Confessions of Food Addicts

I've been wanting to do this for a while, but I've been busy with finals and I just finished my last one yesterday so I'm treating today as a new start, so here goes:

My question to fellow food addicts/binge eaters is WHY? What in your life has created this horrible relationship with food?

My answer:

I've had struggles with my weight since I was probably 8 years old or younger. I've never been really overweight, but I went through all kinds of ups and downs as a child and I can remember always dieting as a child and feeling horrible about myself. I just recently began reading up on food addictions and realized that I was a full blown food addict within the past year. After I had "diagnosed" myself as a food addict, I found myself mentally using that as an excuse when I would binge. Instead of helping me, the awareness of my addiction just made me feel helpless and completely out of control. I keep bringing myself down by telling myself that I have the one addiction that you can't quit. Up until the past week, I had never questioned WHY I had a food addiction, instead I just felt sorry for myself, as if I had some incurable disease. Reading into it, I found a website that said something I hadn't considered: every time you binge you are masking some other pain and using food as avoidance and escape from your real feelings. This was something I had never thought of. Here was the tough part for me: I had to ask myself WHY food comforts me and what experiences in my past make me seek out food for emotional support.
My parents got divorced when I was five years old. I would spend the majority of my time with my mother and occasional evenings with my dad. The happiest memories I have with my dad were the nights when we would go out to dinner together, and every single night we would go get ice-cream after. Eating out and ice-cream are two of my strongest triggers because of this. I had a pretty good relationship with my dad, but throughout my childhood, my mom was on a mental downward spiral. She is a paranoid schizophrenic and an alcoholic. We were very poor growing up and lived off of cheap fast food. Sometimes when my mom would be drunk or having an episode, the only thing I could do to get her attention was tell her I was hungry. She could do anything else, but she would never let me starve. To this day I have terrible anxiety, occasional depression, and extremely low self esteem. I use food to cope with these things instead of facing them head on.

Food addicts: there is a reason why you are seeking out food when you really want something else. Instead of using your label as a food addict as an excuse to binge like I have done, try to pinpoint what has caused this addiction and what feelings you are running from. There is nothing harder or more satisfying then realizing and confessing the truth behind this addiction.
I want to overcome this addition so badly so that I can live a normal life. I am starting this process by making this confession. I encourage all other food addicts and binge eaters to share their stories here. We need the realization and the strength of others who understand.
:flowerforyou: