Venting :(

___Synnamin
___Synnamin Posts: 30 Member
edited November 17 in Motivation and Support
Okay so mostly everybody's goal here is more losing weight than maintaining it.
My goal is to lose weight (80 lbs) but I feel it would be fun if I do walks and activities with friends and family.

I have a small family and most of them are kind of wiped out, so i don't expect them to do much. My mother is diabetic with both back pain and knee pain so until she gets a shot there's only so much she can do.
My grandmother just had hip surgery and will also need knee surgery and is in a nursing home. I wouldn't ask her to right now because she is recovering She's down 80 lbs btw.

My cousin who is sort of like a best friend is diabetic, has a gym membership at both her job and the YMCA yet she'll rather go to a sex toy party than workout with me.

My actual best friend isn't talking to me and even if she did she'll complain about how she's got health problems and is "too fat" but won't take a walk with me.

My girlfriend just comes off as if she doesn't even care about my weight which I feel she does. If I'm not happy then why should I keep it because you say so? I don't want to be thin. I want to stay plus size, maintain my shape, and keep it moving. I get compliments now but even then I had gotten compliments. She's supposed to be closest to me but I don't feel like I get any support from her. I got promoted for my job a month ago. I told her and she didn't seem as excited as I was. Smh.

In the midst of all this, my emotions go up and down due to personal issues and all I want is support (emotionally) but can't find it anywhere. It kind of hurts but I think I am more angry at my cousin and best friend because their health is worse than mine (I'm borderline diabetic but I do have sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, and chronic bronchitis), I'll always invite them to something that'll benefit us all but they'll come up with some excuse why they cannot. But if it involved drinking, smoking, etc they'll go. I rarely drink and I don't like smoke.

I literally just finished a Domestic Violence Awareness Walk hours ago and even though it's supposed to be like a 5k I did 8k instead. I could have did more but I guess i walked so much when I got home I went to sleep...and it was peaceful. I was supposed to return at 12a and 5a but didn't. I feel somewhat proud of myself because 8k is what I used to do before I injured my knee in 2013. But I don't feel as joyous and don't have anybody to celebrate that with and that's what hurts. I don't ask for much. I don't ask for friends and family to be in my face 24-7. If you go missing for two weeks I'll be fine, but all I ask for is support, encouragement. Not to be put down or dismissed over alcohol, cigarettes and sex toys.

I want to make new friends but because I carry the personality of a person who is very opinionated when I have to be and very honest when I do say things it's hard for me. It seems like I have to alter who I am to even make friends. I shouldn't have to result into drinking and smoking to be accepted or taking myself to places that I know I would be uncomfortable with. I'm just so tired of hearing my friends complain about how they want to lose weight but won't even make the effort and try. I got tired of complaining. I bought a Fitbit, I did my first Awareness Walk yesterday and I don't even give myself enough credit for it and I don't know why. :(

Replies

  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited April 2015
    You are only responsible for you. Stop focussing and complaining about the people around you - they are on their own journey that obviously differs from yours right now. That is their right and their choice. Find some like-minded friends on here that will understand and with whom you can share your victories and your defeats. And don't stop trying. Every day you are given a brand new chance to be excellent. :)
  • Ainesilver
    Ainesilver Posts: 72 Member
    There are a few ways you might find the type of friends you are looking for. You could look for other events like the walk you just did and get more involved by helping with setting up the event. Depending on where you live, Facebook can be a good source of events. You could also try www.meetups.com
  • dawncolleen0120
    dawncolleen0120 Posts: 29 Member
    edited April 2015
    Dear Synnamin, I hear you. It is hard when no one wants to join you when you take steps to help yourself. And it's hard when you don't feel the support of those you love. Perhaps you're gonna have to forgive them for failing you and just venture forth on your own. It's possible that after they see your success, they may join in. I have no one to walk with either. I've invited my neighbors, my husband, but can't seem to get anyone to join me either, so I put on my headphones, zone out and walk. I enjoy the music and recognize walking alone I can walk as fast or as slow as I want, so that's good.

    Dieting for me is hard too. I was always the skinny girl, so this is a shock. I don't feel I get alot of support from my family in the weight loss department either. So, I DO feel your pain. Both of us (and probably a whole lot of other people here too) have to do this pretty much alone... do it anyway. You don't sound like someone who needs anyone to agree with her or to join her side in a fight... so you fight alone. And it's totally okay to vent. We're here for you.

