get to do that. And as soon as I realized my life goals did not include having children I have been trying to get my tubes tied. Unfortunately everyone is convinced I am going to change my mind... even my family. I cannot get a dr to take me serious because I haven't had any children... the closest I can get is an IUD.. and let me tell you... it was hard getting someone to agree to do that without me having any children. The only reason I got it done this year is because I'm turning 30.. and I told my dr to stop treating me like a child. I can make my own decisions...
    My IUD comes out in 12 years... and if by then I still can't get my tubes tied still... I figure another 12 year IUD should take me right out of childbearing years.

    It is hard when people hear me and say "You'll change your mind" and "you'll grow out of it" and other such comments. I even watched my parents and aunts and uncles take bets on thanksgiving about which of my cousins was going to get knocked up first... and most of them (my mom included) chose me... I now have 4 cousins on that side of the family with kids... I wish I could've gotten in on the bet.. I would've won money! lol

    Yes, children are a blessing (and a curse, lol) and I would say that in order to have children there are things you will have to give up. If you are ready to make sacrifices.. and to make your life less important than someone else's.... then you are ready. Because a good parent will always put their children first... and if you don't.... then you are just breeding more little monsters that I want to kill when I go to walmart. LOL
  • dcg8r
    dcg8r Posts: 38
    Wow thank you all for your thoughtful responses!

    We've been married for 8 yrs. During the first 7 years, people would ask us "oh so when are you going to have kids" and we would totally blow them off (i.e. "Not ready, we have too many things we want to accomplish" etc - there was always a specific reason). Recently it seems like more and more people have been asking (Not sure if it's because of our age, or because of the number of yrs of marriage, some combination of the two or maybe just the universe trying to tell us something) and one day we stopped blowing them off and looked at each other and said "I don't know" for the first time. Then we talked about it, joked about it, got serious in our discussions...

    While I'm not totally convinced that I would be a good mom (although all of our friends say that I would be)?? I really want for my husband to be a (biological if possible) daddy. There may be some fertility issues on my side (PCOS) so I have been told by many that we should "get on with it" if we want biological children without the cost/frustration of IVF. I thought for a long time that I didn't want children. I think that I would be OK honestly if I didn't have them, but I want my husband to have that opportunity... and I know that if we did have kids, it would be fine. Our lifestyle would adjust, and that little creature would be loved.

    In all the people I've talked to, only one has said that they made the wrong decision to have a child. The child was special needs and she loved it, but it was emotionally, financially and physically draining to her, to the point that she didn't enjoy life anymore. That worries me. However, everyone else that I have spoken with (including parents of other special needs children) said they couldn't imagine life without their children. I bet that's an amazing feeling. That the little creature fits in with your life and makes you complete - like it was meant to be.

    It helps to type this all out, and that you all are providing feedback. This is indeed a difficult decision and probably one of the most life-changing decisions I've had to make. Thanks for your input :)
  • phinners
    phinners Posts: 524 Member
    I knew once I got diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) Because I have this, when we were ready to start trying, it just wasn't happening because I was failing to ovulate :( But.....on a lighter note! We knew we were ready to try once we owned our own house, good finances, and healthy unselfish states of mind. Aka (responsible/ not going out as often...that sort of thing lol) Good luck!!!!!
    Similar thing here. We're both educated to Masters level, my husband is a chartered engineer, I'm a scientist. We have money in the bank, own properties and have a lovely life. But I've had PCOS since my eldest was born in 98. Since then I haven't ovulated properly and so we thougth we'd never have kids. We werent too bothered about it but we didnt like not even having a choice.

    I bought some Metformin online, and after 3 months of taking it we fell pregnant. And we have a 6 month old called Alexander who is utterly doted on!! What a miracle he was!!
  • JenniferH81
    JenniferH81 Posts: 285 Member
    I was ready when my birthcontrol decided that 0.1% was good enough. ;)

    I was married for 2 years at that point, so once I got over my initial shock, I was super excited.
  • Jizes318
    Jizes318 Posts: 409 Member
    I AM ONE THAT HAS DECIDED NOT TO HAVE ONE. I GET A LOT OF CRAP FOR IT BUT I HAVEN'T HAD A SIGN YET AND I COULDN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE LOL

    MY HUSBAND WAS PREVIOUSLY MARRIED AND HAD 2 BEAUTIFUL GIRLS. THEY ARE AGED 8 AND 10 NOW. WE HAVE OUR WEEK ON THEN WEEK OFF. I HAVE TO SAY I ENJOY THE BREAK. I DON'T THINK WE WILL CHANGE IT.
  • Voncreepy2
    Voncreepy2 Posts: 1,450 Member
    What are you waiting for?:wink:
  • phinners
    phinners Posts: 524 Member
    What are you waiting for?:wink:
    hehe a leg over!!
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