Kids' eating disorders?

mathjulz wrote: »

I don't think that you need to worry much about them. They both sound like normal, typical kids.

For your niece, at 11, she is hitting puberty (if she hasn't already) and adjusting to all the hormone changes and body shape changes that go with that. There is a good chance she is still growing (height wise), but as someone who is 5' tall, I can tell you that 132 is an okay weight. (Stretch marks are very normal with the rapid growth girls go through at this age). My daughter was also about the same height and weight and build at 11, and still is now at 16 and she has a lovely hourglass shape and is very healthy. It's good to model eating appropriate foods for your body, but be very careful that you don't give her a message that she has to count calories all the time, because that CAN develop into an eating disorder.

As for the 9 year old, boys can often be small and skinny through childhood. Both my sons were small for their age at 9 (one quite a bit so), and quite picky eaters (a lot of it is texture for one). They grow out of it. One of my boys is now 14 and growing like a weed, though still super skinny. That's how boys are.

There's nothing wrong with kids liking sweets. And you really don't know what they eat at home ... it might be far better than you make it sound ("anything he can get his hands on"). When they are with you, model healthy eating behaviors -- fruits and vegetables and lean meats especially, but not counting calories -- and an active lifestyle. If you think it may help your sister out to pick them up a couple of days a week and feed them dinner, offer it, but only as a way to help her out with the difficult schedule she and her husband seem to have. (I know I would/have been upset when a family member suggested I was doing something wrong in raising my kids, even just in how I fed them, and I even lost trust in family members for a while because of that sort of thing, so be very careful to avoid any sort of insinuation)

futuremanda wrote: »

I'd like to echo MrM27 in that I don't know your family, so I can't give advice so much as some thoughts based on who I am and my own experiences.

I wouldn't bring it up directly. i.e. "I'm concerned about your kids' weight/health" type of thing. It's their mom's business/responsibility, and it sounds like she has a lot going on, and probably wouldn't take it the way you'd want her to. And if the kids got wind of it, especially the 11 year old, I'd worry that it would increase their self-consciousness.

I also wouldn't try to drastically change those kids, "fix" them (their weight, eating habits, etc).

But I don't see why you can't ask to have them come over sometimes, and feed them, and you don't have to feel like you're being underhanded or lying, as if you have a secret agenda. I had family do that for me and those were some of the highlights of my childhood -- I have NO idea if they had any agenda regarding my food, I just liked being there and spending time with them.

So if they aren't sleeping over as often as they used to, the way you spend time together will have to change. A bit of after-school care and food sounds fun to me. Plus, 11 is a great age to learn more about cooking and food prep, and 7 is old enough to get involved, so if you could get them interested / get them to participate, bonus. If they're having fun and learning, that will be really beneficial for their eating habits down the line.

If the parents say no, maybe you could start scheduling the odd activity together. Ice skating or swimming or a picnic in the park or a beach day or something. Again, it doesn't have to be about you trying to butt in or control them. But I think it's fair to incorporate who you are into your exchanges -- you're their aunt, so you are going to have an influence in your own way by just being you. If you have a passion for cooking or are interested in certain foods or you like to be active, then it's great to share that with the kids. I used to bake with my Grandma because she baked a lot. There doesn't have to be anything more to it.

TLDR: Dial down the worry. Don't say anything to the parents. Don't try to "fix" the kids. Do try to spend more time with them, try to have fun, and feel free to do that by sharing who you are and what you like, which can include food and physical activity.

alyci wrote: »

Please don't bother your niece over her weight. She is eleven and too young to worry about that, she is still growing and will probably grow out of the weight. My own mother was constantly on me about calories when I was young(10-15). This lead to me having some serious issues with food for most of high school. Between starving myself and serious over eating the last year or so to prove 'I'm okay with food'. I still am struggling a lot with accepting that in time I may have to eat more than 1400-1500 calories a day to maintain a good weight.

Also a skinny child who is a picky eater. As long as he shows an appetite it is just not eating food he doesn't like. The only advice I give is always offer him a varied diet when he comes to visit. Introduce him to different foods so he can taste them. If he doesn't like it just remind him that taste buds change over time and to always give food and second chance.