    By the way, congratulations on an awesome Walk for Awareness. Well done, you!
  • LiveLoveLift67
    LiveLoveLift67 Posts: 895 Member
    Congrats on your walk! Congrats that you are getting out there and trying to make a better YOU. Worry about you and only you. You cant make or force anyone into doing anything they arent ready to do. For a long time i did the 5ks all by myself. I accomplished them alone. Yes it would have been better with a friend or someone but i cant rely on anyone else to make my fitness goals happen.

    If you search the groups you may find one for your area and may meet some people who will accept you and want to do things with you. Find yourself a new set of friends who are interested in the same things as you. I know sometimes its hard having a lack of support...believe me i know this. But, i do it for me and i come first. I would rather have no friends than false friends or ones who arent healthy for me.
  • SunflowerCat74
    SunflowerCat74 Posts: 258 Member
    I will echo what the others have said. Put yourself first and foremost. If you surround yourself with negative lazy people it's bound to have a negative effect on you. I know it's hard when it comes to family, but I've pretty much culled my entire family from my life becuase I only want positive people surrounding me. I have enough crap to deal with on my own, I don't need theirs too. That said, you are making positive choices for yourself and while you aren't likely to cull them like I did, you can find other more positive people with like minded goals to help boost you up. Join a group in your area that is fitness minded...if your gym has a fitness challenge participate in it. Do what makes you feel good and helps you achieve your goals. Don't let the cement blocks drag you under the water. It takes time, but you are only responsible for yourself.
  • ___Synnamin
    ___Synnamin Posts: 30 Member
    Thanks so much.
    I think I'm just having a rough week. I understand others have things to do and so do I which is why I ask before making plans to do things with others. My mom and grandmother are supportive and are on the same goals but at this time they cannot participate.

    I'm so shelled up because I feel I can't trust anybody as bad as I want to when I get hurt or disappointed I take it pretty hard. I do the same with my career.
  • Kelly110789
    Kelly110789 Posts: 11 Member
    Good on you for for making the better choices I have family just the same not in to doing it for their self she was complaing at the doc's awhile ago because they wouldn't give her gastric band surgery because she wasn't willing to help her self but would ask me how I have lost weight but the just say I can't do that or that's to much hard work so she stops taking medication for thyroid problems now she has to have an op to remover her goytor witch will maker put weight back on some people are their own worst enemy

    If you ever want some one to natter to feel free to message me my goal is to get fit and healthy and if I lose weight on the way that's a bonus :D

    Many thanks Kelly
  • broekendy
    broekendy Posts: 11 Member
    You just gotta do it for you Synnamin...I am in the same boat. I go for walks by myself...last week I went to a museum for something a little different. Just got to change it up and take a camera with you, look for interesting things on your walk. It can be enjoyable and you can use that time to reflect and plan for the next day etc. Listen to music, or a book while you walk. Make it "YOU" time.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    id rather go to a sex toy party than workout too LOLOLOL

    anyways - you do what YOU need to do to be happy. dont worry about what anyone else wants to do. And you can still go out and have fun with them, just make sure you take care of yourself first and foremost.
  • shadowfax_c11
    shadowfax_c11 Posts: 1,942 Member
    First of all. Good for you for taking charge of your life.
    Second. You have to let other people live theirs. Something I found out years ago, when I started taking charge and making changes in myself was that people won't necessarily like it. They might resist, get angry and even try to sabotage your efforts. Those things are about them not you. They see you changing. If you change it means that they can too and maybe they are just not in a place where they are ready or willing to change. You can't make them and you shouldn't.

    What you can do is keep working on yourself and be willing to let go of those who will inevitably fade from your life as your paths diverge. It is okay for this to happen. It is natural for it to happen. It does not make them or you bad people.

    For me almost my entire circle of friends has changed over the past 8 years. For a couple of years I was sort of adrift and didn't have many people in my life that I could rely on. It takes time to build new relationships.

    So you love doing these events. Do more of them. Become a face that all of the regulars recognize as one of the ones who is always there. Volunteer to help as someone suggested. You will eventually start meeting people in those venues. These people will notice your perseverance, get to know you, and some might even turn into great new friends.

    If you focus on being the kind of person you feel good about and spend time around people who have similar goals you will eventually feel much better and be happier than if you try to force your old friends to fit your new life.

    it does take some time though. Try to be patient. Focus on you for now. he rest will come.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    edited April 2015

    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    You are only responsible for you. Stop focussing and complaining about the people around you - they are on their own journey that obviously differs from yours right now. That is their right and their choice. Find some like-minded friends on here that will understand and with whom you can share your victories and your defeats. And don't stop trying. Every day you are given a brand new chance to be excellent. :)

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