Am I a grinch?

filergirl
filergirl Posts: 240
edited September 18 in Health and Weight Loss
I get grumpy when people bring their babies to work. It strikes me as showing off. Okay, yes, wonderful, you have a family and I don't. Grr. I realize I should be happy for them, but really I just want them to get out of the way and stop taking up space in the lunchroom. I should be able to eat my lunch in peace without a continual reminder of my spinsterdom.

I know there are a few women around here who agree with me. Work isn't show-and-tell.
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Replies

  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    I get grumpy when people bring their babies to work. It strikes me as showing off. Okay, yes, wonderful, you have a family and I don't. Grr. I realize I should be happy for them, but really I just want them to get out of the way and stop taking up space in the lunchroom. I should be able to eat my lunch in peace without a continual reminder of my spinsterdom.

    I know there are a few women around here who agree with me. Work isn't show-and-tell.
  • Nich0le
    Nich0le Posts: 2,906 Member
    hey there miss grinch! lol

    I have kids, but I get where you are coming from. It provides a distraction from work and when someone who is working is trying to take their break it is nice to have a moment of peace. I really don't know what to tell you to do about it unless you are able to take your break away from where this may be going on, and what are the kids doing there anyway???

    Sorry I know that wasn't very helpful. :flowerforyou:
  • zenmama
    zenmama Posts: 1,000
    wow....

    Maybe others enjoy seeing the babies. I have 2 children and I "showed" them off ~ not to rub it in anyones face but becasue I was proud and a happy mother...I still am.

    dd
  • deanea
    deanea Posts: 1,437
    I think it all depends on how much you like children. I don't have children, but I love to see other people's. Those babies crack me up:laugh: I'm going to guess that the majority of folks, especially the ladies in your office love to see the new babies, especially if their's are growing. Mommies love to see and hold babies. You are entitiled to your vent....:smile:
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
    I took my son with me to work, 5 days a week for 3 years. I was a manager of a Espresso bar and I had to be at work at 4:30 am and couldn't afford to pay for daycare because my husband was not working...full time student. He was great there. He would have breakfast with the regulars and on certain days, he would do chores there. It was his home away from home. There was an area with 2 couches and a table where he hung out. Some people didn't like kids and mad comments to me. I simply told them. If you don't like it, you can sit over there. They did just that. Others would ask were he was when he happened to no be there.
    I think you need to just take a deep breath and focus on something else. Or, better yet, join in and have some fun. Life is to short not to have fun and be a kid. Get in there and show them how to really play hide and go seek.
    Don't let it get the best of you.
  • GinaB30
    GinaB30 Posts: 725 Member
    I gotta say, since I've had two and would love to have more some day, there's nothing better than getting to show that baby off -that you've dragged around for 9 months, threw up countless times, gained 40 lbs, gotten horrid strech marks you dare not speak of, had numerous ultrasounds because of problem A B & C! ETC!
    Believe me, after all the problems I had with both mine it was great to get them OUT, know they are healthy and then get all the happiness of showing them off!!! LOL:bigsmile:

    You are NOT alone though, I know there are countless women who DO feel this way.
    Don't worry! You're really young, if you want kids- you've got time! :bigsmile:

    edit// Also, if they are on maternity leave from their work- than yeah- I wouldn't have issue with them bringing in the baby for a moment to show off, but not all day every day. (Altho icandoit I don't mean you!! Your situation was different) :bigsmile:
  • Families_R_Forever
    Families_R_Forever Posts: 630
    Since I am a stay at home mom I have not really experienced this but I will say that we go see my husband a lot. I don't think that anyone at his work minds or cares. They always come and see them when we walk in. We never stay long, only long enough for my kids to bring my husband a treat. I don't do it to show off my kids, but rather to spend time with my husband. He loves it when we unexpectedly pop in and then he knows we are thinking of him. On the other hand everyone there is married and has had kids or is now expecting. I guess it would depend. I would just try to and look at it from a different stand point. Heidi:flowerforyou:
  • neverbeenskinny
    neverbeenskinny Posts: 446 Member
    Hi mehughes,
    I'm childless and in my late 40's. No chance of ever having babies unless I adopt. No chance of that either as I'm single. But you know, I enjoy children whether they are from my coworkers or friends. I take joy in letting my friend show them off, my friends are very proud of their family and they should be. I certainly understand your longing for a family yourself, but think about the day that you will be able to show off your own family to your friends, you would want them to react positively. Yes, life throws us curve balls and we don't always have what we want, but we need to make the best of it and don't take the joy away from someone who have them. Believe me I understand much more than you know...you, at least still have the chance of having your own children, you are young and beautiful. I, however will never have that chance due to medical issues, but when it's your turn, I'll be happy for you. :flowerforyou:

