Struggling

i have about 20lb till goal. i too am nervous for maintaining. ive been slowly losing for so many years i just dont know how im going to feel when i have finally made it.

Sounds as if you have some common bad mental habits. Here are a few thoughts:

KimmyAlonso wrote: »

I eat food I shouldn't even when I don't want it....

I find that mindfulness and redirection help me with this. If I am tempted to eat something, I ask myself, am I really hungry, and if so, is this the right thing to eat now? If the answer is no, then I redirect my thoughts to something else that I enjoy doing.

I...am sometimes scared to go to the gym for fear of failing.

Can you be more clear about what it means to "fail"? I consider it a success every time I get out and do something active, even if I don't go as far or as fast as I intended, or if it feels like I'm struggling. Not every day will be perfect, and some will be downright bad. Remember, some weightlifters deliberately aim to fail: that is, they aim to go until they can't do another rep of a given exercise. That's technically "failure" (since the muscle fails to complete another repetition of the motion), but for them, it's a success.

One tip is to think about going to the gym the same way you think about brushing your teeth. (Not my idea; it's courtesy of Dr. Yoni Freedhoff.) Few people really enjoy brushing their teeth, but we know we should do it and we make an effort. Try to find a "toothbrush level" workout that will make you feel good about having done it, even if it takes effort. Hopefully you can find an activity that you enjoy and that you'll want to do beyond that minimal level, but on bad days, it helps to think of exercise as something that you need to check off your list, even if it's just a half-hour walk or a short bodyweight routine.

Good luck!

KimmyAlonso wrote: »

I am most definitely thinner and fitter than I was 6 months ago, and I only have between 15 and 20 pounds to lose.I am most definitely thinner and fitter than I was 6 months ago, and I only have between 15 and 20 pounds to lose.

CONGRATS!

KimmyAlonso wrote: »

Despite this I continue to sabotage myself. I eat food I shouldn't even when I don't want it

KimmyAlonso wrote: »

I don't want to gain weight back and I want control of my eating habits.

Im not sure what this means. I eat food that is denser in calories alllll the time and I stopped feeling guilty about it! I refuse to feel guilty instead if I have a craving I make it fit! I make my lunch smaller or workout longer etc. You shouldn't prohibit certain foods because that's where I feel we grow this bad relationship with them. And worst worst case scenario you go over just make sure you stay under your TDEE that way you didn't help your weight gain but you didn't sabotage it either then plan better the next day. Remember you need to make this change of life sustainable since you're going to be doing it well for the rest of your life.

KimmyAlonso wrote: »

and am sometimes scared to go to the gym for fear of failing.

Girl if I tell you how many times I snuck into the weight room pretending to be looking for someone else just to peek inside or go to the gym around 12am just to be able to try and figure out how stuff worked and try out what I had been researching on YouTube and online all day I'd be here all day with stories lol. We all start somewhere and if it's too scary get a trainer or friend even if it's just to show you how to properly use machines or weights or just plain motivation. Sometimes when I'm just yuck at the gym and don't want to do anything or don't push myself hard enough I tell myself "well I could be sitting on the couch watching TV and eating so I'm sure this is burning more calories "

KimmyAlonso wrote: »

I think I am unable to maintain, so I'm either losing or gaining weight. Maybe because that's all I've really known.
I'm not sure what I'm asking, here. I just wanted to tell someone wants going through my head.

You need to look forward to maintaining! It's another goal like losing and gaining. You know the science! Just eat the amount of calories it takes for your body to stay the same. That's it find your TDEE and stay there and enjoy. You got this.

Do some reading on "all or nothing thinking" and see how well the description fits.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

I think it might help to rephrase your goal. From what I can see the successful maintainers keep within a weight range, as the body fluctuates ten pounds on water weight anyways.

I have had to scale down my daily fitness targets to achieve the larger goal to finish a race. This fitness game is turning out to be largely mental as it is very hard to accept less and still feel like I am progressing.

This is a new sort of mental toughness game and I wish you all success at winning at this too.