Dieting/Dating
kclay1021
Posts: 56 Member
So I'm 26 years old and have been single for almost 2 years (off and on) - I find that when I am in a relationship, I have no issue laying down boundaries and saying "I want to stay on this program and keep an eye on what I eat - I don't want this - this day I have some wiggle room and this other day I dont" - when I am first starting to date someone I have a hard time doing that as I am constantly out to eat, out for drinks, they want to take me somewhere new and interesting to try something I've never had before and I feel lame and high maintenance if I won't eat certain things while we are out.
Does anyone else have a similar experience? I do feel like I want to date as I'm in search of a serious relationship but having so many food "rules" or seeming too stringent makes me feel like people will think I'm high maintenance. What does anyone else think?
Does anyone else have a similar experience? I do feel like I want to date as I'm in search of a serious relationship but having so many food "rules" or seeming too stringent makes me feel like people will think I'm high maintenance. What does anyone else think?
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Replies
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I think it's about balance. You don't want to be the SUPER high maintenance girl who can't find anything to eat on the menu and has to request like four substitutions on a freaking salad, for sure. But if you can save some calories for the date and then order a reasonable food item, I don't think it would raise an eyebrow. I think most dudes wouldn't be too put off with "I like to watch what I eat."
When I first started on MFP, I was just starting to date again after a bad breakup a few years before. I had the same concerns, but it was really fine. I went out with a few guys who were also into fitness and they were totally cool with it - we chose healthy restaurants and foods together. I went out with a few who really didn't care. I had one date with one dude who criticized my ordering a salad (and it was such a GOOD salad too, not just a little pile of lettuce), and that worked out well because I knew if he was going to be a d***bag about what I ate, I didn't want to see him again. Problem solved.
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why are you not eating certain things?
You can date and still lose weight. There is no reason to deny yourself the fun of life just because you want to lose weight. Just make different choices on the drinks ie wine spritzer or vodka and club soda instead of a rum and coke.
Plan for those nights out by doing extra exercise or saving calories through the week.
But you are right having all those food rules will turn a person off....I know my now husband would have bee like Ya no....0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »I think it's about balance. You don't want to be the SUPER high maintenance girl who can't find anything to eat on the menu and has to request like four substitutions on a freaking salad, for sure. But if you can save some calories for the date and then order a reasonable food item, I don't think it would raise an eyebrow. I think most dudes wouldn't be too put off with "I like to watch what I eat."
When I first started on MFP, I was just starting to date again after a bad breakup a few years before. I had the same concerns, but it was really fine. I went out with a few guys who were also into fitness and they were totally cool with it - we chose healthy restaurants and foods together. I went out with a few who really didn't care. I had one date with one dude who criticized my ordering a salad (and it was such a GOOD salad too, not just a little pile of lettuce), and that worked out well because I knew if he was going to be a d***bag about what I ate, I didn't want to see him again. Problem solved.
Right - guess I didn't consider there is a simple and sweet way to say it instead of saying something to the effect that if I don't watch what I eat, I start to feel like a whale
Truly shouldn't be anyone elses concern about what I'm eating. . . I guess I'm a little self conscious about all things having to do with eating, weight, body, fitness. . . I'm sure this is all in my head.
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You could always suggest dates which don't involve food or alcohol?
I guess I approach dating the same way as meals with friends, treats like birthday cakes etc... Generally I know it's coming so I either exercise a bit more or try to eat lower calorie options the day before or the day after, so it sort of balances out. If it's more of a spontaneous thing, I just enjoy the moment - I don't make a point of stuffing myself but I'm not going to stress over it and ruin it.0 -
Yeah, for example, there is a lot of social pressure to drink. Booze does not help my fat loss goals, so I am down to about 2 drinks a month. I also do not eat typical bar food, so this makes me kind of particular about where I go for happy hour, because I am looking for meat and/or veggies with little or no carbs, plus I don't drink, and it affects my choices and options.0
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Put it out there at the start that you are into health and fitness and taking care of yourself. It will be a huge plus for most people to have found someone who is fit! Also that way they won't expect you to go out and eat burgers, and you're more likely to find someone who is also into the same lifestyle.0
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Here is the thing OP. I'm not really looking for serious relationship. I am dating at the moment. I have no issue telling someone that I count calories. That when we go out make sure there is nutrition facts so I can log it.
Be honest with the person OP and you might be surprised to see that
a) that person see you have goals and want to change
b) I don't think no person would be upset to see that you are putting that much effort into changing unless this person does not really care about your happiness which is a real big issue.
You call that high maintenance for have these "rules" with food. I would not call it that but I am me so I would encourage whatever goal the person had in mind. That me though I am considerate of that and it is a must for the other person to do the same or the serious relationship will slowly terminate.0 -
Drinking is not typically a HUGE issue for me in terms of dating because I'm a female and have a pretty low tolerance so after 1 and a half vodka/soda I am starting to feel a little tipsy (laugh now. . .its fine) which is not my desired mindset/frame of reference for getting to know someone LOL. I guess that is a blessing in disguise because I'm not ever pounding drinks whether I wanted to or not.0
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Have you ever considered looking for someone with similar goals? Try meeting people at your gym by taking a class, or finding someone interested in an activity you enjoy, such as hiking or bike riding. It can be easier when you both have similar health and fitness goals and know that from the beginning. Then, you can help support each other and keep each other on track!
Try planning dates that don't involve food, and instead involve being active! It's also always alright to go out and indulge sometimes! That's part of the fun of dating...getting to know someone and making memories together! If you know you are going out, look up menus online and try to pick something that fits in your goals. Planning ahead can go a long way in being able to go out and enjoy yourself, and not have to worry that you are straying from your health goals!
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LOL to "making memories" and "indulging sometimes" - only because I've been single for such a long time period that if I were to do that with everyone I go on a few dates with. . . I'd be huge.
Planning ahead will be a big deal. . meeting someone who has similar goals would be awesome and maybe I should be looking for someone who makes fitness/health a priority.0 -
LOL to "making memories" and "indulging sometimes" - only because I've been single for such a long time period that if I were to do that with everyone I go on a few dates with. . . I'd be huge.
Planning ahead will be a big deal. . meeting someone who has similar goals would be awesome and maybe I should be looking for someone who makes fitness/health a priority.
Nice. When I am ready to look for something serious the bold is almost a deal breaker. There will be exceptions to my rule as usual.0 -
LOL to "making memories" and "indulging sometimes" - only because I've been single for such a long time period that if I were to do that with everyone I go on a few dates with. . . I'd be huge.
Planning ahead will be a big deal. . meeting someone who has similar goals would be awesome and maybe I should be looking for someone who makes fitness/health a priority.
I would definitely recommend finding someone who makes it a priority. Life will be so much easier in the long term if you have similar goals as your partner.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »LOL to "making memories" and "indulging sometimes" - only because I've been single for such a long time period that if I were to do that with everyone I go on a few dates with. . . I'd be huge.
Planning ahead will be a big deal. . meeting someone who has similar goals would be awesome and maybe I should be looking for someone who makes fitness/health a priority.
Nice. When I am ready to look for something serious the bold is almost a deal breaker. There will be exceptions to my rule as usual.
You mean the person that you meet MUST make their health and fitness a huge priority?
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yopeeps025 wrote: »LOL to "making memories" and "indulging sometimes" - only because I've been single for such a long time period that if I were to do that with everyone I go on a few dates with. . . I'd be huge.
Planning ahead will be a big deal. . meeting someone who has similar goals would be awesome and maybe I should be looking for someone who makes fitness/health a priority.
Nice. When I am ready to look for something serious the bold is almost a deal breaker. There will be exceptions to my rule as usual.
You mean the person that you meet MUST make their health and fitness a huge priority?
It doesn't really have to be a huge priority. But there are very good qualities in someone who works towards whatever fitness goal they have. qualities like they would show dedication, discipline, being able to fight temptations, time management. I don't think there are any bad qualities I can think of for someone who works out.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »LOL to "making memories" and "indulging sometimes" - only because I've been single for such a long time period that if I were to do that with everyone I go on a few dates with. . . I'd be huge.
Planning ahead will be a big deal. . meeting someone who has similar goals would be awesome and maybe I should be looking for someone who makes fitness/health a priority.
Nice. When I am ready to look for something serious the bold is almost a deal breaker. There will be exceptions to my rule as usual.
You mean the person that you meet MUST make their health and fitness a huge priority?
It doesn't really have to be a huge priority. But there are very good qualities in someone who works towards whatever fitness goal they have. qualities like they would show dedication, discipline, being able to fight temptations, time management. I don't think there are any bad qualities I can think of for someone who works out.
Just as an observation (and not directed at yopeeps at all, except this reminded me of it):
I did some online dating back in the day, and the majority of guys said that an interest in fitness was an important quality to them (including my DH). Several even went so far as to say that if you weren't fit, they weren't interested.
The majority of the guys I actually met up with in person obviously did not have their own interest in fitness. They just thought it was really important in the people they dated.
When we met, DH's interest in fitness extended mostly as far as eating maximum cheeseburgers and still passing a PT test every six months. He's come around since then 0 -
[/quote]
Just as an observation (and not directed at yopeeps at all, except this reminded me of it):
I did some online dating back in the day, and the majority of guys said that an interest in fitness was an important quality to them (including my DH). Several even went so far as to say that if you weren't fit, they weren't interested.
The majority of the guys I actually met up with in person obviously did not have their own interest in fitness. They just thought it was really important in the people they dated.
When we met, DH's interest in fitness extended mostly as far as eating maximum cheeseburgers and still passing a PT test every six months. He's come around since then [/quote]
I like this - I think this is definitely true - I think a lot of people mention that because they want to meet someone who is "in good shape" or at least appears to be from the "eye test." I also don't want to date someone who forces me into gym dates when I'm not feeling it or prefer to do it alone sometimes. . . thats probably super lame as it never hurts to have someone dragging you to the gym as once I'm there I am typically revved up and ready to go. The old fat girl inside of me also feels a little intimidated by dating someone who works out as much as I do because I'm thinking what if I can't keep up and I've already made mention that the gym and healthy eating are priorities will I look like a fake or like I don't know what I'm doing or talking about?
Geez from this post its clear that I'm insanely insecure but I'm still glad I posted it so hopefully I can get over some of these stupid issues.
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PeachyPlum wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »LOL to "making memories" and "indulging sometimes" - only because I've been single for such a long time period that if I were to do that with everyone I go on a few dates with. . . I'd be huge.
Planning ahead will be a big deal. . meeting someone who has similar goals would be awesome and maybe I should be looking for someone who makes fitness/health a priority.
Nice. When I am ready to look for something serious the bold is almost a deal breaker. There will be exceptions to my rule as usual.
You mean the person that you meet MUST make their health and fitness a huge priority?
It doesn't really have to be a huge priority. But there are very good qualities in someone who works towards whatever fitness goal they have. qualities like they would show dedication, discipline, being able to fight temptations, time management. I don't think there are any bad qualities I can think of for someone who works out.
Just as an observation (and not directed at yopeeps at all, except this reminded me of it):
I did some online dating back in the day, and the majority of guys said that an interest in fitness was an important quality to them (including my DH). Several even went so far as to say that if you weren't fit, they weren't interested.
The majority of the guys I actually met up with in person obviously did not have their own interest in fitness. They just thought it was really important in the people they dated.
When we met, DH's interest in fitness extended mostly as far as eating maximum cheeseburgers and still passing a PT test every six months. He's come around since then
I know about gym qualities because I have been in the gym a long long long time. Started not as young as I would of since the myth of stunting your growth for lifting too early was happening. besides for times of not having a gym membership and having a sideline injury and I have been lifting weight non stop and I don't plan to ever stop.
I started when I was 16-17 and I am now 27. Technically right now in the best shape of my life ever and I want more.0 -
Well i had the same problem few days back..but i chose the restaurant that serves mostly healthy food and wasn't that costly too.. also the girl was crazy about desserts.. so while i did order a highcalorie dessert..i made sure i did the talking while she finished most of it.
We have to work things around and make a happy win win situation.0 -
My (now) husband was training for a marathon when we met, and he had some really strict dietary rules for himself. He had also lost about 40 pounds. I didn't think anything of it. He could find something healthy on pretty much any menu, and he ate healthy snacks when we were at his place. I wouldn't be self conscious about it, and anyone who is compatible with your lifestyle should be fine with it.0
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I like this - I think this is definitely true - I think a lot of people mention that because they want to meet someone who is "in good shape" or at least appears to be from the "eye test." I also don't want to date someone who forces me into gym dates when I'm not feeling it or prefer to do it alone sometimes. . . thats probably super lame as it never hurts to have someone dragging you to the gym as once I'm there I am typically revved up and ready to go. The old fat girl inside of me also feels a little intimidated by dating someone who works out as much as I do because I'm thinking what if I can't keep up and I've already made mention that the gym and healthy eating are priorities will I look like a fake or like I don't know what I'm doing or talking about?