    Remember, they are not there to hurt you with their children, they just want to share their joy.
  • wkoon76
    wkoon76 Posts: 22
    Well I don't know if you're necessarily a grinch, but if showing off their kids makes them happy and helps them make it through their day easier then so be it. We all just want to be happy right? It just happens you're not happy for the same reasons.
  • lockedcj7
    lockedcj7 Posts: 257 Member
    "Am I a grinch?"

    Yes, but it's okay. Revel in you Grinchdom. Embrace your Grinchitude.

    I don't like kids at work either. I generally don't like other people's kids anywhere. I'm not rude about it, I just eat lunch at my desk that day or otherwise extract myself from the situation. It's just me. I have one and I love him dearly but I try not to impose him on others if at all possible.

    If that's you in your avatar, you're young and pretty and have more than enough time to find a mate and have children, if that's what you want. There is no rule that says that you have to have kids by the time you turn 30, or 40 for that matter so you have plenty of time. Don't rush it. Love found me when I least expected it and was least prepared to deal with it, but it happened and it's wonderful.

    I'm very glad we waited until we were older to have kids. We are more established and settled so there will be less moving around to do. We make more money than we did in our 20's so we can be better providers without having to sacrifice. Plus, we' re more appreciative of the little things than when we were younger.
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    All good responses.

    I'm of the same opinion as lockedcj7 -- I don't like other people's kids much anywhere. Not infants, anyway.

    I am very sympathetic to the plight of working mothers without daycare. I would never ever look down my nose on someone for bringing a child to work out of necessity, and I would attempt to support that parent in every way I could. Also, I have nothing against a coworker bringing their child in for a quick stroll around the office. It doesn't disturb anybody, really.

    What I think is weird, and out of place, is when a large group of coworkers who are all on mat leave come in and settle down in our lunchroom for the afternoon and turn the damn place into a daycare centre. It just makes me nauseous, and I daren't say anything for fear of being branded the office witch and summarily drowned.
  • goochinator
    goochinator Posts: 383 Member
    I'm a step mommy, so I'm half childless and half mommy( none of my own tho)
    But I agree with you- Kids dont belong at work. Its a place of business and yes, I agree that its hard to leave babies/kiddies at home, but really! If you want to spend more time with your kiddies, then work part time.
    I think its a good idea to seperate home/family and work as much as possible. That's what my theory is.

    P.S. I dont think youre a grinch- If you are then I probably am too. I cant even fathom the idea of having kids in my office. No way!!
  • rockymtnguy
    rockymtnguy Posts: 140
    Good vent, now move on to something more constructive. I do agree with you, but we must accept that the way the world is spinning today, is FUBAR. Learn to cope and find something to ease your anxiety over the issue. I'm part hispanic, and not racist, but I'm tired of seeing illegal aliens living better than myself, and driving my earning level down at the same time. However it's a fact of life, so I just moved past it and don't get involved politically or socially anymore. Plain and simple, it was the only healthy choice. Remember a wise person accepts defeat graciously, without remorse or revenge. But through the lesson shall learn to become even stronger and more diligent in the ways of life. You may not choose to accept this, however, I think you'll expend way too much negative energy in an already lost battle. Good luck to you.
  • Families_R_Forever
    Families_R_Forever Posts: 630
    All good responses.

    I'm of the same opinion as lockedcj7 -- I don't like other people's kids much anywhere. Not infants, anyway.

    I am very sympathetic to the plight of working mothers without daycare. I would never ever look down my nose on someone for bringing a child to work out of necessity, and I would attempt to support that parent in every way I could. Also, I have nothing against a coworker bringing their child in for a quick stroll around the office. It doesn't disturb anybody, really.

    What I think is weird, and out of place, is when a large group of coworkers who are all on mat leave come in and settle down in our lunchroom for the afternoon and turn the damn place into a daycare centre. It just makes me nauseous, and I daren't say anything for fear of being branded the office witch and summarily drowned.

    :smile: I do agree that if a large group forms during lunch then that can be vey inappropriate. However, I do think that lunch with your child every now and then is a special treat. Heidi:flowerforyou:
    This is an interesting and daring topic. Thanks for posting. It's nice to talk about something other than the fact that I am not losing weight.:cry::)
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    In case anyone is wondering, I am a big L liberal and probably also a feminist. Maybe even further left than that. But still believe in traditional libertarianism: "harm no one." I don't know if that extends to "annoy no one." Probably not.

    There. I argued against my own argument and lost. I am a grinch.
  • zenmama
    zenmama Posts: 1,000
    No not a grinch you just have an opinion and and preferences as do most of us on one topic or another.......Maybe they should meet outside th work place to oogle the baby?

    dd
  • amandacain1997
    amandacain1997 Posts: 22 Member
    I definately do not agree with you! I don't want to seem rude, but I will say that I think everyone has a right to show off their children! I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter who is the light of my life and I LOVE showing her off. I have yet to meet someone who is opposed to seeing her, because she lights up the room. You have a right to your opinion, but I don't think it's something to get so bent out of shape about...or talk about on here. If you don't like being around the children, find another place to eat lunch or take your breaks instead of griping about it. Someday when you have kids of your own, you'll want to show them off too, and then you'll think about this post that you've written and realize how foolish it seems.

    Question: Isn't this a site about weight loss??? Just curious. There are many women who are using this site to help lose baby weight, and I'm sure they too take their children to their workplaces to show them off...in other words: this probably is not the best place to vent about babies!
  • JulieB21
    JulieB21 Posts: 492
    wow....

    Maybe others enjoy seeing the babies. I have 2 children and I "showed" them off ~ not to rub it in anyones face but becasue I was proud and a happy mother...I still am.

    Well said
  • GinaB30
    GinaB30 Posts: 725 Member
    What I think is weird, and out of place, is when a large group of coworkers who are all on mat leave come in and settle down in our lunchroom for the afternoon and turn the damn place into a daycare centre. It just makes me nauseous, and I daren't say anything for fear of being branded the office witch and summarily drowned.

    ^ LOL no it's not weird and out of place to ME, it's an opinion and I think that the GENERAL DISCUSSION area is for just that- doesn't HAVE to be about weight loss.
    Anyway, IF they are bringing the kids in for LONNNNGGG periods of time, I'd get bent outta shape too. The pop in, stroll around 'Aw she is sooo cute!" etc, and then leave (or stay for lunch with daddy let's say) that's one thing, but plopping down for the afternoon is quite another! lol AND I've got kids, and that would annoy me! ll
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    Oh dear, I nearly spat my lunch all over my screen. I needed a laugh. Thank you MFPers. You continue to be my saving grace.
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    I definately do not agree with you! I don't want to seem rude, but I will say that I think everyone has a right to show off their children! I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter who is the light of my life and I LOVE showing her off. I have yet to meet someone who is opposed to seeing her, because she lights up the room. You have a right to your opinion, but I don't think it's something to get so bent out of shape about...or talk about on here. If you don't like being around the children, find another place to eat lunch or take your breaks instead of griping about it. Someday when you have kids of your own, you'll want to show them off too, and then you'll think about this post that you've written and realize how foolish it seems.

    Question: Isn't this a site about weight loss??? Just curious. There are many women who are using this site to help lose baby weight, and I'm sure they too take their children to their workplaces to show them off...in other words: this probably is not the best place to vent about babies!

    There are lots of women who are not using the site to lose baby weight. I think it is perfectly fine, in the "General discussion" area, to vent about whatever one pleases. This is not a site for "women only," nor is it for "moms only."

    Someday, when I have kids of my own . . . hmm. I think I am perfectly capable of a mature, adult dialogue without having "children of my own," as are many childless adults in this big wide world of ours. ;)

    I don't think what I wrote was foolish. I think it was honest.
  • flachix
    flachix Posts: 256 Member
    You are NOT a grinch. why do people think we want to see their kids?
    I work in an office where a lot of the women are young or new mothers and they bring in their children. Then all work stops while everyone in the place oooo's and aaaahhhh's over these infants. for goodness sakes, have they never seen a baby before? why does the sight of a child make full grown women start speaking baby talk? I don't want to look at the baby pictures, one lady who is expecting even brought in the ultrasound, I don't want to make polite noises about how cute they are, or watch them as mom puts them through their little kid acts....can you say??/ ugh. now, fortunately, when I first started and women were talking about their families, I made it pretty clear my feelings for children, so they don't bother me too much. say something if it really bothers you, and to heck with what they think.
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    You are NOT a grinch. why do people think we want to see their kids?
    I work in an office where a lot of the women are young or new mothers and they bring in their children. Then all work stops while everyone in the place oooo's and aaaahhhh's over these infants. for goodness sakes, have they never seen a baby before? why does the sight of a child make full grown women start speaking baby talk? I don't want to look at the baby pictures, one lady who is expecting even brought in the ultrasound, I don't want to make polite noises about how cute they are, or watch them as mom puts them through their little kid acts....can you say??/ ugh. now, fortunately, when I first started and women were talking about their families, I made it pretty clear my feelings for children, so they don't bother me too much. say something if it really bothers you, and to heck with what they think.

    Thanks. Very daring of you to say so. Interestingly, I've had a bunch of e-mail messages come in since I posted this, supporting me in private. It's a very taboo topic for a woman to say she's not really all that crazy about babies, and one a lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about. The positive comments have made me realize that I'm not alone.
  • amandacain1997
    amandacain1997 Posts: 22 Member
    I definately do not agree with you! I don't want to seem rude, but I will say that I think everyone has a right to show off their children! I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter who is the light of my life and I LOVE showing her off. I have yet to meet someone who is opposed to seeing her, because she lights up the room. You have a right to your opinion, but I don't think it's something to get so bent out of shape about...or talk about on here. If you don't like being around the children, find another place to eat lunch or take your breaks instead of griping about it. Someday when you have kids of your own, you'll want to show them off too, and then you'll think about this post that you've written and realize how foolish it seems.

    Question: Isn't this a site about weight loss??? Just curious. There are many women who are using this site to help lose baby weight, and I'm sure they too take their children to their workplaces to show them off...in other words: this probably is not the best place to vent about babies!

    There are lots of women who are not using the site to lose baby weight. I think it is perfectly fine, in the "General discussion" area, to vent about whatever one pleases. This is not a site for "women only," nor is it for "moms only."

    Someday, when I have kids of my own . . . hmm. I think I am perfectly capable of a mature, adult dialogue without having "children of my own," as are many childless adults in this big wide world of ours. ;)

    I don't think what I wrote was foolish. I think it was honest.

    Again, you have a right to your opinion...as do I. I never once implied that this site was for "mom's only" I merely stated that there are many new moms using this sight...that's it. Personally I think you should take your "general discussion" blogs to another site. Oops, I'm expressing my opinions once again. I ONLY use this sight for weight loss questions and inspiration, that's my choice...use it for what you wish. I'm going to put the argument we seem to be having to a stop and say that we're going to have to agree to disagree on the topic of children at the workplace. My opinions might be based on the fact that I am a teacher who works with 22 first grade children every day. Co workers children are definately not out of place and in fact are an everyday part of my job. You working in an office is probably an entirely different story! I apologize for any comment I made that was taken wrong and I apologize for judging you.
  • filergirl
    filergirl Posts: 240
    I definately do not agree with you! I don't want to seem rude, but I will say that I think everyone has a right to show off their children! I have a 1 1/2 year old daughter who is the light of my life and I LOVE showing her off. I have yet to meet someone who is opposed to seeing her, because she lights up the room. You have a right to your opinion, but I don't think it's something to get so bent out of shape about...or talk about on here. If you don't like being around the children, find another place to eat lunch or take your breaks instead of griping about it. Someday when you have kids of your own, you'll want to show them off too, and then you'll think about this post that you've written and realize how foolish it seems.

    Question: Isn't this a site about weight loss??? Just curious. There are many women who are using this site to help lose baby weight, and I'm sure they too take their children to their workplaces to show them off...in other words: this probably is not the best place to vent about babies!

    There are lots of women who are not using the site to lose baby weight. I think it is perfectly fine, in the "General discussion" area, to vent about whatever one pleases. This is not a site for "women only," nor is it for "moms only."