Geez from this post its clear that I'm insanely insecure but I'm still glad I posted it so hopefully I can get over some of these stupid issues.
I think these are pretty typical new-relationship insecurities. I think there's always going to be a little bit of wondering if you measure up on common interests, whether the interest is fitness or turn-of-the-century Russian literature.
I don't care to work out with someone else, so when someone would suggest a gym date I would just say "I prefer to work out alone, that's my Me Time. But I'd love to meet up afterward!" If you want to do gym dates sometimes, that's cool - just set boundaries around it. And even if you're not cool with doing actual workouts together, you can always do active things together, like going for a hike or trying out rock climbing or something.0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »I think it's about balance. You don't want to be the SUPER high maintenance girl who can't find anything to eat on the menu and has to request like four substitutions on a freaking salad, for sure. But if you can save some calories for the date and then order a reasonable food item, I don't think it would raise an eyebrow. I think most dudes wouldn't be too put off with "I like to watch what I eat."
When I first started on MFP, I was just starting to date again after a bad breakup a few years before. I had the same concerns, but it was really fine. I went out with a few guys who were also into fitness and they were totally cool with it - we chose healthy restaurants and foods together. I went out with a few who really didn't care. I had one date with one dude who criticized my ordering a salad (and it was such a GOOD salad too, not just a little pile of lettuce), and that worked out well because I knew if he was going to be a d***bag about what I ate, I didn't want to see him again. Problem solved.
Hahahaha I went on a first date with a d- bag who also had a fit about me ordering a salad on our first date... We did end up dating for 3 months but then I broke it off with him... 3 months later he was already engaged to a new girl with a baby on the way... I dodged that bullet!0 -
I usually try and pick a healthy place or something with healthy options. I was dating someone for a while and our first date, sushi. I chose brown rice and healthier options. Went to a BBQ place, got chicken with a side salad. Chipotle, got a salad with guac. He wasn't a drinker so it made things a little easier on that end!0
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When I was dating and on a very strict diet I would try to plan coffee dates so I could just drink a black coffee and nobody would be the wiser. If dinner was a must I was always open an honest and most people thought it was a good quality that I took care of myself. When I moved to a less strict diet (IIFYM) I made sure that I could make what I chose on a date fit into my macros. Honesty really is the best policy...I've found that when you let people know that you're trying to better yourself vs. just complaining about calories it comes across as endearing vs. high maintenance.
Good luck!
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When I was dating and on a very strict diet I would try to plan coffee dates so I could just drink a black coffee and nobody would be the wiser. If dinner was a must I was always open an honest and most people thought it was a good quality that I took care of myself. When I moved to a less strict diet (IIFYM) I made sure that I could make what I chose on a date fit into my macros. Honesty really is the best policy...I've found that when you let people know that you're trying to better yourself vs. just complaining about calories it comes across as endearing vs. high maintenance.
Good luck!
Thats a nice one.0 -
I tend to date people that I meet through dance or other athletic pursuits, so it's easy to find active/non-food things to do.
Meeting up for coffee/tea is a great idea--you can have a very low-cal drink (tea, black coffee) and the other person can snack or have a light meal if desired.
If your diet is so strict that you can't eat out EVER, it's probably not going to work in the long term. I don't do cheat days and I rarely eat out alone, but I will go slightly off plan for social situations. What about finding 4-5 local restaurants that have dishes which generally fit into your goals? Having a few go-to suggestions handy could be helpful.
I don't hide that I eat carefully, enjoy high-quality food and love to work out. These things are part of who I am and other people can take it or leave it. I am not on a short-term diet--this is the way I live and I must do it for my health. However, I am old and don't care too much about what most people think of me. I'm not high maintenance, but I won't be eating at McDonald's either. Anyone I date needs to know that up front.
I'm a really good cook, so I have lots of people who want me to cook for them rather than going out. I'm currently dating/having a short-term...thing...with someone who is a professional athlete. He eats even lower carb than I do, loves my food and has a workout regimen that is pretty similar to my own. This works quite well and doesn't put my fitness in jeopardy at all.0
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