    Someday, when I have kids of my own . . . hmm. I think I am perfectly capable of a mature, adult dialogue without having "children of my own," as are many childless adults in this big wide world of ours. ;)

    I don't think what I wrote was foolish. I think it was honest.

    Again, you have a right to your opinion...as do I. I never once implied that this site was for "mom's only" I merely stated that there are many new moms using this sight...that's it. Personally I think you should take your "general discussion" blogs to another site. Oops, I'm expressing my opinions once again. I ONLY use this sight for weight loss questions and inspiration, that's my choice...use it for what you wish. I'm going to put the argument we seem to be having to a stop and say that we're going to have to agree to disagree on the topic of children at the workplace. My opinions might be based on the fact that I am a teacher who works with 22 first grade children every day. Co workers children are definately not out of place and in fact are an everyday part of my job. You working in an office is probably an entirely different story! I apologize for any comment I made that was taken wrong and I apologize for judging you.

    Sure, I can agree to disagree. I accept your apology for judging me. :flowerforyou: It's not a big deal; I'm used to it.
  • yoginimary
    yoginimary Posts: 6,788 Member
    Time to take any wrath away from mehughes and direct it to me :laugh:

    Can't stand kids. I don't mind people talking about them or showing me pictures of them, just don't expect me to think the kids are cute - don't expect me to ooh and ahh. Babies all look the same to me - scrunched and red.

    This has never happened to me, but if it did, where someone annoyed me (say every week) with pictures of kids, I would start showing them pictures of my cats. I'm beyond grinch...I retaliate.
  • flachix
    flachix Posts: 256 Member
    Mary, I am sooo with you on that subject. :laugh:
    I know people think I am awful for making it perfectly clear that I am not interested in their children. I know they are proud parents, I accept that. just don't expect me to be all thrilled because what you see as a wonderous thing, I see as a leaker and squeaker. :flowerforyou:
  • jdonahue
    jdonahue Posts: 41 Member
    LOL. It's topics like these that keep me interested. I don't think you're a grinch and I HAVE a child (as you can probably tell from the profile). I LOVE my daughter immensely but I definitely know that children don't belong everywhere and that not everyone wants to be subject to mine. I feel like sometimes parents have to make sacrifices when they have children and respect that not everyone wants to experience children in certain places.

    I did bring my daughter to the office a few times after I had her (the first time I was still on maternity leave and had a meeting that I HAD to attend and I didn't have a sitter)--however, I also worked for a foster care agency so there were ALWAYS cute and/or screaming children in the office. It wasn't uncommon or out of place. It was actually a family friendly atmosphere to work. However, if I was working at my previous job at a law office, it probably wouldn't occur to me to bring my daughter to work.

    Don't worry about your "spinsterhood" quite yet. I'm only 26 and I am already trying to remember the days of "freedom" before I had my daughter--being able to up and go whenever and wherever you want to. I honestly wouldn't trade Amelia for anything in the world though, it's just fun to "reminisce" . :happy:
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Well if it makes you feel any better, I *don't* want to have kids. I'm totally with marywilldiet! I think my little sister is the only baby I could stand to be around when she was that young (we're 10 years apart), and even she bugged me. My little brother (he's 3) is terribly-behaved, and has pretty much scared me out of wanting to have one. My bf really wants one...so we'll just have to see how that pans out. We are still waiting for me to wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I want one of those miniature persons!" :laugh: The idea of making a person with someone you love is wonderful. But to me, keeping it and raising it and all that is just not something I could see myself doing very well. There is so much that I want to do, and I don't want to be a bad parent.

    And hey, you still have several years to have one. Pregnancies are riskier over the age of 35, but still very possible until you actually reach menopause.
  • Families_R_Forever
    Families_R_Forever Posts: 630
    I think that kids are huge blessings and I have sacraficed having a career for them!!!! Because of them I am a better person and I am not selfish. I give my kids all that I have. I would not change anything if I could. They make me a stronger person. I can't imagine a life with just my husband and I. We have so much fun as a family. Yes at times I go crazy, and that is when I go workout or call for a date night with my husband. There is go greater joy for me than to here my kids tell me they love me. Heidi:flowerforyou:

    :drinker: Here's to my mom, thanks for not stopping at 5, or I would not be here.
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